The Let's Play Archive

Warcraft II

by Azzur

Part 17: Mission 3: Cannonballs

Episode 3: Southshore or Cannonballs

: Alright, Lord Terenas has orders-

: Ah, yes, Lord Terenas. Seriously, do we even get to be debriefed by the king or anything? He's just always talking to you directly.

: Aye, y'know I find that a lil' strange, lad. Ne'er once did he talk ta me, always had ta "go through tha proper channels."

: Indeed... you're hiding something, Varin.

: I have no reason to-

: Look at that boat!

: 'E's changin' tha topic, and I... eh? Wat's them lil' critters there?

: Ruku, I'll allow your ignorance for the fact that you're just a dwarf.

: 'Oi! Wats that's suppos'd ta mean!?

: It means that you're to be our captain for our sailing voyage today!

: No, it means he's as dumb as two goblins tied together.

: I suppose tha's better than one goblin.

: Gaz... Ruku... would you let me speak, for once?

: You'll have to call me Lord Ravigaz if you want my attention.

: Aye! And I'm Lord Firefist!

: ...Just get in the boat.

: Where the hell did you get a crown?

: I made it. It's mine and ya cannae have it.

: By the Light, is that made of bone?

: Aye, those trolls 'ad some ta spare.

: I don't know if I should fear you, hate you, or admire you.

: Alright, Ruku, these are oil patches. I need you to scout out their locations so that Lord Ravigaz and I can start construction on oil platforms.

: Yuh-huh. Oil, s'okay.

: Now just bring us close to the shore so that we can get to work on additional ships.

: Troll!

: Wait, wait! Shore! Shore!


: Ruku!

: Ka-boom.

: His arm is stuck in a tree. A foot deep, too.

: You disobeyed a direct order and used unnecessary force on a helpless adversary!

: Dry yer eyes, Cap'n. First off, I'm paid by tha crown, not ye. I have me own orders. Secondly, 'e was 'ardly an adversary. I mean, lookit how 'e blew up!

: Ugh... that dwarf. I can only imagine what trouble he's getting into out on the sea.

: I don't know, I think I kind of like the little guy.

: Oh, of course, now you like him. So long as he does what he's told, I'll keep him hired.

Upon Ruku's ship...

: Wat was I doin' ag'in? Oooh! Orc homes!

: Gwahahahaha!

Back at base once more...

: Right, well let's get a lumber mill up. We can start preparing the wood for our ships there.

: So what is that we're doing out here again?

: Well, actually... due to our reckless behavior at Tarren Mill, we're on probation.

: Again; we're out here... why?

: Admiral Proudmoore needed some additional help getting oil for his battleships, so he put out a call for help and-

: ...this sounds like we're on the lamest quest in the world. And a quest for Kul Tiras no less.

: Something you have against Kul Tiras?

: Meat-headed marines who wouldn't know good magic if it flooded their lawns and gave them green grass to play in.

: What is with you and lawn care?

: Orc.

: Yeah, yeah, don't dodge the question.

: There's nothing between me and lawn care. I was just being helpful! So what if a few homes were flooded?

: Is it weird that all mages I talk to rationalize things this way?

: Just makes sense to me. Mage's motto: "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing with magic." Preferably with fireballs too.

: Alright, back on point here; our lumber mill is up and ready.

And here we have... well, the same thing you saw over in the orcish mission. Sorry the first few missions are mirrored, making things a little repetitive, but at least you can see that notching your arrows makes them stronger!

: Alright, townsfolk! Get to work on our shipyard, and everyone gets all the seal blubber they can eat!


: Did that man just get hit with an axe?

: Several, yes. Must be some strange medical condition. I say we ignore it.

: Ugh. I'll take care of it.

: Ah ha!

: Sorry for that assault, fair citizen.

: Yeah, now get back to work.

: How's that for motivation?

: ...Proudmoore is going to hang me.

Meanwhile, aboard the S.S. Firefist...

: Sorry, orcs! Ruku's in town!


: 'Oi! Me ship! Git back here ye dirty troll!

Those bastards are always interrupting me.

: Ack! They have ships! They have ships!

: that Ruku's ship?

: It was.

: Well, I guess we don't have to pay him now.

: Man, just when I was getting close to being able to stand the smell...

: Are ye bastards talkin' aboot me when I ain't even dead yet!?

: ...oh, he lived. Woo hoo.

: Oh, I see ye made anotha' boat fer me! Thank ya kindly!

: Wait, that was my-

: ....boat.

: And what's done is done!

: Ruku...

: You are the worst sea captain ever.

: Yeah, look at all the water you took on. Do you even know what you're doing out there?

: I know enough to reconfigure ye're boats. They're not dwarf compliant!

: My ship!

: Looks like a gnome exploded in here.

: How... how am I suppose to pilot my ship now!?

: Well... I can take this one, an' ye can get another.

: Wow, he's walking all over you. I'm going on a quest to go find your spine.

: Only enough oil to build this destroyer...

: Ach! I know where we can git more. Follow me!

: I may as well. I'll be peeling potatoes for the marines by the end of this.

: See? Jus' gotta blow some holes in 'em first!

: Ruku, your ship looks...

: Amazing?

: Not the word I would use.

: Let's get some tankers out here to capitalize on our efforts.

: Tell 'em to bring a refuel of ale. I'm runnin' dry.

: I didn't think it would be this easy. I wonder how Gaz is handling things back at camp.

Back at camp...

: So bored.

*poke, poke*

: Hey, seal. Entertain me.

*poke, poke*

: Come on, you squishy bastard. Do a trick.

*poke, poke*

: I really wish something interesting would happen already. This is more boring than Dalaran lectures.

*poke, po-*


: What. The. Fuck.

So for those of you who haven't heard by now, if you poke a critter in WCII too much, it will explode. Y'know, just like a regular seal.

: Oh, hey Gaz, I see we had enough oil for another destroyer.

: Guysguysguys!! Ipokedasealanditblewupandtherewasfireeverywhereandohgoditwasamazing.

: Ya, critter blubber's one o' me main ingredients when I'm makin' me explosives. Powerful stuff.

: How can you act some calm!? We're surrounded by walking time bombs!

: I'm a little more concerned with being surrounded by orcs.

: Ye call that surrounded? C'mon! Let's blow their oper'rations!

: I can't believe you two.

: Our last tanker is in place. We can return to Kul Tiras, I suppose.

: An' the orcs won't be usin' this outpost e'er agin!

: Am I the only one concerned about exploding seals?

: Yes.

: The platform's going up. I should say that Proudmoore will be quite... proud of us. Ha, ha.

: ...

: Also, ye dun know when to shut yer trap, eh? I believe it was a dwarf named Murphy wat coined tha phrase.

: Orcs.

: Well, let's blow 'em to the twistin' Nether!

: Hey, Cap'n? Ain't this "unnecessary force"?

: Oh, fuck yes it is! Let's do this!

: I have to agree with Gaz here. ...without the profanities.

: Ye dun swear? Wat kind life is that?

: A depressing one. Less talking more explosions!

: Alright, enough talk about my vernacular. We have the oil that the Admiral needs. We can pack up and head to Kul Tiras.

: So if he's afraid to cut loose, how do ye celebrate?

: One glass of wine is enough for me.

: ...ugh.

: Hey, Ruku, let me borrow some of your ale. I have a plan...