The Let's Play Archive

The 3rd Birthday

by The Dark Id

Part 42: Episode 6 Datalogs: Unlockable Email

New Music: Parasite Eve Main Theme (Orchestral Version)

Technically we cannot view any of Episode 6’s Datalogs until we’ve completed the game, since there’s no way to return back to base and access the archive computer until New Game Plus. But, ya know… That would require booting up The 3rd Birthday again after seeing the ending and I don’t think a lot of people did that. So, via the magic of having recorded the entire game already and LP editing, we can just go ahead and check out Episode 6’s Datalogs early.

We may be time traveling again. Sort of? Maybe? But regardless, we hadn’t altered the timeline by the end of Episode 6. So the only new addition is the events of the previous episode.

Feb. 16: Final Confrontation with the Grand Babel

The Coalition Forces had taken a major hit in the North Shallows Tower mission. Rallying their remaining troops, they decided to storm the Twisted Stronghold: the Grand Babel, made up of the merged bodies of lesser Babels the world over.

Their goal was to eliminate Hyde Bohr, the putative leader of the Twisted, and to bring down the Grand Babel. Their command structure already disintegrated, though, making this last-ditch mission a real challenge. Still, with CTI Agent Aya Brea, the unit managed to reach the Grand Babel's innermost core and make contact with Hyde Bohr.

After a brutal struggle, Aya Brea was sucked into the eddies of the “Doors of Zero” wormhole.

TDI Note: So, the game failed to mention that apparently the Grand Babel is EVERY SINGLE Babel on the entire planet all drawn to Manhattan. According to the last timeline update of present day, there were 193 countries on the planet (that was ALL of them in 2010) all stricken with Babels and Twisted. So yeah, the earth was carved the hell up off-screen.

To be determined…

All the named CTI members who were named and had voice actors have all received an updated bio in Episode 6. So I’m going to forgo the addition and subtraction formatting even if some of ‘em, like Aya, are just barely reworded.

----- Aya Brea -----

Half Japanese, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Her unique genetic makeup has given her the physique of a woman in her 20s.

One Christmas Eve 2010, she was found outside St. Thomas Cathedral in Manhattan, suffering from amnesia. Judging from her bloodstained wedding gown, she had been found just before or just after her own wedding ceremony, although that hasn't been confirmed. She remember nothing of herself apart from her own name.

Soon after entering CTI custody, she exhibited a mysterious ability. After much analysis, this ability was dubbed ''Overdive.'' The Overdive device made Aya the only person capable of diving into a human's past consciousness. Her chief mission was to move back into time and alter the reality that had already happened, but if she were to go beyond the limits of her abilities, her consciousness would be lost in time, never to return. In short, death during an Overdive operation had a direct effect on the physical body left behind.

Aya has testified to making contact with her former fiancé Kyle Madigan during the North Shallows Tower mission and recovering the majority of her memories.

In 2000, when Aya was a secret operative with the FBI, she crossed paths with government agent Kyle Madigan on one of her missions. She became engaged to Kyle in 2008. The two of them lived together with her younger sister Eve Brea. Their wedding ceremony was held at Manhattan's St. Thomas Cathedral on Christmas Eve, two years later. Then tragedy struck.

Eve's abilities suddenly awoke and ran amok. Aya tried to suppress them, but to no avail. She ended up shooting Eve Brea. The fragments of Eve's body brought forth the High Ones.

----- Hyde Bohr -----

A High One brought forth by Eve. It's taken over the physical body of Hyde Bohr. The incomparably powerful force the High Ones release together would easily stand up against many hundreds of Twisted.

It's thought that the pheromones released by a queen bee, commonly known as “queen substance,” have chemical properties triggering a unique response within bees of the same species. This gives the queen control over her hive. In that way, Hyde, their leader, was able to gather together and direct the other High Ones, including Emily and Kyle.

TDI Note: …But, no. He only had Gabrielle and Cray working with him. And he got Gabrielle killed in one timeline. And Cray in another. And not in the awakened High One capacity but just ganked off screen. Also, Emily Jefferson was off completely doing her own thing at the Sacrifice concert and Madigan pretty much showed up, set his house on fire, and killed his dog.

----- Blank -----

Blank died in the CTI murders on Christmas Day 2013, killed by Kyle Madigan.

Having worked with Hyde in the FBI's Counterterrorism Division, Blank noticed a change in his old friend's personality soon after taking his post at CTI. Then again, no one could really be considered “normal” at that time, given the unprecedented crisis being thrust upon the human race. Blank figured the stress must simply be affecting Hyde more acutely. In fact, the Hyde at the CTI was no longer the Hyde that Blank knew. He had turned into a High One.

Blank likely felt a kind of kinship with Aya: they were in the same boat, having both lost their pasts against their will. Blank, a man who wouldn't even reveal his real name, concealed his past in an isolation brought on by his talented mind.

TDI Note: Aya Brea – Memory zapped by her younger sister’s anime aura producing a race of evolved Time Lords. Blank – Going by an alias because he was busted by and force to work for the US government after stealing state secrets. Real kinship and remarkably similar backgrounds if you think about it, and also have a severe head injury.

----- Thelonious Cray -----

After losing both his wife and daughter on the same day, Cray didn't even realize he was becoming unhinged. His broken heart refused to accept the reality of their deaths, while his grieving mind buried the incident deep in his memory.

This is why he believed so fervently that his daughter Isabella had become a Twisted. It had nothing to do with his own transformation into a High One. Cray may have thought he could bring Isabella back to life by reclaiming his right as a father to risk his life in the name of his beloved daughter. That may have been an impossible dream, but trapped as he was in a despair beyond all despair, Cray was suffering from a severe lack of judgment.

For a man whose life was essentially one constant brush with death, Sandra and Isabella had been absolute jewels, giving Cray pure, unadulterated delight.

TDI Note: Well, there you have it. No ulterior motive or High Ones nonsense. Cray was just actually batshit crazy back during his sudden heel turn. I mean, that doesn’t explain the part where he got his act together and was relatively normal the rest of his appearance. But, details…

----- Gabrielle Monsigny -----

Gabrielle used to have a partner: Rebecca Atkinson, a fellow member of the sniper team in the FBI's Counterterrorism Division. Rebecca was gunned down during the Seattle racetrack shootings, shot in the back. She was 24. Gabrielle felt a great void, losing a partner with whom she's stared down death any number of times. She took a leave of absence for several months following the incident.

Perhaps Gabrielle saw Aya as another Rebecca, thinking of her as a little sister who'd come back home. It seems that those sentiments still remained quite strong even after Gabrielle had become a High One and Aya had lost her memories.

TDI Note: So Aya and Gabby knew each other before this whole thing, given she was attending Aya’s wedding. Did Aya ever mention she’s like a decade older than Gabrielle and just looks young because she has weird mitochondria giving her eternal youth?

----- Hunter “Boss” Owen -----

After his death, Owen's collection of antique lures was sold at auction, sparking a bidding war among a faction of enthusiastic collectors. The winning bid of $80,000 belonged to a wealthy man in Florida, who claimed he could die happy at the hands of a Twisted as long as those lures were in sight.

TDI Note: There is no timeline where Florida Man is not a dipshit. It is a universal constant.

----- Kunihiko Maeda -----

Friedrich Gehrmann's disciples immediately scattered once the Twisted appeared, devoting themselves to various research topics. This was a planned procedure meant to help satisfy Gehrmann's longing to save humanity with science.

After the earlier incident, Maeda took Aya aside for (strictly scientific) observation. His investigation into her relationship with the Twisted led him to believe she would be the key to blowing the current state of affairs wide open. His catching up with Aya after the CTI murders was necessity masquerading as coincidence. It was Maeda's strong sense of being indebted to his teacher that made him think of Aya, tenaciously tracking her down in a constantly changing world.


We’re done with the CTI for good. That’s wrap! Never again will we need to think about the Counter Twisted Investigation staff. At least in the capacity of oddly worded bio write-ups. Now about the Twisted. We’re not actually going to see any more Twisted in the game. But hey, we still have our memories…

“Putrid Puppetmaster”

Uses psychokinesis to pick up enemies hiding behind obstacles and bring them in for the kill. Its powers can likewise affect the surrounding air currents, whipping up tornadoes to further control the intruder.

The descent attacks it uses at close range turn its opponent into a Twisted. The Mudflap is the only Twisted apart from the Queen that is capable of such a feat; think of it as a kind of would-be Queen with the potential to take her place. Once you turn into a Twisted, you will never again be human. Under no circumstances should you lose your precious Overdive targets and find yourself painted into a corner.

The Mudflap fills its surroundings with poison fog, creating an absolute territory where offense, defense, and recovery of one's life force come together. After dying, it will go out in search of a new physical vessel, its disembodied form creeping up on unsuspecting foes before possessing them. Use Overdive Kills to ward off this particularly nasty move.

Sniper rifles sweet spot: Bottom of a certain extremity, i.e., the “shin” of one particular tentacle.

TDI Note: Pfft. There’s only one Queen. We’ve established this. We fought it twice.

“Blade-wielding Assassin”

Possesses a rigid shell that nullifies any and all attacks. Its offensive power, agility, and endurance are all sky-high, making it a far tougher foe than any other Twisted. It quickly dives into close-range battles, slashing at intruders with its razor-sharp blade. This is one murderous, uncontrollable monster.

The armor covering its body provides unheard-of levels of defense. The Reaper is impossible to defeat with conventional weapons. Its bloodlust intensifies in manic mode as it swings its scythe-like blade, tearing to pieces anyone unlucky enough to be in its path. Its outstanding enemy tracking skills make it next to impossible to escape this Twisted murderer.

When it enters manic mode, the Reaper creates obstacles known as Blood Walls that block off its prey's escape route, rendering them as helpless as a rat in a trap before being ripped to shreds. Using an Overdive Kill on a Reaper effectively destroys these Blood Walls.

Although an Overdive Kill can get a Reaper out of manic mode, even the best and most effective Overdive Kill won't put it out of its misery. The only thing capable of penetrating its tough armor and destroying the monster within is the Berserker, an anti-Reaper laser weapon developed by CTI design lab employee Tatiana Ilizarov.

TDI Note: Yes, the Berserker laser was developed by the CTI. The same CTI that had been defunct for coming up on two months now. They made that device. Got it. Glad that deus ex machina was accounted for in a reasonable way.

It possesses overwhelming speed and power, even for a special Twisted. The projectiles it fires are on par with Aya's energy shots. Let up for even a moment and its barrage of descent kills will make mincemeat out of you.

Having obtained the ability to Overdive from one of Aya's Overdive Kills, Hyde finds his consciousness gradually being overwritten as he starts going after Aya.

And that is it for the Twisted’s entries. Are the High Ones classified as Twisted or not? I don’t think this game even knows. Now, there are entries for all of the “Key Persons” but puzzlingly, they’re all written from the perspective of having beaten the game. So we’ll skip that for the post-game catch all update. Now… about emails.

Up to this point we’d been unlocking emails written between Blank and several other parties. I am… not entirely certain WHAT unlocks email entries. Blank has 13 emails. By the time I completed Normal mode I had only unlocked 11. So I guess the last few are unlocked from Hard difficulty. I dunno and cannot find specifics online.

I do know playing through on harder difficulties unlocks emails from Maeda after all of Blank’s are unlocked. All of the emails’ terminus for Blank and Maeda is the end of Episode 5. So we’re just going to go ahead and burn through the lot of ‘em right now, so our time mucking with datalogs is ended until the post-game wrap-up.

I was formatting the previous email entries for updates to look like actual emails. The 3rd Birthday doesn’t actually go to that degree of effort. They’re just a series of text dumps. And… there’s fucking 17 of them left here to burn through. Yeah… We’re going low budget for the rest. It’ll still be easier to digest than how they’re presented in-game with scrolling 3-lines at a time.

Blank 010 posted:

Subject: The Babel
From: Blank
To: Dr. Weinberg

Dear Dr. Weinberg,
I was intrigued by your response to the data I sent over the other day. It's reasonable to infer that the minute tremors exhibited by the juvenile Babel at Grand Central are due to the rapid growth and development of its pipes, thought to circulate nutrition.

Until today, the Babel was believed to have been a plant-based life form, but if we follow your line of reasoning, we'll need to begin analyzing it from an animal-based point of view as well. If the Babel really is one single animal, its range of functions is more diverse than we'd thought. It might not exist solely as a nest for Twisted after all. We'll have to conduct experiments on the Babel itself if we want to approach this on the molecular, biological and genetic levels.

Thank you very much. I'll send over the data as soon as it's ready!

I forgot to post this particular email with the Episode 5 Datalogs. Which means we wouldn’t have received it until the Grand Babel had already formed and Maeda had already deduced it was another Overdive device. And of course we also know it’s for going back to Time Zero and Time Zero is obviously when Aya’s Wedding had objections.

Blank 011 posted:

Subject: re: Aya Brea's nightmare
From: Blank
To: MD Wilson

Dr. Wilson:
Thank you for your reply!

I took a look at Aya's charts. So your examination led you to believe that her nightmare may be part of her lost memories? That's a little out there, don't you think?

Now you're with the CTI, so I'm sure you already know this, but once you're taken over by a Twisted, you can never go back to being human. It's all Twisted, all the time. But the girl in Aya's nightmare has a Twisted head and a normal human body. She's like some half-human, half-beast centaur. (Or was it minotaur? I'm not up on my Greek myths.) Plus Aya says she saw her in real life, too! There's got to be something wrong with her if she's seeing things that aren't there, right?

Let me know when you get any new data on Aya. I'm worried about her.

“Once You Go Twisted, You Never Go Back” is also a popular adult film series in Southeast Asia. Puzzling enough, it’s actually an adaptation of a Japanese manga from the mid-80s.

Blank 012 posted:

Subject: Everett's interpretation
From: Blank
To: MD Wilson

Dr. Wilson:
Aya's no liar, I can say that with certainty.

Besides, the stories she tells about changing history are too real to be explained away as delusions. I think Everett's many-worlds interpretation says it best. It's a handy solution to the measurement problem in quantum theory: “The world is constantly branching out into an infinite number of parallel universes.”

Based on that, quantum computation researchers Deutsch and Rockwood stated that what we think of as time travel is actually travel into these parallel universes. You'll never run into a time paradox if you go by the many-worlds interpretation because there's no room for theoretical or causal inconsistencies.

Aya just might be the key to the whole quantum gravity theory after all.

Eve is actually going to be found merged with a space parasite that had been erased from history and cast into a sea of dead timelines where she had spontaneously produced a daughter-clone to rescue her from a the darkness beyond time.

Blank 013 posted:

Subject: Russo's squad
From: Jamie Denton
To: Blank

I'm sending a copy of an old newspaper article, the only info I was able to obtain on Russo's platoon in Operation Red Fog.

In 2001, a terrorist act was committed in a large amusement park. The US Army selected the most talented members of its distinguished Delta Force team and formed a team of pro soldiers skilled at raids, combat, and suppression.

Its captain was Danny Russo, a.k.a Russo the Vulture. His squad had many fine showings out in the field, but one incident stands out: the 2004 hostage crisis at the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago. A criminal group had holed up inside the bank with 89 hostages, including Senator Daniel Weston. Russo and his men successfully defused a potentially disastrous situation.

Many dreamed of joining the best of the best on Russo's squad, but few made it through the diabolical training he had devised for his troops.

Jamie Denton
Data Analysis Unit

I get the feeling Russo was meant to be a more important character than some guy that gets ganked off-screen, considering how many entries there are on him and his squadron despite their being just another generic class of mook for Aya to possess.

But regardless, that’s the last email Blank sends before Kyle Madigan rolls in and busts a cap in his ass. And presumably Jamie Denton too, for that matter. For this next slew of electronic mail exchanges, we’re meant to play the game on Hard and I think begin Insane difficulty. These all come from Kunihiko Maeda post-timeskip.

So how do you feel about The Wizard of Oz references for no particular reason? Not big on it? Tough shit. Maeda and online guild are massive fans.

Maeda 001 posted:

Subject: Genetic analysis: Kyle
From: The Cowardly Lion
To: The Tin Man

Dear Tin Man,
How've you been?

Looks like the Babels and Twisted haven't popped up in Alaska yet but I expect things to go downhill with the Kyle creep on the scene. Knowing you, you probably heard this a while back, but NSA tells me the real culprit behind the CTI murders appears to be none other than Kyle Madigan. Seems he was out to destroy the Overdive device. He probably didn't like Aya diving around in his past.

According to Everett's many-worlds interpretation, the world we live in is just one of many parallel universes. Even so, this is the only reality we know. Each of us giving his or her all to fight for it, unfettered by government or agency: that's the ideal by which we live as disciples of Oz.

With your passion and my courage, we'll win for sure!

Please run an image analysis on the attached video file. I'd also like genetic testing on the hair sample I was able to obtain. We're very close to peeking behind the curtain and seeing Kyle for who he really is.

- The Cowardly Lion

If you cannot guess, Maeda is the Cowardly Lion in these exchanges. Tin Man is just some nerd he used to work with, as are any other Wizard of Oz themed contacts. They’re not important. Don’t worry about it. Also, I’m not going to ask where in the hell Maeda managed to get a hair sample off of Kyle Madigan, the literal ghost man who was only seen in a burning building and a tower that was nuked.

Maeda 002 posted:

Subject: Investigation: Cray
From: The Cowardly Lion
To: The Scarecrow

Dear Scarecrow,
In Aya's memories (of the world before history was changed), Thelonious Cray is her colleague and combat instructor at the CTI. But from what we know, he's nothing but a common terrorist, an insurgent who got Russo's entire platoon killed in Operation Red Fog.

We can't obtain Cray's background as it existed in the pre-change world, but there might be a clue somewhere in our reality, in the truths that link the two. And on that note, please begin an investigation into Cray.

P.S. The dollar may not be worth much these days, but I've deposited 20 thousand of them in your Swiss bank account to cover your expenses.

- The Cowardly Lion

But wait… The timeline said that only Russo was killed and the rest of the team continued to be badasses and rescued the President and shit. Which is it, game? Could you really not have an intern read through all of this to check for consistency? I’m just one guy doing this as a lark for free and not even trying very hard to recall details in order to recognize y’all done fucked up.

Maeda 003 posted:

Subject: re: Genetic analysis: Kyle
From: The Tin Man
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
The person in the video file you sent it, without question, Kyle Madigan. Clearly the destruction of the Overdive device must have been his doing.

The problem is in the other video. In the footage taken by the camera placed near the entrance, you can clearly see Kyle battling with a Twisted, killing it. We've never verified an instance of two Twisted facing off against one another. Still, we know that his genetic code contains Twisted genomes. It will take more time to determine what kind of facts (if any) can be teased out of this exception to the rule. It seems your inference wasn't wholly fiction.

A great number of these Twisted, including Kyle Madigan, may very well be a new breed that differs significantly from the original species.

- The Tin Man

Please stop bringing up the fact there is literal file footage, of which multiple people have watched but NOT the player, of Madigan attacking CTI and The 3rd Birthday not giving a damn about the whole "show, don’t tell" thing.

Maeda 004 posted:

Subject: Recovering nuked data
From: Toto
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,

I tried cracking the data you gave me with my very own extraction software. It's called “Chronobandit.” Governments around the world have been paying me $20 million a year to keep it to myself.

Anyway, just as I suspected, it was secured with a military-use RSA encryption algorithm. This is something that would take a top-class supercomputer hundreds of millions of *years* to crack. But it's no match for my decryption algorithm! I just take the calculations for the prime factorization, run them through an ultrahigh-speed processor, and... I've said too much.

Turns out we got a pretty good haul. The decryption process is still at about 60 percent, but the day is quickly approaching when we'll be able to fill in all the blanks in the pasts of Aya Brea, Eve Brea, and Kyle Madigan.

- Dorothy's faithful dog Toto

That RetroArch emulator is a real pain in the ass to set up. But to hell with pulling out an old PS2 to play through Parasite Eve 1 & 2. I don’t even know where my discs are anyway.

Maeda 005 posted:

Subject: Overdive device
From: Dorothy
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
Hey, how's it going? Dorothy here. Haven't seen you since Oz's birthday. That makes it about a year now, huh? Doesn't look like we'll be able to manage a party this time around, though.

I discovered something about the components of the Overdive device. I won't go into too much detail because it's not exactly in your field of research, but I can tell you that the material used in the Overdive device's “brain” is something completely unfamiliar to us humans: a wormhole.

Wormholes are like hyperspace, connecting space and time at an infinite number of junction points. What's even more surprising about this mystery substance is that it was also discovered inside the Babel! I think the Twisted are strengthening the wormholes inside the Babels so they can protect and nurture the Queen.

The wormholes in both the Overdive device and the Babels are weak when taken on their own. They wouldn't be able to take you very far into space. But if all the Babels' wormholes were to merge into one? There would virtually be no limits. It'd take a couple of hundred years to figure out how they merge, though – even for someone like me.

It really is weird when you think about it. Back when the Overdive device was developed, no one knew what was inside a Babel... How were they able to fill the device with this stuff, anyway? I mean, I could understand it if there'd been a Twisted or two helping to create the Overdive device, but that's just crazy talk.

P.S. Let's give Oz some development funds for his birthday this year too. He loves money more than just about anything.

- Dorothy

Turns out Hyde Bohr shits out wormholes now. That’s how the Overdive device was constructed. Hyde just made a fancy machine and dropped a deuce into it. This is my personal head canon. It’s more of an explanation than The 3rd Birthday will provide as to how Hyde managed to engineer the device beyond “somethingsomethinghighonesevezero”.

Maeda 006 posted:

Subject: The Grand Babel
From: Dorothy
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
I just saw that video you sent me. Here I was only joking about that stuff, and now it's actually happening. I can't believe the Babels are merging for real! Insane! But it's like you always say: The only things one can declare impossible are those that have been proved. Our Babels are gone here in Chicago, too.

Do you remember my last e-mail?

I'm talking about the part where I said all of the world's Babels becoming one would mean the merging of their power to warp time. There might be one huge wormhole inside the Grand Babel, home to an energy mighty enough to shatter...something. Some kind of barrier that has to be crossed.

Toto's been running numbers for that energy as if his life depended on it. By the time his little calculator gives us the answer, though, the Twisted's instinctual goal might already have been achieved.

That's right: raising a million Babels and uniting every last one to produce a single Grand Babel - the Twisted are doing it all on instinct. They'll use the Grand Babel to cross time and return to wherever they belong. I don't know where that is, or why they have to go there. But somewhere in that place lies the reason the Twisted came to exist.

- Dorothy

So basically… the entire present day plot of The 3rd Birthday happened because Hyde could only construct a mechanical device that could travel back as far as 2011, but he really needed to get back to 2010. So the entire planet’s invading alien root system was needed to overclock his rig enough to get that extra power to run The Witcher 3 at 60 FPS make it an extra year back in time. Do I have that right?

Maeda 007 posted:

Subject: Nuclear missiles
From: The Cowardly Lion
To: The Scarecrow

Dear Scarecrow,
Tell me about the destructive power of the tactical nuclear missiles used in the military submarines. I'm the slightest bit uneasy about this underground facility when it comes to protecting Aya's physical body. I move her into a partitioned space once she dives, but I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

- The Cowardly Lion

Ah. So Maeda’s House is an underground bunker. Also, he’s dragging Aya’s unconscious body to a special secret room we never saw while she’s busy Overdiving. Terrific! I needed to know that.

Maeda 008 posted:

Subject: The High Ones
From: The Tin Man
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
We've finally finished analyzing Kyle Madigan's genetic code. I can't stop shaking, and I might not be making much sense. I'm sorry for that.

Kyle is... no, it's not just Kyle. All of the Twisted who received Eve's memories are a subspecies. Just as you suspected. If we were to play by the biotaxis rules, they would actually be considered an entirely new species. New and improved. The improvements are artificial, deliberately created by someone or something. Most likely, it was... I shouldn't say who, not without good hard evidence.

I'd been thinking: If our enemy really is the Twisted... Well, is it? No matter how advanced they are physically as individuals, we humans would still win out. Humans are at a distinct physical disadvantage compared to many other life forms. We lack pointed fangs, sharp claws, venom, wings. So how, then, did we come to stand at the top of the food chain? Easy: our intelligence. Human intelligence is more than sufficient for getting rid of Twisted.

But now I know better. This new breed of Twisted possesses intelligence, high-functioning minds that surpass a human's in just about every way.

They are the High Ones.

I've known you for a long time. As apprentices of the scientist Oz, the pride of the 20th century, we worked together for world peace and scientific breakthroughs. Even after we parted ways, you're the only person I considered a true friend.

Cowardly Lion... Let's dispense with the code names.

Maeda, human history is coming to a close. We will succumb to the High Ones. The world will end. I pray your final hours will be peaceful ones.

-The Tin Man/Arthur Powell

Oh, Arthur. You’re such a pessimist. The High Ones kind of suck. Emily got taken down by just a single squad of National Guardsmen. Gabrielle was the only one that put up a decent fight and required the equivalent of TWO SWAT Teams, a marksmen, and a turret mounted APC to take down. Cray just plain keeled over dead without doing anything. And Madigan was easily sorted out by a pair of attack helicopters. Hyde is just a ridiculous stretchy man.

For comparison, Eve (the mitochondria revolution one, not the evolved human race mother child) and her ooze uterus took an entire team of attack helicopters, several fighter jets, a nuke, and Lady Liberty to bring down. And Aya still had to jump out of helicopter to go kick the shit out of her. Then she still gave birth to a psychic super baby that wrecked an entire Navy battalion.

It’ll be fine.

Maeda 009 posted:

Subject: Hyde Bohr
From: Toto
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
I had to stop my decryption software so I could calculate the Babel wormhole energy. 90 percent of the deleted data should be recovered, though. I also figured out who deliberately deleted that data.

There's a shadowy figure squirming around the inside of the Grand Babel. It's moving forward to seize the wormhole from the Twisted, soaking itself in bloody spatters along the way. It bears the loathsome name of Hyde Bohr.

I'm sure the recovered data will astonish you, Cowardly Lion. I connected the dots; the line they made solved the mystery.

-Dorothy's faithful dog Toto

I like to imagine Hyde at a computer terminal angrily pecking away at a keyboard deleting files while in his stretched out Mr. Fantastic form. It’s a fun mental image.

Maeda 010 posted:

Subject: re: Nuclear missiles
From: The Scarecrow
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
My data indicate that the tactical nuclear missile set to be launched into Grand Central weighs in with an explosive power of 150-200 kilotons, more than ten times larger than the one that fell on Hiroshima.

- The Scarecrow

Toriyama and his writing staff need to take lessons from Hideo Kojima into how to properly integrate military hardware wankery trivia into their narrative structure. This is some amateur hour stuff.

Maeda 011 posted:

Subject: These unusual Twisted
From: The Scarecrow
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
Emily Jefferson. Gabrielle Monsigny. Thelonious Cray. And Kyle Madigan. Did all the strange new Twisted you found so mysterious wind up being connected? If we can find the things they have in common with one another, we should somehow be able to solve the mystery of these High Ones, too. But our time is too limited. We'll have to go all out.

P.S. Cray's daughter Isabella died in an accident when she was three. Why is Cray convinced that his dead daughter has turned into a Twisted? Is it the confusion brought on by his own Twisted transformation? A vague answer like that just doesn't cut it for me.

- The Scarecrow

Please read the Datalogs above. Cray was just out of his gourd. Which, would be fine if he weren’t also embroidered in all this end game mumbo jumbo. That just makes it real dumb.

Maeda 012 posted:

Subject: Time Zero
From: The Cowardly Lion
To: Dorothy

Dear Dorothy, All the pieces have fallen into place inside me, and the veil of secrecy has been lifted. I even know where the Twisted need to go. It's just like you said, Dorothy: somewhere in that place lies the reason the Twisted come to exist.

Hyde Bohr called it “Time Zero.”

The Twisted are returning to Time Zero because that's where their Mother is. When the Mother comes back, all the flaws in the species will be repaired. Dorothy, Aya might very well be a tiny sliver of hope. But I can see a ray of light in that little sliver when you compare it to the miracle of life being brought forth on Earth.

I believe in Aya. That's the only duty I can fulfill.

P.S. We've moved beyond our roles as fellow students working together in the labs of the great scientist Friedrich Gehrmann. We've been calling him the Wizard of Oz, pooling our strengths as servants of science and peace. Even if I should die today, I could never forget you, any of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

See you around!

- The Cowardly Lion

The most absurd bit of all these emails is Maeda having friends and colleagues willing to work with him. I’m half waiting for the other shoe to drop and Cowardly Lion requesting to bum a hidden cache of highly specific, gore fetish porn from one of his co-workers.

Maeda 013 posted:

Subject: What's Hyde Bohr after?
From: The Scarecrow
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
Just who is Hyde Bohr? I'm unable to arrive at an answer to this question. The following is my guess, extrapolated from a series of events.

Hyde may well stand at the top of the High Ones' hierarchy (as mentioned by the Tin Man). Like Aya Brea, High Ones can pin down changing memories of assorted events. Someone deliberately created a new species of Twisted that was biologically unbalanced. In return for their great intellect and strong bodies, the High Ones sacrificed their ability to reproduce.

The High Ones viewed the Twisted's increased reproductive capability as a threat, an evolutionary advantage that could bring about the species demise. Hyde likely needed to return to Time Zero to keep the High Ones alive. The only way to stop Hyde is for Aya to destroy him at Grand Central. I wish her the best of luck.

- The Scarecrow

Oh yeah! By the way! Hyde Bohr’s whole motivation for returning to Time Zero and linking up with Eve again? His dick isn’t working. The High Ones are sterile. So their race is limited to just the five idiots we’ve met. Four of which Hyde got killed. And he’s going back to Eve in hopes she can fix that defect… somehow. All of this is of course only mentioned here and maybe one other post game datalog. This game…

Maeda 014 posted:

Subject: A sliver of hope
From: Dorothy
To: The Cowardly Lion

Dear Cowardly Lion,
I'm running out of time, so let me make this quick. The Twisted were born in the distant future, a thousand of even a hundred thousand years from now. But I think they had some sort of weakness or defect as a species. They had to make the journey back to their Mother so they could get this defect repaired. That's why they built the Babel, to be nests for their time warps. It was their birth, it was karma - it was instinct.

The Twisted moved back through time and showed up here. They grabbed humans living here to nourish their Babels. They raised too many Babels to count. Finally they merged the Babels into a Grand Babel that could take them deeper into the past.

Humans didn't start out with a future. Our descendants had already been turned into Twisted chow. If there's just one sliver of hope, it rests with Aya Brea... and with her alone.

- Dorothy

And finally, turns out The Twisted already destroyed the future and have been working their way back in time. But they too could come from thousands of years in the future but all just fell short of 2010.

Unfortunately, we’re given no indication as to what the Twisted, the enemy we battle for 95% of the game, has as an actual motivation for going back in time. They have some unspecified defect beyond being absurd creatures with little unified methodology behind their forms. I dunno. Maybe they cannot dance? An entire race of interdimensional time traveling creatures with a heart to groove but cursed with two left feet. Sad.

Well, folks. That is it for datalogs in The 3rd Birthday. There are some post-game info dumps and one final set of “emails”. But I’ll be collecting those in the final proper update as they’re the closest thing The 3rd Birthday gets to an epilogue.

Now if you want proper questions answered, the ending of The 3rd Birthday awaits…