Part 12: In which Alice gains a jaunty chapeau and more than harsh words are exchanged.

When I played this for the first time, I pretty quickly realized that I could stand on the red squares on the 'chessboard', while the black squares were empty. From that, I figured that one of the black squares must be a secret door, and I spent a lot of time trying to find it. What didn't occur to me for some time was that certain black squares couldn't be reached from the sides or above, as Alice is demonstrating here. I needed to come at it from below. The bottoms of the bottom red squares can't be stood on, though, and to reach the tops...



...Alice needed to get bigger. In my defense, I was only 11 at the time. Still, this puzzle was the second-longest one in terms of time it took me to figure it out (the longest was the fan I missed on the first playthrough.)

Well, I've reached the door, but I'll never fit in it like this. Time for a purple mushroom.



Much better.



The Mad Hatter, at last!

Mr. Stanley, I presume.

Who?

Dr. Hatter, intrepid explorer of the unknown--or is that things that I don't know?

(I suppose there's a reason he's called mad.)

Somehow you're much smaller than I imagined. Did you shrink on the way here?

Actually, I did. I understand you're looking for something?

Frankly, I'd prefer a cup of tea, but I lost my teacup.

Well, it just so happens I have it. Here you are.

Here's your reward.

Hey, wait, you skipped half his conversation options!

I'm getting tired of being insulted by everyone I meet just because you want a giggle. If I know how to solve a puzzle, I'm going to do it.

Whoa. Surly.

You'll cope. Ah, he's left his hat behind.

It is a top hat made from a beaver pelt.

Now how's this supposed to help?

You could try using it.



Incidentally, pressing the button in mid-air will cancel top hat use; if you hold it down, you'll switch to the parasol.

You could have told me that earlier!

If you won't entertain me one way, you'll entertain me another.



...I'm going to see what's on the left side of the room.



Another door. As long as I'm here, I'll try this door first...



And now I'm outside. Of the house. In the chessboard. In the museum in the cave under the house in the... argh, I've lost track. I suppose I'll go left, since that worked out before.



And it's the Cheshire Cat again. Joy.

Cats lead charmed lives, you know. Too bad you're not a cat.

I'd rather not attract that demographic. What are you doing out here?

Hee. Hee. Hee.

That's no answer.

Queen Alice just might escape before the Red King wakes up. You'd better find Looking-Glass Land.

That's what I'm working on! Can't you be more useful than that?

Etiquette doesn't get you very far in Wonderland. Think for yourself, Alice.

Oooh! Everyone around here is so... infuriating! Forget you. I'm going to have a look around.

Where are we, anyway?

At the Stone Circle. It used to be enchanted until the bank forclosed (sic).

Charming.



...

Alice?



...it goes in a loop. Lovely. I suppose I'll go back inside and try the other door.



Alice?

Nowhere from here but down that ladder.



Another mirror. Probably one of those fake mirrors I was warned about. I guess I'd better--

Alice!

What?

You seem a little... tetchy.

Tetchy? Tetchy? How would you feel if you were stuck in here in a world where nothing makes sense, insulted at every turn by people who've got nothing better to do, forced to fill your pockets with useless-- shite--

Alice!

--and experienced everything from hypothermia to severe neck trauma, all at the hands of some mysterious middle-aged man who won't even show his real face and apparently has a penchant for abusing ten-year-old girls?

...

...

...I'm sorry.

...I don't believe you.

No, I mean it. I've been thinking of you as just a computer character, and when I first played this game, you were. But I've given you a personality, and then I've treated that personality very poorly. I've been a lousy god.

...

Lemme make it up to you. I'd planned to make the next few updates all about the false mirrors. There's one here, and one in the March Hare's house through the door you didn't take. How about I let you take the helm for a bit and I do them for you?

...All right.

Right. Hold onto your socks!





Whoa. The C64 palette is not kind.

It's all so much smaller out here. ...why are you wearing my dress?

Because I think the SA crowd would lynch me if I took the time to splice a Dee into every screenshot for the next two updates?

Fair enough. Next time on 'Alice in Wonderland', we make him suffer for a change!

I sense much walking into walls in my future.

Bonus content!

It looks like he'd prepared some images for you of me using the top hat at various scales. Let's see if I can make this work...



Interesting. It appears that the larger I am, the more swiftly I ascend. That doesn't seem right somehow. Ah well. What's another bit of nonsense?