The Let's Play Archive

Umineko no Naku Koro ni Chiru

by ProfessorProf

Part 174: Game Master Battler!

Game Master Battler!
Original Translator: Crystalweaver (livejournal). Edited by Tiistai and oath2order

After EP5, Battler has finally become Game Master...
Now that Battler has a commanding view over the world called the game board and the ability to freely spin the story, it wouldn't be too far off to call him a god.

...However, unlike the God of our creed, it isn't easy being the Game Master.
After all, he must decide and depict everything by himself. It isn't a position where he can just leisurely smile down on the world from above the clouds.
Even though the stage of Beato's game board is just a small island, it's entangled in complicated rules and has a mere two day time limit. Spinning that story isn't easy...
At first, Battler had been laid-back, believing he could mould the story however he wanted, but he soon realized his naïve way of thinking...


"Ohohoho! Isn't it, though? People who don't know the truth think you can slap together a story however you want, but it's a real feat! Putting together a scenario for a whole episode while still making sure everything matches up with the chaotic rules of Beato's game board is really hard!"
Lambdadelta, who had been in charge during the previous game in EP5, swaggered around in delight that someone finally understood her hardships.

"...At any rate, there's a whole lot of characters. Trying to give them all some kind of part while still moving the story forward is pretty tough, like I'm a director or a producer or something..."
"Well, you've got to partition the screentime. After all, by now we've got more characters than a single school class. If you try to give everyone a big role, it'll just turn into a huuuge mess."

With Battler and Beato as the axis of the story, if there were just 1 to 2 other characters, it would make things much simpler, but...
"You say that, but what should I do? There are dozens of characters, you know?"
"You really are thick, you know? Try using your head a little like Lambdadelta-chan-sama here, use - your - head... ouch!! I didn't mean headbutting me, stupid!!"
"Shut up. My head's hurting just trying to think over here. Stop chirping and clamoring around...! If you don't quiet down, EP6 is never gonna get started! Just come out and tell me if you have any good suggestions."

"But I've got nothing left to tell you. You already know the answer, don't you?"
"Huh? Hey, wait! Don't just poof out of here...!! ...Damn, she ran off."

She was the previous Game Master, after all. I shouldn't have acted so brash, maybe I could've gotten some tips and tricks out of her.

Well, she's gone now, no point in grumbling about it.
I'll start building the scenario from scratch again...



It's the sound of a knock again.

Who is it this time?

"Heey, it's opeeen. I don't want sweets or bean jam or anything, just bring me a plot summary instead."

BGM: Sunny Spot

"Oh, if isn't Genji-san. And just as I thought, Kumasawa-baa-chan, Gohda-san, and Doctor Nanjo, too. I guess all the adult servants are here."
"It has been a while, Battler-sama. Gohda is here."
"Hohoho. If you're trying to think up the next plot, this is quite the convenient timing."
"In that case, I believe we can be of help to you, Battler-san. This is truly fortunate."
"Hmm? I don't really get it, but if you've got any ideas to share, I'll accept 'em gladly. Oh, hey, what's with that stack of boxes you've got there? What's inside of them?"
"...When one is deep in thought, they often start to crave sugar. Gohda made use of his skills to provide you with refreshments, Battler-sama."
"You don't dislike sweets, do you, Battler-sama...? If so, I, Gohda, apologize for..."
"Hohoho! Of course not, of course not. From pudding to almond jelly to anything else, Battler-sama just loves sweets."
"We heard you were having quite a bit of trouble. We thought this might be a good opportunity for you to take a short break. Rather than medicine or examinations, the most important thing for maintaining your ability to concentrate is rest."
"...Then if you will allow me, I will set the table."

"Come, come, eat up. If you can settle for this decrepit old lady, perhaps I could spoonfeed you as well? Ohohohoho!"
"Sorry, but I think I'll just feed myself. Let's all dig in! Oh, you even made black tea...! That's really thoughtful of you!"
"...Help yourself, Battler-sama. I have served the Master and Beatrice-sama for a long time, so I know how difficult it is to spin the tale of the game board."
"No one had yet congratulated you on your promotion to Game Master, Battler-san. Please think of this as a gift and courtesy visit from us elderly."
"Oh, don't call yourselves elderly...! I'd never slight my seniors in life. Come on, let's eat, let's eat. Gohda-san, you don't need to be so humble, let's eat together!"
"Thank you very much. Then please allow me..."
"Hohohoho. What a blessing, what a blessing. Ah~, it's delicious. I feel like my cheeks might cave in... ♪"

Like they said, a rest might be exactly what I need.
I'm not coming up with any new ideas and my concentration is just getting worse. It's not like I'll get anywhere just sitting in front of the desk with my arms folded.

While thanking his seniors in life for their concern, Battler forgot about the heavy responsibility of the Game Master for a bit, and improved his mood by leisurely chatting and enjoying himself...

"Hmm. I've got no idea, honestly... I was complaining to Lambdadelta about this before, too, but this story has way too many characters. I want to give everyone some time to shine, but... It's way too hard to fit all that into a scenario for just one episode... Huh? Come to think of it, didn't you guys say that it was convenient that I'm still trying to think up a plot?"
"Y... Yes, about that, well..."

Gohda and Kumasawa, even at their age, laughed shyly. When Battler stared at them blankly, wondering what was up, Genji spoke with dignity.

"Huh? Oh, you mean the fan sponsored one?! I got first place in that, hahaha... I'm flattered..."

It's really rare to see the main male character in first place... Ah, well, I guess that was the case with Keiichi-kun from 'Higurashi', too...

"...The one who fared the best among us, Gohda, came in 22nd place. Doctor Nanjo came in 48th. Kumasawa was in 53rd..."
"Hohoho... Well, maybe that was the right ranking for a senile old lady like me."
"What about Genji-san?"
"He was in 41st... Well, it may just be difficult for us to contend with the younger generation."
"That's a pretty harsh result, considering that you guys have all been stuck in horrible roles since the first episode without a single complaint... Especially when that annoying bitch Erika managed to get 6th place without doing anything halfway decent, you know?"
"It is a popularity poll, after all... I know I'll never be able to contend with the beautiful young ladies..."

The fun time we had been having eating desserts and drinking black tea... seemed to wither away and end quietly.
I want to cheer everyone up somehow...

"Ah... I'm such an idiot. I'm the Game Master, aren't I? In that case! To boost your popularity, I can just give you guys more screentime...!"

BGM: Monochrome Clock

...I get it. So they all came here to make an appeal to me.
In 'Umineko', where the younger generation stands out more, the adults don't usually get a huge role...
Especially the older servants, who are often killed on the first twilight. And, well, even when they do survive, all the good parts are usually snatched away by the witches, me and Beato, so they never really get their chance to shine.

"Man, I've been pretty thoughtless... If I sympathize with you about the popularity poll results, I should try and do something about it. Popularity is proportional to how much screentime you get...! Sorry for not realizing that sooner...! It seems you guys were really unfortunate in Beato and Lambdadelta's scenarios, but now that I'm Game Master there's been a change in command...! Just leave it to me. To make your popularity go way up, I'll make sure to give you guys tons of scenes!"
...Easier said than done. What should I have them do, anyway? What kind of scenes can I give them in a world of magic and logic battles...?

"What kind of role do you want? This is my thanks for that delicious dessert. I'll give you anything you ask for!"
"I-In that case... Please allow me to have a great role in the kitchen!"

"Well, of course. But if your only role is to cook, you won't get to do much after the murders start, right...?"
"No, no, please leave it to me...! I am the Seagal of the patissier world! Since I am unbeatable in the kitchen, what if I were to take part in an impressive battle wielding kitchen supplies...?!"
"You could appear completely useless before in the scene, and end up getting cornered in the kitchen. But when someone insults your cooking tools, the strength of your rage will manifest, turning the tables on the opponent...! Hmm, that does sound like it would appeal to young people."
"And my catchphrase will be: 'I'm unbeatable in the kitchen!' How does that sound...?!"
"Yeah, that's not bad. The chef Gohda-san will use his aikido techniques to blow away the swarm of goats! Then if we make sure to play some pumped-up battle music there, the scene's sure to stick in everyone's minds! Alright, it's decided. I'll definitely make preparations for Gohda-san's awesome battle scene!"
"Oooooh! Thank you very much, thank you so much!"
"What do you want to be, Kumasawa-baa-chan? Let me guess, the perfect servant who's always stealthily witnessing the key scenes from a crack in the door?!"
"Hohoho...! I think a role that makes use of my age and experience would be most fitting... Because of my plentiful life experience, I immediately sense that something seems out of place at the crime scene, and find the key to solving the mystery... However, the culprit discovers this, and silences me in a heartrending scene. I leave behind a dying message, 'Ah, track down the culprit~~!' Tada!"
"Wahaha, that sounds pretty grim! I'll take it! Let's put you in that role, Kumasawa-san. It's pretty easy to make you stand out with a big, dramatic death scene. I'll make it a real tearjerker!"

Going along with the trend, Nanjo will perform a super surgical operation using only the supplies he always carries on him, and become a super surgeon. On top of that, inside his doctor's robe he carries a ton of scalpels and drugs, so he'll be okay even if he has to fight, kind of like Black Jack.
Genji-san will play the part of the cool supporting character. He'll be making a cocktail or something in the guesthouse lounge, reminiscing about the old days.
He won't get a battle scene, but a really strong enemy character will say something like, "Y-you're Genji...?! That's impossible, you should have died...!!" and give us a glimpse of how awesome he was in the past.

"...Alright. This time the adult servants will get to do all sorts of stuff. With your plentiful life experience and cunning wit, you'll be able to leave a scratch on the 1000-year-old witch and her crew...! Thanks, everyone! Now that I know what direction to take the story, it's easier to get more ideas...!"
"That's wonderful...! It seems we've been able to be of use to you, Battler-san."
"...Well then, let us take our leave. If we stay much longer, we will get in the way of your writing..."
"Yeah, thanks for your concern! And thanks for collaborating with me! I'll be sure to write an awesome scenario and give you guys enough spotlight that you'll all rank in the top 10 in the next popularity poll!"

Gohda, Kumasawa, and Nanjo... and even Genji were all choked with tears of gratitude.
Battler, in order to clear away their long-standing regrets, immersed himself even more in the production of EP6's scenario...



Once again, the sound of a knock.

Who is it now? ...This time it was a really unexpected character.

"Aunt Eva's middle school... no!! You're the witch EVA, aren't you?! What did you come here for?"
"That's some greeting... Which one was the most popular of the previous episodes? It was EP3, riight? And why do you think that scenario was so exciting? It was because of me, the rival character. A wonderful scenario needs a wonderful rival character to go with it!"
"And even if you wouldn't expect it, I got 8th place in the last popularity poll! Staying in the top 10 when I've had almost no screentime since EP3, don't you think that's just impressive? Ehhehehehehehe! As long as you allow it, I can show up in EP6 and make things even more exciting. *giggle*giggle*giggle* Why don't you just give me a role~?!"
"No thanks. The rival I have is good enough."
"She fits the role of annoying rival just perfectly. In terms of being nasty and perverted, she's far ahead of you."
"W-What the hell does that meeeaaan?!"

He had promised to confront Erika in the next scenario, so he had unofficially offered her a part.
In other words, the position of rival was already filled. So he had no idea where he could place EVA, someone whose character overlapped with Erika's.
Additionally, EVA, who had seemed like a pretty irritating character when she made her debut in EP3, now seemed almost dull in comparison to Erika.
After all, Erika, the type of character who would resort to cheap tricks, set the bar very high.

"Well, that's how it is. Unless there's a bug in the sprite scripting or something, you won't be showing up."
"Y-You're saying I'm inferior to this Erika girl?! How?! Why?!?!"

"W-Whaaat?!?! Are you trying to say I've lost my impact?! Are you're saying I'm not as good a character?!?!"

"...I mean, she's a pervert who went out of her way to change into a swimsuit just to climb up walls and stick duct tape to windows in the pouring rain. Erika came in 6th place in the popularity poll, and you came in 8th. But she got almost double the amount of votes as you, you know...?"
" what... So you're saying that young girls can get votes just by wearing a swimsuit?!"

"Men are weak against exposure. Take the length of your skirt, for example. Erika's only reaches her knees, but yours is a long one. Plus, in this age of zettai ryouiki, you can't get anywhere without stockings, tights, or kneesocks. Your hairstyle's also just a straight-cut, while Erika wears her hair in the ever-popular twintails. Skirt, hairstyle, exposure, perverted nature, you've got no chance against any of them. She's totally got you shoved into the background. I can't think of a reason why I should try and work you into the story."


"Y-you can't do that to meeeeeeee!!! Please, oh pleeaase, Battler-samaa...!! I'll do my best, so please give me a part...! Pleaaaase give me a part!! If the length of my skirt is the problem, I'll fix it! If my hairstyle is the problem, I'll fix it! If it's exposure and a perverted nature you want, I'll do as you say, so please give me a part too, Battler-samaaaaaa!!"


"Uh... um... te...ten centimeters..."


With a snap of Battler's fingers, EVA's skirt shrank 10 centimeters. Even so, it was still fairly long.

"A... another ten centimeters..."
"Soon it's gonna reach your knees. Are you sure that's enough for you...?"
"...P...Please... make it... shorter..."

The skirt became shorter and shorter. In the end, it was so short that she had to frantically pull down the hem with both hands to keep her panties from being seen. It was too short to even be called a mini-skirt...!

"Well, I wonder if just fixing your skirt is enough to make you competition for Erika. What about your hair, hm?"
"Y...Yes... I...I'll put on a wig, and wear... twintails..."
"And how about the exposure and perverted nature? Ihihihihi~!"

Battler finally remembered that he was not just a mere scenario writer, but the god called Game Master.

That's right! Here, I am God! I'm free to do whatever I want. Anyone who crosses paths with me won't be given a part!
And thus, Battler sank into the dark temptation that plagued all witches...

Finally, EVA's dress had been remodeled into a super short mini-skirt, and she was wearing black kneesocks to match. Her hairstyle had been changed into twintails, and on top of that, she had even agreed to show up on screen with cat ears, a bell collar, a sailor uniform, and bloomers with a tail attached, making for a special punishment game outfit...
But even with such harsh conditions thrust upon her, EVA, who didn't want to lose her part, groveled on the floor and thanked Battler profusely.
With an attitude like that of a feudal lord, Battler said that he would graciously grant her a part. He had become a wicked magistrate of a Game Master, to the point where even Beato would have been surprised...
"Wahahaha!! I am the new Game Master, Battler-samaaa!! Anyone who wants a part, come forward and apply! Anyone who opposes me won't get any screentime~, uhhahahaha!!"

This time, Rudolf and Kyrie showed up.

"We'll get parts, right?"
"The story has finally reached its second half. It's time for the human side's counterattack. We're quite enthusiastic about it ourselves."
"Kyrie-san, sure, but I wonder about the old bastard~?"
"D-Don't say that...! C'mon, I'll buy you whatever you want! I'll have a change of heart and become a really good daddy after this! Okay? Okay?! C'mon, Kyrie can steal scenes with her great detective work while I could be the aloof action hero, c'mooon!"
"Guess I've got no choice. Be grateful to this generous Battler-sama here. I'll grant that wish of yours!"

"H-Hello there, Battler-kun... Natsuhi, Jessica, and I... Would it be possible for you to give us a part, too...?"
"...W-We're not asking to steal the spotlight. If you could just depict us as an intimate family, that would be enough..."
"I want to be involved in the battles. Let's kick up a ruckus and beat down the witches and demons together!"
"Hmmm~, I could grant that, but only on one condition."
"W-What is it...?"
"Aunt Natsuhi... uh... I want you to become my lap pillow... A-And then... can I call you M-M..."Mother"...? I-It's not like I'm gonna force you into it, though, okay...? Well, if you can, I'd like you to be wearing a swimsuit... Ah, and I'll provide the swimsuit myself...! How about a school swimsuit?! Of course, you don't have to do it. After all, I've got to find the six people to kill off on the first twilight from somewhere, hihihihi~!"
"B-Battler, you asshole, what do you think you're saying to my mom?!"
"I'm not going to force you to do it, okay~? After all, I'm the great Game Masteer~!"
"...Ngh... I... I understand... ...I... I will... wear a swimsuit... and act as your... lap pillow..."

"Oh yeaaaaaaaaah!!"

"D-Do you, um... have conditions for our family to get screentime, too?"
"I'll do anythin' ya want...! So please, ya gotta give our family somethin' good! Pleaaaase!!"
"Me and my husband's parts don't matter...! But please, at least give George a wonderful role!"
"Alright, I gueeess I'll give George-aniki a kickass battle scene."
"R-Really?! Thank ya, Battler-kun! Thank ya so much!"
"However! Guhihihi! I'll be borrowing Aunt Eva for one night! Along with that glamorous, outrageously sexy body of hers, ihihihi! I'll have you cook for me in a bunny girl outfit, and maybe pour me an evening drink~, nnheheheheheheh!"
"N-No way...!! Leave Eva outta this! I'll do anythin' else you want...!!"
"It... It's alright, dear... If it's for George... I..."

As Battler became more and more carried away, Rosa appeared before him.

"Battler-kun... Um... about Maria's part..."
"Guhehehe! Of course I don't mind giving her one, but Aunt Rosa? If you ask someone for a favor, you've got to pay them back, riiight?"
"T... This is... a gym uniform...? Wh... What do you want me to wear this for...?"
"Aunt Rosa, I think I'll have you wash my back while wearing this gym uniform and bloomers~! Guhyahyahyaaah!!"


"...This is terrible... To think Battler-kun would succumb to the dark side of being Game Master..."
"He has gone on such a charming rampage. Pukuku...!"
"Hey, if it isn't Ronove and Virgilia. I owe you guys one. Don't worry, I'll make sure to give you guys screentime next episode without any strings attached."
"Oh my, is that so? Much appreciated."
"No matter what you may think, I'm a man who doesn't forget his debts. Ihihihi!"
"...Battler-kun. Everyone is desperate for a part. Please stop toying with those feelings..."
"Even if it's your request, Virgilia, I'm afraid I can't comply~☆ After all, I don't forget my debts, but I don't forget my grudges either~! Oh, right, Ronove. This is a notice. Post it somewhere for me."
"Certainly. Oh my, what is this?"

BGM: Black Lilliana

...If something like this were posted, there was no doubt the Seven Sisters would run off to see Battler.
But since they had been in every episode since EP2, they had all felt fairly secure as the popular Seven Sisters of Purgatory.
So why would they suddenly not show up at all in this scenario...?

"We all know the answer to that! It's all Luci-nee's fault!!"

"W-Why is it my fault? What did I do...?!"
"Becaaause, Lucifer-onee-sama~"
"In EP3, you bullied Battler-kun too much~"
"As a representative for all the sisters, you had a monopoly on tormenting Battler-kun, didn't you...? Aah, it makes me so jealous I can't stand it!"
"Luci-nee is the one who darkened Battler-sama's mood... There's no doubt about it."
"""There's no dooubt!"""

"I-I'm not the only one at fault...!"
"""Noope! It's all Luci-nee's faault!"""
"Anywaay, let's all go apologize to Battler-kun."
"I don't want to have no screentiiiiiime, waaaaaaaaah!!"

The Seven Sisters knelt before him, trying to somehow appeal to him for a part...
"...Yo, Lucifer. To think this day would come, huuuh? Ihihihi..."
"Nn... ghh..."
"Battler-samaa! We want a paart!"
"We'll do anything you say, so please give us a paaart!"
The sisters pleaded on their knees.

"Hmmmmm. It looks like six of you want to have screentime, but only Lucifer isn't interested."
"...I...If it means I have to kneel before you, I don't care if I never show up again...! Wh...Who would stoop to kneeling before you...?!"
"The Seven Sisters of Purgatory come in a group of seven. If one of you is being defiant, I guess that means the rest of you won't get a part either, you know?"
"""N-No waaaaaay, Battler-samaaaaa!!"""
"Y-You stupid sister! Your stubbornness is causing a lot of trouble for the rest of us!"
"Come on! Get down on your knees and apologize!"
"That's right, that's right! Press your forehead to the floor and apologize!"

The younger sisters all held Lucifer down together, and forced her to her knees by pushing her against the floor.

Lucifer still refused to surrender, and she held back her tears while grinding her teeth.
"Battler-sama, Luci-nee is apologizing as well, so please calm your anger."
"So please give me a part where I meet up with a handsome prince~!"
"Give me a part where I eat lots of delicious food~!!"
"I see, I see. Well, if I'm in a good mood, I'll give you any part you want~. Aah, my shoulders sure are stiff."
""Okaaay, we'll rub theeem!""
"Aah, my calves are pretty stiff, too. Could you rub those, too~?"
"Yes, leave it to me!"
"As you wish!"

Mammon on my right calf and Belph massaging my left calf.
Asmo on my right arm and Beelz massaging my left arm.
Aah, my left and right upper arms... are being held between warm fruits... W-What bliss...
...Wooow, being Game Master is so wonderful... Long live the Game Master! I am God, the god of the new game!

"The six younger sisters are in the clear~. But Lucifer sure took care of me in EP3~. You gouged me so many times with that stake of yours, grinding and grinding and grinding on and on! Aah, just remembering it pisses me off!"
"Ahh, in that caaase, I think this time Battler-sama should gouge into Luci-nee insteead."
"I think that's a great idea! Until Battler-sama feels satisfied, I think he should bully her all night loong!"
"Wh...What are you guys talking about?! H-Hey, let go of me!"
Oh, I know, Lucifer-onee-samaa. Your back is your weak spot, riight...?"
"Wai... L-Levia?! H-How do you know that?!"
"Everyone knows your weak points!! You were the only one who thought we didn't know, weren't you?! You're too careless, onee-sama!!"
"Hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh, so her back is her weak spot, is it, hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh!"
"St-Stop!! Do you think I'll surrender if you do that?! Do you really think I'll cry and beg for forgiveness?!"
"Ah, shut up, shut up! Know my grudge from that day you tortured me by grinding and gouging into me! Is it around here? Around here? Take that, and that, and that!!"

"AhAaaaaAa!! NoOooOoOo, please forgive me, Battler-samaAaaAa, auUaAaaaaa!!"
...He finally got the chance for revenge he never had in the original story. Battler seemed satisfied grinding against Lucifer's back...

"How do you feel, Battler-sama? Are you refreshed?"
"Yeah, I feel great... My long-standing grudge has been totally cleared up, and I feel all fresh, like I've finally shed my skin!"

Lucifer's shoulders heaved as she caught her breath. She had collapsed with her clothes in disarray, and it looked very much like the aftermath of something.
...It was a bit obscene.

"Soo, does that mean you'll give us all a part now...?"
"Sure! I've resolved all of my grudges! Don't worry, your screentime is secure! Uhahahahahahaha!"
"Then I want a scene where I meet a handsome prince!"
"I want a role where I eat lots of food!!"
"I don't need any big scenes, but make sure I'm in the 7th game, too!"
"I would like to fight against a formidable enemy, and fall beautifully in battle."
"Hey, hey, you guys! If you ask for all that at once, Battler-sama's going to get confused! Write your requests on paper before giving them to him!"
"...I... I'm... fine with any kind of minor role... I won't defy you again... so could I... have a part..."
"What are you talking about? Luci-nee, you're always the one who gets to stand out the most! I'm jealous, aah, I'm so jealous!"

"Oh, someone else is here. Could it be the Chiester Sisters this time? Or maybe Dlanor's group? Come to think of it, Ange, you've got some nerve, not coming to greet me when you're my own little sister! I've already received a full-body massage from the Seven Sisters. Maybe I'll have the Chiester Sisters wipe the sweat off my brow with their tails~? I wonder what I'll get from Dlanor? Uhyahyahyahaaaaa!!"

And so Game Master Battler exhausted the limits of tyranny and fully enjoyed his harem.

However, in the world, people have rights because they have obligations. And when you reverse the statement, it rings true even more. Earlier, Battler had used his rights, so he now had to fulfill his obligations to grant their requests.

"Oh, thanks, Virgilia! Let's see, let's see... Uh, there's a whole lot of them."
"Pukuku! After all, you are the god of the game board, Battler-sama. There is no wish you cannot grant. In that regard, the demands have become quite extravagant."
"...At any rate, Battler-kun... What kind of scenario can you make to fit all these demands...? And all in just one episode..."

[List of Characters' Demands for EP6]

■ Genji
The refined supporting character. While making cocktails in the guesthouse lounge, I will talk about the old days.
We hear a bit about my past from a mid-boss character, and we get a feel for how strong I was in the past.

■ Nanjo
A super surgeon. Even when I have no surgical tools, I will use my daily supplies to perform a successful surgery. On top of that, I will have a fight scene where I use surgical tools as weapons.

■ Kumasawa
Always witnessing major scenes. Because of my plentiful life experience, I sense that something seems out of place at the crime scene! But I'm killed by the culprit before I can do anything. My death should be a real tearjerker. Of course, for the music in that scene, a new sad song should be ordered from dai.

■ Gohda
I'll cook lots of delicious food! I would like for the scene about my dinner orchestra to be at least 50,000 characters long.
And then everyone gives my wonderful cooking a standing ovation! I'll even receive a peck on the cheek from Madam out of admiration!
Of course, my fight scene will be in the kitchen. It will start out as a gun fight, but the real part will begin when I drop my gun.

I will blow away the terrorists with my aikido techniques! My catchphrase will be: "I'm unbeatable in the kitchen!"

I'll be revived as a villain who surpasses Erika! The succession of cruel murders will unfold once more.

Towards the end, I'll get involved in an intense battle with Battler! That will need to take up at least 100,000 characters of text.
The battle scene should use five new fight songs made exclusively for EVA.
Furthermore, in the hand-to-hand combat spinoff fighting game, I get to be one of the strongest characters.
F**ntier Works will release a hug pillow of me along with one of the DVDs!

■ Krauss

Krauss, who had always played the part of the lowly buffoon, finally awakens as the Golden Sorcerer!
Stock market tactics, distinguishing between lies and truth. Enveloped in the money game conspiracy! Business terminology will fly about, to the point where people will feel like they've become business experts just by reading it!

"Lehman has five minutes of active time remaining...! The investors are being cut off one by one!"
"Injection of public funds severed, sending coercion for government backing for Merrill Lynch!"
"It's no good, we cannot send it!"
"What did you say?!"

"...It's been a hundred years."

■ Natsuhi

The story has been quite turbulent until now, so this time I would like a calm romance story aimed towards adults.
My husband throws a snowball at me, and when I catch it and split in apart... I find an engagement ring inside. Kya ☆

■ Jessica
Forget reasoning and theories! Honestly, I don't give a crap about the mystery. Time for the exhilarating action chapter, with the thrilling Jessica-sama beating up and knocking down the nasty villains with her brass knuckles!
I want the director to be Stephen Chow Sing-chi.

I'll get cornered towards the end, but then Kanon-kun will gallantly dash in to save me!
For a more detailed explanation of that scene, see page 735 of the appendix!

■ Hideyoshi

Returning from the frontlines to find his hometown burnt to the ground. No house, no family, no assets. Documenting the man who had lost everything but became the owner of a restaurant chain from scratch, an exhilarating color film based on a true story...!
After getting by through obtaining goods by sneaking into warehouses and selling them on the black market, the success stories start building up from there!
For details, see "Excitement! The Chronicles of an Exemplary Man's Solitary Struggles. ~Success Stories of a Restaurant Chain Owner~". It'll be sold at the company’s sales department and every chain establishment for 1800 yen. New employees should read the script during their training period!

■ Eva
Dejected by the steady ruin of the Ushiromiya family, Eva struggles to revive the Ushiromiya family.
Women should do housework and raise children? Women should stay out of the way? The one who should stay out of the way is you, Krauss-nii-san!! Just you watch, the era of men is long over!!
With her intelligence and strength combined with her gentleness and kindness, this modern woman plays a huge part in her husband's success! She uses her womanly quick wits and wisdom to save her husband's company from one crisis after another, eventually culminating in her leading role in the revival the Ushiromiya family. In the end, her efforts are acknowledged by Kinzo and she will be accepted as the next head of the family.

In the climax, Krauss and a bunch of hoodlums will attack the husband, but she saves him by using her famed footwork to kick them back! The lead actress should be me, or if that's not possible, then Nobuko Miyamoto. Naturally, the director should be Juzo Itami.

■ George

BGM: Hope

I'd like a peaceful and loving depiction of how the romance between me and Shannon started. The scene still hasn't been shown in the original work, after all.
It happened on the day of the customary family conference. I wonder how many years ago it was. Haha, remembering it makes me feel a bit embarrassed.
That day, I had been wearing a hat. It was blown away by a strong wind and went flying away on the beach.
At that moment, Shannon showed up. We went to go search the beach together for the hat.
We just couldn't find it anywhere, no matter how many times the two of us scoured the beach searching for it.
We never found it. But it would've been boring to just search for it in silence. We conversed with each other the whole time.
That was when... I heard that she longed to go see an aquarium.
By coincidence, I had a friend who was a curator. I arranged it so that just the two of us could specially visit the aquarium on one of the days it was closed.

I apologized to her for two things.
One was that I wouldn't get to show her the crowds of people at the aquarium.
The other was that... I hadn't actually been wearing a hat in the first place. (Wink☆)


"What the hell... How long is it going to go on like this?! ...There's still more than half of it left...?!"
"...I feel they are just demands to match your selfish whims, Battler-kun..."
"Now then, you must write a scenario that integrates all of these demands. However, the Game Master has a limit on how much time he has to write the scenario..."
"T-Time limit?! There's something like that?! How long do I have?!"
"Well, to put things bluntly, until the next Winter Comiket."
"The people at the press factory have their own circumstances as well, so the actual deadline for delivery is even sooner... It seems this year's winter will be quite cold. It isn't unusual for the factories to be located in mountains... It's possible the factory could be shut down because of snow, and the master disc won't reach us in time."
"Come now, Battler-sama, you should begin writing. A new scenario that satisfies all the demands! ...Ah, and if you would allow it, I would be most pleased if you were to write that I become the wild captain of a pirate ship and voyage to the ends of the earth."
"Ah, i-if possible, I would be happy if you would allow me to perform a 17th and 1000th year anniversary live concert... Heeyy? I can't hear you!!"
"U-Um... Can Ushiromiya Battler also make a request...?"
"Oh my, what is it?"
"Can this... turn out to be all just a dream...?"
"I got carried away, I sincerely apologize. Please save me, Virgilia-sama, Ronove-sama..."
"Oh dear, I suppose we have no choice..."
"Pukuku. If you wish for us to dictate, of course we will undertake that task. However, we will add our own demands to the scenario as well."
"I'll agree to anything...! ...??? Why are you giving me those creepy looks?"

"...RudoBato. GohBato. AmaBato."

"Pukuku! You mustn't forget RonoBato."

"...W... What are you guys talking about...? Why are you ending your sentences with 'bato', bato? I-Is that some new kind of verbal tic, bato...?"