The Let's Play Archive

The Bard's Tale

by Stabbey_the_Clown

Part 33: Chapter 8-01

I'm really sorry for the long delay. It was a busy week.

Chapter 8-01

The Bard crept carefully along the darkened streets of Dounby. The rainstorm may have helped keep some unfriendly eyes off the streets, but it also meant there wasn't a crowd to hide in. The Bard glanced up at the all houses. This was a real city, not a small village. Most of the windows were shuttered.

The Bard heard the sounds of fighting, ahead and saw a gang of Druids beating up a citizen. But he got too close, and was spotted.

The citizen didn't survive the Druids, but the Druids didn't survive the Bard.

"Mental Note:" the Bard said, "Stay away from large gangs of Druids."

The Bard encountered a Druid, who shouted "The Bard is over here!" before fleeing, no doubt trying to fetch reinforcements. The Bard chased him down before he could sound the alarm.

In a dark alleyway, the Bard encountered a nervous citizen.

Citizen: Agh stay away! I didn't do anything! Oh wait, I thought you were one of those druids.
: No, friend, just a weary traveler, looking for a pub to warm my dampened spirits.
Citizen:All the pubs on this side o'town are closed, but the Aiken Drum on the west side is still open. Here, I'll give you directions, but be careful. There's a curfew in effect, an' if the Druids catch you, they'll give you a right thrashing... or worse.

The Bard followed the directions, sticking close to the walls and moving from shadow to shadow to hide from patrolling Druids. Eventually, he found himself standing under the sign of the Aiken Drum.

He made sure that no one was looking, but the streets were empty summoned his rat and sent it in to scout out.

The rat came out again in a minute or so.

"Any Druids?" the Bard asked.

The rat shook its head no, so the Bard went in.

The Aiken Drum

: Crossing through the occupied city, the Bard eventually found his way to the local pub, which somehow he always seemed to do. The Aiken Drum was the popular hangout of drunks, the unemployed, and reprobates who made their living on the streets. The Bard of course felt right at home.

The Bard's rat, as usual, sought out a young woman.

Woman: Eeeeek! A rat! A rat! Get it away! Get it away!

: Have no fear Lass, the rat is gone, slain by my magic!

Woman: Ooooh, well you're a heroic fella, my thanks for your help. Here, tis not much but you did me quite a service in getting rid o' that rat.

Reward: 15 silver
Experience: 1155

The Bard made idle conversation with the locals, but none of them seemed to be the man he sought.

Woman: I must've met a dozen Chosen Ones on me way here, an' every one of 'em a dangerous fool; ster clear of 'em if ye can, friend.

So, out of options, the Bard sidled up to the Bartender.

Aiken Drum Menu

Bartender: What'll ye have?
I'll have a Bodb's Black Ale, and some information.
Bartender: The Ale isn't a problem, but as for the information, I'll need to see some ID.
: Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself: Here's my card.

The Bard pushed a sack of 50 silver across the stained bar.
Bartender: Ah, welcome friend. What do ye want to know?
: I was told to seek out a man called Dugan.
Bartender: Ye don't have the look of a druid, so I'll tell ye what I know. Dugan's out of town, he left a few hours ago.
: Is that all?

The Bard offered up another 50 silver.

Bartender: Well, I might have caught a snatch o' conversation. Dugan mentioned that he'll be back in a few days, maybe a week.
: A week? This town's swarming with druids? What'll I do till then?
Bartender: I dunno, but I saw you playin' that flute. You got the llok of a Bard. Perhaps you could help me out. The Band over there is showrt a man thanks to those damnable druids.

The Bardtender spat.

Bartender: They killed ol' Tom. If ye fill in for him, you can have some o' yer silver back.

The Bard considered for a moment; "Done."

No, Dugan isn't out of town, he's in the bar.

The Bard read the sheet music and quickly picked up on the tune. The song was unfamiliar, but the lyrics were all too familiar. But it was too late to back out.

SONG: Tale of the Nuckelavee

I'll tattle a tale that is terribly true.
Stated out as a rumor, but suddenly grew.
And it deals with a man, and a horse, and a ring.
So settle on in and our song we shall sing.

It happened one day in a ring by a farm
Some that tragically brought us much harm
How could a place abundant with charm
Create such a beast with a spear for an arm.

On death and destruction is what you will get
When he's coming for you and in your kilt you will wet.
And he's big and he's strong and its quite plain to see.
That this is the Tale of the Nuckelavee.

Nuckelavee! Oh Nuckelavee
You're big and evil and heinous
Who could it be who set you free?
He really must be an anus.

Oh Nuckelavee it's easy to see
the terror you leave is raining on me.
The village is burned and the taverns are missed
and the beer is all gone and the elders are pissed.

And if they ever should find the fool
We'll hang him upside down by his tool
And spin him around until he gets sick
Ooh! Aah! Oh, that should do the trick. HEY!!

Nuckelavee! Oh Nuckelavee
The terror you offer is high class
Who could it be who set you free?
He really must be a dumbass.

Nuckelavee! Oh Nuckelavee
The horror you furnish is widespread
Who could it be who set you free?
He really must be an ox-head.

Now everyone knows no blood should spill
In the sacred ring by the farm on the hill
And if that ever happen the Death you should fear.
He'll kick in your nuts and he'll server them with beer.

So one final thought before I depart,
And this my friends comes straight from the heart.
We'd all be fine if not for that bell
And that horse killing wanker that opened up hell.

Nuckelavee! Oh Nuckelavee
We cannot win we must admit
Who could it be who set you free?
He really must be a dimwit.

Nuckelavee! Oh Nuckelavee
You're big and evil and heinous
Who could it be who set you free?
He really must be an anus.

Experience: 935

The Bard quietly went back to the Bartender.

: Uh listen, Dugan was supposed to find some kind of magical artifact for me, an' I don't want to wait in this Druid-infested town all week. You have any ideas where I could look?
Bartender: Hmmm... artifacts... Ye could try the Old City tunnels underneath Dounby, but I warn ye, they're mighty dangerous these days.
: I think I can handle it.
Bartender: If ye're hoping yer magical tunes will save yer, you should know this: Those tunnels are saturated with magic. I wouldn't rely on magic to save yer skin.
: You sound like you have a suggestion...
Bartender: I'd try O'Dells Arms and Armor, they've got some pretty impressive weapons.
: I think I'll do that. Thank you for your advice.

The Bard stepped out onto the rainy streets and summoned the Knight and Crone, in case any Druids showed up. He headed for the weapons shop.

: Kirkwall? Uh... Can't say I've ever been there.

The Bard tried to run down the Druid, but he didn't make it.

Once all the fuss died down, the Bard entered the shop. He was surprised to see who was running it.

Dounby Store

Dood: You buyin'? Great. Now I can show my old man I can run things. I mean, it's not my fault it takes me a while to figure things out. He's the one who dropped me on me head.

Lochaber Axe

Damage: (12-32) - (15-39)
Electric Blade: (1-5) - (2-10) (100% Chance)

The Bard took his purchase and wandered the streets until he found yet another pub. He went in, purely to make sure Dugan wasn't there, of course.

The Tup

Menu at The Tup

Citizen: You should just stay in here and get drunk with us my friend. The whole town is going to hell in a basket, so what the hell are we gonna need a liver for?

Crier: Step right up and show 'em what you got! How about entering our little contest and showing off your talents, the prize is well worth the effort.

Despite having approximately 570 times the amount of silver then the prize was, the Bard thought a little more couldn't hurt. He would soon be proved wrong.

: I could use a bit of silver. I'll enter your show.

Talent Show

Crier: And coming to you from the far reaches of Houton... the BARD!!!!!

The place erupted in cheers and applause.

Crier: We have a winner!!!!

Reward: 50
Experience: 1320

You automatically win the talent contest if you enter, you don't have to do anything.

Spot the reference.

The Bard, content and satisfied, stepped outside the Bar and immediately discovered the downside for fame: All the autograph seekers and fans just get in your way.

Druid: Well, well, it really was the Bard in that contest. Get him brothers!

All Movies:

The Aiken Drum

Aiken Drum Menu

SONG: Tale of the Nuckelavee

Dounby Store

The Tup

Menu at The Tup

Talent Show