The Let's Play Archive

The You Testament 2

by Daeren

Part 17: Hate. Let Me Tell You How Much I've Come To Hate MDickie Since I Began Playing This.

Update 12: Hate. Let Me Tell You How Much I've Come To Hate MDickie Since I Began Playing This.

I can't believe I was actually looking forward to doing this again.

After the wild popularity of En Sabah Nur's bitchin' style in Hard Time, I decided to see how good he'd look with a 'fro in The Making of a Prophet.

Eeeugh. Not so much, sadly. It really needs the shades. Well, while I'm changing hairstyles, let's see how ludicrous it can get.

There are no words.

So, we head to the next story update to find all the Quraysh guards in prison. Awesome, but confusing.

Apparently being humane is a luxury these days.

The same goes for anyone else who has a skill to offer. The creator enjoys construction more than destruction!

A solid point. Though, really, I'd obey the guy just because he has the eye of Satan.

Allah has delivered them into our hands to expose them to Islam. We must give them every opportunity to embrace it...

Take a shot.

Surah 8:70 posted:

70. O Messenger. say to those who are captives in your hands: "If Allah findeth any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what has been taken from you, and He will forgive you: for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."

You know, I find it adorable that he leaves out the next verse for some reason!

Surah 8:71 posted:

71. But if they have treacherous designs against thee, (O Messenger.), they have already been in treason against Allah, and so hath He given (thee) power over them. And Allah so He Who hath (full) knowledge and wisdom.

Now I wonder why he did that.

We leave and come back due to forgetting there was another conversation, to find that all the Quraysh but one have become Muslims in the meantime. Uh, okay?


And now we see why MDickie left out the last verse. Because, in accordance with it, Snidely would have had his fool ass killed immediately for doing this.

I swear to you I don't set these up intentionally. It just sort of happens.

Your empire is built on sand and it's only a matter of time before we tear it down!

Surah 68:44-45 posted:

44. Then leave Me alone with such as reject this Message: by degrees shall We punish them from directions they perceive not.
45. A (long) respite will I grant them: truly powerful is My Plan.

"In the meantime, let them murder the crap out of you while blithely ignoring bits of your holy text."

As we walk to the next area, something strange starts happening.

The sun starts spazzing out and switching from day to night and back in the span of a few seconds. It makes getting screenshots a bitch. I'm going to keep the next conversation fully intact to show how fast the damn thing moves, and because it's a singularity of MDickie.

Apart from the fact that He is spinning the Earth so fast tidal forces would obliterate everything on the face of the planet, or he's moving the sun itself, which would just cosmically fuck everything up.

Or hey, a wizard Allah did it.

I would hardly call being thrown into the sun temporary, Muhammad.

Wait, if he's doing this to prove a point to a small handful of tribesmen in Arabia, what the fuck is the rest of the world thinking?

Wait, what?

"Question me and I will throw you into the sun." I can sort of respect that. Also, take a shot.

Surah 18:9-22 is a giant brick of text that MDickie himself sort-of summarizes for me.

MDickie posted:

The episode where time seems to speed up didn't really happen in the time of Muhammad and alludes to a story from the Qur'an where some men fell asleep in a cave and awoke to find themselves in a different century. The principle remains the same though - which is that man is less qualified than Allah to judge the truth of a matter. This sets up the forthcoming storylines about people questioning Muhammad's leadership.

We'll just go with that.

So we sneakily get a new miracle out of this. Time. Activate it to move the sun to where you want, and fuck the people on the other side of the earth. Sadly irrelevant when Alt and + or - do the exact same thing with no wind-up.

Sup, Lucy?

I showed this off already, man. Get your head in the game.

Knocking people on their knees is not destroying them.

Anyways, the next story update's in Medina, so let's head there.

Oh God, not this again.

Religion is supposed to make our lives easier - not harder! You haven't understood a single thing I've said. If you're already turning against each other, I shudder to think what will happen when I'm gone?!

A bystander gets into the scolding game while we take a shot.

Surah 7:157 posted:

157. "Those who follow the apostle, the unlettered Prophet, whom they find mentioned in their own (scriptures),- in the law and the Gospel;- for he commands them what is just and forbids them what is evil; he allows them as lawful what is good (and pure) and prohibits them from what is bad (and impure); He releases them from their heavy burdens and from the yokes that are upon them. So it is those who believe in him, honour him, help him, and follow the light which is sent down with him,- it is they who will prosper."

Hadith 2:38 posted:

The Prophet said, "Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshipping in the mornings, the nights." (See Fath-ul-Bari, Page 102, Vol 1).

Okay, see, that hadith is pretty fucking awesome. More people need to internalize that sort of message.

However, the raggedy man gets up after the cutscene and starts beating up Muhammad. "FUCK YOU PROPHET I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS BETTER THAN YOU!"

...holy shit, MDickie put himself in the game!

Wanting to know the creation myth of Islam apparently falls under inane and morbid curiosity?


I- Buh- wh-

Surah 88:22 posted:

22. Thou art not one to manage (men's) affairs.

....sssssoooooo, trying to clarify things about how your religion fits into the world is bad, believe blindly in what your betters tell you, and trying to think about what you believe and how it effects the world you live in will make you spiritually blind.

Congratulations, Mat. You've finally succeeded in making me legitimately angry. Not the internet nerd rage type, the actual blood-boiling, I want to scream at something angry. The rest of your inane ramblings can be written off as some neopagan knucklehead trying to unify religions into one overarching heap of bullshit, but doing this and then saying not to question anything in any religion because God hates it when you ask questions about stuff is enough to make my blood pressure noticeably rise. I don't even care if you're a troll or serious anymore, I've still lost any and all sympathy for your mewling abortion of a philosophy and will stop pulling punches. I dare you to debate your views with me. I fucking dare you. I will break your attempt at a grand unified religion down piece by piece, show you every flaw I can. I will destroy you.

News of your mercy has reached Mecca and now they march on us with more confidence than ever before! They've recruited a vast army this time to finish the job. We don't stand a chance of defeating them.

Where is this supposedly 'huge' army anyway? Shouldn't they be marching on us right now?

Take a shot.

Surah 3:173 posted:

173. Men said to them: "A great army is gathering against you": And frightened them: But it (only) increased their Faith: They said: "For us Allah sufficeth, and He is the best disposer of affairs."

So yeah, this is obviously the Battle of Uhud coming up. The long and short of it is a breach in command caused a major weakness in the Muslim army to appear, which was exploited by Khalid ibn al-Walid, a Meccan general (who later converted), quite possibly one of the greatest generals in human history. Needless to say, the Muslims got the high holy shit beaten out of them after that, and Muhammad was gravely injured.

In MDickieland?

It's just us and Muhammad against over a dozen Quraysh.

And Snidely's pissed.

Yes, the power of the supreme Deity couldn't handle 14 guys.

Actually, it was a bunch of overeager Muslim archers who broke ranks to go lootin' that caused their flank to weaken.

<You are the weakest link, goodbye! joke goes here>

Surah 3:152-155 posted:

152. Allah did indeed fulfil His promise to you when ye with His permission Were about to annihilate your enemy,-until ye flinched and fell to disputing about the order, and disobeyed it after He brought you in sight (of the booty) which ye covet. Among you are some that hanker after this world and some that desire the Hereafter. Then did He divert you from your foes in order to test you but He forgave you: For Allah is full of grace to those who believe.
153. Behold! ye were climbing up the high ground, without even casting a side glance at any one, and the Messenger in your rear was calling you back. There did Allah give you one distress after another by way of requital, to teach you not to grieve for (the booty) that had escaped you and for (the ill) that had befallen you. For Allah is well aware of all that ye do.
154. After (the excitement) of the distress, He sent down calm on a band of you overcome with slumber, while another band was stirred to anxiety by their own feelings, Moved by wrong suspicions of Allah.suspicions due to ignorance. They said: "What affair is this of ours?" Say thou: "Indeed, this affair is wholly Allah.s." They hide in their minds what they dare not reveal to thee. They say (to themselves): "If we had had anything to do with this affair, We should not have been in the slaughter here." Say: "Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death"; but (all this was) that Allah might test what is in your breasts and purge what is in your hearts. For Allah knoweth well the secrets of your hearts.
155. Those of you who turned back on the day the two hosts Met,-it was Satan who caused them to fail, because of some (evil) they had done. But Allah Has blotted out (their fault): For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing.

MDickie posted:

The "Battle Of Uhud" is symbolically reduced to Muhammad facing the Quraysh on his own. In reality, it was a perfectly normal battle which ended badly when many Muslims disobeyed orders through a combination of cowardice and negligence. It is true that Muhammad suffered a blow and was presumed dead. He then made a remarkably swift recovery - although it fell short of  rising from the dead as he seems to do here! 

Ol' Muhammad isn't joking.

Try to fight and you will die unless you cheat like a bandit. They've all got weapons, and you don't. So, the solution is to let them murder Muhammad while you run away. Unfortunately, we get knocked to the ground and arrested for theft after we try to get a weapon to defend ourselves.

Still oh so satisfying.

So, we go to Medina for the next plot point.

....hello? Anyone?

MDickie posted:

The Patching Of A Prophet (1mb)
Back in the world of PC gaming, a bug has been brought to my attention deep into the new storyline of The Making Of A Prophet. It seems the story fails to get back on track if you flee from Uhud before Muhammad has been attacked by the Quraysh. This has now been fixed in a patch that ensures everything pans out properly no matter how you react. Just make sure you're playing with this replacement executable and you'll never have to worry about it. It won't affect any saved games in progress...