Part 36: "France Gets Fucked" WeekPart 36: France Gets Fucked Week
Welcome to XCOM, Annette! Here, soldiers, scientists, engineers and other specialists from every country on earth have agreed to put their national boundaries aside to work together. You name a country, weve got someone from it.
Hoda Mufaddal, support-class soldier.
Just follow my floating viewscreen and Ill give you the tour.
This is Engineering, run by Dr. Shen.
Were currently working on a way to make our weapons more efficient, and another SHIV upgrade.
A tiny rolling tank with a big laser gun. Really handy against missions with zombies.
Zombies are real too!?
Zombies are way too fucking real. You think youre sick of zombies in video games, wait until you see zombies all over you in real life.
Heres the Gene Lab, where weve learned to use that weird mutagenic alien goo to give our soldiers superpowers. Right now, EVA is bravely volunteering to undergo an eye operation that should help her hit her targets a bit more often.
Hello! Is it true youre psychic? Can you read my mind?
Im not that kind of psychic
Theres another soldier who just underwent a different use weve found for meld: altering your appearance to match the DNA of someone on record.
Where shes Yoko, what the hell are you doing?
I am Zero.
No. No, I am calling a veto on this. Youre a person, not a number. Take off that damn skull helmet, you are not doing the mysterious killer with no past thing.
But it makes me feel special!
There, you happy?
Whoah! Melanin upgrade. You look good like that! Glad you kept the cute ponytail.
It was never my face to begin with. Im a mental clone of an abductee crammed into the body of some other abductee, there is no real me.
So I volunteered to use Meld to change my appearance to someone Im going to impersonate for the next Covert Ops mission. Im externally identical to the girlfriend of a known EXALT operative. Might as well put my lack of identity to good use *sigh*
(I thought I would be the most screwed-up person here )
And speaking of that, heres our Big Board of Intrigue, where we monitor the panic levels of our funding nations and try to figure out where the hell EXALT is. wait a minute. France?!
Is there a problem?
Sonova we were going to send Yoko to a different country!
Obviously we should send the French girl.
No, theyre still looking for her, shes too high profile.
Then its time for the backup backup Covert Operative: ZINCHENKO!
Dont worry, Commander, this time Ive got two grenades in case they try anything! And my French is very fluent!
For fucks sake Whatever. Just dont cock it up, okay? Now, Yoko, since youre not going out into the world yet, get your eyes upgraded at the Gene Labs too.
This is the World View, where we watch and wait for other stuff to happen. Why dont you rest a bit while we get all the paperwork settled for you to become a proper member of XCOM?
Blaugh! Hurrk. It tastes like melted caterpillars!
From now on, you should be able to see much more clearly than before. With a catch youll need to squint to activate the ability.
What? Oh, no, I cant squint constantly.
Then just squint if you ever find yourself missing a shot. You wont miss the second.
So, you think we scared the crap out of the new girl enough?
Hey, Im not scary! Nothing about me is scary.
I can see the pores on your faces now. Everyone is scary.
Mmm! This is good, especially with Kahlua. The vodka is Swedish, not Russian, though.
Ha! I like you, kid. Anyone who knows their alcohol that well anyway. Like I said before, if your supposed parents arent going to take you in anymore Fuck it. Hilda could always use a sister.
Ohhh heh. Let me think about it, sir.
Ugghhh I do not recommend being shot with an alien plasma cannon.
Ah, good! Latishas back! And just in time to check out the new SHIV upgrades.
Itll automatically target incoming enemies, and the dismantled drone tech were using will let it repair its own armor plating.
Great. Ill pilot it on the next mission.
which is apparently right NOW! What the hell?
Crap! The aliens are unleashing another terror attack on France!
What? Why? Is it because of me?!
Maybe. Maybe this week is just France Gets Fucked week. Regardless, move out, team!
That includes you, Annette. Well give you a trial by fire.
What? I mean, Ill help, but Im a forest ranger!
So you know how to hike around, youre good with smoke signals and you know first aid and rescue. Perfect for a support.
You have your orders. Save civilians, kill aliens. GO!
At least we have someone who can blow stuff up with her mind on our side now.
Uh no. I cant focus it, its no good as a weapon. I can make everyones ears bleed all around me at will, but not just one enemy.
Shit, now you tell us!
It figures wed get a defective psychic
Theres reports of chrysalids, zombies, floaters and cyberdiscs. Aside from the floaters, most of these enemies will require multiple hits to down. I authorized the ammo efficiency project specifically to allow you all to unload on these motherfuckers, you hear? Bury them in hot photons!
And just so were clear, the machines take point, Annette. The chrysalids cant turn the SHIV into a zombie.
least, I fuckin hope they cant I saw this one video game, Shinobi, that had zombie tanks.
Right. Prioritize saving civilians. Every one we rescue is one less zombie we have to fight later.
Here I go!
Stop standing around! Go to the ship!
Oh! Thank you, miss.
Good job! Now, breach that door.
JESUS! Four of them!
I cant see where two of them went. Snap-shotting the first!
Killed one, wounded #2! Someone else finish it.
Right here! Annette, DUCK!
Enemy down! I got it!
Quick, everyone save these straggling civvies as you move forward. Those bugs are going to start turning everyone into zombies in minutes, but if we can kill them before they get to anyone
I see one! Im rushing the fucker!
AH! Bad idea, bad idea! Two more coming right at me!
One down, oh god, oh god
GET AWAY! Its coming right for me!!!
Dont you touch my kid, asshole!
Dont thank me yet. Oh, shit! Its going for the civilians!
Three more to the west! How many goddamn bugs are there!?
One less over here! One less wall, too.
Oh, shit. Theres the disc. God damn it, I dont think we can save everyone this time
but were fucked if we dont try!
Taking another doubleshot!
Running, running, running!
The zombies are reanimating. Shit. Theyre slow but theyll kill you in one hit, dont let them get close.
And the far chrysalid just made another one!
Ill kill them. Ill kill them all.
The SHIV is auto-targeting anything hostile that gets close. Ill use it to shield us from the zombies. Stay back!
SHIT! Its coming in close! I dont wanna get my face fried off! AAAAH!
FaaaUUUuaaauauH! Why do aliens hate me the most!? *sobbing*
Cam, get out of the way! Eva, rocket NOW!
That got em! Annette, heal Cam before
Im fine, Im regenerating, just kill those last two chrysalids, NOW! Bar-lev, you finish the cyberdisc.
Im finishing off the chrysalid over here in the parking lot. Ill use the SHIV as zombie-bait.
Thanks, mom! Okay, last chrysalid! Im emptying my gun!
I wasnt fast enough, it zombiefied someone. Itll reanimate in a second and kill the person next to it. Hilda, get that lady out of there!
Psst! Lady! Go that way.
I cant see where youre pointing, youre invisible!
Aaah, shit. There. *stomp* Over THERE. *stomp stomp*
Its working, theyre going for the SHIV! Ahh, hell, I hope this things tougher than it looks
They just keep on coming, Jesus!
I will finish them.
You scum. You come here, abduct my whole town, melt all my friends and family before my eyes, kill half my country and now you turn the rest into monsters? DIE.
I got it, I got it!
Shit, that thing almost ate me!
Squint yes! I can see it! I have this one!
I got it! Any left?
Not anymore. Theyre toast.
Fffuuck I have to crack my bones back into place again.
The rest of the French military has concluded their operations. All alien attackers have been repelled. This could, and should, have been much worse. Its a goddamn miracle we only had four zombies this time.
Excellent job, folks. Cam, take a couple days sick leave to fully regenerate.
Shit, I take a plasma cannon to the face and Im out for half a month, but Cam just needs the weekend off?
Hey. Not bad for a psychic park ranger.
no. Im not a park ranger any more. From now on, I only have one job: killing them all.
to be continued
Commanders Poll posted:
Which zombie fiction is your favorite? Which is your least?