Part 38: Jimmy's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Rin

PART 38 - Jimmy's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Rin

Welcome back, folks! Only a short update today, because... well, I won't beat around the bush, Fire Emblem: Three Houses came out today. I'm going to be quite busy playing that. And can anyone blame me?



So, as seems to be a recurring theme, Sami swung the vote once again, so here we go.



I've already been given some bad news by my commenters, and you'll see what that is in just a moment...



Number Of Fog Of War Maps In A Row: FUCKIN 5



Oh, it's Nell. Been a while. Still miss you. Please come home, Nell.





"Bringing Tina to every mission is just being unfair on everyone else, come on guys."



I exchange sly glances with Rin and Balthazar.



That's not even on me, I've never let any of my landers die.



I'm sorry, how the fuck does that work? ...Eh, whatever. Alright, fine, we'll keep an eye on them.



Sami apparently wants to try and minimise her workload by just keeping 50% of our landers alive.



Nell is unimpressed. I am, too, Sami. That's very Thanosian thinking you have there.



Sami's toned down the sass; she's a far cry from the ball of stress that we were working with during the Sonja arc.



I'll definitely try. Can't promise anything though, we've been losing a lot of units lately. And MOST of them were due to the map being fucking Fog of goddamn War.



Nell trusts us! Yay! I think she likes me back.



Dipshit? I didn't select you as the CO for this mission, go back to your corner.





Yes, and I've also noticed how your text



cuts itself weirdly when you ask a question.



Sigh. Advance Wars doesn’t let players come to their own conclusions, I find. Every time a character acts differently, or hints at a backstory, before the player can even consider it, Dipshit or someone instantly comes in with “Hey, my dude, did you notice that we tried to give these characters depth and complexity?”

Yes, Advance Wars writers, I noticed. Emphasis on “tried”.



Dipshit apparently is stupid enough to loudly suggest that Sami's angling for a promotion whilst she's in earshot.



What do you mean lay low? I'm the one doing the map, Dipshit! You go lay low, by which I mean go back to Orange Star. We'll take it from here.



Alright, the strategy. This map isn't too tough but the Fog of War naturally makes everything harder - it's definitely more difficult than the previous mission. The southernmost point of the above island is where we want to head - we'll be dropping off our heavy units, then some backup, then the dudes who'll actually be doing the capturing. In the meantime, there's a number of foes at sea that we've got to watch out for, so our naval units are going to be working full-time to protect those all-important landers.



So, first things first, let's load some lads. In Balthazar, we load the Fred Fusiliers...



And the Tina Team.



It seems we have a new friend, who just hopped into Michael.

"Hello, everyone. I'm not too interestin', just a mech on a mission. Name's Jimmy, of the Jimmy Jamboree."

"A pleasure to meet you." Michael replies, grinning, as he drives onto the Rin Roundup.



And... that's Von Panzer on the right, so... wait, who's this?

"We have a new tank? Already?" asks Tina.

"Not quite new." grins the person inside. He hops up and waves at the army, who stare in surprise at him.

"Well, I never..." Dave mutters. "Barold, really?"

"Indeed! Looks like my talents have been recognised." Barold replies, with a wide smile.

Barold has promoted. He can now be deployed as either an infantry unit or a tank unit.



Only one lander can drop off their units each turn though, so for now the Balthazar Boat drops off his quarry.



This is how things shape up at the end of the first turn. Dave, Gareth, Alfonse, Von Panzer and Eddie gather around the HQ, waiting for their turn to get dropped off, whilst Francis, the Lloyd Lads and the Selena Set prepare for naval combat. Selena's underwater, and Lloyd is in a reef; this is important.



Bring it, you eldritch horror, Drake.





How the hell does he know that? Are we all using the same radio frequency?



See, this follow-up line implies that he's just suggesting that sinking our landers prevents us from reaching him, but that first line was way, way too specific if that's what the writers were trying to get at. Something like "I'll be boarded if I don't do something about those landers. That'll prevent them from coming ashore!"



Drake continues to be a pretty atrocious pirate. "Up and at 'em"? That's not even a pirate phrase, that's just a general phrase.



You know the drill by now. Ominous movements in the fog.



A sub showed up. This is why we wanted Lloyd and Selena hidden - next turn, the sub will only be in range of Francis, and as we've seen in previous maps, subs really shouldn't engage on cruisers.



For now, though, it's my turn. I'm pretty sure there's a battleship nearby, too, hence why I'm moving my land units to the HQ rather than leaving them on the right side of the island.



Balthazar heads back to pick up some more allies.



Namely, the Eddie Ensemble...



And the Von Panzer Volksturm.



The units already on the island push north, since we need more room to drop off more dudes. Fred's low movement is really detrimental here.



Either way, Rin drops off her people, ready to move in.



I move Lloyd to this reef, too. I want him to fire on the naval units, but later on he'll provide valuable support for my land units, so I want him to be in range of the northern island as well as the ocean.



That's all we really do, though. Balthazar is out of range of the sub, and Francis is blocking the sub from approaching the Rin Roundup, so there's little reason to move him or Selena.



This sub has had enough of life.



Yeah, even on the enemy phase, cruisers hard-counter subs.



The battleship shows up, too; directly in range of Selena and Lloyd.

The fool.



I'm nervous about the lack of units attacking me on the northern island. I know they're up there! They ruined several perfectly good runs!



Eh, gives me some time to take out the naval threats. OK, you first. The Francis Faction opens fire on this sub.



Pretty much neutered it. It's hardly a threat now, we'll finish it next turn.



Lloyd seems to have found Drake's battleship. Now sink it!



Huh. I bet that's why I don't like the Battleships game. It's basically Fog of War: the game.



"Another mission, another battleship." says Selena to herself, smiling briefly to hide her nervousness. "Let's begin."



Another enemy brought down to 1HP. You are allowed to kill things, guys, just saying.



The Balthazar Boat dropped off Eddie and Von Panzer, whilst the rest of my units advanced. Rin's just heading back to grab some dudes who can actually capture stuff.

Tina found an enemy! Luckily, he didn't find her.



Come on, Drake. Hit me.



nnnNOT LIKE THAT



ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I HIT TWO OF YOUR UNITS, AND DIDN'T KILL EITHER OF THEM? HOW DO YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR CO POWER READY?



Frankly, this is ridiculous.



This dick just captures this city.



The enemy battleship, however, is slightly more offence-oriented, and goes for Balthazar.



And actually does a point of damage. Man, battleships are strong.



This fucking tank comes out of nowhere and goes right for the newly-promoted Barold.



Hang in there, Barold Brigade! It's not looking good, I'll admit...



The enemy cruiser, having sat doing nothing for three days, immediately decides that now is the time to attack and comes to find my sub, which is literally the only unit in this entire map that it can fire on.



The enemy sub, meanwhile, also goes for Balthazar.



2 damage, even at 1 HP? Jesus. Subs are powerful, or landers are weak. I need to take more care with them now; instant loss if they die, remember.



But now it's my turn, and my units have a bone to pick with all these newcomers.

First, let's fire on this cruiser with the Fred Fusiliers.



A well-placed rocket is a really versatile unit, I must admit.



So, now I think we can finish off all the naval units in one fell swoop. First, we finish the battleship with Lloyd...



Perfect.



It was then that I realised Von Panzer was in the shallows, and I wondered if he could fire on cruisers. Turns out he can... just not for much damage.

But hey, I could get lucky. Let's do it.



Pfftahahahah I actually did a point of damage

Incredible work, Von Panzer.



Now we have Francis finish off the enemy sub...



Excellent. That leaves the enemy cruiser open...



Selena might be able to finish it.



Nnnnope never mind. We'll just leave it there.



Let's get Selena out of the way, though. Just in case.



Tina turns around and notices a small, insignificant insect pretending to be a threat behind her.



She proceeds to open fire.



Barold should be able to weaken it further.



And he does! Though I would rather get it out of the way altogether.



Huh, Eddie's in range. 2% damage, huh? Let's see if we get lucky again.



Should've known.



Rin picks up the Dave Division and the Gareth Group, who should help with capturing the enemy HQ.



Unfortunately, attacking that cruiser with Von Panzer means I can only drop off one unit. I park Gareth there, whilst Dave stays in the boat to hang out with Rin, I guess.



Drake's turn again. Come on, what've you got this time? Give me a proper threat!



I, uh



On second thoughts, I should've kept my mouth shut.

So, yeah, this is where we're cutting it for this week - I'll see you all next week for some more exciting Drake action and some much less exciting Fog of War action!

***

The Barracks: Rin and Dave 1

Dave observes the battle from the ship, keeping an eye on the fog and muttering to himself.

“H-hello?” says a voice behind him. He turns to see a small brunette girl with a skirt and a faint scar near her mouth, looking at him with a strange, enraptured stare.

“Hey.” he says. “Rin, right? This your boat?”

“Yeah,” she replies. “Tho you’re Dave…”

“Uh, yes.” Dave says, looking at her. “Why d’you look so excited?”

“You’re thomething of a local legend back at Orange Thtar training camp. The new recuitth thay you captured Blue Moon on your own!”

Dave allows himself a brief smile. He hadn’t realised what an impression he’d made.

“Yeah, I suppose that was me. It wasn’t on my own, though; I had lots of help getting there. I’m no legendary hero.”

“It’th thtill incredible!” says Rin, smiling at him. “But… why do you look tho unhappy?”

“…Well, I’m just a bit lost, to be honest.” Dave says. “I talked to Michael about it… I wanted to leave Orange Star. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t let me leave, and they promoted me; I’m pretty sure that was just to convince me to stay.”

“I thee…” Rin murmurs.

“Revenge kinda swallows you up. Once it’s done, you’re just left fighting, and you barely remember why you started fighting in the first place. I suppose you don’t know much about that, sailing a lander.”

“I don’t really, no. But Dave, you’re thtill a thtrong man in your own right! Even if you’re not fighting for anyone, you should fight your hardetht anyway, to protect all your friendth!”

“Heh. That’s a cute thought, kid.” Dave replies. “But this is war. It’s not about friends and fun times. Don’t fight to save the living, fight to avenge the dead. OK?”

“Oh… I thee.” Rin says.

Dave turns back to face the battlefield, wondering how the front-line units are getting on. “Let me go see what’s happening.” he says, hopping over the side of the boat and landing in the shore. Rin watches him go.

“He… wathn’t at all like I’d imagined him.” Rin says to herself sadly. “…I gueth that’th why they thay ‘don’t meet your heroeth…’"