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DECK 2 MEDICAL/CREW QUARTERS
To: Loesser, Angela
Subject: re: Nonsense
Angela, while it may appear that the lab monkeys are communicating with each other, I assure you it's quite impossible. You claim that one monkey signed the passcode for a supply closet to another and the latter proceeded to open it. As I'm sure you know, there have literally been tens of thousands of studies of primate intelligence and there is no evidence of behavior even remotely that sophisticated. So either you've single handedly trumped the entire field of animal behaviorists or you're badly in need of a vacation.
From: Juan Curtiz
Subject: re: Lifts are out
I can't raise anybody down in Engineering. With the lifts out, I'll need to get down there through the emergency conduit in the Sci Annex. I think the access code is in Watts' lab.
Subject: re: Damn chimps
Whose idea was it to bring 150 chimpanzees on board anyway? The interests of science? What about the interests of hygiene? Does anybody have any idea how much crap 150 lab monkeys make in a day? The poor chimps... they come onboard for the most historic mission of all time, and they end up being chopped into little pieces in the name of progress.
Subject: re: Patient Watson, pt. 2
Patient Watson died at 0240 of non-specific causes. Despite zero respiratory and brain function, the body is still displaying autonomous motor function, as does the parasite. At 0847, the patient even spoke to one of the nurses. Autopsy is set for 1630 and then we'll see what makes this Lazarus tick...
Subject: re: Patient Watson
Since returning from the Surface of Tau Ceti 5, patient has experienced numerous novel phenomena, evidenced by inflammatory nodular growth and the presence of a large wormlike parasite. This morning, the parasite penetrated the subject's chest... from the inside... and attached one end of itself to the subject's forehead. If I remove it, I could kill the kid. If I leave it... Final Diagnosis: beats the hell out me. I'd love to refer this to Madorsky at CDC, but unfortunately, he's 67 trillion miles away.
From: Anatoly Korenchkin
To: Zhukov, Vladimir
Subject: re: First contact
We have picked up a transmission from the surface of Tau Ceti 5. I have been in negotiation with Captain Diego of the Rickenbacker and after some... coercion, he's agreed to go planetside as a joint venture. Imagine, this historic mission might even become more historic. First Contact. And who is there to get exclusive rights to all media, patents and land grants? TriOptimum. Miri, I told you this would be worth it.
From: Juan Curtiz
Subject: re: Rad Hypos
Medical tells me they've replicated a whole bunch of Rad Hypos. I'm gonna pick those up and distribute them to the engineering staff unless anyone gets a better idea. Watts also asked me to check on the replicator in the crew lounge... he says it's a hacker's paradise.
Subject: re: Procedures
Goddamn Bronson and her stupid procedures. She's changed the code on the MedSci 2 sub armory again. Now I've got to head back up to deck 4 to find out what it is... Somebody's gonna frag her but good some day...
From: Dr. Janice Polito
To: Delacroix, Dr. Marie
Subject: re: Strange AI
Marie... I'm sorry I've been out of touch, but I've been working on that artifact Bayliss brought back from Tau Ceti 5. I've done a level 3 analysis on it... I think it's some kind of Artificial Intelligence. I've managed to pull an audio tag file out of its memory... I'll let you be the judge... Marie... I think it's speaking English...
From: Tommy Suarez
To: Siddons, Rebecca
Subject: re:100% Torture
Wow... you are incredible, do you know that? I made this game where I tried to make myself not think about you. What a moron. I love you, Rebecca. And I've got a plan. I've been buttering up the captain to transfer me from the Rickenbacker to the goodwill team on the Von Braun. Pretty soon, nothing will keep us apart.
From: Marie Delacroix
To: Korenchkin, Anatoly
Subject: re: Not ready
This mission should have been scrubbed before it left Earth. We've been unable to contain the reactant coolant leaks on deck 1. I've put an order requiring Hazard Suits down there. I know you think this will cause a panic, but it's better than giving everybody radiation sickness, don't you think?