Part 4: Four-Star BadassPart 4: Four-Star Badass
Time for some rack time. Probably will play pool again with Leroy later. Shes a real hustler, but pretty funny.
Finally got promoted to Assault Squaddie today, thank goodness the little grey guys, the Sectoids, pack a punch with those plasma guns of theirs, but they die pretty easily too. I hope someone figures out a way to take em alive, soon, though we need access to an unexploded version of their weapons, and itd be nice to interrogate one to figure out what the hell they want.
Though, on second thought, they dont even have mouths, do they? How the hell would we interrogate one? Hmm. Maybe interface with their cybernetic implants somehow?
Secondary thoughts: lots of women on this base. Incredible women. Time look up the XCOM manuals policy on fraternization
WATKINS! Report back to duty on the double! Emergency mission from the Council!
Commander, time is precious, so we will be brief. You will be compensated substantially if you are able to save a VIP, General Van Dorn, from being kidnapped by aliens. The attack began fifteen minutes ago and his bodyguards will not able to hold out very long.
You heard the big man, Squaddies. Into the Skyranger!
Glad I didnt take any sleeping pills
Hope he can hold out, itll take over an hour to get there.
Hold up. XCOM is protecting the earth from aliens. Why dont we already have the best of the best working for us?
No, its not just that. Look at us. An out-of-work fashionista, a hardcore comic book/fantasy geek and a Computer Science Major drop-out, as soldiers to fight space aliens with superior weaponry? It doesnt add up.
Keep your mind on the job, please. Also: thank you for implying I am a screw-up like the rest of you. It means a lot to me.
Im the squad leader today. Move forward and check for survivors, especially Van Doorn.
Somebody sure blew the shit out of this place. Lots of green plasma scars stay frosty!
Nobody in real life says Stay Frosty! Now move!
*Cough* *gasp* *wheeeze*
A survivor! Can you walk?
*wheeeeeze* *gasp* Theres a man a man in a suit
The generals up ahead watch out for the man in the suit! The Thin Maaaan!
The Tall Man? Like, from Phantasm?
General Van Doorns GPS signal is right ahead, in that depression where the highway partly collapsed. Hope hes not dead.
Just keep an eye open for that Slender Man.
THIN Man. Whatever.
AAAAH! THIN MAN!
Its an alien that looks like a human!
With a fucking big gun!
And a really cheap suit! Looks like Action Wada brand!
I told you, Im a fashion designer, its my job to know! Anyway. Hes behind a car door. Im gonna blast him out!
Hes still up! Ill back you up!
Thin man down!
Jesus, why werent you classified a Sniper, Naomi?
I dont like camping.
Aaah! He left behind this huge cloud of gunky ugly-looking nasty shit! How high-pressure was his blood? I dont want to walk through that, I just cleaned my uniform!
NOBODY walks through it. Well just wait for it to settle or go around.
HEY! What the hell is going on over there? Friendlies?
About fucking time! Ive been out of ammo for hours! I had to kill one by beating it to death with my shoes!
Lost my knife trying to cut a hole where the greys mouth oughta be. Fulla filthy yellow shit, they have piss for blood.
Nice n clustered, Ill take em out with a grenade
Challenged the big purple gorilla one to an honorable fist match, broke my left hand breaking its face
Killed two more by turning my car into a battering ram, killed SIX more by lighting its gas tank on fire afterwards
Dude, shut up! I just killed two more sectoids while you were busy yapping! Get up here!
Throw me a gun! I aint done killin and theres more out there!
No can do, General Van Doorn, our guns are encoded so nobody but us can use them. Sorry. Look, just run back up the way we came, well cover you.
Blue hair!? That aint fucking regulation! What the hell kind of outfit are you from, soldier?!
The kind where accidentally getting permanent blue hair is par for the course!
Oh, you mean the orange goo stuff? Huh, guess you are the right people.
Yes. Please let us do our jobs and get you out of here, sir.
Fine almost made it to a hundred, though
Leroy, get up here with the VIP. Everyone else, keep an eye out for anything that moves. If one those sectoids across the chasm pops it head up, I want us to blast it.
Strike-one, theres some sort of small heat signature heading your way.
AAAH! THIN MAN!
I think we got him, guys! Stop firing!
Christ, he just dropped out of the fucking sky! Can they fly?
Nah, but they can jump good! Therell probably be a few more of em dropping down outta nowhere as we go. Keep an eye out!
Okay, so, we have to keep a sharp eye going back, and remember theres still a sectoid or two behind us. Stay frosty.
NOBODY SAYS THAT!
TWO MORE! Open fire!
I got the other one!
Van Doorn, move up! And stay out of the poison clouds.
Whew. Thanks. Sorry for busting your chops, girls, I get mean in the heat of the moment.
Hey, were not all girls!
Circle back and kill any straggler sectoids, team, and then we call it a day.
CRAP! Found one!
Im staring it right in its eyes.
you have such pretty eyes
yes, master NO! Get outta my head! DIE!
Allen, you okay?
Im fine, Im fine fuckin sorcerers
All aliens dead! Prepare for return trip!
Kids, you saved my life, but your coordination is SHIT! You need a proper officer program. And Im sending you my best killer to keep you company and straighten you out. MY DAUGHTER!
Congratulations, Allen, you killed four aliens in one mission, thats worth a promotion. Learn anything out there?
Yessir, I learned to keep my head the hell down!
Perfect! Now, everyone get some rest. Bradford, put our new recruit through orientation.