The Let's Play Archive

Warcraft II

by Azzur

Part 14: Mission 14: Warcraft II: Retcon Harder

Episode 14: The Fall of Lordaeron or Warcraft II: Retcon Harder

: Listen up, you worms! I'm taking charge of things here. Where Doomhammer has faltered, I shall prevail. You don't win wars by holing up in a rock, you win wars by bashing in their holes with rocks!

: ...You may wish to rephrase that heroic speech.

: Shut up. The point is, we're going to win this war. We take this battle to the humans! Who stands with me!?

: Aye, mon!

: Me stand all the time anyway!

: ...

: Bloodgut. Really.

: Our forces are scattered! The humans are bearing down on Doomhammer as we speak! We've lost don't you understand!?

: Put this on your head and shut up. Now then...

: Let's burn this fucker down.

: For the Horde!

: ...I'm sure I'll regret that. Maggy, you take Sir Bloodgut eastward. Vile and I will make preparations here.

: Ya... ya trustin' me, mon?

: Just shut up and keep tabs on the humans.


: A'ight, Blood-mon. Our job is reconnaissance. We jus' gotta-

: You lot! Get those farms up! I want this base erected yesterday!

: Eh! Bloodbelly! We ain't here ta do that!

The final mission of the orc campaign is... actually very easy. You're given two bases, which I will appropriately refer to as "Gold Base" and "Lumber Base." Now, both have the resources available, but it's important to separate them. We'll see why in just a little bit.

: We must act, troll, not react. If we are passive for even a moment, the humans will wash over us like a tide of steel and flesh.

: Ehh... 'kaaay...

Back at Nigel's base...

This tower here at Gold Base is part of what makes this mission so easy. It actually comes built at the start and, with only a little defense, stands as an impassible barrier to the attacking humans.

: To the tower, men! The humans know of our arrival, so I'm taking no chances.

Case in point. The AI almost always sends their units directly at the tower. If you start harvesting lumber from the Gold Base, you'll immediately lose this barrier and... well, death.

: Oh, Chieftain smart! Know about humans!

: Of course, Vilefeast. I've been a Chieftain and a general for many seasons now. I'm a genius when it comes to these matters.

Grabbing a peon or two from the nearby gold mine means that the tower will hold even under the most daring assault.

: Now then... we have to start looking about cracking this nut.

: ...or not.

Oh, of course the enemy attacks amazingly frequently. Mind that tower...

: Maybe we can get some progress done around here. Now if we can just-


: Like dream me can't wake up from.

: At least the goblins are still working... at severely hiked wages...

: Chieftain! Robo-squirrels!

: Just... just take care of it.

: Go me minions! Me am Zombie Lord Vilefeast! Smash!

: Heehee... me have minions.

: Hey, that's great, big guy. A few more of those and we'll be almost there.

: -almost there.

: Bloodgut? How did you-?

: Chieftain! Humans!

:'s just a small oil operation, Vilefeast. Not a cause for concern.

: Me concernstipated.

: Did you see Bloodgut around here? I could have sworn I heard him a moment ago.


: See? I've done as the Chieftain asked. The humans are there. Now can we focus on the plan?

: Plan? What plan, mon? We wait here fer further orders.

: Spoken like a true underling. Have the men clear this... forest, if one would deign call it so. When that is accomplished, we shall move into the second phase.

: What about da humans?

: What about da humans?

: We should be alright...

: Don't worry about the humans!

Back at Nigel's base...

: Hurry now! That tower cannot-

: -fall.

Gryphon riders do tend to kill the peons repairing the tower, however...

: Chieftain! Zombie Lord smash!

: Why yes he does. Now, I want a new tower erected immediately.

I hope you all slap your heads as hard as I did when you see this image.

: A cannon tower! That'll keep those humans at bay. Just as long as there aren't any more-

: Why can't I finish my sentences today?

: I'll give 'em da axe if dey get too close!

: Mag'fon? How'd you get here?

: Nice shot.

: Nice shot.

: Ow. My head. Maggy? Where'd you go?

: Chieftain? You okay? Talk to yourself more than usual.

: Just a little headache, you big dumb animal. I need an ETA on those... uh...

: Turtles? Yes. We'll need them for this assault.

: Big turtle!

: Eh? When did we get a dragon roost? Have I been-

: -passed out-

: -or something? Ah, who cares? Dragons!

: Chieftain, turtle-dragon found humans! Not smash very good though.

: Alright, men, to your stations!

: Oh... well done.

: Me good teacher. Show all parts of white sticks that can be breaked.

: Broken, actually. Ah, why the Nether am I trying to teach you this? I have more important things to do.

: For instance...

: Prepare to feast on flames you dirty humans!

: 'Ey, Chief!

: Maggy, I asked to have these humans cleared out by now!

: Ah! It ain't me, mon! It's-

: Bloodbelly, he ain't respondin'.

: -to anything I say!

: Well, that's certainly strange. In a lot of different ways. Did you get all echo-y just now?

: Mon?

: Hey, Bloodgut! You letting that helm get to your head again?

: Ah, Chieftain Necksmasher. Just in time. I've just been working to construct a naval force able to break through the human lines. Don't mind the blathering of my subordinate.

: Subordinate!?

: Easy, Tusks. I'm diggin' the gumption, Bloodgut.

: You don't understand, Chieftain. We're-

: -almost out of time. We have to get there before the humans can-

: -really dig in.

: I... yeah. Is anyone else feeling a little funny?

Back at Nigel's base...

: Oh, right. Yes, ogres. I'll need those to take over Lordaeron. More ogres, Vilefeast!

: Me good teacher. Show all parts of white sticks that can be breaked.

: Broken, actually... wait. Didn't we just go over this?

: Chieftain?

: I think I'm coming down with something. Maggy, let's see those scouting reports.

: Ah, Chief. The resistance is... minimal.

: Really minimal, mon.

: That can't be. This is a dream come true!

: Well, the castle itself is still-

: -surrounded by humans.

: No matter! We'll crush them beneath the boot of the great Chieftai- no, the great War Chief, Nigel Necksmasher!

: What are your orders, War Chief?

: That's more like it! I want several transports constructed and filled with the ogres that Vilefeast has been training.

: Me good teacher. Show all parts of white sti-

: -can be breaked. Yes, I get it Vilefeast! Jeez.

: Bloodgut, you'll handle the seas. Harry their transports and destroyers to send them into disarray.

: -send them into disarray.

: Maggy, you're on base detail. Soak the ground of their ancestors with the blood of their children.

: What about you, War Chief-mon?

: Me? Well, I...

: ...I play.

: Hahaha! I don't care what voices I'm hearing! This is good ol' fashioned fun!

: 'Ey, War Chief! We got company!

: Just one scraggly-bearded dwarf and his pet bird. Take care of it!

: -scraggly-bearded dwarf-

: Aye, War Chief!

: Got 'em, mon.

: Vilefeast? What's going on?

: War Chief! We have... haha, attackers.

: They're attacking head on?

: They're attacking head on!

: Even as they are crushed, still the humans struggle. Your command, War Chief?

: Ready the men.

: We take the battle to the humans!

: Strike at their shores! Clear the path for our transports!

: Allow me, War Chief. Our turtles are as deadly as they are stealthy.

: This is all too easy. Knights? Knights to guard your shores!? Fools!

: War Chief, we have some survivors trying to escape.

: No matter. Vilefeast will see to their destruction.

: Me master of high seas!

: Erh, War Chief-mon? When did Vile-mon learn ta pilot da boats?

: Irrelevant!

: I'mma reverent!

: Maggy, are my transports ready?

: Aye, mon!

: Then let's do this.

: Reheehee... me all a tingle!

: There's a shiver running down my spine. I... I can't wait, I've never been so close.

: -so close!

: Now attack! Attack, you unchained dogs!

: Chieftain! Chieftain!

: No, Bloodgut. Don't interrupt me! I've waited so long for this!

: I've waited so long! They forced me to endure long marches. They made me sacrifice my life in the pursuit of their demise! They... they killed Vilefeast!

: Get da Chief away from dat wizard!

: They've been following us this whole time! I can't shake 'em!

: Would you two shut up!? You're ruining this for me!

: Hahahaha! BURN! BURN!

: Where are you, thief!? I saw you land here somewhere!

: Hah... eh?

Orc Final Cinematic, Viddler, or Youtube

: Victory! Hahaha, VICTORY!

: Chieftain, please! You have to wake up!


: Chieftain! We have to hurry, you were sleeping and we-

: There you are!

: ...Huh.