Part 22: Sympathy for the Snidely
Update 14: Sympathy for the Snidely
This is going to be a bit of a short update image-wise, but that's mostly because I have a lot to talk about this time. All Surah, Hadith, and MDickie citations, as well as the number of shots you need to take, will be at the end of the update, because I don't want to interrupt the flow.
One disclaimer: when I discuss the actions and beliefs of Muhammad and such in this update, it's only about how they act in MDickie's abortion of a game, not how it actually went down. Just getting that out of the way.
As we enter Mecca, we find Leviathan stumbling around. I decide to give the poor fatty a break, and he thanks me halfway through.
I attempted an artsy sort of shot here because the default angle was halfway inside Muhammad's face.
You probably realized from the title that this episode's going to be about Snidely.
At this point in the game, I'm going to make a bold assertion.
The roles have been reversed. Snidely is now more humanly written than Muhammad is.
Sure, he's still a prick, but honestly, consider what the guy's been going through.
Some weirdo starts preaching something that would undermine life as he knows it, so he does what comes naturally - tries to squish the new movement. However, it fails due to the assistance of an eleven foot tall nightmare made flesh, and the new movement begins to grow and spread.
From Snidely's perspective, it's a goofy as fuck philosophy with no backing at all beyond their charismatic leader saying "I've got magic powers, trust me on this." And yet, more and more people flock to this new religion, even as Muhammad's right-hand man commits unspeakable atrocities and somehow survives every death sentence thrown at him.
Muhammad continues to undermine basic parts of the society he was once a part of, yet staunchly refuses to provide explanations as to why aside from "Allah." So, Snidely goes to find him some allies. Figuring the Christians would help, he goes and tries to explain the situation.
Lo and behold, Muhammad shows up and starts acting like a douche. Snidely tries to use this to point how much of an evangelical maniac Muhammad is, but Uncle Phil inexplicably sides with Muhammad despite Muhammad insulting his religion repeatedly. Snidely, the reasonable man, is left out in the cold.
Muhammad then somehow gets the Jews on his side as well, and decides to take a huge chunk of Mecca's lifeblood out of it over to Medina. This rightfully pisses off Snidely; after all, if half of YOUR city was leaving to go over to your enemies, wouldn't you be a tad peeved?
He decides to marshal an 'army' to beat up the Muslims, but they somehow murder the living daylights out of his men. He begs for mercy, having seen his first evidence of Allah, and is only granted it by Muhammad: every one of his followers were bloodthirsty maniacs who wanted him dead.
Muhammad, however, is dumb enough to turn around and let all the survivors of his army free, giving Snidely time to get an overwhelming force to kill him. With their leader gone, and the Muslims already bickering, surely the movement would end there and then?
This would have worked if MUHAMMAD DIDNT COME BACK FROM THE DEAD.
Snidely is then faced with the prospect of a crazed zombie Muhammad wanting into his city, threatening his livelihood if they aren't allowed in. He concedes to them and lets them in, under one condition: they cannot pull the same bullshit as before and start converting people left and right. Let the cultures live together peacefully.
Muhammad agrees. He's lying.
Remember, this is the guy who worships a god that sent the Earth hurtling towards the Sun for asking questions.
His followers act like abused wives, cowed instantly from their opinions when confronted.
It's SOW the seeds, SOW!
So we head back into the city to immediately find Muhammad entertaining people interested in Islam.
Even a few guards are interested.
I'd call that preaching, Muhammad <>
What the f-? Is this a glitch, or MDickie being cheeky? Though, this is a sensible question for Snidely to ask. A legitimate question, and provoking Muhammad to see if he breaks his word.
Seriously, that should count as a threat of breaking your word.
Now we see the depths of Muhammad's 'cunning' plan.
Okay, in all honesty he looks downright evil in this shot. Divorce this screenshot of all context. This seriously looks like a Bond villain relaying his master plan.
And now we reach one of the two scenes I consider to be the nadir of the game's message. The other one, coming up later, is the epitome of the game's retarded philosophy. This one is the epitome of the game's unabashed rape of history in the name of making Muhammad look good, but instead making him look like a monster.
All of a sudden, Muhammad marches up to Mecca with an army, breaks his promise, and threatens to kill Snidely.
Even Snidely, the cartoonishly evil mustache twirling villain, don't know what the fuck.
Muhammad reveals he's been lying and cheating this whole time.
Snidely's still being a reasonable human being (which is incredibly bizarre to think about.)
He's tried to deal with him violently, then peacefully. Both have failed. He's finally had it, and orders Muhammad to be executed, with no chance of bullshit respawns.
And he suddenly realizes all of his soldiers are named Judas.
And so a bloodthirsty mob of his former friends and countrymen descend upon Snidely Whiplash and tear him apart. The designated villain, put in the role of the antagonist simply because he thinks like a normal human being of the time would, is brutally, horribly killed.
The voice of reason has been silenced, and Muhammad's control over the populace is complete.
Gone is the character I said was 'surprisingly human' all those updates ago. He's now even more terribly written than The You Testament's Jesus. For all his flaws, YTJesus wasn't a mass murderer.
BULLSHIT. You just slaughtered a guy who said no.
Here lies Snidely Whiplash, who went from annoying jackass to tragic martyr in the space of a few hours. In any other game I'd call it brilliant character development. In this one, I'm calling it some of the worst writing I've ever seen. In real life, the situation between the Quraysh and Muslims was more complicated, but it's been reduced to THIS.
The most disgusting part about this? Abu Sufyan, the character that Snidely's continued existence invalidated? He CONVERTED when his ass was against the wall in order to keep his power. This important moral victory was removed in order to allow Muhammad to murder his antagonist in cold blood while making Snidely look like a moron even in death.
Oh yeah. Healing can allow you to resurrect the dead if you use it on a dead body. Trying it on Snidely brings him back for half a second before he dies horribly again.
And now, the citations. Take four shots by the way.
Muhammad did not witness a flood in his time - although he did feel there was much to learn from the story of Noah. Here, the storyline is a device to introduce the power of controlling water. In reality, his mastery of water amounted to miraculously producing it for ablutions (which is also alluded to). Forgot this one earlier
The pilgrimage to Mecca stalled at a place called "Hudaybiyyah" in real life. The condensed map leaves out many tiny outposts between Mecca and Medina and places them all in Badr. The Muslims were not a spent force at this juncture in real life and actually came to the table with a lot of power. I portray them as weak because the disaster of Uhud was the last war portrayed.
In real life, it was a bold Muslim called Uthman - and not Muhammad - who went ahead into Mecca to begin negotiations. He was held captive and (falsely) proclaimed dead. I omitted this convoluted distraction and had Muhammad discuss terms straightaway on his own.
In real life, the Muslims were sent home to Medina and didn't get to complete their pilgrimage until the following year. I have them do it straight away to save time. The way Muhammad groomed converts is also slightly different. In real life, many Muslim sympathizers in Mecca took it upon themselves to take pot-shots at the Quraysh - but Muhammad had to pretend he didn't approve of their actions. Technically, these scuffles broke the agreed 10-year ceasefire.
The real pilgrimage is a lengthy affair that involves circling the Ka'ba and then heading out towards the hills of Safa and Marwa at the well of Zamzam. Mount Arafat and Mina are also visited. All of these locations are included in the game so that a real pilgrimage can be completed of your own volition.
Surah 3:54 posted:
54. And (the unbelievers) plotted and planned, and Allah too planned, and the best of planners is Allah.
Surah 4:170 posted:
170. O Mankind! The Messenger hath come to you in truth from Allah. believe in him: It is best for you. But if ye reject Faith, to Allah belong all things in the heavens and on earth: And Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.
Surah 49:7 posted:
7. And know that among you is Allah.s Messenger. were he, in many matters, to follow your (wishes), ye would certainly fall into misfortune: But Allah has endeared the Faith to you, and has made it beautiful in your hearts, and He has made hateful to you Unbelief, wickedness, and rebellion: such indeed are those who walk in righteousness;-
Surah 47:2-3 posted:
2. But those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, and believe in the (Revelation) sent down to Muhammad - for it is the Truth from their Lord,- He will remove from them their ills and improve their condition.
3. This because those who reject Allah follow vanities, while those who believe follow the Truth from their Lord: Thus does Allah set forth for men their lessons by similitudes.
Surah 48: 1-3 posted:
1. Verily We have granted thee a manifest Victory:
2. That Allah may forgive thee thy faults of the past and those to follow; fulfil His favour to thee; and guide thee on the Straight Way;
3. And that Allah may help thee with powerful help.
Surah 2:256 posted:
256. Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.