Part 7

For the love of God, if you've been missing the videos, now is the time to watch!





Welcome to The Bridge of Death, or as I like to call it, "Unnecessary New Gameplay Mechanics and a Horrible Puzzle."



Note in the top corners of the screen, you now have Jason and Maya's portraits. Jason's is currently highlighted red, meaning you control him. You can click on Maya's to take control of her. They share inventory, and... well, outside of moving their sprites around, things don't feel much different.

Teamplay mechanics isn't too shabby an idea, except that it will turn out that most of Maya and Jason's antics revolve around the fact that one weighs more than the other. That doesn't come into play right this moment.

Our first inclination is, of course, to take Jason and run like a coward for the bridge.

This, of course, causes death, as Jason is too heavy and the bridge's last remaining support line gives. It's the same death graphic as jumping out of the plane, so I'll spare you.

"Aha," you say. "So I must cross with Maya!"

No, because then you get shot since Allen runs out of ammo. Good news, you bought ammo at Arturo's shop! (Right?) I'm not a TFR guy, but I guess the people at Access think that bullets come in big cartoony boxes marked "BULLETS!" and just fit in any gun.

Fortunately, whatever ammo you bought just happens to be the type Allen needs. Use it on him and:

You pass the extra ammunition over to Allen. It is a good thing you did because his gun was almost empty.

Dawww. Incidentally, try to talk to Allen and:

There seems to be no response.

Can't even throw me an "Allen is too busy gunfighting" text-box, huh?

You still can't cross the bridge, because without cover, you get shot again! Fortunately, there's a piece of large corrugated metal right here, so manipulate it and:

You move the metal over and fight the wind to prop it up in the gap between two boulders.



Cross the bridge now? Nope, because the wind and other people shooting it causes the metal to fall over and that's Game Over, too. Also, you might be wondering "Can I give Allen cover before ammo?" No, because this timed puzzle requires you to do everything in a very precise order. Manipulate the logs in the lower left.

You move the log over and wedge it in behind the metal. That should hold it against the force of the wind and the bullets.

I guess. Now grab the vine. What vine? That hanging one that looks like part of the background of course.

Now switch to Maya and cross the bridge!



...What?! What broken end?

Apparently, there's a break somewhere in the bridge and you need Maya to repair it with the vine. I have no idea how this is supposed to work.



Even more annoyingly, you have to keep inching forward and click on parts of the bridge with the vine until you find the "break" and...



Notice something strange? Amazon can resize the sprites for a given scene, to correct perspectives. So Jason's sprite is small in bigger areas like the parking lot of his job, but large in hallways. However, it can't do this on the fly, so there's nothing to correct the perspective here. When Maya walks down the bridge, the net result is that she's enormous.





Well, okay!

End of The Bridge - I highly recommend this movie.



Allen makes his way down the bridge, but is cut down by gunfire!





With his last ounce of strength, he pulls out a machete (he had a machete?) and cuts a rope on it.



Maya: He's cutting the support rope!
Jason: No!



Yes. Allen, we hardly knew ye. Literally. The guy barely survived a freakin' chapter!



Allen screams for way too long (even after he's landed in the river). Jason plays shitty brother here:

Jason stares into the gorge as Maya grabs at his shoulder. 'Jason, we've got to take cover!' They stumble and run through the brush until they can no longer hear the gunfire from the soldiers. Allen had made sure no soldier would find them for a while. What now? Perhaps Jason should just give up and go home.

Good gumption, Jason. They don't make heroes like you anymore.

Then Jason resolves that Allen's scarifice will not be in vain. Jason pulls out a piece of map he recovered from the vault. The name Hans Stroheim has been noted next to the Village of Tefe...

And then, boat out of nowhere.



Built in the 1920's, the river steamship "Amazon Queen" has seen finer days.



Meet the Capta-

...

Please tell me he's dirty. PLEASE tell me that's supposed to be dirt. Please tell me they didn't use make up to make a white guy look Hispanic. I think this could actually be brown-face.

Meet the nameless Captain and his first mate, Sam Salvadore. No, I don't know why Sam gets a name and not the captain. No, I don't know why the captain gets a voice actor and not the first mate.



The captain's eyes look left and right to indicate that he's Hispanic, and therefore, not to be trusted. Whatever. Again, this is a dialogue tree with no real purpose.

Jason: You can start by not leering at my companion!
Captain: I was only admiring a fine example of womanhood.
Jason: Well, Captain, keep your advances to yourself. You'll have to take something besides her.
Captain: What do you have to offer?

The game brings you to the inventory screen. So give him the gold nugget you got in Chapter 6. (You got that, right?)

Captain: Ok, ... what else?

Now give him the cigarettes! Yep! Gold and cigarettes. That's the fare. Allow me to paraphrase The Simpsons.

Homer: Aw, I dropped my cigarettes under the couch. All I found was this lousy gold nugget.
Homer's Brain: Gold can buy more cigarettes.
Homer: Ah! Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and servies.
Homer: Woohoo!

Whatever. I guess that $7 pack of cigarettes you got in Chapter 4 (you got that, right?) is just enough.

Captain: Ok, let's go!

In a desperate attempt to reach the village of Tefe, Jason and Maya have taken passage on the ancient tramp steamer known as the Amazon Queen. The Captain and his unsavory first mate quietly whisper and scheme in the Captain's cabin...



We go through the jungle and hear all of two ambient jungle sounds on a loop.



Oops! The captain was a bad guy all along. Who knew? Besides all of us.

Captain: Now Senor, this is where you get off!



The captain does what we've all been wanting to and clocks Jason in the face. He falls into the river.



Well, I hope Maya will be alright!



Oh... I guess not.

Tune in next time for...

...

..._{a god-damned stealth section.}

Chapter 7 Bonus Reel