Part 13: Mission 13: Here There be VictoryEpisode 13: The Siege of Dalaran or Here There be Victory
: Alright, men! You've got your orders! Fall back!
: What the Nether is going on here?
: Oh, tank da gods ya's back, mon!
: Okay. Yeah. I didn't catch any of that. Why are the men pulling away from their posts?
: Following orders, Necksmasher. I have called for a full withdraw back to Blackrock Spire so that we may join Doomhammer's forces.
: That place smell funny.
: Woah, woah, woah... First off, it's Chieftain. Secondly, I didn't order any damn withdraw, so stay put. And secondly again, what's with that stupid helmet?
: I'll be taking no more orders from you, Necksmasher. I have heard the truest call in my veins! I am a born chieftain! I am-
: -an idiot. Get that stupid thing off your head. It belongs to a paladin and it reeks of overzealous bravado.
: I... what? My head...
: Chief, da Doomhammer sent word dat we should be fallin' back, mon. Da war be goin' south.
: Pfft. That idiot wouldn't know anything about battle strategy. When you go to war, you're always on the offensive!
: This is it? You couldn't get any more than this!?
: Most of the clans have joined back with Doomhammer to fall back to Blackrock. We're lucky to have these men.
: Alright... inventory.
: Me am here!
: Well, let's see. We have some indentured soldiers from the Stormreaver clan along with some ogres from Twilight's Hammer-
: Who foolishly thought to escape my wrath.
: -as well as handful of trolls that broke away from the Blackrock clan. Oh, and a few members of the Dragonmaw clan.
: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Charge you stupid, ignorant masses! We have a magical city to take!
: Magical city? Chieftain, you can't mean...
: Oh, no, mon. 'Dis is bad.
: Damn straight! We're putting their sissy little wizards to the torch!
: Dalaran!? You can't be serious!
: It's a town filled with wizards, how tough can they be? What are they going to do, summon more scorpions at us? Ooo, I'm so scared. Besides, I think we may have a secret weapon.
: Shh... me the secret weapon.
: Not this time, you mobile migraine. First things first, however.
Another of those missions where you have to run a small gauntlet with your units before you can set up a base. However, this gauntlet is pathetic (three footman in total) and the base you're given is easily defensible. I'm smelling shenanigans.
: Where exactly are we?
: Somewhere with a lot of sheep it seems.
: Sheepies! Tee hee!
: And now it's dead. These sheep belong to the humans, and anything human must be destroyed, lest they can leverage it against us.
: But disgustin'. Ugh.
: Sheepie innards! Tee hee!
: Chieftain, incom-
: Gotta respect those Twilight's Hammer ogres. If you start thinkin' the world's gonna end, you fight pretty damn fiercely.
: Back to business.
: Chief, ya got no heart, mon. Those sheep be people too.
: Sheep people? Baaaahh?
: You're kidding me, right, troll? Sheep are sheep. Also food. Occasionally they are a clever hiding place for goblin made explosives. Never people, however.
: Gold mine!
: But, Chief-
: Gold. Mine. Places, people!
: Like a well-oiled machine. Speaking of which; scouts!
: ...That my job.
: We've gone over this. You're valuable here, and your reports are often... inaccurate.
: Me treeports very uninaccurate! Me counted twelve squirrels, five deers, and one human. He dead, though.
: You don't even know what a squirrel is!
: It pointy eared thing that shoot arrows. Hide in trees. Collect nuts.
: That's an elf, Vilefea-
: Squirrels are the enemy, Zombie Lord! They're the thieves of pinecones everywhere!
: Ugh. Well, looks like the scout has returned. Oh, dear...
: Really, Blood-mon? Ya tink an ogre be da one ta send on da stealth mission?
: But I didn't-
: Yeah, "Blood-mon"! Why'd you send an ogre? Grab your weapons, forces!
: Ahh... ain't he adorable?
: I've been reading him some strange bedtime stories.
: Pinecones safe for another day! Zombie Lord Vilefeast, away!
: Chieftain, Vilefeast is storming forward.
: You just learn to roll with it, Bloodgut. If he's going to make a charge, let's make sure he's got some support.
: Maggy, could you escort these explosives to Vilefeast's position?
: Explosives? Dese be goblins, mon! Not just some explosives fer ya.
: Not this again. Sheep I can understand, but don't start telling me that goblins are people too. I've seen them eat; nothing alive should eat like that.
: ROLL IN THE BOMBS!
: D'ya see that? I'm pretty sure I heard giggling just as their limbs scattered across the field. People don't giggle as they explode.
: Vile-mon giggles as he tears off limbs.
: They fingers poke me ribs as they snap!
: Enough! Mag'face, you're going to learn a little something I perfected in the First War; something I call...
: The Impenetrable Wall of Pain.
: I know. I'm a genius.
: Permission ta go scouting, Chief?
: -da damn stupidest ting I ever heard. Dat no defense, hidin' in da open like dat.
: Eh? O', mon, dis be good. Gotta report dis back ta da Chief. Moron dat he be.
: ...What's wit all da sheep already? Dese mages must be makin' dere robes from da wool or somethin'.
Back at base...
: Eh, Bloodbelly! Where da Chief at?
: Necksmasher? He's, uh...
At the gates of Dalaran...
: Just look at this amazing defense. Not a soul shall pass by here!
: Alright, men! Just some mages in there, so let's test their defenses.
: Sooo... the defenses are good.
: They pass test.
Back at base...
: ...he's just surveying the troops.
: Well, enough about dat! We got us a new gold mine ta capture.
: Excellent. I'll send someone out immediately.
: Dat was fast.
: I just threaten them with putting on the paladin's helm again. They become very motivated.
: Cannon tower?
: I'm concerned for the outpost's defenses. You never know what those mages could send at us.
: Speaking of which, it may be a good time to figure out exactly what they have.
: Not a mage in sight. I suppose that the Alliance hasn't sent all of their men off in pursuit of War Chief Doomhammer. This plan looks like it won't-
: What de blazes be dat!?
: I... I thought they weren't real!
: Gryphons! I had only read of them in Stormwind's libraries...
: Da outpost is burnin' to da ground!
Introducing Gryphon Riders! They are the human equivalent to the dragon that we saw earlier. They have high damage, high hit points, and high speed. They have a number of drawbacks, but we'll touch on that later.
: Nice tower, mon!
: I don't build defenses with mythological creatures in mind!
: Jus' stand back!
A handful of spread-out ranged units are particularly effective at taking these targets out, actually.
: ..Hu...huff... See, mon? S'no problem.
Back at base...
: Bloodgut! I need those Dragonmaw boys up here! ...Bloodgut? Hrh... if you want something done...
: Yes, that's right you diminutive little runaway, you know what I want.
The Dragon Roost is much less a building and more of a dragon that's been captured to lay eggs for us. Well, not just any dragon, but Alexstrasza herself. This idea breaks down a little bit once you have multiple Dragon Roosts on the field, so I'm thinking these are some of her progeny. As well, training new units in a few minutes time I can understand, but entire adult dragons being born on the battlefield? Hmm.
: Bwahahaha! Those damned mages will never know what hit them.
: Come to think of it... more dragons is always a good thing.
Now let's actually talk about dragons here. They have more armor than a basic ogre, more damage, and they are flying! They may sound like a gift from heaven, but they have a few serious drawbacks. First off, they're insanely expensive (2500 gold; for reference, an ogre is 800 gold) and they can't be upgraded. They also utilize ship controls for movement, which means they cannot simply attack and move away. They have to pause a moment, which opens them up to serious counter attack. Finally, they have a habit of... well, damaging your own units. BUT WHO CARES? DRAGONS.
: Ah, this is awesome.
: Alright, that's it. I need to do this.
: Chieftain! The humans... they have gryphons!
: Yuh-huh. Okay, sure. Hey, could you be a pal and strap me in here?
: Oh, hey. What's up?
: CHIEFTAIN! What are you doing!?
: I'm sorry, I'm pretending you're not here right now. This moment is a little too amazing to be spoiled by you. Later!
: ...He's leading a squad of dragons into the home of the most powerful wizards on this world.
: Ah, dat could be argued.
: Mag'fon? Back from the outpost so soon?
: Ja, mon. An' dese wizards ain't da most powa'ful. Da elves... now those pale skins... Eeesh.
: I had read tales of the elves natural talent for magic, but so far I have seen no evidence.
: O', it true, Blood-mon. Da elves stole dis land from da trolls wit' dere powa'ful magics.
: Why aren't you guys paying attention to how damn amazing this is!? Woo!
: Well, I'll be damned. He made it pretty far in there. Alright, time to send in some support. I guess this wasn't such a bad idea after all.
: Ah, but ain't 'dis a little too easy? I mean, dey are mages afta' all.
: All their forces could be preoccupied with chasing down the War Chief.
: ...Or not.
: Where did dose sheep carcasses come from, mon?
So we haven't gotten to show this spell off on the human side yet: Polymorph. Whatever unit is targeted with the spell turns into a harmless little critter. Some of you may recall this spell from Warcraft III, however this has a sinister twist: It's permanent. Yes, that's right, it's an insta-kill spell that also blocks army movement. Pretty slick.
: Uh, oh.
: Hey, what'd I miss?
: Oh, Chief-mon, dis is bad. All dem sheep... all dem sheep we killed...
: Uh, huh. Care to interpret, Bloodgut?
: Well... Chieftain, it seems all those sheep were... well, former orcs who had been changed into those creatures.
: Is that all? Damn, thought we had a real problem. Well, I'm off to meet Vilefeast for some more destruction and mayhem and whatnot.
: Vilefeast? Where has he been?
: Hammer can be thrown? Short humans so smart! But how they get back?
At the Gates of Dalaran...
: Y'know... scouting. That sort of thing.
: Anyway, you two did fine before-
: I denied the men rations and forced them to march with timbers on their backs for weeks on end when I was left in charge "before."
: -Right. You two did fine. Anyway, you handle to ground assault while Vilefeast and I handle the cool assault. Hi, ho, Morningbreath! Away!
: Vilefeast! How goes the attack?
: Almost all birdie-men dead. Still giant birdie to fight. It big and scary! Like Vilefeast mom.
: You have a mother? Nevermind, of course you do. I think. That's not a giant bird, you stupid little bundle of joy, it's a...
The Gryphon Aviary just looks so... strange among human structures. They really took the time to put up a massive gryphon statue to advertise, "YES WE HAVE GRYPHONS HERE" or are they really just that egotistical?
: Okay, yeah, it's a giant bird.
In the Dalaran Courtyard...
: Surely their magicks are exhausted by now.
: Why ya sayin' dat word so strangely?
: Why do you say all of your words so strangely?
: Dat's fair.
: The gates are clear! Onward men to victory! Hurry before Nigel starts burning this place down around us.
: I tink even he would glance down, mon.
: I mean... he might.
: ...No. He wouldn't even care, mon. Damn. I joined da wrong orcs.
: Dat was-
: -Remarkably easy, yes. Where are all the mages of Dalaran?
Elsewhere, in the soaring spires of Dalaran...
: Bwahaha! Feeble and pathetic humans! Your magic cannot affect my mighty steed! Onward, Morningbreath!
(Before I'm corrected, yes it can.)
: Rawr! Attack, Francine!
: Francine pretty name. Like dragon.
: I don't know if that's you saying that or your atrophied brain.
: That silly, my brain not a trophy.
: I've moved past listening to you; watching hoary beards sizzle in the afternoon sun.
: You say bad word!
: Yes, Vilefeast. I said a bad word. I'd tell you never to say it, but you aren't even smart enough to pronounce it.
: How did your air assault go, Chieftain?
: Oh, Morningbreath and I are just beginning our wondrous partnership.
: That's... creepy. And Vilefeast how about yo-
: YOUR MOTHER A HOARY BEARD.
: I- What?
: No, seriously, what?