The Let's Play Archive

Umineko no Naku Koro ni Chiru

by ProfessorProf

Part 178: Valentine's Day Letters

It might not be exactly the correct season for this TIP, but we're not going to be here until February and there's quite a few to go through before the end of the LP. This one used to have an almost complete but kinda awkward translation. Thankfully it's pretty short.

Valentine's Day Letters


To His Majesty, the Territory Lord and the Master of the Game Board,

On account of Valentine's Day, and as the representative of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, I hereby present an offering of chocolate as well as an oath of our eternal allegiance.

— From the eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Lucifer, with love and loyalty.

Given your order, I would be honored to become a chair, candle stand, cat, carpet, furniture or even slave for your sake.
My Lord, please use this lowly piece of furniture however you wish.



To the Territory Lord who probably already received a ton of chocolate from others,

Although my chocolate may be only one of the many that you've received, I still spent all possible effort to pour my heart into making it.

But even if my chocolate is just an insignificant part of a huge pile, that's fine.
I just hope that among the countless loving eyes gazing at you, you won't forget the ruby-colored pair that would so easily fly into a jealous rage. Ehehehehe.

— From the second eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Leviathan, with love and jealousy.



To His Majesty, the Territory Lord and the Master of us Seven Sisters,

My worthless sisters have undoubtedly included some shameless letters along with the chocolates they have sent you.
However, my sisters are not at fault for this.

All the blame lies with me and my sorely lacking guidance. My humblest apologies.

If anyone is to be reprimanded, it should be me.
I am prepared to receive any and all criticism...

— From the third eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Satan, with love and apologies.



To His Majesty, the Territory Lord and the Master of the Game Board,

I have given chocolate to many men, but all of it has been demonic chocolate designed to drive helpless men sink further and further into sloth, year after year.

Your Majesty, however, keeps tirelessly improving himself.
The Valentine's chocolate I'm offering is not hiding a trap of sloth but my heartfelt feelings.

— From the fourth eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Belphegor, with love and respect.



To our magnificent and stunning Territory Lord,

As furniture, nothing pleases me more than working for Your Majesty and gradually gaining your trust.
However, do you think it's above a furniture's station to wish for trust even greater than this?

I am Mammon of Greed.
I am covetous furniture who wishes to be the only woman reflected in your eyes.

— From the fifth eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Mammon, offering her love and desiring yours.



To His Majesty, the Territory Lord and the Master of the Game Board,

I thought that Your Majesty deserved only the best chocolate, so I taste-tested countless varieties in search of the greatest chocolate delicacy.

— From the sixth eldest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Beelzebub, with love and cocoa.

The greatest chocolate was truly amazing. After tasting it, I just couldn't help myself.
I ate the whole thing, so the chocolate I've sent here is the second most delicious variety.
...I'm sorry.



To His Majesty, the Territory Lord and the Master of the Game Board,

I have melted my heart into this chocolate. In fact, had it been possible, I would have wanted to become Your Majesty's chocolate myself.

Because in that case, when Your Majesty would've eaten me, I could've entered your mouth and lolled around on your soft, warm tongue, filling your mouth with ample pleasure...

— From the youngest of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory, Asmodeus, with love, passion and melancholy.


Chiester 45

To His Majesty, the Territory Lord of Fragment #XXXXXXXXX
From the 4096th Infantry of the Chiester Sisters Imperial Guards

Thank you very much for everything.

I actually wanted to send you handmade chocolate, but because of the chocolate terrorism incident last year, there was a ban on putting handmade chocolate in the mail this year...

I put my heart into choosing the chocolate most suitable for Your Majesty's tastes.
It would be my honor if you found it satisfactory!

— Chiester 45


Chiester 410

To His Majesty, the Territory Lord of Fragment #XXXXXXXXX
From the 4096th Infantry of the Chiester Sisters Imperial Guards

Friendship chocolate that gets scattered around to everyone is like the Valentine's shotgun.

True love chocolate that strikes with perfect accuracy is like the Valentine's sniper rifle.

The chocolate that I sent to you, which one do you think it is nyeh?

— Chiester 410 nyeh


Chiester 00

To His Majesty, the Territory Lord of Fragment #XXXXXXXXX
From the 4096th Infantry of the Chiester Sisters Imperial Guards

The purpose of this letter is not only to celebrate Valentine's Day but also to express my deep respect and affection for Your Majesty.

The enclosed chocolate has passed the inspection of the Medical Team of the Imperial Guards.
Please enjoy it at ease.

— Chiester 00


Chiester 556

To His Majesty, the Territory Lord of Fragment #XXXXXXXXX
From the 4096th Infantry of the Chiester Sisters Imperial Guards

I hope my feelings of gratitude and the accompanied chocolate reach you well.
As you have, please allow the Chiester Sister Imperial Guards to remain in your thoughts.

There are only girls in the Imperial Guards, so this custom is new to me.
Have I followed proper Valentine's Day etiquette with my letter?
If you find the time to let me know, thank you very much in advance.

— Chiester 556

The fortune slip that I pulled at a shrine the other day said I was in for 'terrible luck'. I should take care on my next mission.



In celebration of St. Valentine's Day and to express my gratitude, I'm sending you this CHOCOLATE.

Rather than sending, I'd much prefer to be receiving chocolate on Valentine's DAY.
I like chocolate a LOT. Because I'm a KID.
Hot chocolate, I HATE. Because I keep spilling IT.
...It's too difficult to wash it OFF.

Whenever I run my letters by Gertrude, she keeps telling me to rewrite them many times OVER. It's really ANNOYING.
This year, I'm sending this letter in secret before Gertrude finds OUT.

— Head Inquisitor of Heresy, Dlanor A. Knox



Dear Sir,

Lately, the cold weather has been ever increasing in its intensity. I presume that Your Majesty has been holding on to good health.

In celebration of St. Valentine's Day, allow me to send you this chocolate expressing my most humble respect and admiration.

— Senior Aide Gertrude

I recently started raising a cat. It's very cute.
I was wondering, is Your Majesty more of a cat person or dog person?



Dear Sir,

If I may humbly state, during this cold season with the first signs of springtime only just beginning to approach us, know that huddling inside a kotatsu is a most blissful experience!

Owing to the chocolate terrorism incident last year, a great number of sympathizers seeking to overthrow this event out of jealousy have since risen; A notice regarding this criminal activity has already been issued.
As a defender of the law, I shall endeavor to engage in my duties with ever-growing enthusiasm!

— Aide Cornelia

For your information, Inquisitors of Heresy are required to utilize court language even when writing letters.
Should any difficulties arise upon reading, I offer my sincerest apologies.



It's St. Valentine's Day! Have you been enjoying yourself so far!?
I certainly have, no surprises there!
After all, today is the day when it's alright to hunt down late-blooming boys with the sweet poison of chocolate.

I never let escape any prey that I've set my eyes on.

That's right, this chocolate here isn't just any old Valentine's chocolate.
Who knows, perhaps I'm warning you about a crime that's about to occur...?

There's a hesistant wanderer lost in the meadows of love — you.
Try your best to avoid being bitten by me☆

— The Hunter of Love, Zepar



It's St. Valentine's Day! Have you been doing alright lately?

There's no day when chocolate melts as sweetly in your mouth as it does today.
Please, no matter how small a piece of chocolate you may be eating, remember to savor the feelings packed in it to the fullest.

Now, that chocolate you received, do you still think it's just simple friendship chocolate?
If you'd say it's something more, you've come to understand the heart of a girl who can't hide her blushing face☆

All of my chocolates are, naturally, confessions of true love.

For you showoffs with your big talk about not needing love or women, I'll give you a body that can't live without love anymore, so be prepared☆

— The Trainer of Love, Zepar



<HAPPY VALENTIIINE>!! <Aaand>, oh what a pityyyyyyyy!!

Sorry, not sorry, but I munched down that whole deeelicious pile of chocolate that was sent to you!
Now that I've got my eye on you, that's the end of it! Just so you know, you're not getting your grubby mitts on a girl's chocolate ever again.

Oh well, admittedly I did feel a little sorry for you, so I left just a smidgen of chocolate as a present.
You better remember to show your gratitude to my merciful self!

A-actually I was going to give you handmade chocolate, b-but I ended up making it so delicious that ate it all myself! So I figured that this chocolate that I bought as ingredient was plenty good enough for you anyway!

— The Golden Witch, Beatrice



To my big brother,
I'm sure that even someone like you received a ton of Valentine's chocolate this year.
A lot of it seems probably pretty suggestive, but don't get too excited about it!

Unlike back in your days, it's not that uncommon for girls these days to exchange chocolate between friends like it's no big deal.
So just because my homemade chocolate kind of resembles a heart, you better not be making any kind of weird lecherous faces about it!

— From your dear little sister, Ange