Part 88: Episode LXXXV: Bartholomew Fatima and the Hidden Jasper
Episode LXXXV: Bartholomew Fatima and the Hidden Jasper
Welp, I hope you remember the way we came from the bridge, since we’ve now got to backtrack all the way back there. But more importantly, remember where we parked the Omnigear, yea?
Like five minutes of empty halls later...
That creepy asshole that keeps calling Bart “laddie” has somehow made his way to the bridge and
”You have any idea how to operate this thing?”
“Nope. Just gonna have to play it by ear.” “Alright. I’m going to find the nearest seatbelt...”
Bart proceeds to hop onto the nearest important looking chair and starts jamming on whatever buttons look the shiniest.
Music: Flight
”Hey. This button looks like a smiley face. Let’s see what it does!”
Well, it looks like we weren’t under the Nisan Cathedral. That’s nice. You know Xenogears, as made by Cavia, would have had us level the city and kill all the villagers during this event.
And from beneath the earth out smashes a...
...1950s sci-fi B-movie UFO? Sure, why not?
“Next, open the sky dome." ”The what?” “The ceiling above the Fatima Treasure. It looked like it could open. I gotta fly my sweet new Omnigear outta here somehow, right? Ah. Here we go. This button looks like a picture of the sun. Let’s give her a whirl!”
”What’s that sound? What did you do...?” "What?" "What's up?" "Huh? No, it's already moving."
“Probably because of your skillful piloting.” "No. That's not why." ”I mean...sure it’s flying cuz of my ace skills. But ergh...that angry whirling sound...”
”Uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...” “I hope that didn’t hit anybody...” “...Nobody we know at least.”
"..........."Music: The Sky, the Clouds, and You
”BOOOOM, bitches! That was AWESOME! I knew I could do it. Shakhan has gotta be shitting his Depends right about now!” 
"Oh REALLY!?" "Wha? What're you talking about?" "Quit foolin'! What the heck did you just press!?" ”The victory button on our new airbase.” "... Ohhh... Well, I wouldn't say it was a complete success... but it'll do for now." “That was from a beam cannon.” ”You shouldn’t toy with what you don’t understand.” "Don't worry! I've never fouled things up yet, have I? Well, have I!?" ”The last time you screwed around with explosives you blew me up and I got stuck out at sea for half a week...” “Oh, bitch bitch bitch... You gotta girlfriend out of it, didn’t you? You ought to be thanking me for seeing three steps ahead of the big picture!” *clears throat* "How 'bout... Ladies and gentlemen, behold!"
”The heck are we doing all the way over by Babel Tower again?!” “It’s from our bitchin’ new mobile airbase, of course.” "Well? Isn't it way coooool!? It floats from the Fatima Jasper... I call it Ft. Jasper, and you'll be able to see it from far off. I'm sure that last beam cannon could reach it! Well, I guess I wanted to show you all its greatness. Have you ever seen such a cannon? And don't mix it up with Vanderkaum's pea-shooter. This one's many times more powerful and many times more refined. After all, that's why my ancestors used it for generations to guard the treasure. Yeah, this is the real thing. And don't you forget it. Now as I was saying, I haven't fouled up yet. So, let's go get this treasure and go home! But first, we have to open that door in the dome! I don't think the switch on this control panel will do it though." *looks around* “Over there!" “...”Bart marches over to go throw some more switches and press other buttons...
"Hey, they all look alike. Ah well, let's start hitting some buttons." "Whoa whoa! Is that safe!?" ”Sure. As long as we don’t hit a self destruct button.” “...” “...They wouldn’t have put in a self destruct button, right? That’s just in the movies... Right...?”
Sometime later, after Bart undoubtedly made the ship circumnavigate the world twice while wildly launching laser beams and missiles, he finally finds the switch to unlock the sunroof outside the Omnigear’s chamber.
“Well done, Prince Bartholomew. Thank you for unlocking the seal.” "That voice, Shakhan!" ”Goddammit!” “Told yo—“ “SHUT IT, KID!”Music: Stage of Death
Nobody expects the Ethos Inquisition!
"Of course. You don't really believe that the door would open up for just anyone? I simply leaked the information and merely awaited for your arrival." "Crap, so that's why I haven't noticed your stench for a while!" "Knowing your impulsive nature, I knew you would come... But I never thought you'd go so far as breaking the seal for me." "Son of a... Makin' a fool outta me!" "My soldiers have already secured this area. If you don't like it, come here and get some! Hah hah hah!" ”This guy does know we’ve beaten up like three levels of Solaris lackeys his senior, right?” “Who gives a crap? My foot. His ass! Now!”
It would seem the Gears accompanying Shakhan are the Aveh equivalent of clown cars, as roughly the entire Aveh military has piled into Ft. Jasper to pick a fight with the party. Unfortunately, they’re not random battles. They’re all Chrono Cross type encounters in the field. Only there’s a 100% chance of fighting them when they see you. Couple this with the fact that my kid woke up cranky around this point while I was playing and upon my return I’d completely forgotten where the hell I was supposed to go... Well, let’s just say everyone got a lot of Deathblow grinding done while I ran in circles for a half hour.
Speaking of which, now that the gang’s Limiters are removed everyone’s action points have gone from an even six to lucky number seven. In the process, this unlocked everyone’s high end super Deathblows. 7AP Deathblows utterly outclass everything before it to the point that there is never a reason to use any of the first half of the game’s Deathblows ever again. Also, Fei’s POWER-UP/TAKING A HUGE SHIT sprite is hilarious.
Fei’s first 7AP Deathblow, Fukei, allows him to pretend he’s in an episode of Dragon Ball Z.
Bart’s Angel causes him to grow magic err...angel wings in order to create a fiery tempest of doom.
Billy’s True Dream is far more subdued. He just casually places some sort of plasma energy pack on the chest of his target...
...and then shoots that sonuvabitch with a shotgun, blasting a massive wave of energy which instantly liquefies every organ in his opponent’s upper torso. Spiffy stuff.
Like a half hour of getting lost and fighting dudes later...
When we finally reach the proper hallway leading to the Omnigear, we find ourselves immediately caught in a dreaded cutscene ambush. Nevermind we just murdered at least a hundred soldiers on the way here. Six guys at once is just too much heat.
“...Don’t these guys ever give up?” "Most impressive, Prince Bartholomew. But you'll go no further."Shakhan wanders over with an entourage of more stormtroopers...
“How about killing yourself honorably? What a fitting death for a clergyman." "There's much more to the 'Ethos' than you would know. We're not a single unit. We each have an agenda. We have no need to admit defeat just because the headquarters is gone. I have my own motives. And it is for them, that I used Aveh and Gebler. Now, the treasure's mine. I suggest you retreat now." "...Crap!"
Margie makes a break for it past like six guys, despite dreaded cutscene conditions. Shakhan and his goons, being utterly incompetent, are helpless to stop the speedy sixteen year old girl.
Shakhan’s bodyguards run off after Margie...
“What do you think one little girl can do? As they say, out of the frying pan and into the fire... idiot!"
“That detestable girl has made a fool of me for the last time. I'll send her and everything with her to the depths of hell." "Dammit... Get the hell outta my way!" ”Silence! I have yet to complete my villainous laughter!” “You've gone far enough.”
Sigurd and Citan out of fucking nowhere. Did Bart crash the ship between scenes? Is that how everyone is getting on board so quickly?
"Citan!"
"I left Maison in charge of the capital. I was worried about you so I returned here." ”Hey, I had it handled.” “You’re surrounded by soldiers with guns in a narrow hallway.” “Details...” "Shakhan, it's only a matter of time until Bledavik returns to us. At this point, you have nowhere to go."
*runs off* “I've still got Margie. For now, she'll once again be my hostage until I get that Omnigear." "Wait!" ”Goddammit, Margie! This is getting stupid!”Bart and the rest run after Shakhan...
”It locked...? Then why didn’t we lock it on the way out?!” “I don’t know how this stupid ship works. C’mon. Let’s unlock the thing...”Everyone piles into the retinal scanner room...
”Just say ‘eye’, Bart.” “Oh, quiet. This is like the only time I’ve gotten to get all royal and official like. Sheesh.”Sigurd enters...
“Relax, young master. Pass the light through your good eye! I'll do the other half!" "...What're you?" "Just do it!" ”Dude, I think this thing like melts your eyes if it’s off or something. Are you su—“ “Bart!”
Sigurd and Bart proceed to have their retinas scanned and...the door unlocks without a hitch. Dun dun duuuuuuh!
"? Sig...! How did YOUR eye work!?" "We're running out of time! We must return to Marguerite at once!" "...?" ”We can do my mysterious convoluted backstory another time. Let’s go! Margie! Guns! Bad!”
Well, I’m sure Margie will be fine. But hey...Ft. Jasper seems kinda familiar somehow...
Ah. There we go. That prologue will eventually become fully relevant. Slowly but surely.
Sigurd Portrait