Part 36: Chapter XXXV: Never Thought I'd Be On A Boat

Copycat/Wizard goes down like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile...



: "I'll bet they come running out of there scraming any minute now, eh Capt'n?"

Zig just stares.





: "It's not as bad as I imagined. Losing your head and giving into fear is a good way to get yourself killed in battle."



: "Whoa! Um, Ursula? Would you mind not moving your tail like that? It tickles..."

: "What? I'm not moving my tail..."



*squeak*



Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, and Joey Bishop all leap out of the shadows with the ghost of Humphrey Bogart leading them! Wait.



Yeah, this fight is simple enough. Kill the King Rat and the others start attacking each other.



Or you can just nuke them all with a single combo.



My, that's some...appetizing loot.



: "I'm glad I'm here with you, Ursula. I couldn't have asked for a better partner! I've heard about people who aren't afraid of ghosts, but can't stand rats. Or people who can't eat broccoli, no matter what...what about you, Ursula?"

: "I'm not afraid of ghosts...or rats, for that matter. I like broccoli..."



A bug falls from the ceiling and begins to shimmy around, and Ursula leaps away from it.



: "I-I've heard about those...they're called sea lice..."

: "L-l...Lice!?"

: "I-it's all right...they don't bite or anything like that..."











The screen fades to white as Ursula and Nina shriek. Y'know, I'd be screaming like a little girl if this happened to me, too.



: "I wonder how Nina and Ursula are doing...maybe we should go on them."

To Zig!



: "They made it through the whole night."



Ursula climbs up shakily and nods.

: "All right, you'll let use on board now, won't you?"

: "Ummm...that's up to Zig to decide!"



: "You're looking a little pale there, Captain. You all right?"

: "I...I'm fine!"

: "Well, I must say I'm impressed. You're strong...you're brave...you girls are really something!"

: "Does this mean you'll let us on board, then, Mr. Zig...?"

: "All right, all right - you win. I thought you'd give up if you had to spend the night in the hold, but..."

: "You mean...?"

: "Yeah...if you're that determined, there's no way I can say no - tradition or no tradition! Let me know when you're ready to go, and we'll set sail."

Well, shit, let's just go right now!

Wait, hold up, I need to talk about something first. This is the spot where the second deleted scene was removed. I've never found a complete translation, but it goes something like this: Zig says something about discipline and how the women need to get paddled to be true sailors, Nina recoils and refuses, but Ursula calmly drops her pants (having tights on beneath) and motions to take off the tights, but Zig freaks out and tells her she doesn't have to, as he was just trying to scare them off and didn't actually expect them to start stripping. I've also heard somewhere that how it goes is Zig makes a crack about them being actual men in disguise, which leads to Ursula dropping her pants to prove she's not, or something.

Once again, sexual humor that leaves little trace of its removal. The deleted scene's on Youtube if you want to find it, but you're not missing much.





The rad as hell boat music starts playing.





: "All right then, what's our heading?"

: "We need you to take us to the Empire."

: "The Western Continent, eh? Well, we can't take you there directly by ship. But we can take you to one of the islands close by. I've heard you can walk over the tidal flats from there to the mainland. I don't know if it's true or not, but you should be able to find some way there. It'll take us a few days to get there, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the trip!"



Yeah...



I got a good feeling about this trip.





: "Doesn't it, Ryu? Why don't we take a look around the inside of the ship?"

Time for a tour of the ship. But first, what do Ershin and Scias have to say?

: "Deis says,"
: "This is my first time on the ocean too."

: "Zzzz..."

Thrilling.



The captain's room, or navigation room, or whatever. The one with books and maps.

: "Right now, we're heading for a town called Lyp in the Northern Islands. From there, they say we can cross over the shallows to Hesperia."



The bunks. I wonder - there's barely enough room for Zig, Iggy, and Kryrik to sleep here. Where do the five members of the party who don't get a bed sleep? Or do they sleep in shifts?

: "I hate the ocean. The salt gets into everything, including my guns. Then there's those...those bugs."



The back room, which leads down to the hold. Let's check it out.



: "It was kind of scary! There were ghosts, and these sea lice..."

*WHAM!* The ship shakes violently.

: "Wh...What was that!? It sounds like there's something hitting the bottom of the ship! We'd better tell Zig!"

Let's just go up the ladder and



oh God we're being shot at.

: "Wh...What was that noise!? Is it them? They're back, aren't they!?"

: "Ursula! Calm down! It's all right! Don't worry! It's not the sea lice!"

: "R...Right. Sorry."

Somehow, her abject terror of lice makes her even more awesome. And it even makes sense, what with the fact that she has a furry tail and ears.



: "It looks like it's hitting the ship."

: "A whale?...Dolphin? No, it's too small...what is that!?"

The best sequence in any form of media made by mankind in 3



2



1



BEHOLD.



GLORIOUS DOLPHIN LEAP.

_{GLORIOUS DOLPHIN LEAP is now available in wallpaper format.}





: "Did you think I was going to give up that easily!? It takes more than that to get rid of Kahn! You may have beaten me before, but if you think I'm the same man you've fought in the past, you're in for a big surprise! Hrraaaarrrrh! Defend yourselves!"



Boss Video XV: Kahn 4





Kahn hurtles off of the boat, propelled by the blast of a goddamn supernova exploding next to him, and splashes into the water.





: "Shouldn't we help him or something?"

: "He came to us a while back, saying he wanted to learn how to be a sailor...but as you can see, all he was interested in was getting into fights. Getting whalloped by you is just what he needed, if you ask me. I wouldn't worry about him...one of the dolphins will probably help and take him back to town."



He'll be back.



Hahahahahahanoitdidn't.



Running around the ship, the party is mostly grumbly about how long the trip is taking.



Things you don't want to hear from the navigators.



: "But the wind's stopped. It shouldn't have though...not here."





: "Island? You mean...?"

Yes, we're either about to start a reboot of Lost, or we're about to explore a pointless side dungeon as part of the game's bizarre fixation on padding the length of Act III.

: "Yep...it looks like we ended up exactly where we don't want to be. Blast! How could I have let this happen!? We've come close to an island called Island of Fire. The sea around here is said to be haunted by some kind of monster...they say there's a powerful spirit that lives on the island, and it can make the wind stop, or cause tidal waves. A lot of ships have been lost here! So, until the god of the island changes his mind and makes the wind blow again, we're stuck here."

: "Spirit? God of the Island? What do you think, Ryu? That sounds like it might be an avatar of one of the dragons! Excuse me, Zig? Do you think we could go into this island?"

: "Well, I don't see why not, but are you sure you want to? I mean, you heard what we said, right? I don't think it's exactly a safe place, you know? If you really want to go, we can let you use the dingy. Iggy! You go with them and row the boat!"

: "Come talk to me when you're ready to go to the island, I'll get the dingy out for you."

Joy. What's Ershin have to say about this?

: "Avatar? I don't sense anything like that..."
: "Says Deis."

Suspicious! What about Scias?





Kinda creepy!







: "I'll wait here for you. Come back here when you're ready to go back to the ship."



Next time: completely pointless side dungeons as part of the game's bizarre fixation on padding Act III.

Hey, they can't all be as amazing as this one.