Part 21: GTM-CM-G-OLM
Listen in (or miss out): [English/Japanese]
You honestly think a voice that coarase could come from a throat as fine as this?
Hey! Over here!
What is that--!
VLR OST: [GLTM-KM506]
Blimey that hurts...
Ain't right for a fellow's back to feel like this.
It's a robot...
And it's... talking...
W-With an accent...
Can't help it, flower.
Didn't choose to talk like this, not by half.
Now Alice, darling...
Do I rightly recollect you characterizing my speech as "coarse"?
Why, that's right cruel, it is.
You really think I asked for this?
See, they figured they'd give us all a, whatcha call 'em, "Per-son-al-i-ty".
Some tosser thought they'd give me this one. It ain't right, I tell you.
If you're a barrel maker, I'm an astronaut.
Ah ha ha ha ha... Right you are, me old son, right you are.
Well go on, have a butcher's, mate.
What do I look like to you? Robot, you say?
Oh, I've heard of golems. They're sort of... monsters, I guess, from Jewish folklore.
They're made from clay, and they look like men. They're supposed to do whatever their master or creator or whatever commands them to do.
Well, aren't you a clever bird?
You are, of course, correct. The golem of myth is a clay creation that moves under its own power.
Our spelling's a mite different, though.
That's an acronym for General-purpose AUtonomous Labor Electronic Machine.
Truth to tell, it's a bit rubbish when you write it out all like that, but I figure they wanted to make sure they had the "golem" thing in there, what with us being robots and all.
Um... so... should I just call you Gaulem?
That doesn't seem quite kosher.
I couldn't very well call all of you lot "human", could I?
What should we call you then?
Well, we've all got a Product ID, and they're unique.
I figure that's as good a name as any.
And your ID is...?
That's way too long! We can't remember that?
You taking the mickey out of me? Never had a problem meself.
Right then, let's just use the last bit, shall we?
G... O, L, M?
C'mon, man, that's just "golem"!
Well I'll be buggered! Can't say I ever noticed that before.
Sure is a strange coincidence, innit?
Actually, it's not a coincidence - it's a Japanese pun. As you might have noticed if you listen to the Japanese audio (hey, someone's listening to the Japanese audio) or, more likely, if you paid attention to the name of the BGM in this section, G-OLM's name in the Japanese version is GLTM-KM506. 506 is, in this context, pronounced "go-re-mu"... so it's a bit more plausible that he might not have noticed that his name is basically "Golem". There's only so many ways you can localize something like that, though.
ANYWAY, 506 is voiced in Japanese by Shinobu Matsumoto, who has a ton of minor anime roles I can't make anything out of, and in particular seems to have voiced some minor character or other in what must be every other episode of Naruto Shippuden. I... have absolutely no idea who voices G-OLM in English. Seriously, I've looked everywhere I can think of. I even tried asking the production team directly - not that they even bothered responding, but that's how desperate I was. Hell, I asked Ben Bateman - who did the casting and direction - and all I got out of him was "Not at liberty to discuss that. Thought he did a pretty great job though."
Listen in (or, you know): [English/Japanese]
What, a gentleman can't say something nice to a pretty young bird, eh?
No, I don't care if you call her "darling".
What I'm saying is, you called her "Alice".
How did you know her name?
Ha ha. Oh, she isn't the only one of you lot whose name I know.
I know who you are, Sigma, and you too, Luna...
I'm right familiar with all nine of you.
Then again, the lenses aren't much bigger than a screw...
And they're all hidden away, so I suppose I can't really blame you for missing them, you know?
Now, as I was saying, there are these camers, you see.
And all of the data they record gets sent off to the mainframe in real time.
Does that mean...
You're Zero Jr.?
The young master is a right proper AI what supervises all the electronic bits and bobs in this place.
So GAULEMs are kind of like Zero Jr's... servants?
Hmmm... No, not quite, governor, not quite.
I'd say me and me mates here are more like, uh, arms and legs, right?
Now, you lot don't have brains in your arms and legs, do you?
Of course not.
Right you are, missus.
It'd be all sorts of nasty if your elbows and that lumpy bit on your ankle was all packed with brains.
The GAULEM's seat of consciousness, so to speak, ain't in the head.
Fact of the matter is, it's not anywhere in the body.
Which makes a fellow wonder... where is it?
In the mainframe...?
So that part of me what thinks is in the mainframe.
Everything this here body sees and hears and what have you, that all gets sent back there.
Those commands get sent out over the wireless like bwoop bwoop bwoop and eventually my body picks them up.
Finally, those commands cause actions what move the various bits of my body.
That's why this thing's like a computer terminal, you see.
Wait a minute.
Then wouldn't that make you part of Zero Jr.?
I suppose you could say that. What with us sharing the mainframe and all.
But I don't know shit-all about this game he's running.
That part of the mainframe's locked away from the rest of us.
You recollect what GAULEM stands for, eh?
But if that's the case, your hands and feet analogy doesn't really make sense.
My arms and legs aren't autonomous. They don't just move on their own.
You sure, governor? I watched you cross your arms just now.
And now you're frowning and your forehead's getting all wrinkly.
Did you do these things on purpose?
"Curl on down then, mouth! Oh, and eyebrows, I'd be much obliged if you'd squeeze in a bit, there's a good pair of blokes!"
That's what you was thinking, innit?
No? Didn't reckon so. I figure you did all of that subconsciously.
Who's thinking real hard about something and says to themselves, "Well, think I'll just give the old loaf a scratch, that oughta help."
How's about when you reach for your tea?
When you turn a page in your book?
Or what about when your eyes just go straight for the pair on that bird you fancy, heh?
The list goes on, me chums. But all of those things are your subconscious at work.
True, when part of your body does something, it's because your brain said so.
But that doesn't mean your conscious mind is involved.
Fact is, it can't be: If your brain had to deal with all the piddly bits of living, it'd make you balmy.
Then you're saying that Zero Jr. is the central part of the mainframe, and the GAULEMs are like his hands and feet?
You're a robot... How can your shoulders get stiff?
And you said your back hurt earlier. Are you just messing with us?
Yes I did, and no I ain't.
Me back is a right mess, it is.
Last maintenance check, they just left me here.
I've been on this bed here for years.
The lubricant for me joints is all gummed up.
Every time I move it hurts.
But... why did you wake up again after all this time?
Oh yeah, that button on top of the safe...
Right you are, governor.
Can you come with us, then? The others need to see this...
No I can't, and more's the pity.
I got internal batteries, but they're knackered.
Matter of fact, that's why I was in here for maintenance in the first place.
'Course, they ain't connected to a power cable like I am, so they aren't going anywhere any time soon.
Huh? What question is that?
I asked you how your shoulders can get stiff if you're a robot.
Right, right, so you did. Not sure why you've got a bug up your arse about that particular issue, though.
Well, I mean... I guess it's not really important, but... I'm just curious, I suppose.
Let's get you sorted, then, shall we? Just lend me your lords and peers for a tick.
So! How can a robot get stiff shoulders?
And what does pain mean to a robot?
Without waiting for an answer, G-OLM launched into his explanation.
You know the drill: [English/Japanese]
Is there any particular reason this girl is, um, pretty?
O-Or why we need to know what color underwear she's wearing...?
Can't say there is.
Just tickles my fancy, I guess.
But the prettier the bird is, the more fun the story is, innit?
All them Chinese blokes outside the room didn't know nothing about them books what she had.
So it follows that they would've thought whoever was inside spoke Chinese, just like them.
After all, far as they can tell they're having a nice little chin-wag with one of their countrymen.
I feel pain when my body's having a spot of bother.
So says the central computer to itself, seeing that things are a bit bollocksed.
In the interest of extricating my body from its unpleasant predicament, the mainframe sends out a signal over the wireless.
And my software interprets that signal as pain, and I stop doing whatever daft thing I was doing.
It's the same, innit? Just like the Chinese Room.
Use your loaf, missy! You listened to a word I've said?
A human feels pain when you do something you shouldn't, like sit your bum down on a tack, right?
Same thing for us robots.
Forget about all that mainframe and signal bollocks, and us GAULEMs ain't that different from the bird in the room.
So think about it, love. How do you know humans ain't the same, just without all the electronic-y pony?
What if, when someone asks you a question...
All you're doing is pulling out the right answer from some sort of phrasebook in your brain?
I mean, it's all the same, innit?
If you're actually a thinking creature, or if you're just some kind of language-processing machine.
All what matters if it the person next to you does what a human ought.
Looks like a person, acts like a person, and talks like a person, then it's probably a person.
You want to live a normal life, that's all you need to know.
Lay it on me, governor.
Why'd you stop us?
Ah! Right you are, mate, right you are!
Got so carried away I near forgot.
Haven't seen anyone for yonks, and I got a mite excited is all.
Just spit it out.
Well, there was something I wanted to tell you lot.
What was it?
Now, I know I might look a bit out of sorts at the moment, but I ain't really supposeed to.
Fact is, the reason we look a bit like skeletons is because we are a bit like skeletons.
There's this special artificial biological tissue what's called "ABT".
When a GAULEM's all new and shiny, they've got on a nice suit of ABT over that metal skeleton.
Even feels like real skin, with pores, a little bit of hair, and a few pimples, scars, and the like.
See, right in the middle of--
[Music fades out]
Product ID GTM-CM-G-OLM.
Executing emergency deactivation.
Unit GTM-CM-G-OLM now inactive.
No other rouge processes detected in additional GAULEM platforms.
Returning to surveillance mode.
I-It looks like it...
"See, right in the middle of--"
Right in the middle of what?
Forty-five minutes remain until Ambidex Game polling closes.
VLR OST: [Strain]
Someone on the other team must have opened it!
Shit... Why would they do that?!
We have to hurry!
Right! Let's go!
Before we go, there's just enough time to squeeze in some more Hidden File Extracts.
Incidentally, the Japanese model unpacks as GAULEM Type Male - Kawachi Model "goremu".
G-OLM's Story - The Point: