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yo mothafuckas back again. you ready to ROCK OUT with your COCK OUT?


anyways gotta go down this long hallway here


they try and and fuck you over by spawning a vortigaunt behind you


ALIEN SCUM


gee this room sure looks fun and not tedious


i hate these guys


anyways gotta climb a ladder and walk over to this door. i still hate these guys


i dont even remember what im supposed to be doing. i guess this is the right way


oh headcrabs. are you ever NOT annoying and gay?


i guess this is it. after figuring out the complicated controls, i activate it


were halfway done. or something.


making you walk all the way back = turbo-gay


onward to Coolant System 2: the Revenge of Coolant System


at first when you turn the corner you see that big piece of concrete blocking the way so youre all "god damnit i guess i go a different way"


but actually if you look behind it there's an opening and you can get through. thanks a lot for indicating that, game. THAT TOTALLY DIDNT TAKE ME TWENTY MINUTES TO FIGURE OUT


more fucked up walls to walk past


oh boy, a room identical to that other room i was in earlier. its almost like theyre making me do the exact same thing twice in an obvious attempt to pad gameplay!


except this room has barnacles: my arch nemesis


seriously, fuck you guys. you guys are assholes


so yeah im just walkin along this bridge or whatever the fuck it is here


when BAM some jackass teleports in and breaks the bridge like he fuckin owns the place!


and also if you walk really slowly toward that encounter he doesn't notice you so he just falls down stays standing there


merry christmas.


i now present to you the most complex well designed puzzle in the game. so i have to get through that hole right there, right? but the steam is blocking my way. so what do I do?


gotta turn the valve right next to me


i hope whoever designed this puzzle got a promotion


blah blah blah headcrabs


oh COME ON you fucking stupid asshole scientist. You were TWO FEET from the switch! if you had just flipped that fucking switch before you died i wouldnt have had to come all the way out here!


seriously fuck you. do you people understand why i hate scientests yet???


well that's it... i think. time to head back


fuck you, lambda reactor coolant system. you are the worst system ever. EXCEPT FOR THE PLAYSTATION 3 THAT IS HAHAHA (do you see how i am hip and up to date with the gaming scene?)


this scientist who is magically back to life tells me "Don't linger, Mr. Freeman. You've turned on the pumps. Take the access pipe, flood the core and get on up to the labs without delay."


shut the fuck up bitch, ill linger if i fuckin feel like it, capeesh?


oh seeing this still brings a smile to my face


anyways gotta go all the way back to that chamber filled with water from earlier and turn these valves


yea im showin you pics of me turning BOTH valves. wanna fight about it?


anyways up here there is the gay reactor that shoots bolts of gayness at you (that hurt like a bitch actually, and can easily kill grodon)


and you gotta deal w/ these alien bitches too


and jumping puzzles too. JUMPING WHILE FIGHTING ALIENS AND DODGING LIGHTNING.


OH FUCK YOU i was right at the fuckin exit when i got killed


fuck you game. i fucking hate you


oh no, dont think you can win my heart back with gifts.


anyways i have to climb up an elevator shaft. oh boy, these are always safe and fun


get this: i have to jump from my ladder onto that door sticking out. yeah i thought it was a joke too. fuck you for making me jump this much, game. gordons probably jumped more in this one day than ive jumped in my ENTIRE LIFE


FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


sadface


needless to say this takes a couple tries


EVENTUALLY i manage to get up here


oh boy, a guard! maybe he can actually help me find these supposed non-retard scientists of the lambda sector (although i highly doubt the existance of these mythical creatures)


no... no he can't help me at all. in fact he says nothing useful or interesting in the slightest.


your punishment is you must fight aliens TO THE DEATH, gladiator style.


you fought valiantly, barney. i shall erect (lol) a memorial in your honor


there. now you shall never be forgotten


goodnight sweet prince



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