The Let's Play Archive

X-COM: UFO Defense

by GuavaMoment

Part 51: In which Walter "Cools" Andrews Kills Everyone*

Chapter 51: In which Walter "Cools" Andrews Kills Everyone*


UFO 85 - Finland


Otto Zander, Cooked Auto, Jetsetlemming, Kevbo, Jimmy Tango, John Ryker, Ted Hill, The Casualty, Max Powers, Kaider, Cowcaster, Coolswa, David Corbett, Hentaikid, Sad King Billy attending

: Larger and larger UFOs were starting to come to Earth, more than we could deal with. UFO 85 caught our attention though. It was both a new type of UFO we've never seen, and it was crewed by the Ethereals. We knew we wanted to capture this one. We followed it in our newly constructed Lightning, and waited for it to land. While the Lightning was equipped with a plasma beam, we wanted the keep the UFO intact.

Ted Hill: So seriously, what do we know about these Ethereals?

Kevbo: Nothing, that's why were here!

Ted Hill: It's way too dark to see anything properly.

Ted Hill: Hold on! There it is, I can't get a good look at it, it's wearing an orange cloak.

Otto Zander: Let's see how vulnerable they are to psionics. I'm going to try and get it...

Cooked Auto: Don't bother, I have it.

Cooked Auto: Oh, now this is and odd feeling. I feel all energetic and tired, strong and weak at the same time. It's hard to explain.

Hentaikid: Move it closer to the ship, I want to see if it's cute.

Cooked Auto: I'm trying to. I'm neither walking, nor flying, this is very odd.

Hentaikid: I'll stun it in a bit, we can get a good look under the cloak later.

Jetsetlemming: Yeah, I can fly. Hey Walter, set up camp at the base of the stairs.

Coolswa: Sure thing, boss. Give me the word and I'll blow up anything you want.

Jetsetlemming: How much training have you received with the Blaster Launcher?

Coolswa: Eh, I've was as much training as I need.

Cooked Auto: Hey! My Ethereal is getting shot at! How'd they know I was controlling it?

Ted Hill: Maybe it's because you were hjrkh!

Hentaikid: We're under fire! We lost...lost, uh...who the hell was that?

Hentaikid: Hey Ted! Why'd you shoot that one? Cooked had it under OH SHIT POINT THAT AWAY!

Jimmy Tango: BALLS TO THIS, I'M OUT.

John Ryker: Calm down men! I've nailed one of them outside!

John Ryker: But there's one more somewhere taking shots at me!

Kaider: Hey Ted? You alright? Zander, can you look at Ted?

Otto Zander: Dammit, he's under their control! Ethereals have psionic weaponry. I'm going to have to take him out.

Kaider: Couldn't you have shot him in the leg?

Otto Zander: Sorry, we need to be sure he's not going to shoot us in the back.

Cooked Auto: I have a good line of sight on the last one.

Cooked Auto: And it's down!

Jetsetlemming: Hold on, I think there may be one more...

Jetsetlemming: Yeah, it's under a lot of cover. Cools, you think you can take out the alien and its cover at the same time?

Coolswa: Can I! Watch this!

Coolswa: Now how do I...oh yeah, this button!

Jetsetlemming: Wait, wait, wait, so in your training, how many of these have you actually fired?

Coolswa: This'll be my first! Zander and Lemming, please stay perfectly still. Okay, the route is programmed in, now I just have to click this button...


Sad King Billy: Hey Max, does Jimmy look okay to you?

Max Powers: No, he looks very off.

Sad King Billy: I think he's under alien control.

Max Powers: Good thing he dropped his gun then. Otherwise he might be dangerous.

Sad King Billy: Right, well, I'm going to look inside the UFO, there's the door over here.

Max Powers: Billy! Oh no, they got Billy!

Jetsetlemming: I'm coming around the UFO Max, I'll be with you soon.

Coolswa: Max, can you hold the door openformekaythanks.

Max Powers: What are you doing there, Cools?

Max Powers! SHIT! INNNNNN-COMING!!!!!!!

Coolswa: Did I get it?


Max Powers: Not all of them!

Max Powers: Hey, this is opportune.

Max Powers: We're still wanting one alive, right?

Max Powers: Suck stun, orange asshole!

Max Powers: Or not. Run away!

Cooked Auto: No need, I've got this one too.

Cooked Auto: First floor looks pretty clear. Everyone move to the UFO.


Max Powers: uuuuUUUUUUGGGhhhhhh, uhhhhh?

Cowcaster: Max, they warned you about the blast radius of the small launcher in training, didn't they?

Cowcaster: I may not be around to save your ass next time!

Cooked Auto: I'll be by to help soon.

Cooked Auto: I'm taking a short-cut.


Cowcaster: I see three big chunks of Elerium in our future.

David Corbett: ALRIGHT! Finally some action! Hoo-ra! Hoo-ra! CHARGE!

Max Powers: Huh? Oh God, I'm SO...Lemmy, did you just, like, shoot David?

Max Powers: Ooh, hey, glowing lights!

Max Powers: Faaaaascinating...

Max Powers: AH! Not cool, man!


Cooked Auto: Sit tight Max, I'll help you.

Cooked Auto: Lemme get this guy...

Cooked Auto: And the one up here. Looks clear now!


Max Powers: Fuck, those small launchers pack a whallop! I'm still seeing double!

Jetsetlemming: I'll help you Max. Sorry about zoning out before, something happened to me. I think they were using my psionics against me.

Jetsetlemming: What the hell? You see these tubes?

Max Powers: Those look like what Allen drinks. MAN I could go for a meat smoothie right now!

Jetsetlemming: There's also alien fetuses in here.

Cowcaster: There's another elevator in the other pod section. I'm going up.


Max Powers: Lemming, you helping out on the second floor?

Max Powers: Hey, WHOA! That Ethereal totally like vanished. Into thin air, like the...ether. Whoa. Mind, blown.

Jetsetlemming: What are you talking about, the ethereal corpse didn't just disappear, that's stupid!

Cowcaster: Encountering resistance on the top level!

Jetsetlemming: Otto's - both of you - get up there and help. Max and I have the second floor. Where the hell are Kaider and Casualty?

Casualty: It's *huff* very *puff*...

Kaider: We were *huff* exploring the woods. *gulp* We're not in the best *puff* shape yet...

Jetsetlemming: What's this now?

Jetsetlemming: Man, the scientists are going to have a field day going through all of this stuff.


Cowcaster: Zander, thanks for coming. I go this way, you take the other path.

Otto Zander: Sounds good to me.


Cooked Auto: Jimmy's still babbling on the radio. There's got to be one left up here somewhere.

Jimmy Tango: Huh wha? Who called me? Where is everyone? Where's my gun? What the hell have I been doing the last nine minutes?

Max Powers: Second floor clear, last alien must be on the third.

Cowcaster: Our paths meet up, up here.

Cooked Auto: Then let me.

Cooked Auto: Hello, there, Mr. Mind Control. You think you're better than us?



Casualties: Hentaikid, Kevbo, Ted Hill, Sad King Billy, David Corbett

*Coolswa actually only killed three Ethereals