Part 44: Michael Dies For The First Time In A While

PART 44 - Michael Dies For The First Time In A While



Alright, you sassy Susans, it's time for another part of Let's Play Advance Wars, where we'll hopefully get through this map without any casualties.

...Ignore the title of this part. We all know it doesn't count.



So, it's my turn, and the first thing we need to do is deal as much damage to those medium tanks as possible. Tina can handle one medium tank, but two's definitely going to kill her. Luckily, ranged support is at hand!



Lloyd makes a good start on one of them.



Of course, we have Fred on hand too, so let's do the same to the other one.



Man, indirects really shred medium tanks, huh.



Tina can't quite snag a kill here, but she'll put a massive dent into this one. Let's go, Tina!

"No more holding back!" Tina yells, unleashing all of her righteous fury.



...Wow. Yeah, OK, I'll take that. _{I know it's just luck-based damage but I can't read this in any other way than Tina getting a critical hit.}



The other one's in range of Fred, though. It'll be problematic if Fred takes a big hit, since we need his firepower.



Michael, you sit riiiiight there. Good job.



Dave starts capturing since he doesn't have anything else to do.



Bernard and Gareth head off on their quest.

"But cosmicPostman, you dumb shit!" I hear you say. "There's still a fighter that can one-shot Bernard!"

Actually, it's not quite as threatening as it looks. Eagle gets his turn before Andy, so that thing will be scrap metal by the time Andy's turn rolls around.



I dive Selena. That enemy sub is around here somewhere, and I'd rather not have it initiate on me.



Arthur does a capture.



Alright, Eagle's turn once more. Get to it, lads.



I think I've seen this video on PornHub.



"Tiny Fighter Surrounded And Destroyed By Green Earth".



Hey it's Andy's turn. That is to say, Evil Dipshit's turn.

"I have a question." Edgar says. "Does your ACO, like, ever shut up?"



Forgot to screencap it, but Andy got off his Hyper Repair again. That other medium tank is going to be a problem; it's got 8HP now.



Watching infantry capture things just makes me laugh. They barely do damage, they capture even on maps where it's pointless, and have a tiny amount of movement. They're the white space of the enemy's armies.



Oh, noooo, Michaeeeeel



"You good, Michael?" Dave asks.

"Ngh. Yeah." Michael replies, in a field a short way away from the exploding wreckage of his APC. "Gonna head on back to HQ now."

"Keep yourself safe." Tina replies. "We'll take care of things here, don't worry!"

"I'll tell Wilbert you said hi." Michael says, grinning as he begins his walk back to base.



Unfortunately, since I forgot the tank was also in range of Michael, his meatshielding didn't do anything to protect Fred from the medium tank.



Sorry, Fred! If it helps, I feel really bad about this.



Oh, hey, there's the enemy sub. Right in Selena's range, beautiful. Could've have moved it better myself.



The rest of the enemies just kind of advance. Annoyingly enough, one of those enemies is the third of the medium tanks. Let me deal with the others, first, come on!



Right, we shouldn't have too many more days to worry about. We'll retreat just a little further, to where Dave's currently stood; that'll buy enough time for Bernard to get Gareth to the enemy HQ. Hopefully.

This strategy didn't seem risky when I first decided on it, but it's gonna get dicey unless we get rid of these medium tanks.



Either way, Bernard, get over there. Time is of the essence.

Also I'm cutting your pay if you fail me



Meanwhile, my precious darling Selena who has never done anything wrong in her life ever, attacks the enemy sub.



She's the best. We got the opening advantage so I'm pretty sure we have nothing to fear from this sub - it's likely gonna try killing Rin anyway, though at 5HP it's not going to succeed.



Meanwhile, this thing needs to fucking go. Lloyd!



"Avast there, matey, ye be down to below half yer health now." Lloyd replies, emphasising his pirate dialect. "Fred, are you able to take it out?"

"...Nope. I took heavy damage, and it's inside my range. Someone else has got to do something, or this defensive line is done for!"



"Fred, get back! Me and Alfonse can handle this, but you need to move behind us, so it can't get you again!" Dave replies, successfully capturing the property.

"How are we going to handle a medium tank?!" Alfonse yelps, going white.



"Tina, can you back them up?" asks Selena.

"I'm sorry, I've got my hands full over here!" Tina cries. "This other tank bastard just won't die!"



Dammit, Tina took counter damage too. Hopefully that doesn't come back to bite me.

"Shit!" Dave curses. "Alfonse... it's weakened - it's gonna hurt like hell, but we can't let it get past us. OK?"

"...OK..." Alfonse murmurs. "...OK! Don't worry, Fred, it won't break us!"



"Heh, that's the spirit." Dave says, grinning. "Hold the line, men!"



Arthur captures something. In the meantime, there is something I can do to help my troops. Or rather, something Dipshit can do.



Attacking that medium tank with Tina gave me Hyper Repair. That’ll heal Tina and Selena’s counter damage quite nicely, which is pretty useful.



Dipshit does something useful! The world will never be the same!



...Godspeed, soldiers. Just a day or two more, I promise. Hang in there!



Eagle's turn.



thanks eagle

(I am being a little harsh on Eagle. It's not like his fighters can do anything except waste fuel now, considering the fact that they can only fire on other air units.)



Infantry Captures Something Useless Again, We Don't Even Know Why This Is News Anymore - More At 11



Wait, that's not the medium tank. What else is-



Oh, god damn. I accidentally put her in bote range.



The smaller tank goes for Dave.



It does quite a lot of damage, and he doesn't even scratch it in retaliation.



Oh, fuck, the medium tank is going for Rin. Even at 4HP, it's gonna do a hell of a lot of



"Not even clothe, baybeeee!" Rin shouts, punching the air.

When it comes to tanks, Rin's just made of fucking titanium. Absolutely glorious.



Predictably, the other medium tank capitalises on Tina's battleship-round-to-the-face.



Jesus fuck, Tina, I cannot remember the last mission where you weren’t deep in enemy territory on <5 HP. Why do you keep stressing me out like this?



And also as predicted, the sub goes for Rin. Hopefully...



"A little clother, baybee..." Rin mutters. "Thelena, can you..?"

"Of course." Selena replies, setting a course for the enemy sub. "Moving in now. Hang in there - I won't let you down!"



"Well, that was practically painless." Alfonse mutters.

Dave, clutching a wound at his side, glares at him. "Ngh... easy for you... to say..."

"Oh, gosh, are you OK?"

"I'll live..." Dave grunts. "Let's just put paid to these guys already... Gareth, what the hell... are you playing at?"



Selena moves in on the target. Fire, my girl!



You did great, Selena, well done. Good girl. Excellent submarine.

...Huh.

I... think I see why people say I give Selena special treatment now.



Gareth finally gets dropped off on HQ. Two more days to go, that's all!



This guy's not a problem - Lloyd will ensure that.



Excellent. The other one, though, is going to be more of A Thing.



...Since even with the Hyper Repair healing, Fred's damage output still isn't anything special. Dammit, I guess we'll need to-

"A real hero is born when everything is looking its most bleak!" yells Fred, readying his rockets. "FIRE!"



...Fucking hell, guys. First Tina, now Fred. You've all brought your A-game to this mission, haven't you?



And now we live in a world where Tina does 27% to an infantry unit.



This is the worst screenshot I've ever taken. I just don't like looking at it.



Well, Alfonse can help weaken him too. May as well.



Nice work! We've almost sorted things on this side of the map, actually. I wasn't expecting that.



Eagle's turn.



thanks eagle



The infantry moves out of the way so the enemy tank can have a shot at Alfonse instead.



And he does a hell of a lot of damage. Call me a devout DnD player, because this is getting extremely dicey.



Alright, let's see what we can do about that tank. But first, Gareth captures things.



One more turn and we're done. Let's not have any casualties on the last day, please.



Rockets! The solution to every motherfuckers-in-my-general-vicinity-based problem.



OK, that's a good start.



And Lloyd can easily finish things.



Lloyd's been so helpful on this map. Probably one of my more reliable units as of late.



I'm nervous about those infantry going for Alfonse, so I'm moving Dave up - sitting on the property has healed him pretty well. If Dave stays there, and Tina stays where she is, they can't get past to attack Alfonse.



And hey, damage is damage.

...Except for when it charges the enemy's CO meter. I forgot to check that.



Fuck it, I'm sure it'll be fine. They're only infantry.



[insert white noise here]



Eagle's turn.



thanks eagle

Andy's turn.



thanks andy



Well, alright then. Looks like we're done here.



Woo! That went really well, all things considered. Not even remotely dicey, what are you talking about.



Hahahahahah, "we"



What, already? At least do the victory screen first.





I mean, the less time spent near you, the better; you're right, Eagle.



Welp, if he thinks he'll beat this foe with two and a half plens, then he can go for it.



I was about to complain, but thinking about it, I have immense Sami fatigue after all her maps. I wouldn't mind if she left.



OK never mind then



Go where, exactly..?



Oh for FUCK'S SAKE.

Come to a decision already! Stop doing this bullshit back-and-forth, we don't have time!



Since when did we all start caring about Eagle? The dude's a fucking douchebag.



What CO power are they gonna have? Tsunami 2? A better Lightning Strike?



It's confirmed to be a man, anyway.



Excuse me, I'm the ACO around here. Stop ordering my troops around!

...Oh, right, Sami's my superior. Sigh.



If you understand then can we fucking go now



I'd like it on the record that it was Sami that said "watch your back". I do not care.



Eagle finds my disinterest in his continued survival hilarious, apparently.



"Especially with my three fighter jets and literally no other units!"



Hey, we won. Decent rank, but yeah, waiting for Eagle to finish playing with the enemy plens made my time suffer. Ah well.



Oh, Eagle's up there in the winner's spot. That must be nice for him.



...And we're going south again? I have absolutely lost all understanding of WHERE we're actually supposed to be going.



Hey it's Sonja. And she's calling for-



Oh god dammit, it's like a fucking Best Of for seeing characters I don't like.



This game just delights in not telling you anything. It's really starting to get on my wick.



"But not my dude. Just leave him in the dark until the last mission."

"But why, Sonja?"

"Just do it, it'll be hilarious."



Probably intel or something.



Close enough.



You know, there's a huge difference between the Sonja who "won't do anything foolish" and the Sonja who literally drugged half my COs to find out intel on us.



"Then he handed me 600ml of chloroform as said 'Don't tell mom'."



This line feels like Grit's referencing things about Sonja that we don't know. Is there a particular reason she'd want you out of the way whilst she does her recon/intel gathering?



...Eh, whatever. I'll take any intriguing writing I can get in this game.





...Do I get to fight with Grit in this next mission?

There's no way they'll let me partner with the two strongest COs in the game this close to endgame, right..?



There's three options: Grit is the next CO we have to fight in some stupid misunderstanding, Grit is the partner CO for our next mission, or it's a normal mission where Grit just turns up at the end to give us some intel.

One of those is good. The other two are going to piss me the hell off.



What the hell, Sonja? Where did that come from? I mean, statistically he's a stronger CO than you, yeah, but statistically, virtually every CO is stronger than you. I don't know why you're so fixated on Grit.



Something I didn't mention, also - the menu music is different here. It's now playing a really eerie theme, legitimately unsettles me. Things are getting serious, folks.



Time to bring our C- or B-game, definitely. A-game is reserved for Fog of War Grit, Fog of War Eagle, and the final boss only.



Sami, stop caring about Eagle, it’s your worst character trait.

Well, that sure was a map. Next time, we'll be moving on to fight another unknown foe, and eh, it'll probably be Andy again. Unless they've cloned the other COs too. God, imagine fighting Clone Max...

Either way, let me know whether we'll be using Kirby, King Dedede or Meta Knight in the next map, and since Rin and Dave won the last support vote, here's the available supports for next week:

Cassandra and Lucy (1 remaining)

Lucy and Ingo (2 remaining)

Lucy and Michael (1 remaining)

Rin and Dave (1 remaining)

Alfonse and Mulligan (1 remaining)

Mulligan and Cassandra (1 remaining)

Lloyd and Elvin (2 remaining)

Howard and Mulligan (2 remaining)

Selena and Alfonse (2 remaining)

See you next week, folks! We're almost there!

***

The Barracks: Rin and Dave 2

“Dave, I wanted to talk to you again!” Rin calls. Dave sighs, and looks back at Rin. She’s stood in the corridor with a childish frown.

“What is it? I’ve got places to be.” he says.

“I… don’t underthtand you.” Rin replies. “You didn’t look happy at all when I thaid you were a legend amongtht the recruitth! Anyone would be thuper pleathed to hear that… but not you.”

“Rin. Do you think I’m invincible?”

Rin blinks, taken aback by the change of topic. “Uh… well, you’re thtill here, and you’ve been around my dude for ageth, or tho people tell me. You mutht be a very thtrong warrior!”

Dave grimaces. “No. Rin, I’ll die like anyone else. Remember that, alright?”

“Wh… why, though? Why are you ruining my impression of you?!” Rin cries. “What’th wrong with being amazingly strong? What’th wrong with fighting for your friendth? I don’t understand!”

“Alright, god, fine.” Dave sighs. “Rin, let me tell you something important.”

Rin falls quiet.

“We had a local legend when I was at training camp.” he mutters. “A mercenary who could never die. He’d seen a thousand battles, and come through all of them on top. He’d taken medium tanks on his own without breaking a sweat. He was unkillable.”

“He thoundth amazing!” Rin says.

“His name, they said, was Craig.” Dave replies. “When I left military academy, I got signed onto my dude’s army, and we were joined by Craig himself. I met the guy in the flesh. It was… something else.”

Dave sighs and rubs his eyes.

"I made fun of him at the time… mostly because he was more arrogant than I was expecting, and because… well, I had no other way to respond. What do you say to the guy who you used to hear stories about after dark? How do you tell him how much you respect him?”

“What happened?” asks Rin breathlessly.

“In our first battle together, he was killed. Like… like it was nothing. That legendary mech, reduced to a corpse in a field. I… have no doubt that a lot of the stories we told about him were true. But nobody’s invincible, and on the day that he died, I realised that.”

“No…” Rin says. “Your hero died?”

“Yeah. His last words were asking me to carry on his ambition - to defeat Blue Moon. Cycle of revenge, you see?” Dave says. “Rin, you’re a good girl. Kind and charming. Everyone here likes you. But… you can’t idolise me.”

Rin nods. Dave is staring directly into her eyes with a serious expression - his gaze is piercing.

"I’ll fall, because nobody’s invincible. And you’ll take up that cycle of revenge. You’ll hate the people who kill me as much as I hated Blue Moon for killing Craigsworth. Because they won't just kill your hero - they’ll kill the idea that heroes can even exist. And I can’t have that happen to you of all people.”

“Dave, I…”

"As I said, once you get your revenge, you barely remember why you started fighting in the first place. I don’t want that to happen to you. I don’t want it to happen to anyone else.”

Dave walks away without another word, leaving a shellshocked Rin to walk back to her room with a chilling feeling running down her spine.