The Let's Play Archive

The Ur-Quan Masters

by ProfessorProf

Part 30: Bonus: The Great Apology

Here we are at Alpha Sextanis! I'm not interested in anything other than the massive horde of VUX fleets in the area.

I'm gonna use them to try and apologize.

As our Intruders surround your vessel, you may care to raise both hands into the air above you and practice the ancient chant of the prancing oowee master, ZEN DUX, which begins... 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!'

No. That didn't cut it either.

This may take a while.

Barring unfortunate starting conditions, the Heart of Gold can take out hundreds of Intruders with little trouble.

Then, I stand still and wait for the next battle to trigger.

I would like to say how very much we have all enjoyed taunting you, and to congratulate you on plumbing the limits of VUX courtesy, which you have now exhausted. Therefore, let me just say: Die, you two-eyed loathsome faceless slug!

I don't think your heart is in it.

...but if you'd care to hold your present course and speed, one will be free to annihilate you shortly.

You said that just because you want stuff from us VUX. You didn't really mean it.

Strange thing about the point defense laser: It can target your own shots. It doesn't shoot them down or anything, it just looks kinda weird.

It's pointless. Why even bother trying again?

A good try, Captain... but not good enough.

We detect a hint of genuine regret, but not enough to forgive you.

Oh? I was just thinking that maybe we should consider forgiving you, but I guess you're right. There's no going back.

Hey! That was pretty good! I could sense the true sadness in your voice for your species' past stupidity. Unfortunately, it was not good enough.

Um..., er... that was about as good as it gets, I think... but we don't accept it because... because... well, just BECAUSE!

AIEEE! Human! You have hounded and hounded and hounded us with your pitiful apologies! It's driving us crazy! STOP! Please STOP! We give up. We accept! We accept! We will no longer hold Rand's insult against your species. You are forgiven for all eternity, just stop apologizing! But now you have forced us to reveal our REAL reason for hating you humans - an embarrassing reason with no acceptable justification, but nonetheless undeniable!
Human! You are SOOO ugly, SOOO hideous to us that we will NEVER be able to find peace with your species! Whenever we see your kind, we just want to kick you!... stomp on you!... squish you! Vaporize your ugly faces from the entire universe! We know its unreasonable! We know that you had no choice about how you look! We know that it is cruel fate that the Creator made you appear like putrid excretion, but WE JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT!
Why right now, because of your insufferable wretchedness, I am faced with a grotesque choice: keep talking to you and regurgitate uncontrollably, or break off communication and attack your vessel...

Yup. That really is all there is to it.

This whole trip was a complete waste of time.

Next: To find out what the deal was with the Thraddash.