Part 37: The Past
Holy Crap! No Fei
Citan: We were overjoyed by Fei's return, but it was short lived. For some unknown reason Fei was found in a state of suspended animation. He did not regain consciousness.
Citan: Even if Grahf and Id's power are comparable...
Zephyr: It is not that we fear him. We fear the error we ourselves committed. And now we are simply trying to put a lid on it.
Citan: The error that you yourselves committed?
Zephyr: Shevat instigated a battle 500 years ago to gain our independence from Solaris.
However, we became overcome with the lust for power. Fearing the war-torn people's will would no longer be with Shevat, but with the Nisan Mother and that the people would assemble under Sophia, the Council of Elders of Shevat back then, made a deal with Solaris.
Citan: A deal?
Zephyr: Yes, at the time, Solaris, or the Gazel Ministry to be exact, were at odds with a woman who held the real power behind the scenes.
Citan: Would that happen to have been Miang?
Zephyr: Most probably it was. Fearing the increasing power of the masses assembling in Nisan, the Gazel Ministry schemed to hand over to us their antagonist, Miang, and promised a division of the rulership over the earth's surface. But in exchange we had to give them the rebel army that had assembled in Nisan and also their patron, Sophia. The leaders of Shevat accepted and it was decided that Nisan would be the location of the final decisive battle with Solaris.
Zephyr: Thwarted by the awesome numbers of the Solarian army, and with their path of retreat cut off, the Nisan rebel army ran out of options and was destroyed. Caught up in the middle of all of this was Lacan, Bart's ancestor Roni, Myself, and Krelian.
Citan: You were also there?
Zephyr: Yes, surrounded on all sides we were prepared to die. And then, the rebel forces' flagship appeared with Sophia on board. She sacrificed herself as to create a path for our retreat. Sophia's ship headed straight for the enemy's main ship on a suicide attack.
Zephyr: However, her death forever changed the fate of two men. Krelian, who followed closely under her as the leader of the Nisan sect's militia, completely lost faith after calling out to a god that would not respond. "I will create god with my own hands!" were the last words he uttered before he disappeared. And Lacan, he resented himself for not having the power to do anything as she died in front of him. So he began to search for the 'Legendary Power'.
Citan: Legendary Power?
Zephyr: God's resting place, Mahanon, the source of divine wisdom, 'Razael,' and the 'Anima Relics' which were created by that very wisdom. Besides these there is one more legend.
Citan: And that is?
Citan: Zohar!? That has the same name as the 'Zohar Modifier', the power reactor that Miang spoke of, saying it was the infinite energy source of god -Deus-. What she claimed is also the source of our Ether powers and the driving force of all our Gears.
Zephyr: It would have to be one in the same thing. It is the place that contains the ultimate source of this world's power. It is said that only he who has the correct destiny would be able to discover its location. Losing all faith in humanity, Lacan sought after its power. Lacan became Grahf and the world collapsed. This tragedy happened because of the people's lust for power. I must take part of the responsibility for not having been able to stop it. And now, Fei, the one who has the same power as Grahf. We just wanted to seal up that dreadful power that arose from our own sinful deeds.
Fei: Who... Am I? This is... my memory?
The swinging cross makes another appearance
I missed the picture of Citan here
Ok I half-assed the screen shots here
Fei: Who are you?
Voice: I'm surprised. That's pretty clever.
Id: I misjudged you. I didn't expect you, the fake personality, would create a fourth persona.
Fei: Fourth persona?
Id: He can't feel anything. He's shut up inside your ego. The pressing facts and truths you won't face. You're afraid of them, so you desired to completely shut yourself off from the outside world. And so you formed a fourth persona, a fourth 'Fei'. The name doesn't matter. He's the one on the stage now. He's the one in control of our body. But it is a useless form of resistance. Come with me!
Id grabs the fourth Fei
Fei: Wait! What are you doing?
Id: He has the key. I merely want to borrow it. I've got to go somewhere. Are you coming too?
Roni: You haven't been able to get this kinda' food around here lately, have ya'? Well, this is also due to my business savvy.
Rene: Are you worried about something?
Lacan: I don't know why I agreed to do her portrait.
Rene: Sophia, you mean your childhood friend who's now the Holy Mother of Nisan?
Lacan: She's not really a childhood friend. I just made her acquaintance at the monastery near my home when I was a child. She went to the clinic for convalescence. She was frail.
Rene: So, what are you worried about painting her for?
Lacan: She does not wish herself to become a symbol of her sect. Actually, it seems she wasn't interested in having her portrait painted at first. But, when she heard I would be the painter, she turned around and agreed. That's what I don't understand.
Roni: I see, than she must like you.
Lacan: What are you talking about?
Roni: That's how women are, right, Krelian? Hey, Krel!
Rene: What's up? You're not having any? It's ready to eat.
Krelian: Ah, yeah...
Roni: The Holy Mother of Nisan, huh? What, are you out to offend divine providence or something, Lacan?
Lacan: Cut it out! It's not like that. Wh-what?
Roni: You've got to lighten up a little.
Krelian: and now I'm hooked on reading. I'm not trying to brag, but I've learned a lot of things I never knew before. Lately, I've been reading this.
Lacan: What is it?
Krelian: Something I borrowed from Melchoir. It's about a form of molecular engineering. I believe it's a book found in the ancient ruins of the Zeboim civilization. It's a copy of someone's research report, but it's incomplete. I think there were even more wonderful things written in it, but we'll never know now.
Elly: Lately, you've seemed melancholy almost every day. Has something happened?
Lacan: I don't know. I just can't paint right now. Sorry, but do you mind if we stop for today.
Elly: I see, it is not good to push yourself too hard. Why don't you rest up for a little while? I'll have Krelian take you...
Krelian: I lashed out at random. Everyone around me feared me, even my friends. I lived a life surrounded by people who looked at me with fear in their eyes. But she was the only one who wasn't afraid of me. She would just smile. Peace of mind, she was the one who taught me what that was and how I could receive it. She taught me how to live as a human.
Lacan: Oh it's you, Krelian. I was thinking I'd stop painting the portrait.
Krelian: Why stop now?
Lacan: It's the circumstances. I shouldn't be painting at a time like this. Eventually, she too must stand at the front lines. So...
Krelian: Is that really the problem?
Lacan: Her smile, it's killing me. The more she smiles at me, the more I-I feel my very being become insignificant. Inside my heart there is this empty existence. Other than painting, I have no worth; yet, she continues to accept my presence. I feel like I'm getting smaller and smaller. I didn't have this feeling in the beginning. I just wanted to paint her one more minute, one more second longer. I wanted to keep on painting forever. But, suddenly I couldn't. As the picture neared completion, the empty part of me started to manifest itself in my brushstokes. I was meant to be painting her as she really is, but this picture is my own self; my empty self has begun to appear within
there. That's why I've got to stop now.
Krelian: Your own self? You're just running away! You can't bear it when she smiles at you. By painting her portrait, you noticed the gap between your own inner emptiness and her inner abundance. And you could not fill that gap. That's why you are quitting your painting. You are refusing her! Even so, you still can't bring yourself to leave her, can you? In spite of that why is it that she continues to smile at you, you who can't accept her feelings. Tell me why!? If it was me who was receiving such feelings...
Krelian: Why aren't you kinder to yourself, Mistress?
Lacan and Roni look at the portrait
Roni: Is this really her true expression?
Lacan: Yeah, to people who don't know her that well I guess.
Roni: Her smile, I don't know, the smile in this picture is somehow different from the one she usually shows us. I realize Lacan's feelings are in there, but I don't think she has ever opened herself up and shown her inner self to others like this before. You've been painting such a beautiful expression of Sophia. I just can't see the reason why you want to stop.
Lacan: Beautiful? Forget it, this picture!? It's anything but beautiful.
Roni: Lacan, you say you're empty. Then why do you come along with us? What we've been doing up till now, are not just acts of mercy. It's a fight for freedom. Time and again you've been through life threatening situations with us, a man who has nothing in his heart could not do that kind of thing, right?
Lacan: Roni, you're giving me too much credit. As long as you do something to keep yourself occupied you can ignore the hollowness inside. From the beginning, my very existence itself was an emptiness. It wouldn't matter if I were to die right now. You live, you die, that's all.
Roni: Pessimistic as usual, Lacan, and now you're lying.
Roni: It is just that you're not good at expressing your own feelings. You're not empty. She knows that. That's why she shows you only her true smile.
Lacan: I don't deserve to see her true smile. She is this hope of the people, their support. There is so much more for her to do. Why would she open her heart to a mere artist like me?
Rene and Zephyr walk in
Roni: What's up?
Zephyr: The Council of Elders of Shevat issued a declaration. Tomorrow we will leave for Soylent.
Roni: Soylent? That's in Solaris.
Rene: Yes. And Sophia will be coming with us.
Krelian: That's ridiculous! The refugees are still increasing! We can't afford to have Sophia leave Nisan! And going to Soylent! That's plain foolish! That's too dangerous!
What are the elders thinking?
Zephyr: No. It wasn't the council's wish. It was Sophia's will. It appears that she expressed the desire herself.
Krelian: That can't be, what is she thinking?
Rene: Originally, we talked about it being just us.
Krelian: Just us?
Krelain shoves Lacan out of the way
Krelian: Sophia... Lacan! What are you doing? You keep back! I know we couldn't leave Sophia in your care! I'll protect her even if it costs me my life!
Roni: You haven't slept since the day before yesterday have you? You shouldn't do that to yourself!
Krelian: I'm fine, it's not a problem.
Roni: Look, I'll watch over her, so you go sleep. What will we do if you also fall ill? Do not forget you are the head of the sect's military forces.
Krelian: Okay, I suppose you are right.
Everyone leaves but Lacan
Lacan: I... It was my misjudgement that did this to you. I was terrified. It was like you could see right through me, your eyes, that look. That was me that was being reflected back in your eyes. I was looking at myself, and thus painting myself. I couldn't stand it! So that's why, oh Elly, what in the heavens did you find inside of me? When you wake up, I think I will ask you that. On second thought, no. No, I don't want to burden you with my concerns. Besides, I wouldn't be able to ask you. One look into your eyes and I can't say a thing. I wouldn't be able to tell you how I feel...
Elly: You are someone who cannot bear to see others hurt by your own actions. So you hold everything in and bear all the burden. If you get hurt in the end, you think that it is fine. That's what I like about you.
Lacan: Stop! Don't say that. If you become just another human, everyone will.
Elly: Humans aren't so frail you know. They don't need a symbol who is just appearances only. I believe that if you have light in your heart, you can overcome any hardship.
What I have been doing is simply showing people that such light exists in the hearts of everyone. I'm just a woman. And to fulfill my womanhood I am prepared to throw away everything even this position. I'm just playing the role of Sophia. But I am still me. I haven't changed. A cowardly, selfish crybaby, I am still the same. Could you live like that and still be happy? I don't want to do that. Oh, Lacan, I want to live more honestly with myself, to be able to tell the man that I love that I do love him. And I don't care if
I get hurt or rejected. You only have one life. I don't want to turn around later and regret not having done such things...
Uh-oh! This is some soap opera shit here
Krelian: We are not their possessions!
Sophia: So, Krelian, please open your fist and with your own hand gently hold the people who will continue to live...
The Merkava shoots Sophia's ship (The footage from earlier is interspersed here. If you want to see it again go back to the video)
Sophia: Thank you, Lacan, but sorry there's no other way...
Sophia: People support each other to live, it's what brings us happiness. So share that happiness, and please, Lacan, live!
The ship crashes
Krelian: In order to protect their own authority. Sophia was... Is this the ideal world we've been searching for? What have we been doing? Heading toward Sophia's ideals? Is this our salvation? This isn't fair; Sophia was sacrificed for those bastards. Sophia said, if you just have faith the path to what you hope for will open. But look at reality. God didn't answer our prayers. Is that because we didn't have enough faith? Even if we didn't have faith, Sophia did. Why did she have to be sacrificed? Is god dead? Is he just not there? Maybe god never existed to begin with!
Krelian: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I see, that's it. If god doesn't exist in our world, then I will create god with my own hands!
Krelian: Sophia, please guide me! I will destroy all false pretences of love, for you...
Roni: We'll never beat them if we fight them individually. So let us create a country that can some day stand up against them. What are you going to do, Lacan?
[She transforms back into Miang.]
Sophia's spirit appears behind Miang and shakes her head
Miang: You want it, don't you, unrivaled power? Don't you want to become the absolute being?
Lacan: There... That's what I have sought after... But wait! That's not what I
want! No! This
is my very desire!