The Let's Play Archive

The You Testament

by General Ironicus

Part 5: A Leader of Men

Chapter 4: A Leader of Men

We rejoin our hero in Chorazin, know for rejecting Jesus' teachings...

And Stonehenge...

And Candy!

It is our duty to take the candy to Jesus as an offering. I can't wait to see what he says. You can actually use it as a weapon just like anything else you pick up.

But its not recommended. My favorite mistake is that the mouth texture looks like a mustache on Nicholas Cage.

Pikachu can't handle it, its just so beautiful.

People here seem to be a lot more aggressive. Just watch the health bar:

After you get knocked out, a small chunk of health comes back. I'm not sure if that means I lost a life, or its some sort of "second wind" holdover from the wrestling games or what. It usually takes effort to be killed but something has these guys way more wound up than they should be.

I doubt that's going to heal properly.

The only way to defeat the guards is to become one with them, unfortunately some jerk takes the opportunity to steal our candy. Eventually the strain is too much for Charlie Brown and he begins to hallucinate.

Why don't we lead a rebellion? Just say the word and we'll wage war on them!

The talking Panda man is right. The yoke of oppression is heavy and must be cast off.

The Panda has transformed into a communist fascist kenyan, if only Charlie Brown had 5 cents for psychiatric help. Anyway now its time for our consequences...



Nope. Nothing happens. Maybe something down the road, but there are no immediate consequences for declaring a rebellion directly in front of a Roman soldier. Moving on then.

This is Capernaum, the center of Jesus' ministry and home town to several disciples. In the game it is an intersection of lowered paths. I don't know why.

But it took all night to walk across it. Carrying the cross makes you travel very slowly and drains your health, making you go even more slowly. It does make spirit bar regenerate, but then you have to take breaks to trade that for more health. Its a huge hassle.

Next is Bethsaida, not to be confused with the pool of Bethesda. Just like how MDickism is not to be confused with Christianity.

So lets check out this mob.

Its useful if you have someone to find or a message to impart. But be careful who you draw near!

Have I not taught you how to manifest anything you desire? Make it your desire to feed these people!

Sharing is a godly act. Only empty people need filling! That which is already full spills over...

Here we see the feeding of the 5,000 reinterpreted as the feeding of the dozen or so. Charlie Brown immediately tries to do Jesus' will and manifest some food.

You've got no business handling things like that! Put it down immediately or there'll be trouble...

Unfortunately, while cycling through objects you have to go through weapons and the soldiers don't like that. Knuckles here is Johnny on the spot with repressing the people and interrupting meditation.

Hogan just loves watching people get in trouble. This, and getting kicked in the head, played out a few times and was terrible. At least people in Capernaum are friendly.

The advantage is that transforming an object you're holding costs lest than making one out of thin air, which means less sitting. We finally get a banana.

And now the feeding of the dozen or so is the feeding of one guy. MDickie has truly captured the biblical scale of the Bible in this game.

By the way, Gokesus is a total whore:


Jesus gave us a new power in that last speech, lets test it out.

First, find a secluded spot to meditate on that chakra.

Then everyone swarms you, friendly or not. Let's get out of Dodge.

Capernaum is the site of the next plot point but it takes forever to trigger. It looks like nothing special is going on, one guy is punching people but that's nothing out of the ordinary. In order to progress the plot you have to get punched by the one guy who seems more violent than the others.

When its not functioning properly, even the greatest souls can no longer exert an influence over the body! I reached into his mind and removed the negativity swirling around it. His soul could then resume control. You can access this power for yourself by meditating on the central chamber of the 2nd chakra...

Well lets go heal some minds!

Oh Good Grief.