Part 41: Episode XXXIX: The Fucking Sewer LevelEpisode XXXIX: The Fucking Sewer Level
Uuuuuuugh... I dont want to go down into the sewers... I dont even want to write about going down in the sewers... Why are all the women in D Block dressed like strippers and the men like Cyclops cosplayers? I hate this town...
Ricardo Banderas has joined the party. He uhh...sucks. Hard. Meanwhile, Citan is dragging eight levels behind Fei and he STILL has more HP/EP than him. That guy is a beast. And makes Rico look even worse than he already is. Poor ugly green ginger guy.
In any case, the entrance to the sewers is across the street from the dorms and...on the roof of some building... Sure, why not?
Down to the sewers the party goes...
It looks like Sam Fisher is taking this murdering shift. Predator must be on his lunch break.
A sewer. What did you think it was...?
Oh...just never seen one.
Did whatever backwater village you hail from have outhouses?
You know the hole in those that you defecate into?
Well...this is that hole.
So I...probably shouldnt take a swim in that water... Noted.
"Let's look for it. We'll talk more if we really find it."
*shakes head* "Do you really doubt me?"
The sewer monster takes a quick, shy little peek around the corner before flying off in the opposite direction. Citan brushes off the sound and says we ought to just take a look around.
Welcome to Kislev Sewers. What you see here is about the scenery for 90% of the joint. You also may notice there is no music link. Thats because theres none of that here. Just the sound of running water for a solid hour outside random battles. You may notice the party lost 3 HP from walking through pee water. Thats a little mechanic of this place. A very popular one, as there is a hole spewing pee water ever ten feet. And they all must be jumped over to avoid damage. Fun.
The other major hazard of the sewer is fan blades. There are spinning motorized fans in the sewers because...err...its a really shitty dungeon...? Theyre not churning the water to break up waste or anything. Theyre just fan blades floating over catwalks for the sake of fan blades floating over catwalks. They hit the party for 10 HP of damage if they come into contact with the janky hitboxes. So catwalks, bridges, fan blades, the sound of running water, and random battles for the next hour on my end...
Speaking of random battles, I can safely say I had more of those here than in nearly every prior dungeon combined. And I didnt even do any grinding here. That was just through normal traveling. The sewers themselves are host to a variety of creatures. There are palette swapped Hobgobs. Theyre the least of our worries. Besides, they give out delicious sewer Hobjerky. Yum.
There are also Armor Wasps. They attack by summoning legions of their brood to swarm a character.
Or by pissing on their heads to lower attack power... Classy.
There are also armored crab things that will immediately run away, but not before taking a single characters HP down to 1 in the process. Theyre jerks.
There are also sewer
Acid Frogs that summon more acid frogs every other turn unless theyre quickly wiped out. They can also rain acid.
Batrats that can fire off sonic booms and scream at people so loud that they become confused and attack their teammates.
And horrific bloated abominations, the Rotten Sods, that are just unpleasant. They also hate Deathblows with a passion and will bearhug anyone attempting one on their blubbery form.
For all these tons and tons of random battles, weve got Rico to back us up. Rico...sucks. Horribly. Primarily due to the fact he is SLOOOOOOOOOOOW. His AP bar fills up so slowly that it is not uncommon for both Citan and Fei to both have two turns pass in the time it takes Rico to take one. And when he does attack, he is a pretty heavy hitter. Except his accuracy with attacks is total shit too. Forget about landing Heavy attacks with Rico. That will outright miss or at least be blocked the vast majority of the time.
Ricardo is apparently the lovechild of both Blanka and Zangief, as most of his Deathblows involve wrestling moves. Theyre all quite potent. The trouble is, it is a total pain in the ass to train Rico in new Deathblows since he never bloody attacks. You pretty much have to purposefully make the other two characters hang back and Defend if you want Rico to get anywhere. And there is very little point in doing so since...you could just have Rico laying dead on the floor and carry on with the other two characters with barely any difference in offensive capability.
Seriously, Rico learned one single deathblow this entire grind of a dungeon and is not even half way to a second one. Meanwhile, Fei learned one, has another one ready to unlock as soon as he hits level 38, and is half way to a third one at Level 46. Citan learned two, has one on standby for Level 30, one for level 38, and one a quarter of the way there for 46.
Oh well, lets get on with this silly filler subplot.
They are at least nice enough to provide a map for the Kislev Sewers. This isnt the whole dungeon, by the way. Its only one-third of it...
The party comes upon the first murder site...
*nods* "Well, this is the murder spot."
*bends down* Whats this slimy stuff?
No ways it human...
More of the same.
Something the monster left?
We cannot be sure...but its very likely.
So...theres a chalk outline down here. Gonna assume that means there were cops here to retrieve the corpse. Now...how did anyone assume this was me? Or anyone human, for that matter. Most people dont excrete green slime. I know I sure dont. Who was heading this investigation? Inspector Gadget after the dog died and the pigtailed girl finally just got shot instead of tied up when she got caught?
The party wanders around a bit and finds the second murder site...
Citan investigates the wall...
Re... Red... monster... This must be his dying message."
"Must've written it as he was dying."
Good work detective. Howd you deduce that?
"A red monster... Very interesting."
Great. So the culprit is Gossamer. Not me. Can we leave now?
Unfortunately, we cannot. As there is a whole second floor to this dungeon. Joy...
Down we go...
Sam Fisher stealths on by while the party climbs to the lower level. He really needs to take a cough drop or something. That wheezing breath of his doesnt sound well.
"What's wrong, Citan...is there something here?"
"A tinkle sound... I heard some kind of a tinkle sound!"
...it is a sewer.
"A bell! A bell...?"
"Do you know something?"
"Now that you mention it... There is a rumor of a strange ringing sound down here..."
Well, that clears everything right up.
Welcome to Level 2 (Part 1). There are a couple of neat items stuck down random dead ends. In particular, a pair of Cool Shades that prevents confusion and another accessory that stops poison. Its a good idea to stick one of those on either Citan or Fei respectively. Might come in handy later.
The party finds the third murder spot...
"Ugh! ...There's that smell again. It's like something's burning..."
Must be taco night again at the dormitory.
*thinks* "Burnt...? Hmm, I see..."
"Hey, look at this."
"It appears this slime was left behind by the monster."
Eventually the party runs into an oversized Roomba stalled out on part of the catwalk. Sure, why not? That seems worth investigating.
"This is a rat-sweeper machine. We call them the 'Catless Rat Removers'!"
So the sewer sharks, the sentient fungus, the acid spitting frogs, the bat demons, the killer armor crabs and the gigantic walking cancer tumors are left unchecked. But rats have machines especially built to kill em?
*shakes head* It's not broken... Why isn't it moving? Lemme see it."
Fei investigates the Roomba...
Fei sticks his hand into the automated rat catcher and yanks out a set of keys. Possibly covered in dead rat fluids.
Wasnt that the guy with the inexplicable Cockney accent?
*frowns* Indeed. He shall be missed.
They must've gotten caught up in this thing. That's why it wasn't moving?"
"I wonder what these keys are for?"
"These are the keys to the sewage treatment plant. That's where all the sewage ends up."
Why does a professional Gear Battler have keys to a sewage treatment plant?
*shrug* What my subordinates did on their free time was their own business.
Where is it?"
"From here it's northeast through the door and near the furthest waterfall."
*nods* "Let's go and see."
On to the second half of the Kislev Sewer Level 2.
The party wanders around some more...
Not far into the second half of Level 2, we come upon a sewage pipe caked in slime but no murdered red shirt nearby. It is very important to make a mental note of this spot for later.
The party continues farther into the area...
About mid way through the map, we come upon err...a shrunken, green tinted Chief Lee. Sure...sure, why not? Poor Chief Lee. Guy took Fei in and gave him a home for years, got a character portrait, and I dont think Fei mentioned him more than once since Lahan blew up.
"Hey gramps! What are you doing here? I thought the entrance was blocked off."
"Hmph. I've lived here a long time."
"All by yourself? In a spooky place like this?"
"As you can see I'm a mutant. So the monster never bothers me. But lately, my new neighbor's been going around bustin' things up."
Damned kids. Why in my day a man could live in raw sewage and fish for sewer mullet in peace. I swear, no respect...
"What, really? We're looking for him."
"Oh! Would you get rid of him for me? If you need to know anything ask me. I'll help you. Whats that? The place where all the drains meet? Go northeast, and it'll be behind the door near the waterfall."
The party leaves the weird old mutant man and finds the final murder scene...
Looks like it only happened once."
"Whaddya talkin' about?"
"They say it will not return to the same place... I wonder?"
Oh, you know. Rumor gets around.
...But I informed you two of the murders down here. How could you have heaforget it. Lets just go.
The party reaches the sewage treatment plant...
*fiddles with keys* "...Damn! No... It must be this one..."
*tries another key unsuccessfully* "...What?"
"Why are there so many keys?"
Was this guy a medieval dungeon master? I mean look at this. Its for a PO Box in Dazil. Why would that be on this thing?!
Meanwhile, Fisher drops down from the pipes above right in front of the door...
"Not that one... Um, this one...!"
"Are you ready?"
"Okay, let's go. One-two!"
Fei and Rico bust in the door...
"It's not here..."
Everyones eyes fly the ceiling to find...nothing...
*shakes head* "It's not here..."
"It appears it can move outside through these sewage drains."
"Damn! We should have found it here!"
Welp. That was anti-climactic. However, were not quite done in here. Raiding the monsters storage locker produces...
*pulls out a bell amulet* "Why would it have this?"
"Wait! We can lure it with this thing!"
What? Why would that work?
...Adventure game logic.
Hmph...good point. Alright, ring the thing!
"Hmmm...it does not look like it will show up now."
"Where can we use it?"
"Let us think about what we know so far."
So, did YOU figure out the correct place to use the bell and summon the dreaded Sewer Horror?
If you guessed That one sewage pipe all the way across the map without the recent murder nearby you get a gold star in bad dungeon design! Congrats!
And with that the creature descends upon the party. I can't be the only one to notice that this thing has been exclusively been shown traveling down corridors like normal and hasn't even made a passing glance at all these slimed pipes. This dungeon can't even get its filler subplot details right!
Batrat Concept Art
Rotten Sod Concept Art