Part 70: Our Long Fantasy Nightmare Is Over (Part 4)
CUTSCENE: Shut It Down!
Yeah, I know, the games nowhere good enough to end on a 30 Rock joke, but whatever, it fits whats about to happen next, so lets roll with it.
So after getting absolutely clobbered by Orren in a battle the game will not recognize in any way what-so-ever, the Demon Knight collapses to its knees and begins to disintegrate.
Hopefully it takes Shit For Brains with it when it goes
Poor Madoras, he spends 10,000 years trapped in a busted ass Knight, has to wait for the right collection of idiots to be goaded into reassembling his soul by Ledom, possesses the body of a 50 twat with an IQ of -80, gets his buffed up Knight trashed by a personalitiless mute that wasnt really even an actual character in the game, and now to cap everything off, hes about to be murdered by Cisna.
Im not actually joking about that last one. Cisna is about to kill the motherfucker. For 100% real.
The God-Empress of All Creation, Long May She Reign charges up her most bullshit of Bullshit Athwani Magic.
Cisna: Give me strength!
No, seriously, she just launched a beam of blue light at him Ryu from Street Fighter-style.
What else can you literally do at this point BESIDES shout out HADOKEN!
Madoras: Can this day get any fucking worse?
Madoras: Oh gods
Madoras: Fuck my
Cisna: Die motherfucker, die motherfucker, die motherfucker, SQUEAL!
So theres the final nail in the coffin of Failure that is Leonard. Becomes the final boss of his own video game, and then the guy who possessed him is defeated by the woman he spent half the duology failing to rescue.
Literally every character in this game is now officially more badass and competent than Leonard.
Madoras: Mureas You SHE-DEVIIIIIIIIIIL!!!
Cisna: Say my name, bitch. Say. My. Name!
Take a penultimate shot.
So theres Leonards last line in the game, and its a perfect summation of his entire character arc in the game: feebly crying out to the woman who doesnt actually share his affections and ultimately drowned up by another character with a better screen presence than he has.
Im serious. Leonards CISNA! is a feeble whine, while Madoras CISNA! is a full-blown, top-of-lungs, rage-filled roar in hatred and defiance.
Cisna: Fuckin RIGHT!
CUTSCENE MUSIC: Fly My Blue Bird! Fly! (English Version) (Game 2 OST, Track 22)
Take one final shot.
This is also Cisnas last line in the game, and it too is appropriate to her character, as its an expression of confused shock that Leonard is somehow still a thing in her life.
Also, the ending credits music kicks in right here so we are now literally SECONDS away from the game being over.
Cisna stops her deathray for a moment on the off chance that maybe Leonard can still (against all reason for it) be saved from Madoras clutches.
Madoras: Mureas Ugh... Must you always
Madoras: STAND IN MY WAY!!!
Cisna: See ya in another 10,000 years, jackass. Next time, were doing this in SPACE!
And then he just sort of disappears in a massive fart of darkness.
Oh hey, twatzillas back.
Lovely. Resume your natural place in the world, dipshit.
Faceplant. Leonards in his place, alls right with the world.
Hey, this game does have a happy ending.
Cisna: I am Whats that emotion you feel when you get all warm and pleasant inside your gut?
Cisna: Not even close. Also, fainting now.
Eldore: The hell?
Eldore: Your Grace!
Cisna: Muuugh Donnnt ugh tell anyone about *hic* this Or Ill have you . Uuuug drawn and quartered. If anyone asks, I won all by my urk self.
Orren: Nows our chance. Lets ditch the both of them and run for it.
On cue, the Garmatha begins to shake and crumble because just like the Black Usurper was the last time around for the Dogma Rift Temple, Emperor Madoras was its Load-Bearing Boss, despite the fortress pre-existing him by like half-an-hour.
So were at least going to have some measure of an ending like last time right?
Whys the timecode on my VLC player say -00:10?
Caesar: Hey guys! We gotta go! Like now!
And theres the thesis statement for the games ending. Fuck it, were out of money, shut it down and run!
Also, heres another one for the Leonard Highlight Reel: ending the game by having his unconscious body dragged off screen by the better written replacement for him and the childhood crush who his stupidity crushed her soul into diamond dust.
And there it is, the last spoken line of dialog for White Knight Chronicles storyline. The game ends on Eldore telling everyone to hurry the hell up and try to outrun the ending.
Orren: So wait, are we literally just
Eldore: Yes, Niles, were running away from the ending. Just be glad they had the budget for this last shot or it would have ended two seconds ago with us just standing there.
Orren: Point taken. Wait up, old fart!
Well, that certainly was a thing and it happened. And you cant take that away from anyone.
Congratulations, Akihiro Hino! You made something. Im not really sure what to call it. All I know is that you did it.
Boy, did you fucking do it
Epilogues up next folks. Stay tuned.
- 16.1 - Take Er In Easy, Osmund
- 16.2 - The FINAL Final Showdown
- 16.i - Game 2 Final Boss Gauntlet
- 16.3 - The Crowning Moment of Stupid
- 16.4 - Emperor Madoras, I Assume?
- 16.5 - Shut It Down!