The Let's Play Archive

Udoiana Raunes series

by TheMcD

Part 7: Udoiana Raunes 2: Update II - Game Mountain

The world has opened up to us, and we accept its offer of letting us travel it. First stop: Wroclaw, Poland, for no particular reason.

Music - Poland:

And here we are! Not a lot of things to be seeing here. We've got some big burly dude and Stephen Spielberg standing around, anything else?

>Look at latern (behind Spielberg, to the left)
It's just a stupid latern.

A street light is called a "Straßenlaterne" in German, and "Laterne" is a lantern. So there's where that came from.

>Look at tree (behind Spielberg, to the right)
It's a young tree.

>Look at tree (to the right of the other tree)
It's a younger tree.


>Look at strange window (this thing near Raunes: )
This window seems to be a shop.

This means we can talk to it and maybe buy something from it! But not now, we have looking to do.

>Look at Pole (the burly dude)
This guy reminds me of a story: When I was young, I used to go to a disco to find a girlfriend for me. But in front of the door there was a guy that looked exactly like that one. And this guy kicked me out! Every day, every month, every year. That's why I stayed a virgin. But you always have to face new people openminded.

And today on "The Normally Untold Stories of Adventure Game Protagonists"...

>Look at Steven Spielberg
That's Steven Spielberg, creator of... "War of the Worlds"!

Which at the time was his latest movie. I thought that this was going to be some sort of randomly changing thing, but it always stays the same.

>Talk to Pole

How does it feel to be a citizen of the European Union?
I appreciate it. But my personal dream is the American Dream! I wish I could live and work there.

What's your job?
I'm a lonesome trader. I'm the man for very special things!

What makes you so lonesome?
Don't ask me. It's boring.
Come on, open your heart.
Once upon a communist time there was a girl in my life. We loved each other so much and we were close to marriage. Then the borders fell and the system changed. And the girl felt the spirit of the west, the dream of a great career on broadway or somewhere else. Then she went away and I've never heard about her again. Since then, I'm a dealer with a broken heart!

His girlfriend: Chekhov's gun or just some random backstory for some random guy? Find out next episode, on "Plot Point or Plot Pointless"!

What do you mean with special things?
You know, those things, you don't get elsewhere. Things which let you improve certain situations.

In other words, he sells things that adventure game heroes need. How convenient!

Do you sell german cars?
Yes, a few, but generally I sell everything! You know: Almost everything. If you need something special, ask me. But keep your money, I like to barter goods.

Is that a reference to the widely-spread German stereotype of Poles stealing a lot of cars? Might as well be. Here's a joke, while we're at it: Question: Why should you never laugh when you see a Polish guy smashing a car into a tree? Answer: It might be yours.

Did you realize that the famous Steven Spielberg is here?
Yes, I know, I know. I worked with him on Schindler's list in 1994 in Krakow. It was a great movie.

That it was. Now, speaking of buying things, let's go check out that shop.

>Talk to strange window

Hello Sir, do you want to buy something?

Oh, this is a shop?
Ok, we know it's hard to recognize a rough-pixeled shop in the background. Sometimes I can't find the way to work.
Poor adventure citizens.

Man, the writers really love that "rough-pixeled" term. Did "low resolution" not spring to mind? I guess the problem is that one of the terms we use to refer to low resolution things is "pixelig", so they just took that and stuck "rough" on it for some reason. I don't really know. See, this is where having a German version would be nice, but that doesn't exist for one particular reason we'll see later on in the game.

What do you have?
Magazines, cigarettes, car keys, batteries and so on.

Which magazines do you have?
Ok, show me your id card and I'll tell you.
Sorry, I don't have it with me. Don't I look at least 18?
No, you don't.

Harsh. Dude's getting up on retirement age and is still getting carded. I guess that means he's held up well against the march of age, but still.

Please give me some cigarettes.
A few minutes ago, we had some german clients who bought 657 packages because it's cheaper here.
Really? How to get 657 packages in a car?
They don't have a car... anymore.
I'm lucky, I took the plane.

And there's another one on the "Poles steal cars" thing. Also, the "Germans coming over the border for cheap things" is true, be it cigarettes or gasoline. Also also, I'm getting kind of annoyed about how the writers knew that the capitalization of nouns doesn't happen in English, but didn't know that nationalities and the like still get capitalized.

I wanna buy a battery.
Four dollars.

Well, we don't have any money, but if the first game is anything to go by, we'll just steal some later.

Key cars? Kewl! I take them.
Sorry, they are sold out at the moment.

Wait, are we talking about car keys, i.E. the things you stick into your car to make it go vroom, or key cars, the little toy cars that you stick a thing into and then it goes vroom? I am confused. Seems we'll never know.

Do you know that Steven Spielberg is in the city?
No, who's that?
A famous movie director.
Ah, does he sell DVDs?
No, forget it.

That's that for this shop so far. Now, let's get to the main event.

>Talk to Steven Spielberg

Hi Mr. Spielberg. What are you doing in Wroclaw?
I'm preparing my next movie called "Vengeance". There's always a lot to do.

This is referring to "Munich", the 2005 movie based upon the book "Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team". A cursory glance at IMDB tells me that this movie was never released under the "Vengeance" name, so presumably the movie's title was not yet known at the time this game was being made, only that it would be based on that book.

When will you direct the fourth Indiana Jones movie?
Ahh, Indiana Jones 4. That's a long planned project which is... in way... a little bit complicated.

What is so complicated with Indy4?
At the moment, I'm preparing "Vengeance". After that I'd like to do a movie about Abraham Lincoln. But between that I have to control the pre-production-process of Jurassic Park V... or was it IV?... Perhaps I'll do another project with Jim Carrey after... uhm... let's see... I should direct another Tom Hanks movie.
(OK, that one was a bit of a stretch) Oh, and there's still my studio Dreamworks which I completely forgot. And the contracts! And... What did you ask?

I-N-D-Y-4! OR Jones, the fourth!
Ah, Jones, yes. What's the time right now? Is it 2005? 2006? I don't remember. Perhaps we could find a time slot in the time line to make the movie... Which movie?

Do you have a job for me as your personal assistant?
Nono, I'm still able to manage the schedules by myself. But I can't always remember everything.

Steven, I think you have too much to do.
Yes, very much. Absolutely much. Much too much.

Right, so I don't think it's spoiling anything to say that everybody we're supposed to get for this movie has some sort of problem that needs solving, and we're going to be the ones to do the solving. Spielberg's problem is that he really needs something to help him organize his schedules, and we're going to get him something for that. But for now, let's finish off bits of dialogue we haven't seen yet.

But you did three movies in the 80s? What's up?
In the 80s, George and I and Harrison, we all were young and all schedules weren't that overloaded.

May I have an autograph, please?
Sure, I would. But I can't find my pen.

Bummer. Now, that's everything we can do in Poland right now, so it's off to the airport.

Next time, we'll be going to Wyoming! Or maybe California! I can't remember and can't be arsed to look it up! Either way, one of those is next and the other one comes afterwards.