The Let's Play Archive

Warcraft II

by Azzur

Part 9: Mission 9: Ogre-Bombing

Episode 9: The Razing of Tyr's Hand or Ogre-Bombing

: Well, warlock? I've done as you asked.

: Indeed, Necksmash- ...Warlock? DO YOU STILL NOT KNOW WHO I AM!?

: You dirty...

: Show some respect!

: Chieftain, it wouldn't be wise to anger a master of-

: To the Nether with him! Where's my lieutenant, you worm?

: ...

: Haha. Necksmasher, your torture shall be eternal, trust me on this. Cho'Gall, we're running late.

: Where's Vilefeast, warlock?

: Oh, he's here. A failure, to say the least. Oh, and Necksmasher?

: What?

: When I am finished with the daemon, I will return for you.

Later, outside Tyr's Hand...

: Well, then... Vilefeast. Err, welcome back.

: Chieftain, you know what you really want to say.

: Vilefeast. This is hard for me to say...

: Chieftain?

: Well... What super cool powers did Gul'dan give you!?

: ...

: Chieftain...

: Come on, Vilefeast! Out with it!

: Me no have soup flowers!

: Oh, good. I think he got dumber.

: Vilefeast, didn't Gul'dan fill you with any magic? Teach you to flay the flesh from a human?

: Nope. Gave me shiny axe, though!

: I refuse to believe you aren't amazingly awesome now. You have a dramatic tale and everything! We're putting you through your paces, mister!

: Yaaaaaay!

: Maggy, Bloodgut... prepare my ship.

: We're going to watch as Vilefeast burns this town to the ground.

: I... Isn't this where the humans have trained their holy warriors?

: Oh? Then it's perfect for Vilefeast to match them with his dark energies!

: Darnergies!

: Now then, as for what you missed while you were... uh...

: Incapacitated.

: Right; blown into little chunks. This here, Vilefeast...

: Is a death frigate.

: It fires my hatred through a cannon.

: Me miss memories like this.

: Chief, mon! Off port! Da elves be comin' in!

: Port some stupid troll word for "the side of the ship?"

: Actually, Chiefta-

: You speaking is actually charging up the death frigate's hate cannons, Bloodgut.

: Fire the hat cannons!

: Nicely done, son.

: Eh?

: ...Vilefeast. I meant, Vilefeast.

: Chieftain, they're coming from port and starboard!

: Bloodgut.

: ...both sides. They're coming from both sides.

: Was that so hard?

: Me got this!

Juggernaughts are just that awesome. Not a scratch on 'er.

: That's how it's done!

: Uh, Chieftain? Didn't we lose a ship?

: Eh, it was just Maggy's.

: ...Not that I'm suddenly feeling expendable or anything, but perhaps I should go back and monitor things at base.

: I'm starting to think that I'm the only one who cares about the integrity of our facilities!

: As a matter of fact, there was an island that may be useful not far from here.

: And without Nigel mucking up orders, I can actually bring along some protection.

: ...I feel so safe.


: Eh, Chief?

: Who let you on my ship, troll?

: Metal boat!

: Hm? Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

I hate transports so much.

: See? the grunts took care of it.

: Ya know, mon, can we call Vile a grunt no more? I mean, he came back from death, Chief.

: Mmm, that is true, newly crowned third in command. Someone who escaped death; like a knight of death... what position should he be given...?

: I see where ya goin' wit dis...

: Indeed. Vilefeast!

: Yes, Chieftain?

: I hereby dub thee... Zombie Lord Vilefeast.

: Not what I was thinkin'.

Back on Bloodgut Island...

: Finally up and running. If I weren't here... What would Nigel do without me? I'm really saving this whole war.

: I'm the tactical genius behind all of this! It's so infuriating! When I see that Necksmasher next...

Back at base...

: I smell an elf, Chief.

: Congratulations on having the worst superpower ever, Maggy.

: Now go forth my Zombie Lord!

: 'Kay.

: Uhh... Vilefeast?

: Chieftain pleased? Me kill good.

: WHAT THE NETHER WAS THAT!? You just hit them with your axe!

: ...What me supposed to do?

: Ugh, you must be the worst Zombie Lord ever.

: ...Anyone see Bloodgut lately?

: No...

: Interesting, but no...

: Okay, noting that humans have glowing eyes, but still no spineless coward to be seen.

: Well defended island for no real reason. Excellent. Alright, time to get to work, then! Quick before he gets back!

: What we do with no squishy orc?

: Something I always wanted to do...

Meanwhile, back at Bloodgut base...

: Elves! Hurry... you drooling beast!

I'll let you guess how this one ended. (Hint: How would you fare against an ogre about to deliver a punch to your face?)

: Uh, yes, well done. I had that under control.

Back at Nigel's base (aka Awesome Base)...

The orcs final upgrade to the town hall, the fortress. Not only does it look as metal and 90s as fuck, it gives us yet more gold upon return from the gold mine (just like the human castle). Of course, this requires the lumber mill, blacksmith, and ogre mound to be constructed, but damn if it isn't worth it.

: HAHAHAHA! YES! I knew this would be amazing! But nooooo... Bloodgut kept saying "That's too expensive/ridiculous!" or "We don't need to live in a giant skull outfitted with spires!" Well who's the dumb one now!?

: It. Beautiful.

: 'Eh, mon, what about da altar we saw Gul'dan usin' ta bring Vile back? Ya thinkin' we can put one o' dem togetha'?

: I have no clue what you said or mean, but your gibberish gives me a clever idea.

Like castles, the fortress opens up a final branch of buildings. As well, much like the previous human mission, we only have one such building open to us: The Altar of Storms.

The altar, of course, gives us ogre-magi. That's where the real fun starts.

: I am a blasted genius.

: But, I... Ya, Chief. You da genius.

Yes, yes, yes.

: Chieftain! Bad magic!

: No, Zombie Lord Vilefeast, good magic.

: Yay! Good magic!

: Problem solved. Time for a celebratory destructive romp!

There's so little effort required to take out shore defenses with juggernaughts. Well, I may be exaggerating a bit, but it really makes things much easier.

Meanwhile, over at Fort Bloodgut...

Eye of Kilrogg, much like I showed off with Cho'Gall before, comes with all of your ogre-magi. It has... uses, but realistically, you will have often scouted out far in advance of getting ogre-magi. It would be useful for tracking enemy movement if this weren't an AI controlled computer player, but such is not the case.

: Ogre could you help me move- What happened to you!?

: Best not to question the ways of magicks nowadays. Maybe we can figure out what Nigel's planning to do before he messes everything up worse than before.

: Oh, good. Just your average "amass a navy and crush everything in your path." At least he's not putting Vilefeast in any danger again.

: I... WHERE'S MY BODYGUARD!? He'd better not be stealing pigs from Nigel's base again!

: Ugh, why did I set off on my own? I'm going to die out here! I'm no leader! Where's Nigel!?

: Ahem.

: It's pronounced "magic."

: Play time?

: Go forth, my zombie minion!

Bloodlust is so awesome.

: Nigel! I can't take this leadership! You're the Chieftain! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

: Uh, did you try and break off and form your own clan or something?

: Well, it didn't start that way, but... yes.

: You have a town hall. And a bunch of my stolen pigs.

: It's not as easy as it looks.

: Right, well, since we're having an idiot parade today, let's see how the army is progressing.

: I'm not going to be punished?

: I think you learned a valuable lesson on your own, Bloodgut. Besides, it's natural that you would want to lead.

: Uh, Chief-

: Really, Chieftain?

: Chief!

: No. Not really. I will be holding you over hot coals for the rest of the evening and slowly whittling away at your scalp with a rock in the morning. That seems fair.

: Chief-mon! Our ship!

: Yeah, yeah. Stupid troll.

: I didn't even know about tha' one, mon.

: That's why I'm the Chiefomon. Now these humans have existed for far too long. First they try and disrupt our ritual to bring Vilefeast back, then they give Bloodgut the Island Crazies-

: What?

: Scalp whittling. Anyway, I think it's time to strike.

: Oh, yes. Time to strike.

: Let's just make a little landing zone...

: Perfect. Now, unleash the horde.

Having that many bloodlusts go off is music to the ears. And the carnage, by god, the carnage.

: See? That was easy. Now march!

: Wasn't this supposed to be a test for Vilefeast?

: Eh, I tested him. He's just... "normal." I don't think that the warlock did a damn thing to him. I mean, just look at him!

: Chieftain! Me blind! Help!

: For the love of- You have a hood on, you slackjawed troll!

: 'Ey, mon!

: I'd apologize, but to be frank, I don't really care.

: So, he's just... normal?

: I guess so. Kind of a serious let down.

: I noticed someting, mon.

: You mean something besides the fact that you can't decide on a consistent accent?

: We get so chatty when we attack, Chief. Ain't dat kinda dangerous?

: Explain a little better troll.

: I mean, ya s'pposed ta be leadin', Chief!

: Nonsense! Our troops seem... fine. Just fine. Yes. Errrr... REINFORCEMENTS!

: A most strategic move, Chieftain.

: Kissing my butt won't save you from your impending torture, peon.

: Well it's been awhile since I've been called that.

: As for that island; I think I may have an idea for it.

: Quite an idea.


: Holy-

: -Shit, mon.

That took about 10 seconds.

: Now then, what to do with this empty little island. Bloodgut! I have a new punishment for you!

: No scalp whittling?

: Go build me a damn fortress.

: This is taking the place of all the other stuff, right?


: Well, Chieftain?

: Does that look like a fortress to you, Bloodgut?

: Well-

: Does it?

: No...

: Ta-da!

: Bloodgut. You know what I want.

: But, Chieftain. It's utterly impractical! Those spires would never-


: ...ugh.

: Bwaha, almost ready for it's grand opening.

: I hate you.

: What was that?

: I, uh...

Part of the objective is to build a fortress upon that small island off the coast of Tyr's Hand. Does this fortress ever reappear in WoW Lore? Man, I really wish it did.

: He say... Victory.

: I'm so glad to have you back, Vilefeast.

: That's Zombie Lord Vilefeast to you, peon.