Part 36: Crisis of Faith
Chapter 36 - Crisis of Faith
:With a good number of soldiers trained in the use of psionic attacks, the next small UFO we shot down was going to be a test of those psionic skills. The plan was to use the tank and a few psi-weak spotters to locate the aliens, and let the majority of soldiers, who remained on the Skyranger, attack their minds. Hopefully we could control the aliens and make them kill each other.
UFO 56 -
Zander, Some Internet Guy, Pipgirl, Willcrouch, Raptus, Cooked Auto, Priest,
Roar, Count Drunkula and Jetsetlemming attending
Count Drunkula: Let's do something simple first. Panic attack. Now everyone, THINK!
Otto Zander: There's no way to tell. We'll have to observe and see how the Sectoid reacts.
Bovines: You know what that means!
Bovines: It does when it means I get to pilot next mission, and get closer to first dibs on the hovertank.
Bovines: I didn't need to, your shitty piloting skills doomed you.
Bovines: Bring it. This will be more action than you'll typically see on one of your tank missions.
Roar: Righty-o then. Fellow psi-losers! Let's show our mental freaks how to effectively kill an alien!
Roar: Sectoid in the barn, second level. Wait, never mind, I got it. Thank God for power armor! I was really tired of the med-bay.
Jetsetlemming: They didn't give me any power armor.
Roar: They didn't give you the twelve electroflares you asked for either.
Jetsetlemming. I just want to help. By flaring.
Roar: Try shooting the Sectoid instead.
Jetsetlemming: I did it!
Roar: See, isn't that gun better? How could you have killed that Sectoid with a flare?
Jetsetlemming: Master Ninja tactic two-four-one.
Roar:...let's...let's just go surround the UFO. You're creeping me out. And I'm Roar so that's saying something.
Roar: Alright Priest, get over here.
Some Internet Guy: Now you may have noticed that Roar and I like to live. The UFO is probably full of Sectoids, so what we want you to do is go inside, everyone else will try to mind control a Sectoid.
Priest: And if they don't?
Roar: Shoot yourself.
Priest: You know, that's actually clever.
Some Internet Guy :*snicker*
Priest: Oh Lord!
:Even though we were all trained and capable, not one person was able to make a successful psi-attack. We simply didn't have enough practice.
Priest: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow...
Priest: OF MY DEATH!
Priest: THERE IS NO GOD.
Jetsetlemming: Whoa, calm down man. They can fix you up good as new. And you seem to have dropped your collar.
Some Internet Guy: Now why risk the potential death of an uninjured soldier? Reload that launcher and get back in there Priest!
Priest: Lead us from the unreal to real...
Otto Zander: I'm thinking as hard as I can, but it's just not working!
Priest: Fine, this will be goodnight then.
Roar: Hey, good job not getting stunned! Two close quarters stun explosions and they didn't even phase you!
Priest: I'm bleeding...
Some Internet Guy: So? You're not a Jehovah's Witness, we can get you some transfusions at the base. Let's clean up and get out of here.
SELECTED FAN ENTRIES BELOW
Audio playback begun
This is Trainee Torlon reporting and things have gone for weird to pure horror rather fast around here. As it turns out the voices I heard are correct, the base in
was attacked and is now basically gone. This worries me because now they seem to be talking about lobstermen and deep ones, the last thing I need is to have my soul eaten by Cthulhu. That being said what just happened to me I think will haunt my nightmares more then giant soul eating squids. This needs a little explanation, first off I used to be part of the Red Alert project. More importantly I was part of the division that was responsible for creating sonic weapons that can be operated by dolphins and Dr. Takakumi requested my research on it. At first I didn't think anything of it, I thought maybe they wanted a sonic weapon to use on the aliens. How wrong I was. Japan
Being considered crazy I got stuck with some of the other crazies, like the "Captain" from my first log. Granted I do hear strange voices no one else can hear, which would be Schizophrenia thus making me crazy. But I digress, basically I had to go find Captain Crazy and after an hour of searching I found him in one of the hangers. After awhile of him trying to convince me that the mole people are trying to get us and me trying to convince him to go back to his room I heard this strange noise. Clang, Clang, Clang, and then it started to speed up. I turn to see where it's coming from and I see a bright flash and hear a whoosh noise, then soon I see one of the most frightening things I've seen in my entire life! I included a picture of that moment that a security officer was kind enough to give me.
Now I don't really know what happened to Captain Crazy but I can't imagine he's feeling too good. I mean an armor plated rocket propelled cat pouncing on your back can't be good for your spine. The cat landed on him sending him flying. They landed at my feet, the poor guy face down on the ground and Mecha-Cat sitting on top of him just looking at me and swinging its tail. I backed out of the door then ran once I couldn't see the cat. The security officer showed me the playback and it seems the Captain was drug off by the cat but I decided it was better for me if I didn't know where it ended up.
On the plus side just glancing at the tail I gathered the armor is not complete which would spell trouble for the cat. After all rocket propulsion plus nonarmor plated tail would equal one very unhappy cat with a burnt tail in mechanized combat armor, a scary thing indeed. Granted that makes sense, the hardest part would be making the suit operatable by an animal but I was the one who made the break through there for the Red Alert project, after all animals have natural defensive and attack movements and it's just a matter programming the system to respond to them. But I digress, the second hard part, which we never really figured out, was how to armor the unique flexible parts of animals such as a tail or a fin. I haven't personally worked with the alien alloys so I don't know how light weight and flexible they are but I suppose a fire resistant plastic would be better then nothing at all.
Anyways things are crazy here but I'm slowly learning how to live longer. For example I now keep cat treats and a ball of yarn on me incase I hear a "Clang, clang, whoosh" noise. Cat treats to the left and yarn to the right then hit the dirt and pray.
Trainee Torlon signing off.
Janitor Log, "Blowupologist"
The science department has been so impressed with my janitorial research efforts that they've promoted me to Janitor FIRST CLASS. Apparently this qualifies me to use some of the more advanced cleaning products XCOM has developed, including something called a blaster bomb. This little baby is a life saver! It means I can now clean things WITHOUT EVER LEAVING MY CLOSET!
And frankly that's a good thing. Lost is on!
Unfortunately it's not perfect. I'm only authorized to use the blaster bomb on Grade XIX and up stains. Those are most commonly associated with the vivisection pens and the Skyranger interiors after a mission. Plus I have to be very careful about how I set my waypoints. I had to clean up another janitor after he inadvertently walked between two waypoints while I was engaged in a cleaning operation. Command has mandated that specialized "Cleaning Operation in Progress" signs, warning lights, and klaxons be installed throughout the base.
The hangar klaxons have just arrived, so I guess that means I'll have to clean the Skyranger again. I have to admit I kind of feel bad every time the soldiers leave for another operation. I wish they would let me clean up in the field.
-Janitor FIRST CLASS Blowupologist
Diary, L. Takakumi, 6/1
Ms. Cuddles is so very, very naughty. I had to have a talk with her today after she escaped the lab while we were testing her new Mobile Elerium Operated Weapon (MEOW) and apparently she decided to start playwrestling with one of the soldiers.
Of course, the MEOW increases her strength exponentially, so the poor man was rather bedraggled by the end of it. When I finally got my naughty kitty back home I proceeded to scold her quite sternly and she was very sorry by the end of it!
Still, though, the propulsion system worked perfectly! Now if I can figure out how to add in shoulder-mounted plasma cannons my army of flying death-kitties can begin training, and then the aliens will be toast!
Though Allen seems to think that that's not the best of ideas claiming that 'Cats aren't that smart', and when I point to Ms. Cuddles, 'Lily, you really need a week or fifty in the psych ward.' He's so silly sometimes! But he did make a point that it might be easier if I try redesign the MEOW for human use instead. Humans are somewhat easier to train, and more importantly, they are far more dispensable than kitties are.
That last bit is what convinced me. I will definitely finish Ms. Cuddles' MEOW unit, and I am not stopping till I get her miniaturized shoulder-mounted plasma cannons, but after that I guess I'll adapt it for human use as well. It shouldn't be much more than a simple power suit modification, come to think.
Also, Allen tells me some soldier keeps muttering about how I gave him permission to clean using some sort of remote-guided explosive launcher. That's silly - I don't even know how the launcher system works yet on account of us not capturing one. We captured some weird sort of 'bomb' when we destroyed the Hive, but we're a ways away from getting it working.
But really, this is Xcom. Everyone here but Allen, Otto, Ms. Cuddles, and myself is either completely insane, delusional, imcompetent, a talentless hack, or all of the above in the case of my so-called 'boss'.
Cooked Auto posted:
From the belongings of X-Com Operatiove *name withheld*. Codename Cooked Auto
Sorry I havent been writing to you for a while. A lot of thing have happened and I might as well begin from the top.
Finally managed to find out where I landed, apparently I'm in Italy of all places. I'll try to bring you back something as a souvenir.
The survivors from Japan are back and the country is lost to the aliens. In the end eight made it out. Well seven and a cat. Yes. I said a cat. Apparently this is a very special cat, apparently belongs to one of the female survivors, a Dr Lily something-something. Cant remember her last name. But it sounded very asian. She's part of the research team here on the base under a Drk Markus. She doesnt look all that bad but according to the rumors she's a bit odd in the he- *the paper is covered in large swats of tipex. One can faintly see the word Don't at one place*
I forgot to tell you, Lily is protected by something. According to the stories Ive heard in the mess hall, she had a "thing" so to say with one of the squad leaders who then got killed during a mission. So now apparently his restless spirit is inhabiting the base and anything bad is mentioned about Lily he'll cause a storm.
Although that has lead to some amusing events such as Lily new research assistant, some Wren guy, making some "research" into that in the Dr Markus lab. (Whom I've heard rumors about Lily really despising. Seems like a swell guy. Must be researcher envy or something) Heard that the janitors had a blast cleaning that mess up.
Enough of other women. You're the love of my life and you'll always be. Hope you're still thinking of me. Because I do.
So far no one has found me out on adding alien meat into the food and Ive been covertly checking medical logs to see if anything has been reported. All Ive seen is some cases of loose bowels but its nothing to worry about. I've done some experiments off duty and come to the conclusion that not all aliens are ediable, especially the ones from the Japanese incident. And they greys sorta work, even if they perhaps lack a bit of meat on their bones. But they work anyway. The stuff is delicious though, especially with the right spice mixes.
Im still a bit anxious to see if there's any long time effects. Hopefully I havent managed to doom ourselves in some hidden way. It does make our stocks last a bit longer. And no one will really be any wiser. Amazing how a dinner, a movie and some decent wine can help you go ways. Especially if it's the female storage supervisor. And no. I didnt sleep with her. Like you've not done someone when I wasnt around. Remember that little thing involving that Marine?
I'm sorry, I didnt want to anger you. But sometimes you have to do certain things to get what you need. And I've learned from the best haven't I?
I had my second mission a while ago. A small ship just to try out our new psychic warfare department. And I'm one of the trainees from that program. Apparnetly all I had to do was to remain back in the transport and try to use my new mind powers on the aliens. (Makes me wonder if I can suddenly start do mind reading or something. Better not think about it.)
The results were a bit... mixed so to say. (Hearing the two tank pilots squabble over the radio was a riot though) But for some reason command sought fit to promote me to Captain. Makes you wonder how the brass really thinks sometimes. Made it through two missions so far and I hope I'll see you soon some day. Love you.