The Let's Play Archive

The 3rd Birthday

by The Dark Id

Part 32: Parasite Eve

So wedding ceremonies take place in an entirely empty church and involve the bride and groom staring silently at one another while a stoned priest stares vacantly, right? That’s how it goes. I think that’s how mine went.

Oh… Wait, what the fuck? They invited Hyde in to watch the ceremony? But… Why is everyone else waiting outside? Did Kyle and Aya join some weird cult religion in the last decade? Is that’s what happening? Can you rent out landmark churches for strange cult functions?

Is there anyone who objects to the marriage of Kyle Madigan and Aya Brea? Speak now, or forever hold your pe—

Oh right… The NYPD SWAT Team Hit Squad. Hey, I’m gonna let you all in on a little secret in a sec here, after the firing stops.

Say, how come the minister didn’t become a High One along with everyone else? I mean yes, he indeed did get shot quite a bit. But umm…

So did Madigan. Kyle Madigan got lit the hell up and bled out on the floor, but he still got the High One beam upgrade from Eve. What’s the deal? Not that I want the minister to suddenly pop up and be the last minute real one behind everything. But still…

Hyde tries to fight back, but gets his pistol shot out of his hand. Hyde, why did you have a handgun at a wedding? I know it is America but c’mon. That’s kind of weird.

So going back to what I was mentioning earlier. While we let this all play out. Umm… So the SWAT Team death squad here? The one killing everyone and the entire catalyst for The 3rd Birthday’s plot? Those jerks.

…Yeah. There is no explanation for their actions. At all. There is no reason whatsoever given as to why the NYPD sent a SWAT Team in to murder everyone at a wedding in midtown Manhattan. Is it to get Madigan… a decade after he went AWOL and has apparently been living in Manhattan with Aya for two years and getting fucking married? Had Aya accidentally used her Mitochondria superpowers to immolate a crowd at some point we didn’t see and is a danger to the public (who was still allowed to book a church for a wedding)?

Hell if I know! Nor do the writers. There’s an interview by the director where he straight up pretty much shrugs and goes “It’s a mystery!” Also, no. Hyde Bohr had nothing to do with this at all. He was just a co-worker attending Aya’s wedding that got caught up in all this shit before becoming an anime villain. That’s great writing all around. And it is just an appetizer of this massive, artisanal shit sandwich being served up here today.

Anyway, about the SWAT Team death squad. One of them rolls up to finish the job on Aya Brea. So I guess she was a primary target and not collateral damage.

But Aya Brea is not having any of that bullshit. And shoots that nerd right in the face.

Indeed, Aya Brea is not having any of these SWAT fuckheads’ ruining her wedding and guns down the entire hit squad in two seconds flat. So… don’t worry about those idiots anymore. They’re all dead.

Also, remember the part where Aya seems to shoot her sister, Eve? You know, the one thing in this flashback we’ve been consistently seeing since the very beginning of the game?

Yeah. That didn’t actually happen! Aya lit up the party crashing SWAT Team, aimed her gun at Eve and then her younger clone sister just kinda passed out.


No. I…

Who am I? I don’t— *sobs*

So the past repeats itself.

Oh, Great Mother Eve, return to your original vessel!


I've been hiding inside of you. I wanted to surpass the wall of time.

Hey. Wanna know the incredibly fucking stupid plot twist of the ending to The 3rd Birthday? Well, here it is:

Time Zero is when you dove into Aya's body and that is when your memory was taken from you.

Yep! The entire game we’ve actually been playing as Eve Brea possessing the body of Aya Brea.

All that refreshing vulnerability creepiness, the stripper fetish costumes, the shower scenes, the torn clothes, the constant whimpering, the middle aged men man creeping on her, all the sexy pose promotional material… All of this has actually been towards a twelve year old girl inside the body of an adult woman this entire time. So if The 3rd Birthday wasn’t quite creepy enough yet. There is fucking that!

Someone was walking towards us. I was desperate.
That's the very moment when the Overdive was born -

In return, Aya Brea's soul - it was destroyed.

Oh yeah, the real Aya Brea is fucking dead and has been the entire game. Just if the Eve reveal wasn’t quite enough. But wait, there’s more!

Also that scene we just saw literally a minute ago of Aya owning everyone? That wasn’t quite how it happened either. Aya did crawl over and grab Hyde’s dropped gun. She did point briefly at Eve but didn’t shoot her. I guess she was just getting her bearings since she had… you know… just gotten shot several times.

And she did waste that first idiot running up to finish her off. What was that guy even trying to accomplish. I’m glad he ate a bullet. Dope.

But after shooting the first guy, Aya immediately got wrecked by the other five SWAT men left standing with their bottomless rifle magazines.

And that was understandably upsetting to Eve. So…

And this was enough to trigger the awakening of Eve’s Overdive power. Umm… how did Eve, a clone of Aya Brea, gain the ability to eject her soul into other peoples’ bodies? Hell if I know! She just did. Don’t worry about it!

So to be clear, the sequence of events was actually:
I think that is right. I think…

The Twisted are actually the dead Aya Brea’s soul getting Psycho Crushered into pieces by Eve doing a Super Overdive. And that shattered Aya’s soul, sent the pieces (the soul is shattered and can fragment into pieces like a dropped glass by the way) flinging into the far future… For some reason. Where they became of an unstoppable race of colorful messes of tentacles, bulbs and appendages that began ravaging the planet.

Umm… Excuse me. Hyde… Do you think we could have an explanation as to how in the FLYING FUCK that is a thing? Why did Aya’s soul explode into millions of time traveling pan-dimensional tentacle monsters and energy bolt firing balloons and doom worms?! Was it mitochondria? Did Aya’s weird mitochondria run amuck and defused through the time stream cause that? You know what? Fuck it! That’s what I’m going to go with. Mitochondria did it. Done. Moving on!

And your body's deterioration gave birth to life forms with your memories -

Eve Brea wasn’t shot by Aya Brea. Eve’s body just died because her soul had left the building and taken over Aya’s body. Though apparently it takes a few minutes for a soulless husk to finally expire. Hyde, again… could we get an explanation as to why Eve’s body like evacuating its bowels on death let out an evolution ray that turned everyone important, I guess just forget about that dead priest or the SWAT Team guys into Time Lords that can transform into stretchy men and/or Final Fantasy dungeon bosses?

No? No, we’re not going to get why Eve would have that super power. Just deal with it? A-Alright… Carry on.

And that is Time Zero.

Well, technically I would place the blame on the New York Police Department and their heinous use of police brutality that ought to be plastered all over the news tomorrow as the entire department is disassembled for gross negligence because… holy shit! Even in the country’s current nightmarish police use of deadly force climate, that’s some shit that will not fly.

Barring that, yeah Eve. You fucked up real bad hitting anime puberty here.

This is where a change in the cycle will begin. Your body will soon be destroyed and again they will be transformed into the High Ones.

*pounding on door* Aya! Are you okay!
Aya! Please!
Eve! Aya!
Say something!
Stay back! I'll break it down! *pounds on door*

Your soul has returned to where it should be, Eve. Listen to me.

Hyde stands up and begins walking towards Eve…

Before your body is destroyed, take me in. You can avoid destruction and experience a new birth. That's the sole reason I stand here before you now.
Your original lost existence… This false life you’ve led this past years as a shadow of Aya… You could correct it all and be born anew. You could think of it as your… Third Birthday…

…advanced life forms with the ability to ultimately end the war against the Twisted. I will remain inside of you and watch as the new future unfolds in front of you.

But… will the people that are important to me be there?

They are nothing, just a part of our evolutionary process.
Noooo! *sobs*

Hyde storms over to Eve…

If you don't like it, you can just become a part of me.
After all, I can Overdive and the timeline clearly doesn’t care about paradoxes. Yes…

Hey, Hyde. I’m not going to tell you how to do your job with the whole supervillain time lord thing. But… you could have just lied. You could have just fucking lied and said “Yep! Everyone you love will be there and everything fixed if you follow my plan!” You could have done that. She’s a twelve year old, very confused child. It probably would have worked.

But nope. You go ahead and wing it by usurping control of this whole trainwreck. Sure, grab the wheel while the car is on fire and already flipping off a cliff into a ravine full of jagged rock. I’m sure it’ll work out just fine for you.

Tune in next time for the conclusion of The 3rd Birthday: Part 2 – The Part Square-Enix still puts out YouTube copyright claims on because this grand a death of a franchise cannot be taken lightly. Don't worry. There's more twists to come as The 3rd Birthday continues.

Video: The Ending Part 1
(It’s the ending. You should watch it in all its stupid ass glory.)

Eve Concept – That’s a very cute flower girl outfit. Shame about everything else surrounding the character…