Part 1: Chapter 1-1
Intro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k60h8_1SLG4Chapter 1: In Which Women Are Murdered And Lunch Is Lost
Following the video introduction, we join Agent McPherson as she pulls her 4x4 up to the latest crime scene. She wields four cups of hot coffee, one of which goes to the officer guarding the front door.
The gentleman here has some phenomenally awful voice acting. It’s like they ran a casting call for “Black dude stereotype” and went with the guy who turned up the most drunk.
“Here you are.”
And here we’re introduced to an extraneous gameplay element. At certain points in dialogue, you’re presented with a mouse icon, such as the one by Vickie’s foot. If the left or right mouse buttons are red, you can hit them to choose a “Professional” or “Snarky Douchebag” dialogue response, left for the former, right for the latter. Choosing the second never seems to have any negative repercussions other than eventually making you go back and answer professionally to shoo the plot along, so we’ll be always be running the Snarky tree dry first unless otherwise indicated.
”So, are you the human popsicle yet?”
“What do we have, the usual?”
Miller, as we’ll see shortly, is our comic relief terrible cop partner. He’s currently inside puking all over the crime scene. Really.
”Besides you, who got here first?”
”Miller got here first, huh? Did he do it again?”
”Where’s the crime scene?”
”Well, okay. I guess I’ll go up and see how Miller is doing.”
And Deputy Dawg finally takes a few steps to his left to let us go do our job. What awaits us inside our house of horrors?
Well, nothing of note. Upstairs, however, is an entirely new brand of terror.
Our partner, ladies and gentlemen.
“Wow, you remind me of when I was at the academy! One day I decided to run the obstacle course after lunch. I lost everything! Even my breakfast. It was a gruesome mash of pizza and French toast.
Second cup of coffee goes to Pukey McPukerson.
“Here you are. It might make things pass more…smoothly…then again maybe not. Vickie is kind of an asshole.
Miller, you’re going to have to stop trying. You and dead bodies don’t mix. I suggest you wait for us next time. We can’t risk anymore donut contaminated crime scenes.
“Oh, by the way, stop with the ‘Agent McPherson…please. Just plain Victoria is fine. All right?"
Aw, they do love each other.
“Just out of morbid curiosity, where did the Martians land this time?”
“Jeez, that would bring you to two and ‘O’. Claire must be very happy right now.
Alright, that exhausts Vickie’s shithead dialogue branch.
“So what can you tell me?”
“So, where is Claire?”
“Christ Miller, I’m really not in the mood.”But…you were the one just…oh never mind.
And we are presented with our first inventory item, since Miller is goddamn useless.
“Wonderful. Take it easy…see you in a bit.”
And Miller proceeds to stand there like a lump and do nothing. We’re inching towards gameplay, folks.
Past that is nothing of note, besides Vickie amusing herself…
…and putting those fine detective skills to good use. Unfortunately, she won’t do anything with the clues while holding coffee in her hands.
Past a few hanging doll babies, we’ll find the only remotely competent officer on the scene.
Not Vickie. This would be Claire, resident autopsy person.
“This might actually help…coffee?”And the third cup goes to Clairice.
Spicy or mild dialogue tree presents itself here. As always, we’ll start with Spicy.
“Hey, maybe you should take it easy with Miller…”Well, even Vickie knows better than to mess with Claire. She’ll tie you to a truck and take off down the road.
Woman has a point. Alright, back to Mild dialogue.
“What can I do to help?”
something. To help you out, grab the forensic tools from my briefcase in what’s left of the kitchen. Once you’ve collected the evidence, come and help me out in here.”
“You do know I’m a field agent, right? I think this is a little out of my league.”
“I don’t know…I think I need a vacation.”
“I know, I know.”
“My pleasure, Clairice.”Shut up Vickie, you weren’t funny the first time.
You tell her, Claire.
Clicking the sink over yonder causes Vickie to down her last cup of coffee and free up her mitts to collect things out of Claire’s duffel bag. These are:
A blacklight filter, good for making the crime scene look more like your local Hot Topic.
Swabs, good for swabbing up blood and jizz.
Luminol, good for picking up trace amounts of blood.
Camera film, which…is going right into our camera.
And tweezers, good for picking out ticks once they’ve decided to burrow into your stomach. I hate those things.
Back to the previous room, where surprisingly, nothing can be done with those hanging doll babies. On the far wall, however…
Alright, our killer is apparently sloppy. We’ll just use our tweezers to grab that, and…
…oh, right. Take pictures *before* messing with a crime scene. Camera then tweezers nets us…
Evidence! You’re mine, Ripper Man! Eventually.
Continuing on, taking pictures and swabbing the blood puddle nets us more evidence for our collection.
As for the oddly clean wall back there, first the blacklight filter goes on a nearby spotlight to set ambiance. Then Luminol to see what we can see, and…
Well said, Vickie. Apparently our killer is Quasimodo. Snapping a photo of that before fetching our blacklight filter, we’ll head a couple of rooms over, where there is another strangely clean wall.
Filter goes on light, Luminol goes on wall, and…
Calling all cars, be on the lookout for late 90s nu metal bands. There is one more puddle of blood on the floor here to photo and gather, then it’s back over to Claire.
Okay, all done and neatly packed.
“So what’s next?”
“OK. So what can you tell me so far?”
”Can you walk me through what happened here?”
“Aw, you spoil me!” And behind curtain number one we have…
http://youtu.be/wQ6Daz1zNXY
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R.I.P. Jack from Mass Effect. Your death will be avenged.
Bonus Video: Just because this guy really is his own special brand of voice acting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XNJ...eature=youtu.be