Part 45: Update Forty Three: ~FinLast time on Super Mario RPG, we took down the clerk, manager and director of this weapons factory. Today, we're going to take out the factory chief and end Smithy's factory and kick his ass out of our world, once and for all. So, let's get our final show on the road.
That was the last save point we're hitting for the game. Enter this next room and strap the fuck in, kiddies. We're going for a ride.
We see our final management obstacle here, in addition to his cocksucker of a machine.
You shouldn't be. The cries of pain from your subordinates should have been quite the clue some sort of hurricane of pain was coming your way.
to Smithy, so savor the moment.
Eat my ass, jerkoff. The closest I'm going to get to Smithy is when I'm pulling my hammer out of his crushed skull.
I Googled the word "Gunyolk" to see if it was a real thing, like Bowyer's name was. Since the first two pages were nothing but SMRPG stuff, I figured it wasn't. I also searched the images and I was glad to discover there was no Gunyolk pornography.
The Factory Chief is fucking fast; he's got 45 Speed, with 200 Attack, so he's a dangerous asshole. He can also either Poison or Mushroomize a character, with good Defense and Magic Defense.
Everyone's God Gear has been dropped for this fight; Mario has my Troopa Pin, Bowser the Ghost Medal and Geno has the Safety Ring. Their ultimate weapons are the standard fair, as is their armor.
To anyone who bitches that this game is too easy, take off the Lazy Shells and sit Toadstool's ass on the bench. It suddenly ramps the fuck up.
With only 1000 HP, I decide to drop the Chief first. He's faster than Gunyolk, with the same attack, but I still don't need two assholes pounding on my team. I'm the asshole pounder around these parts!
Gunyolk makes some interesting faces; he has a fair few spells at his disposal, with enough Magic Attack to put them to use.
Considering that there is one very choice spell he has at his disposal, I was fairly happy to see this.
Of course, after that, he never used it again. Geno has the Safety Ring, so...
He is immune to this bullshit. Actually, he's immune to most of the Gunyolk's spells, except the one that really counts.
I never get tired of those shots of Bowser drilling his claw into some dude's face.
He targeted Geno with this. Like me, you may have forgotten that this attack actually does damage. I'm never going to forget that again.
Just, Jesus fucking Christ, that's more than half his health!
I picked up a few supplies before entering these endgame fights. Since I have no heal-bitch, I'd rather not be caught with my pants down.
I couldn't remember if I'd shown these or not (though, I think I did back at Yaridovich), but Max Mushrooms restore 255 HP and have pretty blue stars.
Aww, fuck. This was exactly what I didn't want to happen.
OH GOD IT BURNS SO BADLY
Jesus, that was lucky. I didn't even know that Breaker Beam could miss.
There's the Chief down. Now we can focus all offensive power on the Gunyolk. He's got 1500 HP, with massive Attack, good Defense and just lovely Magic Attack. In short, he's an asshole.
The Gunyolk does, indeed, have a physical. One I wished he had used more often.
Remember that Poundette I Yoshi Cookie'd last update? Well, I forgot Mario had my Troopa Pin, so, I essentially wasted this on him.
What the hell, Bowser!? Where did you learn to fucking dodge all of a sudden?
Oh, yeah, did I mention how the Breaker Beam fucking sucks? It doesn't help that this asshole didn't require the recharge that Blade needed to reuse it.
I'm not worried about Mario here.
And that's why. Gunyolk only has 25 Speed, so Geno is faster than it. By bringing him back, I knew his turn would come before Mario's and since Mario is dealing more damage than Geno on average, I decided to let the plumber bash the machine and have the doll heal him up.
Hell, that's even better. I love Freebies.
Whew, Mega Drain.
Now, we all know that's not how Mega Drain actually works (it spins in a circle), but I thought that was the easiest way to show who's getting hit with it.
Oh, Safety Ring, how I love you.
God, I hate that face.
Son of a biiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!
Ghost Medal, you do wonderful things.
Fuck it, I have seven of the damned things. May as well use 'em up.
Seriously, the Ghost Medal is underrated. It's such a wonderful accessory and so easy to get. There is literally nothing stopping you from getting it the first time you enter Monstro Town.
Finally, the fight ends. It may not have looked it, but that fight was a bit tougher than it looks. Gunyolk will either use Electroshock, Echofinder or Mega Drain or Breaker Beam. So, there's a 25% chance he's going to use of the strongest damn attacks in the game on your ass, and he's got the power to back it up.
Last bit of experience and Coinage we're going to get this play through. I'm kind of sad to see this happening.
Bowser hits level 27, with a +2 bonus to Attack.
Geno hits level 28, our final level up, and our last bonus is +2 to HP.
Well, looks like I know where we're going next.
Ready as I'll ever be, Geno.
It's alright, Geno. Let's just get this show--
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
There was a button up ahead, to take us to the final boss.
And off we go. We're aiming for that center pipe.
Smithy ain't gonna know what hit him.
Y'know, if you take this shot out of context, it looks like Mario is about to drop a deuce on Santa's factory floor.
It's right in the center of his chest. Somebody, get a screwdriver, I bet we can just pop it off!
Uh, hey, Smithy. 'sup?
Sure. Make me a weapon to kick your ass with.
Oh, shit, 'hood Geno! Erryone, look da fugg out!
Mario, forever the mime, agrees the only way he can.
A little dispute? I'm sure we're both just about to try and horribly murder the other party, Smithy!
To be fair, Smithy, you forcibly took over his castle.
In the long run, it'll be easier on us both, Smithy.
I don't think it'd be very hard in the first place, Smithy. Hell, just traveling across it, I've become strong enough to conquer it several times over.
While I like the sound of that, I'm not the protagonist here.
I like how the party turns to confer, like they're thinking, "Is this asshole fucking kidding us?"
Mario prepares for the final fight.
So, this is the legendary Smithy we've heard so much about. For this fight, he's got 2000 HP with 230 Attack; his Defense is only 130, and the rest of his stats are pretty good. He's got a few different attacks, and all of them hit pretty hard.
We're off to an excellent start here.
Geno Boosts himself, as Mario and Bowser are well enough covered.
I included this as I found the face hilarious.
He seemed to use this attack more than any other in the fight, which I was not a fan of.
Not a ton of damage, really, but it's more than 10% of any of my character's health pools. I'm not a fan of being hit that hard with any sort of consistency.
The Smelter is the second target in this fight; 1500 HP, but it has no attacks. What it does, instead, is occasionally spit out molten material for Smithy to form a crony from. So, it needs to die.
Those stars around Smithy's hammer precede magic attacks from him.
I do not like the sound of that.
And oh, Jesus, it hurts! Keep in mind, both Geno and Bowser have +50% Defense going for them.
I feel no guilt for using this. They're going to be very handy in this fight.
Every so often, the Smelter will puke up for Smithy.
He hammers it for a bit...
And viola! Another asshole we have to crush.
An asshole who uses a spell that you'll learn to hate.
Low damage, from this guy, at least. Don't worry, we'll see a better usage of it in just a bit.
Geno proves himself a bad motherfucker and fires the sun at the group of enemies. No, I didn't need to show this, but I seriously love that sun he fires out. He looks just so pissed off and adorable!
The damage is pretty good, too.
Smithy did not appreciate that, though.
Bowser, however, gave no fucks about the squashing.
Goddamn it, that Shyper is a dick.
This is how a lot of this final battle will be; hitting enemies, healing up, hitting enemies, healing up, repeat ad nauseam.
This finishes off the Smelter, which is good news. I believe he was close to spitting out another Shyper.
Speaking of Shypers, they have 400 HP, 170 Attack and access to Sword Rain. Other than that, they can kiss my ass for being so boring.
BURN IN THE GALACTIC HELLFIRE, SMITHY
I just thought this was extraordinarily metal; Bowser just blocked a big, fuck-off hammer with his forearm like it ain't no thang.
We've just got to keep attacking here. Smithy doesn't have much left.
Well, he does.
Without Toadstool and these guys' shitty Magic Defense, this fight is actually fairly dangerous. This worried me for a second.
So, I fix that right up.
Appropriately enough, Geno lands the final hit on Smithy. While I would have liked it to be Bowser, Geno's got just a bit more invested here.
Smithy is unhappy at his defeat. I can't blame the guy. World hopping can't be an easy thing to do.
This arrow sails down and begins to speak with Smithy.
It also pisses me off to no end, for reasons that should be obvious.
Actually, to me, it looks more like Smithy just pooted. vv
Man, it'd be a hell of an ending if Smithy just dropped dead of a heart attack.
The new Shyster is the one speaking, by the way.
Now, I'm not into construction, so that seems a little fishy to me. Shouldn't they have, y'know, made sure all the reinforcing was done when they built the foundation? That seems like the easiest way to do it, to me, at least.
I respect this Shyster's massive brass balls.
And Smithy's not giving a fuck attitude.
He smashes the ground hard enough to shake the entire factory and dispel of those three mooks.
Rocks and shit fall from the ceiling as everything begins to shake.
If you'd like to simulate this experience, shake your monitor really hard.
Jesus Christ, things have gone very bad here.
We fall for a while and the screen whites out...
...I think we're in Hell.
Look at that fucking face in the background. It's staring into my soul.
It is Hell, Smithy. I think that's the status quo down here.
Alright, raise your hand if you didn't see this coming.
Go stand in the corner. I'll be over momentarily to hit you with a brick for being a fucking idiot.
I'd like to see you try, asshole.
Oh, Jesus, he's evolving!
Smithy evolved into a pile of feces! Give nickname?
So, here's our true final boss.
He's a bad motherfucker, with even more forms to transform into. However, for this fight, he only showed me two of them. Jackass.
His body counts as a target, too, but it's fairly unimportant to this fight, really. It only has 1,000 HP and a few weak attacks.
The head here, though, this is where you want to focus all of your attention. This cocksucker has 8,000 HP, nearly double that of Culex.
His Defense isn't too great, either, but that really depends. Here, it's only 80. His Attack is 180, but all of his other stats are shit.
Mario and Geno get to work on the body, which I remember being a much bigger threat than it actually was.
Here's the asshole's gimmick; he hammers his head and it transforms into something different. There's a Tank, Wizard, Protective Vault, and a Chest looking Smithy. For this fight, though, he stuck to the first two forms and I'm fine with that; Protective Vault and Chest Smithy are boring as shit.
They all share HP, however, so it's just whittling him down over time. Tank Smithy here, as could be assumed from his appearance, is the hard-hitting head. It's got 230 Attack, with high Defense, but shitty Magic-stuffs.
Bowser keeps up on smacking the head around. He still has about 7600 HP left, remember.
Magnum here is a cocksucker of an attack.
It deals no damage. It just kills. Without instant death protection, like Geno is wearing, there is no way to avoid it. You can't even block it and survive with 1 HP, like you can every other instant kill attack.
Whew. I only brought like, four Pick Me Ups with me.
Final hit on the body (for now).
You receive this message when you drop his body. It takes it out of the fight, but only temporarily.
So, now, I focus on assaulting the head. By the by, if anyone wants to draw up Bowser Drill Claw'ing through a tank, I support that 110%, as that is as shit.
Tank mostly spits out bullets.
They kind of hurt. I'm honestly a bit disappointed here.
His Magic Defense sucks, like I mentioned, so let's use that to our advantage, yes?
Alternatively, Mario melting a tank through the power of pyrokinesis would also be a badass piece of artwork.
That's about 100 more damage than our physicals were doing. I'm quite happy with these results.
Quickly, who's got the better cannon?
I think Geno does.
No, I didn't cut out a bunch of fighting and finished him off that way. He's just changing form.
He beats the hell out of his own noggin to do so.
Meet Wizard Smithy. He's the polar opposite of the Tank; hit him with physicals and keep magic away.
I can deal with that, as I don't actually like using my FP. Don't judge me for being weird.
Yeah, asshole, suck it down!
Without their defensive boosts, this would have been much worse for Geno and Bowser.
At first, I thought this was just a taunt from Smithy, and it kind of is. It's actually his body returning to life.
I don't really give a shit about that, though, since it's not all that dangerous.
However, I do give shits about Freebies on Kerokero Colas.
Oh, Smithy, you should have known better than to go into your pitiful Defense form around this party.
Hmm. You make an excellent counter-point, sir.
I'm so very glad that Smithy can't hit this hard in return.
Smithy changes forms again and this time...
Oh, dear. I fear I may have knocked something loose from the beating I just gave him.
So, let's continue doing so!
Seriously, though, this fight is fucking long. Even with the good numbers I'm pumping out here, it still took me for-fuck-ever. In a Final Fantasy game, 8,000 isn't a lot of HP. In this game, though, that's a fucking shitload.
Oh, hey, a new spell!
Arrow Rain is like Sword Rain's little brother. Still hits everybody, but for less damage. Personally, I think it has a cooler animation, though.
As far as I could see for Smithy's Body was that he either machine gun'd somebody or hits them with the hammer.
Either way, I am unimpressed.
Goddammit, asshole, use Arrow Rain more!
Mario got dropped there, unfortunately.
Bowser takes no shit from giant hammers.
This is how he responds to shit he finds unfavorable.
I was a tad uncomfortable with Bowser and Geno's HP levels.
I do like the green stars here.
Looks more like a Pitchfork Rain to me.
It's also pretty pathetic, damage wise, compared to Sword Rain. It does have the worst animation of the three, though, I think.
Are you guys still reading these things?
Shit, I wouldn't blame you if you weren't.
I said it earlier, and I think this is a good point to really make it click as to how fucking looooooong this fight can be.
That Meteor Swarm did more damage than I was comfortable with.
Originally, I was doing this update because I thought I could polish it off before I got tired. It's 5:10 AM, and I started like, two hours ago.
I'm pretty sure this is also the longest update I've done. I'm paying more attention to the X-Files episode I have playing than my captions.
I think a 9th grader just drowned. It's a Doggett episode, so I don't care quite as much.
Oh, he's finally changing forms!
Into the only other form I'm apparently allowed to see.
I've done this fight about four times in the last three days and he only ever did Tank and Wizard form for me.
So, yeah, whatever, I do not give a fuck.
Jesus Christ, that Smithy face in the background is fucking horrifying.
I'm sure you can guess what Freebie item I got here.
Oh, finally! Smithy is dead!
Long live the Geno! Smithy lies dead!
I didn't plan for Geno to deliver the final blow. It's just one of those things that worked out that way.
I like it when things do that.
Oh, Smithy. Fuck you.
Things start exploding all around. Smithy's in his death throes here.
Until it all fades to white again...
There it is. The final Star Piece.
The Star Piece did its usual spin around thing.
Here they are. All seven Star Pieces. It's pretty nice looking, isn't it?
As they spin, eventually, they all fall.
It's a nice feeling, isn't it?
Oh? What now, Geno?
Oh, I see. I guess it's time for you to go, huh? Well, be careful out there, Geno.
And Geno, the real Geno (Heart-1/8 Note-Exclamation Point-Question Mark, I guess, if we want to be technical about the "real" Geno), gets to head home, his mission accomplished.
I'd kind of forgotten he was just a doll.
Everyone gathers 'round. I'd like to think they'd all forgotten that Geno was just a doll and that a spirit was what made him who he was.
That's the real Geno. I like how simple and non-flashy he is.
And now, he's off. The Star Road is repaired and his mission is completed.
The Star Pieces rise into the sky.
Geno leads them off.
The gang has gathered on Vista Hill, overlooking Bowser's Keep.
Exor fades into dust, and Bowser can finally have his keep back.
We're almost done here. We just have seven things left to do.
The first Star Piece shows us that Mallow is getting along very well at home. I wonder if he ever visits Frogfucius.
Bowser and his Koopa Troop are repairing his castle. Somehow, I'm almost certain he's thinking of his next scheme to capture
I spent a while trying to think of text for this. Then I realized, it needs none.
Yoshi seems to be racing Croco.
And whipping his bitch crocodile ass! Way to go, Yoshi!
I wonder what he and Boshi could be plotting...
Toadofsky is off teaching a new round of tadpoles about music. I like that you can see the Frog Student that sold us things over on the left.
Here, guys. A picture of Frogfucius for the road.
Well, I'll be damned. Booster, you old dog.
Oh, it seems he still doesn't understand how weddings work.
I hope he's going to boil a cake.
Dodo there really reminds me of the smiley.
And that's my final message to all of you.
To everyone reading this, thank you. I put a lot of time and effort into this and I'm glad to see it went well. This was originally just a therapeutic thing so that I'd forget about all the damn aches and pains I had.
Eventually, though, it became a hell of a lot of fun. It kept me out of some dark places at times, and I always looked forward to updating and seeing the reactions. From the veterans of this game to those who have never played it, thanks for being here. Everyone has been great.
I'm a little sad it's over, I'll admit. But, I won't bore you with that. For now, I've got something in my eye I need to take care of.
There we go! Got the little bastard!
(Jesus Christ, 294 images! )