Part 836: Battlemechs are Awesome commercials sponsored by Defiance Industries - Crab

(You know, I think this thread could use a little touch of fun).

It's time for another episode of BattleMechs used to be awesomer!

Today's installment: The CRB-20 Crab, brought to you by Cosara Weaponry.
Cosara: Yeah, we build a Mech. Wanna fight about it?




Man, that Star League was cool, right? And we at Cosara Weaponry miss it more than anyone, except for maybe the billions of people who have had to relocate to habitat domes or entirely off their homeworld after the advanced terraforming technologies of the Star League were lost and rendered their planets hostile to human life.

...That was a downer. I don't know why I lead with that.

Well, we can't you all of that stuff back, but let me tell you what we CAN do for you: we can build you a goddamn Crab. What does that mean to you, you ask? Shows what you know. The Crab was going to be the primary medium mech of the SLDF until Amaris slaughtered the Camerons, destroyed the Star League, and started a cycle that plunged the Inner Sphere into three hundred years of perpetual grinding warfare, pushing humanity ever closer to the brink of total oblivion as the embers of scientific progress slowly sputter out in a gutter.

(Why do I keep going to that place? Get it together!)

So, um, the Crab. It's got a top speed of 86.4 kph, using a very common Magna 250 fusion engine. It's weapons are all-energy, using two large lasers, plus one medium and one small. This makes it an ideal fighter in hit-and-run campaigns or guerilla wars, as it doesn't need to depend on ammunition to stay in the fight. It's speed also allows it to avoid heavy and assault units that might be seeking you out, but you know what? If you get shot at a couple times, we topped off the armor pretty well, so you can take a hit or two and come back swinging! Not that I think you'd want to every time, but it's nice to know you have that option.

The Crab also features some specialized equipment not yet completely lost to the slow decay of human technology which people have so sadly accepted as a fact of life (...okay, stop, take a breath, count to ten...). So, um... first, it has a very impressive set of communications gear that monitors short-wave transmissions and corroborates them into a rough picture of where enemies are around you. It doesn't always work, and it doesn't always find everything, and, well, it's not too precise, but it's better than nothing! And if things do go south, your ejection seat tips backwards and shoots you out the back of the 'Mech, which I imagine the designers all agreed was pretty cool.

So, if you want a machine to fill the role of a reliable medium-weight trooper or deep strike lance leader, think of the Crab, and, please, whatever you do, don't really stop to think about all the technological compromises made in keeping this and machines like it running due to human civilization bordering on collapse.

Cosara Weaponry: We're not usually this depressing. Really, no idea what got into that guy.



(e: My next project is to write excerpts from the Defiance Industries/LCAF Department of Recruitment-funded Donegal Broadcasting Company Miniseries Somerset.)