Part 3: Chateau Irenicus, Part 2 - Crazy men in tanks, dryad sex slaves, annoying dwarves, and imprisoned genies!

Bonus and Totally Non-canonical Video: The Party Gets Slaughtered by Many Copies of Demogorgon!

Chapter 2 - Chateau Irenicus, Part 2 - Crazy men in tanks, dryad sex slaves, annoying dwarves, and imprisoned genies!

Yeah, hi everyone. I was going to do things last weekend at home, but I needed to get a computer set up that I could use for the whole time period needed to actually make an update. Cue around 20 video drivers that should work not working, 3 different corrupt Ubuntu discs, running around in search of a NIC that it turns out Ubuntu can't auto-detect, and then finding the information to force it to detect the damn thing, along with an interruption to go be family tech support somewhere in there. At about the time I got it actually up and running, it was time to head back to my dorm.

Using the energy cells obtained from Reliev, I was able to... "communicate" with four of the other men in tanks.

Their reactions were to beg for mercy for breaking into "The Mistress'" chambers...


To warn about "the prisoner", I assume it meant me, escaping soon, and something about the activation stone for the golem. I already found that, so it was useless...

To incoherent babbling about "skin burning with the fire of ants" and a genie...


To a wretched tale of imprisonment. Minsc had an interesting (and most uncharacteristically coherent) interjection on this last one - "I would hate being forgotten in a bottle. It might depend somewhat on the type of bottle, but overall I expect the effect would be similar. It is not right."


I thought that the man who had me captured was either a devoted scientist or had some very, very odd fetishes.

While these were interesting, they were not particularly relevant to our escape. However, we possesed the activation stone for the sewage golem...


And were thus able to get the thing to open some doors for us.


Uh... yes, it is I. Have you been performing any services for me?
I have cleaned the sewage chambers and fed your guardian. Do you wish me to open the doors to the pit and begin my duty again?
I do wish it. Open the doors and perform your duties.
You have not activated my movement functions. You must use the activation stone.
Oh... oh yes, here is the stone.

And with that the thing charged off to open some doors for us. I could get used to having a golem running around and opening all the doors for me... I would name him Portalus, Absolute Master of Doors, and all would bow before his immense door-opening powers. I could eventually make a business out of creating door-opening golems. I mean, if that crazy golem that does nothing but walk up stairs and wave - wait, no one bought that. What the hell am I talking about again? Oh, right. Golems. Portalus, Absolute Master of Doors would be a must have. All the nobles would rest easy knowing that they would never have to open a door again. _{And I could make them report to me on everyone's every move... Oh, yes, absolute knowledge... Yeeeeessss... Human beings feel pleasure when they are watched, and I would be providing pleasure to EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD...} Ahem, anyway. We killed off some more goblins and found a library.


But we did, didn't we? M'nardran'm, I just want to go home again. It doesn't matter where it is, just as long as we can call it home.

Following a short and thoroughly inconsequential battle with some dwarves...


Duergar, I think. Kind of evil, I guess, so I'm not surprised they would be working for our captor.
He tolerates some company, or are they little more than skilled packhorses to him?
I doubt he cares for anything more than the quality of the knives they make. He has a lot of them... I'm going to have scars from this... Looks like you will too. As if you need another reminder. M'nardran'm, I don't care what power this guy thinks he can tap in you, he's just sick to the core. We can't ever look back.



We encountered a cambion in a room with a strange device... Turns out that activating the device twice

took out the barrier surrounding the cambion, which then caused it to attack us. Pity it only had minor loot, crappy +1 bastard sword and some gold. Where's my good stuff, crazy captor guy?


After we plowed straight through an Otyugh (hooray for Haste spells. Heh heh.)


We entered a very nice looking room, but we felt... Uneasy, somehow.

We found a nice amulet and helm in the room, as well as some minor treasures, weird keys, and a statue of an air elemental.


Turns out that the air elemental statue was, in fact, the key to a sort of pocket plane similar to the Elemental Plane of Air.

It was quite full of mephits, but there was an awesome scroll that I immediately scribed into my spellbook - pity I couldn't cast it yet, an elemental servant would have this hellish dungeon a lot easier.

After killing more mephits, we found... A bottle with a genie in it!


You would be the proverbial djinni in a bottle?
That I would, manling. I assume that, now that you have escaped, you have come seeking the magical item that has been stripped from you by our collective captor?
You have an item of mine?
I do. A thing of power that still carries a hint of your essence. There is something odd about the signature that you leave on this item. No matter.
Can you give it to me?
If I had the power to give you your weapon, I would, but the force that binds me is strong. As long as I am trapped within this flask, I am within the mage's power. If you can secure the means of my release, I will give you your weapon.
That sounds like a fair trade. How do I secure the means of your release?
This flask that I am bound in is a creation of magic. It is unbreakable as long as it remains -

Blah blah blah that's boring, long story short we agreed to get his original flask because then it would break the magic binding him to that other flask and he'd be free and we'd get the weapon. This group of dryads had the real flask, as it turned out.



Turns out they were the concubines ( ) of our captor, who is named Irenicus. "Hmm... Irenicus... If I'm not too rusty with my Elvish, I think that means something like 'Shattered One'. Heh, heh. One got shattered. Right or left, I wonder?" _{Oh gods please don't kill me what are you doing with that staff ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh} I promised to deliver their acorns, which were in the possession of the leader of those dwarves we killed previously, to their queen in exchange for the flask. Delivering the acorns would free them, somehow.


We entered this awesome room, and an alarm rang out. "That can't be good," I thought. Dear sweet christ was I right, but we'll get there later.



It is unlikely that our captor would rent out space. It must be his.
No, it can't be. Not the person I know. This... this bed, that table. I know of them. He would... he would speak of them while... while he... It's for a lost love, kept in perfect condition. She... she despises him. This is his monument to her. He spoke of all of this, but... but his voice was cold... This room: if he could care for anything he would care for this room. Above the lives of -

DEAR GOD THIS IS BORING. Fucking Imoen and using more ellipses than fucking CHRONO TRIGGER for crying out loud that's not fucking right at all. ANYWAY.

There was a key to the portal, some very minor treasures, and some nice bracers in that room, as well as a lot of traps that Imoen disarmed. "Oh holy shit Imoen, you were useful!" I said and then dodged Jaheira's staff. _{Then got "bearhugged" by Minsc and yyyyyyyyeah. Dear gods: please don't let that ever happen again. PLEASE.}

Anyway, on the way back to the genie with his flask, we ran into the result of that alarm going off.

Lesser clay golems would be weak as all shit, but we had pure crap gear and were wounded and tortured.

But, I had the LUCKIEST WILD SURGE EVER.

I tried to cast Melf's Minute Meteors, it failed, and all of a sudden it was like I'd just rested for 8 hours straight. IT WAS AWESOME.

Anyway, we gave the genie his flask, and he gave us a sword. Which was Sarevok's, not mine. What the fuck, genie. What the fuck.

After that, we found the portal. "Hey, Imoen, I'll give you delicious cake if you go through that," I said. "You don't have delicious cake and you know it, M'naldran'm," she said. She was right. _{plus if I'd had delicious cake I so would have eaten it all myself and she wouldn't have gotten any muahahahaha}


After some bickering, we went through and emerged on the other side!


Well holy shit guys, that's the last of my pre-played bit, so I actually get to play again to make the next update! Yay!