Part 37: Episode XXXV: Fei Fong Wong and the Hammertime BroEpisode XXXV: Fei Fong Wong and the Hammertime Bro
And why does my asshole hurt so much...? Ugh.
"...You're in the same place, just in a different room! You've had a rough day, heh?"
Ah! ...Oh it's you? It looks like I needed your assistance again, huh...?"
"Yes, but don't worry. I don't mind - it's my job! Anyway, how do you feel?"
Like I got my ass handed to me by an electric Brazilian dude. But...
"Hm? Aaah... I'm in a bit of pain, but nothing I can't cope with... Lately I've been getting used to this kind of thing. Aah...! The last thing I remember was those guys speaking of what 'rank' they think I am worthy of."
"Oh, I think I better tell you about that..."
"What? You know what rank I am?"
It wouldnt be much of a rank if nobody knew about it, now would it?
"You're quite strong, aren't you!? To defeat four people in your condition...it's no wonder they gave you rank A! But to go up against the Champ...? It's amazing that you came back alive at all!"
"...What happened? You look a bit pale."
Meh... I keep flipping out and blowing up several miles of real estate. Its kinda got me down...
"It's nothing. Don't worry. ... By the way, what's this thing around my neck?"
"Oh that? It's a bomb...
Oh...is that all. Its kinda uncomforA BOMB?!?! WHAT?!
The moment you leave the vicinity of the Imperial capital, that collar goes 'BOOM'! Too bad, but while you have that on, you will never be able to escape from Nortune. Apart from the civilians of D Block and a select few Battlers, everybody has to wear them... Here in D Block, that is the only chain that binds the prisoners."
"Huh, a bomb? So no matter how much I struggle, I'll never escape from here."
This has seriously been the worst month ever... At this rate Im going to end up castrated, missing a limb, and going bald by the end of the year.
"Anyway, you should try and get some rest today. You'll have to get used to life in this town soon too."
The next morning...
Welp, we are now stuck in Nortune unless we want our head to explode. Hopefully there are no specially tuned frequencies that trigger the collars with proximity. I wasnt too fond of that DLC, to be honest...
If we talk to the doctor three times, shell give us a vague inkling of what we need to do to trigger the next plot point. We need to go meet Hammer, a local shady merchant. Unfortunately, we dont have any indication of where the hell this Hammer guy hangs out.
So, we need to head upstairs and poke around for information. This is the D-Block cafeteria. Very homey.
We can speak with the stereotypical French chef running the kitchen to receive a meal depending on our rank, or the daily special. I...dont think the meals actually do anything special. The lower rank meals I think dont restore as much HP/EP or something... Who cares. Were not some D rank scrub.
It is worth mentioning that our rank does affect the beds downstairs in the D Block quarters. Our A Rank bed is nice and fluffy with plenty of pillows and clean blankets and will fully restore HP/EP. Meanwhile the C/D rank beds are lice ridden, have urine and cum stains all over the blankets, and smell like Blanka wiped his asshole on them and will restore less and less resources. I think the D rank doesnt even heal Fei. But, youd have to REALLY suck to lose to those Battler jokers.
Anyway, a helpful chap in the corner that will inform us that this Hammer guy hangs out at the bar down the street. Also everyone in D Block needs to grind in the sewers for monsters to earn their keep. That has to count for cruel and unusual punishment...
Anyway, there isnt much going on in D Block proper. Its a fairly boring little town. Everyone pretty much just whines about what a crap hole it is and how poor they are and blah blah blah.
Nisan has a church opened in town full of war orphans and burn victims. Apparently there was some big riot in Nortune caused by some dispute between the Empire and Ethos over something and half the city burned down. It seems the Champ, Rico, barely made it out of the fire.
Speaking of the Ethos, theyve got a shop set up down here as well. Though, we currently do not own a Gear after Weltall was confiscated by the government. We can, however, trade monster parts harvested from Sewer grinding here for cash. Fei had about nine fangs and eyeballs rolling around in his pockets, so that made a decent bit of scratch. Well be back here quite a bit during our long stay in the city.
Theres also a big Imperial Kislev Gear being repaired in the back of the hangar, if you want to see some Gears well inevitably be tangling with in the future.
Anyway, on to Latinas Bar to advance things along. Its a proper hive of scum and villainy with a bunch of rotten drunken folks and a pink haired stripper serving drinks to costumers. If we poke around here a bit...
It's been a long time since such a powerful criminal has been sent to D Block! Heh-heh, so that makes you pretty famous in this town. In other words, you're the center of attention, bro!"
"...Could you stop calling me 'bro'? My name is Fei!"
And youre totally not pulling off the frat boy look enough to be calling me that to begin with...
"...What's wrong with it? It's not like I'm putting you down. What, would you prefer me to call you 'sir' or something?"
"...Oh, do whatever you wish."
"Then it's decided. I'll continue to call you bro from now on! By the way, bro, I hear you're really strong. Not many get rank A, you know! I'm pretty impressed! ...And what's more, bro, you seem different from the other prisoners."
"...Different, huh? Well you don't look so normal yourself!"
Well, no shit broseph. Im a frickin demi-human. Anyway...
"It's not meant to be an insult... Just a feeling I have. No deep meaning! Oh, and if you have any problems, talk to me! Since I'm a supplier, I've got all the connections!"
Do you have a bomb collar disposer?
Then your connections sucks.
If we speak with Hammer again...
Something, or things, that you could find elsewhere, but can't find here? Yeah, yeah? Don't you think so, bro?"
An item shop that doesnt take a half dozen prompts to open...?
"Yeah, what's missing are item shops, oh, and don't forget the weapon shops... Ya need anything, bro? It's too expensive elsewhere! Yep. You know it's gotta be 'Hammer's Ether Bag'!"
So, Hammer runs an Item and Accessory shop. Theres nothing all that important at the moment in the accessory side of things and the item one has your standard junk. We will need to return to him to kit up for our inevitable...dreadful...looming trip to the Sewer Level of Endless Woe. And each trip to him is like a 6-8 prompt affair. Needless to say, I dont particularly like Hammer...
We are once more given no direction. So, Fei has to just sort of wander around until he comes to a random guard a couple blocks from Latinas Bar that will inform us the Imperial Committee is looking for us to become a Battler. Neat...I guess... Unfortunately, the guy doesnt inform us where the hell to go for that either.
But, Fei must return to the dorms then back to the Bar to trigger the next plot point. D Block is not a particularly well designed section of this game...
A woman and two guards enter from the back of the bar...
Uh, forgive us, Ms. Cohen!!"
Ms. Cohen approaches Fei...
Huhmm, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Rue Cohen from the 'Imperial Battling Committee' in B Block of this, the Imperial capital."
"...Imperial Battling Committee? What do you want with me?"
Not big on context clues are you, young man?
"...I'll cut to the point. We want you to participate in the Battling tournament."
"It's a recreational sport, where Gear fights against Gear, or even Gear fights against monster depending on the program. Currently, there are no regulations for eligibility. And we, the committee, rarely interact with the participants directly. You should be honored. You are in luck that your little incident with the 'Champ' caught our attention so soon. ...So how about it? Better a Battler than a prisoner...It's not a bad deal at all."
"...I'm sorry, but I don't like Gears. I have no interest in such recreational tournaments. And above all, I don't even have a Gear, so even if I wanted to participate, I can't. You ask too much!"
"Indeed, we ask too much!"
"Oh, shush! You two keep quiet!!"
"Uh, sorry, Ms. Cohen!!"
"Hmm, forgive me... But do not worry about the latter problem. The Gear you require for the Battling will be provided by the committee. ...So, will you participate then?"
I hate Gears and I'm not interested in that kind of stuff!"
"If you won't change your mind then you'll... Well, you're still new here. I'll give you more time.
Im sure when you get your first D Block Handshake youll be back to accept the offer...
The heck is a D Block Handshake?
...Youll find out eventually.
Perhaps we may have been too pushy... But please, think about this offer seriously. I'll be looking forward to a favorable reply. Well then, hope to talk to you again...soon!!"
Rue Cohen departs the bar...
Yeah. Fei is going to be kind of a mopey bitch a bit again for the duration of this chapter. Dont worry. He snaps out of it by the end of this update.
Fei attempts to leave the bar...
*shakes head* "Why did you do that, bro?"
"Wait, Hammer. What are you talking about?"
"I overheard it all with my own ears! Why did you reject their invitation? It's truly a rare occasion for the committee to personally make contact! It's still not too late! Do it, bro. We can still make it, right? You'll be a Battler... A Battler!!"
*puts hands on hips* "Oh, that... If you overheard, you should already know. I don't like fighting. And Gears, well...! Moreover, there is no reason for me to do it."
But you already fought all of the Champs men. And you have a reason to do so strapped around your neck. What are you some kind of retarded person, bro? Do I need to start calling you Brotarded?
"If you become a Battler, you can leave the prison and live in luxury! Power is everything here! The powerless...the weak are just oppressed!! So c'mon, give it a try!"
"..Is that all?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"...Are you done?"
*shakes head* "You've said enough... Now could you move out of the way? Hammer, sorry, but I doubt my feelings will change... Fighting and Gears, I hate them both. So too bad!"
Again were given no goal. But if Fei wanders back toward the dorms then Hammer will dash in to move things along.
"The new doctor who was appointed today has just arrived!"
"Hammer, you were supposed to have been in the bar..."
"Oh, bro! You shouldn't worry about such little details! If you just rely on me, the forefront of information, then you will know it all! So about this doctor..."
"...About what doctor?"
"What? You didn't know bro? The previous lady doctor got transferred to look after the civilian sector of town! Makes you envious, huh! So's we gets a new doctor to look after D block. They say he just got here!"
Why are you telling me this...
Oh come on, bro. We both know who this doctor is gonna be.
Hey! Stay on script!
"...The new doctor, eh? So, what on earth has this new doctor got to do with you, the great 'supplier'?"
"What are you talking about bro? Of course I have everything to do with him! If I become chums with him, I can expand my connections by establishing black market medical treatment routes!"
*nods* "...So that's it, huh? Oh, Hammer, what will we ever do with you?"
"Whatever bro, whatever. Anyway, let's go say hello to him, shall we?"
"Well, yeah. I suppose we should at least say hello."
Fei and Hammer head downstairs...
"Huh? That's strange...according to my sources he should be here...!"
"Too bad he's not here, huh Hammer! Looks like you'll have to forget about those black market medical treatment routes you were..."
Sheesh, whats with you, bro? Its not like hes glued to this spot forever spouting the same thing over and over for the rest of his days. Like those folks upstairs. Hes probably just taking a dump or something. Lets wait a minute, broseph.
A door opens off camera...
"The sound of an opening door! It seems that the new doc was in the next room!"
The new doctor wanders in. Surprise of the century, its Dr. Uzuki...
"I monitored Kislev's radio communications... I heard them talking about a Gear they recovered in Kislev that fit the description of Weltall. They said they transported it to their capital, so I came here on the off chance I might also find you here!"
But...wheres your bomb collar?
Why would I have a bomb collar on?
Then how did you get in here...? And...did you get the other doctor lady transferred. How did you manage all that? Or even know Id be here?!
You worry too much about the details, Fei.
I told you, bro. Dont sweat that stuff.
"Huh? You wouldn't by any chance know this doctor, would you bro?"
I see you have already made some...interesting...new friends...
"So anyway, Fei, have you taken any action yet?"
"...Taken any action? What do you mean by that, doc?"
"You cannot stay in here forever, can you? Are you not going to escape?"
"Fei! You are not intending to spend the rest of your life here are you? You do not mind breaking your promise, then?"
"Oh my! How could you forget such an important thing as that? You promised Bart that you would protect Margie and the people of Nisan if anything happened to him!"
But...has something happened to Bart?"
He...may have had the Yggdrasil dropped on top of him...
It is a long story...
"I am afraid to say so. He fought bravely against the enemy's new forces... But it was in vain! The Yggdrasil was badly damaged and sank to the bottom of the sea of sand. Just before the ship sank, I jumped in an escape-pod and jettisoned out of there so that I was not engulfed. Since then, I regret to say I could find out nothing of the others' whereabouts or fates..."
How hard did you look?
Well, the escape pod did, conveniently enough, drift quite close to the Kislev border. So...
*shakes head* "Who would have thought... What was I doing...?"
"What in the heavens happened, Fei?"
"Once again... I lost all memory...and all sense of time... While I was fighting that Vanderkaum guy, he, Grahf, appeared... Then I realized Bart and the crew's plight. The other guys with me were defeated by Vanderkaum and his giant-sized Gear... After that... After that...it was like Lahan village over again! When I woke up, I was in Nortune's prison block..."
<This is getting awkward... Should I cut in and ask the doctor to misplace a few vials of morphine now or...>
"Doc, what happened to the squadron at the borderlands? What is the meaning of my being here and Weltall having been recovered in Kislev...?"
*shakes head* "...That squadron was annihilated! There was also wreckage of a giant-sized Gear...the likes of which I have never seen before!"
"Come on now Fei! Nobody is pointing their finger at you! It might have been caused by something else!"
I mean, it is entirely reasonable another person of incredible power showed up the same spot you were fighting and lost consciousness and annihilated the Dora.
I thought youd said you had never seen a Gear like that before...?
I read about it in a medical journal.
"It's alright, doc. Little by little I've been coming to understand it."
So are we concluded with this relapse into self-loathing moodiness?
*nods* "I'll keep my promise... Otherwise I'd never be able to look Bart in the face again... Cause Bart and them are alive somewhere... I just know that they are!"
"So that means..."
*nods* "I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get out of here! Will you help me out doc?"
"Of course. It will be my pleasure!"
Hammer decides to actually be part of the conversation and butts in...
"Why do you say that?"
*tugs on collar* "Cause of these things! They're explosive collars! As long as we are wearing these, we'll never be able to set foot out of here!"
"Explosive collars...? That is dangerous of them, is it not!? Allow me to have a little look at it, please."
*studies Feis bomb collar* "...Let me see... Hmmm... Well, well... Ah, ha... Ohhh... Humph... We might just possibly be able to do something about these."
"Re, really!? ... Even mechanical engineers gave up on these in despair!"
Trust me. I am a doctor.
*nods* "Doc was always good at tinkering with machines. So I guess there's hope!"
"I don't know, bro! Let's leave them alone! No matter how good he is... One tiny mistake and it's BOOM! BANG! Game Over, man! Get Hammer's drift, bro!?"
"...It's alright. I believe in doc!"
"You can patch up my head if it explodes, right?"
"...I will see what I can do."
"...Well then, shall we give it a try? ...Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this, Fei? Do you not want to think it through first? Just to be sure, I mean! Though you can trust me...I hope!"
Err...they did teach bomb disposal in med school too, right...?
...I sat in on a course or two in my spare time.
Welp. Why not? I'm sure Citan has his shit together enough to disarm a little old bomb...
"Well then... You are sure you want to go through with it so..."
"Well then...let us give it a go..."
"Mmm... This is... harder than... I thought!"
You know, you really dont need to be here for this, Master Splinter...
...Ah! Oh, dear...
Oh dear...? Oh dear what?!
You know what I said about those bomb disposal courses...?
...I perhaps may have stretched the truth.
You did wha!!!
Music: In a Dark Sleep
Hammer Portrait - Bro : Hammer :: POWER : Grahf