Part 65: The Real Deal: Part 10: Dragons Outta Nowhere

THE REAL DEAL: PART 10


Hey, are you awake? Lauca looked after you day and night! ? You still don't look well. What's the matter? I know! You're hungry! Lauca's hungry too!



Good, you're finally with us. Ha ha ha. Bet you're confused. We're at my friend's house. You must still be in shock. We'll stay here until you're better.
Did the townspeople bully you? Don't worry. They're far away. Stay until you're better!



The king spoke again today. But the people weren't happy. Yumil, are you still down?
*nod*
I see. Lauca wants to see you happy. Then we'll go hunting together! That'll make it easier on Lauca! So get better soon!



I caught a big animal! Let's have a feast! What's wrong? You don't like meat?



Okay! Lauca'll go pick some nuts, so stay here! Lauca'll look after you until you're better!



Lauca'll work hard until you're better, so don't give up!


For god's sake, STOP. You're taking care of him until he gets better. We heard you the first time, and the second time.



Why won't you cheer up, Yumil? Hmm...Heath feels better with meat. Lauca just doesn't know what to do now.



Not Lauca's fault? That's good to know. You've been talking lots more since you came here. Tell Lauca more about you! Once you're all better, talk more with Lauca! Then we'll go hunting together! It's a promise!


Man.

I recall saying Lauca wasn't too terrible aside from the third-person thing. Might as well have said bladder infections aren't too terrible aside from the pissing tabasco thing.



The camera isn't close enough to see Yumil's expression, but I'll bet he's been smiling the whole time. I'm serious. I will open my wallet and put paper down.


Even if you're confused, you'll get better for sure! No matter what happens, Lauca is here for you!


---



This is when you discover that Lauca isn't pronounced like Laura with a C.

It's also when you discover that Yumil immediately forgives Rex, in that he looks happy to see him, and also isn't upset about Fana. Had to pick my screenshots carefully here.

If you don't already think Yumil's too much of a saint, consider that the sidequest where he learned about Rex's dead sister was just that. A sidequest. Optional. If you missed it, your Yumil doesn't know why Rex stole the book. As far as he's concerned, his best friend screwed him over for no reason whatsoever. Still holds his hand and helps him into bed.



Can you handle a sword?
*shake head*
How about a hammer?
*shake head*
Projectiles? Bombs?
*shake head*



Okay. Let's go back to this one more time.

Blah blah blah concept of a sword blah blah blah

In the first Real Deal update, I said I was trying to fix a plothole with this. Here, at last, is the payoff.

Yumil has been using these weapons for the whole game. He should know what to do with them by now. Why's he claiming ignorance?

Rempo mentions in passing (as in, a single line) that "You can use any weapon that comes from the book," but it's mostly to handwave the hammer not being too heavy for him. It doesn't explain why he forgets every single thing he knows about fighting.

Thus, my own handwaving. The weapons wield themselves, he's just the conduit, and he doesn't clearly remember what happened afterwards, hence why he's still a novice without the book. It also means Tuoni was the first time he fought for his life with full awareness. That'd shake anyone up.

So did it work?

Kind of? Even with all that, I still can't explain why Yumil has to learn kung fu now. He trained with Gustav. He has to know a bit about swords. Why not build on that rather than start him on a whole new discipline?

Sadly, some holes are too big to fill. I can but shallow them.



We get this long, dramatic pan around Yumil's head here before he finally nods. Then everything turns lurid yellow.



I like to think Lauca slipped a gel over the light.



Heath, are you going to teach your skills?
Yes. Yumil, you may not have the power to make miracles...but you still have a chance. Do you want to learn my style?
*nod*
My style is the origin of the Four Great Schools. Formless but infinite. It takes nothing, yet beats all! I'm talking about fistfighting.


They don't explicitly call it "Central Fist", but you can tell they wanted to.



So we fight Heath. And naturally, we beat him.

One thing this game has (arguably) done right so far is explain why a young boy with no combat experience can stand up to master swordsmen and dwarf chieftains and "super bomb masters." He has the book. It makes him awesome. Simple.

Now we've lost the book, and...nothing has changed. We can still take on every threat in the game by punching the shit out of it with our fists, or alternatively, kicking the shit out of it with our feet. We can still clobber our teacher, who I assume has only been schooling us for a few hours since there's not even a hint of a timeskip here.

Why?

Avalon Code.


---



Lauca looked around for them, and found a giant monster!
Monster? What could it be?
It looked like rotten meat! And it's not from the forest! It was...looking for something.
A monster, huh? We can't just let it go. Yumil, I'm leaving this to you. Consider it the last of our lessons on my fighting style!



You're the little brat that killed the Chimera! Gwa ha ha ha! I am Spirit-User Tuoni! So this is where you've been hiding, Yumil. My master finds you a bother. You die here!



You can probably tell why I had trouble with this. Everything about it smacks of "obligatory boss fight." It's a detour. It's the cold Brussels sprouts next to your gravy-soaked mound of turkey and stuffing. (Bernard Matthews turkey, though. This is Avalon Code we're talking about.)

Sure, the Chimera didn't have much plot relevance, but it at least made sense to fight it. It was blocking our way and wanted to eat our bits. That's good enough.

This guy? We go out of our way to fight him. We learn only that Kullervo suddenly wants us dead, even though he could and should have killed us back in Rhoan. Then he dies, and nothing is accomplished or remembered.



You're incredible!
You were able to defeat him by yourself. Now you're ready. It's time you took back what's important to you. The desert witch Olly has the Book of Prophecy. She's strong, but you're ready.
It's time I left, too. I'll head to the Empire to look into the cause behind the prince's sudden change. That boy died already. I saw it for myself. I saw Werman cast a spell over his dead body. The prince came back to life. Then the army went crazy. It's time I settled this, once and for all.


Hey, Yumil. You already know the score with Valdo, right? Possessed by Kullervo, all that jazz? I'm just saying, you could save Heath a lot of trouble by telling him. Instead of letting him run off to find out himself. Maybe then he could come with you, help you fight Olly.

No?

Well fuck, what do I know.



I'm already better. It's my fault part of the town was sucked into the Book. Pages went flying everywhere. I have to get back those lost pages of the town.
I don't know how many there were, or if I can get them. But I have to atone for what I did. Please believe me, Yumil. I will get back the town pages. No matter what it takes.



Um. Yes, but who told you? Cause I'm pretty damn sure Yumil didn't.



...now I want it to last as long as it can.


"I dunno, I just feel like being an optimist now. That's, uh, that's my character arc. Yeah.

Hey, at least I had one."



...can we still be friends? Don't answer yet. I want to hear it once this is over.
What, you're all leaving? Just be careful! Lauca'll always be here, so come again anytime!



We will!
*nod*



Whole lotta nothing between here and Olly, although I do want to say that navigating this looping bullshit desert without even the book's minimal assistance is

uh

something I didn't do, because I looked up a map. But I'm sure it would have been terrible!


---



Is this what you're after?
*nod*
I thought if I had the Book I could control the Great Spear. But it chooses its user, and it didn't choose me.


Hey, there's a thought. If we scanned a Great Spear and copied it, would we be able to swing it around? Because that would make this game a lot shorter, which could only be a good thing.

I was going to say maybe that's how humans used it as a weapon, but that doesn't explain how Kullervo got himself killed with one. Maybe he tripped and fell on the spear and was too embarrassed to cop to it, so he made up this whole story about mankind overthrowing him. And, you know, nobody'll believe a lie like that right away. You gotta CLING to that shit. He's in this for the long haul.



Won't you join me? Either way, this world is headed to its end. Before that happens, help me achieve my dream.
*shake head*
Hye hye hye...it didn't hurt to ask.



That's quite a glare. But I'm not giving in. There's nothing I wanted that I didn't eventually get! Power! Longevity! Magic! Curses! I've mastered them all! But I won't be satisfied until the world is in my hands!


Cue boss fight.



Should've watched your back!





See, this is why guns are better.



I had everything I wanted, but I still wasn't happy. Even if I did have the world...I'm sure I'd still be unhappy. I knew that.
I made a bet when I was young. With a bastard named Werman. Who could get the world first? I thought I'd win if I had the Great Spear. What does it mean to have real value...?


Damn. That dagger hit her right in the introspection.

So am I supposed to feel sorry for her now? Bit last-minute there, folks. You squeezed that under the wire so hard the top got shaved off. Not exactly buying that your cackling villainy villain suddenly regrets everything.

Also, I can't decide if "I made a bet in college" as motivation for taking over the world is really bad or really good.

I think it would be really good in a more self-aware game. But this isn't that.



You may be able to resurrect them with the Book of Prophecy.

The bolded text isn't mine. This is what the game says.



But the Book of Prophecy didn't answer them.

Basically, he tries to bring Fana back by thinking about it really hard.

Why is this scene here? I don't mind it existing, but why is it here? Wouldn't this have worked better after we got Ur back? Then you could have him explain this, instead of a disembodied text box.



So the prophecy was right...Olly didn't understand that. Poor sister. Thank you for stopping her before I could.


Yes, because you were totally about to do that, no really, I swear to god



Hi guys! I have nothing to do with this scene, just dropping in to let you know I'm still broody and pretty and you want to kiss my mouth and stuff.



You may only get it back once you get the spirits back. The spirits are caught by the four dragons. One of them lies in the great tower at the castle.
Do you know what that tower is?
*shake head*
It's the same as the ruins. A wicked relic from the past. Long ago, man used the Great Spear to fell the demon lord. The tower hides the Great Spear, which reaches deep underground. The body of the wicked still lies pierced at the tip. It's bound there.
But its spirit separated from its body and has been wandering. To exact its revenge on man. That's why Werman found it a new body. Prince Valdo. He brought corruption to the world and hastened its end. He plans on taking the new world when the Book appears.
The long history of this world is one of wars. But that history is soon over. Yumil, you must put an end to this history. (history history history, stop repeating words)
The world's end is near. Now go!



How

the fuck

does she know all this

I can accept the Great Spear part. Maybe that's just obscure history. And I can't really accept her figuring out the entire plot when she just got out of prison two chapters ago, but whatever, that's not what I want to complain about.

The spirits. How does she know where they are. How does she know there are dragons. "The four dragons", she says, as if we should be familiar with them. As if the developers took even one second to set this up. As if they aren't just telling us they ran out of ideas so they gave us the first four chapters in reverse, with dragons, and could only convey this via infodump from a character who has no business knowing any of it. It might as well be Vis standing there. HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALL THIS, FUCK FUCK FUCKK

"Because she's a shaman", right? Wrong. Fuck off. She lost her powers. It's right there in her bio, even. Make your goddamn minds up.

You have to understand, I had no choice here. Ellie shows up and tells Yumil where Ur is. It's the only way he knows where to go next. So I had to answer the question. How the fuck does she know all this?

Given everything we've learned about her, I could only conclude she predicted these events before meeting Yumil (i.e. before losing her powers) but didn't fucking warn him for some reason. So I had to go with that. I had to work it in. And I'm sorry if you didn't like how it turned out, but this game is extremely cruel to me sometimes.

God.

I am so angry. If keyboards were pressure sensitive, every one of these letters would break the tables.

Fucking dragons.

Jesus Christ.




---





Dude, don't make this gay.



Too late.