Part 14
You're in luck! This one's a big one.TorakFade posted:
Yay update! Are you going to go a little further, or restarting is all there's to it for now? Please please tell me you're going to do something more... or my blood pressure is going to go up.
Ok, now that I'm back where I should be - let's pretend that little detour didn't happen and that I've just run, breathless, up the street to the travel agent, returned with my ticket, and am now desperately thinking about what else can go wrong.
Aha! I know what else can go wrong! They'll send the cab to the wrong address - I know they will. It's just like the mail. They're all in cahoots. I'll fool them - I'll give them the wrong address and then they'll have to go to the right address!quote:
>dial 243-6981
After a few rings a man answers. "Getlost Airport Cab. Last name of passenger please."
>>huxley
"Ok, lady, where do you wanna go?"
>>airport
"Great, lady. The airport's our specialty. What's the name of your street?"
>>35th
"Street number?"
>>
The sent my mail to 109, so if I tell the cab 109, he'll have to come to me!
No, no, how silly of me. They sent MY mail to 109, but they sent 110's mail to ME.quote:
>>109
"We refuse to send a cab there because bankers are lousy tippers. Now try again."
Uh... Uh... Panic!quote:
>>110
"We refuse to send a cab there because the diner is such a dive. Now try again."
Sigh. They have defeated me. You win. I'll just give you my address and then never see or hear from you again.quote:
>>112
"We refuse to send a cab there because that old lady keeps shooting at our drivers. Now try again."
>>113
"We refuse to send a cab there because every time we give the llama a ride, we have to fumigate our taxi. Now try again."
>>114
"We refuse to send a cab there because the resident of that house is absolutely mad. Now try again."
>>115
"I know for a fact that number doesn't exist. Now try again."
While I'm waiting I'll just make sure I'm not in a position to lose anything important...quote:
>>111
"Okay. Lemme put you on hold for a minute while I see what we got in your area."
Click!
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
The cab company plays you "You Are So Beautiful," murdered by Lionel Richie.
>z
Time passes.
A man's voice interrupts "Torn Between Two Lovers," backed by a bassoon-and- triangle duet. "Okay, Ms Huxley. We'll send a cab over to 111 35th right away. Thanks for calling Getlost."
He hangs up.
>e
Front Room
>e
111 35th
>close door
You close the front door.
I KNEW IT!quote:
>put money and beezer in wallet. put wallet and knife in pocket
$75.00: Done.
The Beezer card: Done.
The wallet: Done.
The Swiss army knife: Done.
>put cart in case.
You put the recipe cartridge in the small case.
It occurs to you that maybe that cab you called isn't coming after all. Perhaps you should call the company again.
...sigh. That'll teach me to be neat.quote:
>w
The front door is closed.
Hooray! I tricked 'em!quote:
>open door
You open the front door.
>w
Front Room
>w
Back Room
>dial 243-6981
After a few rings a man answers. "Getlost Airport Cab. Last name of passenger please."
>>huxley
"Gee, lady, your cab should be on its way. You better go outside and wait for it." He hangs up.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>e
Front Room
>e
111 35th
>z
Time passes.
You're beginning to feel normal again.
>z
Time passes.
The ghastly nerd reappears at your side, peering myopically through his filthy Coke-bottle spectacles. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A real Star Trek phaser! Only 76 bucks!"
>z
Time passes.
The nerd waves the real Star Trek phaser impatiently. "C'mon, lady. 76 bucks! A bargain!"
It occurs to you that maybe that cab you called isn't coming after all. Perhaps you should call the company again.
>w
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Front Room
>look at watch
Your digital wristwatch says it's Saturday, 11:42 am.
>w
Back Room
>dial 243-6981
After a few rings a man answers. "Getlost Airport Cab. Last name of passenger please."
>>philaboy
"You sound a lot like Ms Huxley. Are you some kind of prankster?"
"Ok, lady, where do you wanna go?"
>>airport
"Great, lady. The airport's our specialty. What's the name of your street?"
>>35th
"Street number?"
>>111
"Okay. Lemme put you on hold for a minute while I see what we got in your area."
Click!
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
The cab company plays you "My Way," backed by a bassoon-and-triangle duet.
>z
Time passes.
The cab company plays you "I Write the Songs," with the lyrics mercifully mixed out.
>z
Time passes.
A man's voice interrupts the theme song to "Mister Ed," hummed backwards by Billy Graham. "Okay, Ms Philaboy. We'll send a cab over to 111 35th right away. Thanks for calling Getlost."
He hangs up.
>e
Front Room
>e
111 35th
>close door
You close the front door.
>z
Time passes.
You see a Getlost cab wandering up and down the street looking at all the house numbers.
Oh, crap.quote:
>z
Time passes.
The cab pulls up in front of you.
>get in cab
The driver says, "Are you the one who called for a cab?"
>>y
"Let's see some ID then."
Maybe I have some alternate from of ID...quote:
>show passport to cabbie
The driver examines your passport. He says, "I'm looking for Ms Philaboy, not you."
Whew! That was a lot thougher than I expected. Usually the cab just shows up, no questions asked - I guess it's just random. (Which makes me wonder if that "time limit" I talked about actually exists - maybe it just says the flight leaves at 4:00 to make you panic, and I fell for it.)quote:
>show address book to cabbie
"You're not who I'm looking for." The cab driver guns the engine and takes off.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>w
The front door is closed.
>open door
You open the front door.
>w
Front Room
>w
Back Room
>dial 243-6981
After a few rings a man answers. "Getlost Airport Cab. Last name of passenger please."
>>huxley
"You sound a lot like Ms Philaboy. Are you some kind of prankster?"
"Ok, lady, where do you wanna go?"
>>airport
"Great, lady. The airport's our specialty. What's the name of your street?"
>>35th
"Street number?"
>>111
"Okay. Lemme put you on hold for a minute while I see what we got in your area."
Click!
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
The cab company plays you "Delta Dawn," with a disco beat.
>e
You'd better hang up the phone first.
A man's voice interrupts "My Way," performed by a world-famous kazoo soloist. "Okay, Ms Huxley. We'll send a cab over to 111 35th right away. Thanks for calling Getlost."
He hangs up.
>e
Front Room
>e
111 35th
>close door
You close the front door.
>z
Time passes.
You're beginning to feel normal again.
You see a Getlost cab wandering up and down the street looking at all the house numbers.
>z
Time passes.
The cab pulls up in front of you.
>get in cab
The driver says, "Are you the one who called for a cab?"
>>y
"Let's see some ID then."
>show passport to cabbie
The cab door pops open and you climb in. The cab driver says, "You going to the airport, lady?"
>>y
"Good. I like the airport," says the cab driver, and sets off. He drives through the town and takes the main highway out to the airport, humming "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by Peter, Paul and Mary happily to himself.
In The Cab
You're in the back seat of a Getlost cab.
It's been a long time since we had a good old-fashioned bit of syntax confusion. I thought we were due.quote:
>ask cabbie about airport
"Haven't got time to gab."
>z
Time passes.
The cab driver drives on. He shows you pictures of his kids and mentions that they like the airport a lot also. He says that he has a lot of regular customers who regularly go to the airport. "I had John Travolta in the cab once," he says. "Wanted to go to some club, wouldn't go to the airport. And where is he now? See that movie "Perfect"? Terrible. Should have gone to the airport." And so on.
>z
Time passes.
You arrive at the airport. The cab driver says, "That'll be $17.50, lady."
>give 17.50 to cabbie
[to the cab driver]
You're not holding a number.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>get money from wallet
[taking the wallet first]
You take $75.00 out of the wallet.
>give 17.50 to cabbie
[to the cab driver]
You're not holding a number.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>give money to cabbie
You must specify an amount of money.
The first time I went through here, somebody stole my address book. I don't want that to happen again.quote:
>give $17.50 to cabbie
With a bitter sneer the cab driver spins his wheels in a puddle and drives off, drenching you with dirty water.
You arrive at the airport.
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from Nocturnal Aviation to Quantum Airways, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west.code:
British Underocean Air Frog Omnia Gallia Air Zalagasa Trans-Galaxy Airlines Quantum Airways
I especially don't want to lose my passport, ticket, or money.quote:
>put money and ticket in wallet. put wallet in pocket.
$57.50: Done.
The airline ticket: There isn't enough room in the wallet.
"Your attention, please. Would whoever has lost something which we don't know what it is please pick up the white courtesy phone."
You put the wallet in your pocket.
"Your attention, please. Would the Deep Thought Corporation repair crew please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>i
You're holding an envelope containing a memo, a coupon booklet, a flyer, a damaged painting of Ronald W. Reagan, a Popular Paranoia magazine, your passport, your Boysenberry computer, a small case (containing an airline ticket, an address book, a recipe cartridge and an eclipse predicting cartridge) and a hacksaw. You're wearing a digital wristwatch, and you have a wallet and a Swiss army knife in your pocket.
...ah, screw it, it's too fiddly to worry about all this stuff.
See? Fiddling with the case was useless.quote:
>n
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Omnia Gallia; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
east: Air Worst east: Flying Boxcar east: Air Zalagasa east: Northwest Accident east: Air America
>n
As you approach the desk, you notice a sign, which a departing Deep Thought Corporation repairman in black overalls has just finished fiddling with.
Omnia Gallia Deskcode:
[Omnia Gallia airlines has been sold; we no longer fly out of this airport. For further information, contact the Air Zalagasa desk.]
You're standing in front of the deserted Omnia Gallia desk.
After a slight disturbance in the vicinity of the small case, you notice that your address book has vanished.
Or maybe that just happened cause I forgot to close it.
Right. Now to find a courtesy phone and/or the Air Zalagasa desk. I should have plenty of time - flight doesn't leave 'till 4:00.quote:
>put passport in case
You put your passport in the small case.
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white
courtesy phone."
>close case
You close the small case.
Sign said it was to the east.
I'm back where I started!quote:
>e
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Agony
Airlines; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
west: Trans-Galaxy Airlines east: Air Moosehead east: Kirin Airlines east: Air Zalagasa east: Air America
You hear "Leader of the Pack," performed on common household appliances being played very soothingly.
You're beginning to feel normal again.
>e
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Nocturnal Aviation; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
west: Trans-Galaxy Airlines east: Air Zalagasa west: Agony Airlines east: Kirin Airlines east: Low Ceiling
You hear "Boogie Oogie Oogie," with a disco beat being played very soothingly.
>e
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for KiwiAir; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
east: Air Zalagasa west: BoingJets west: Agony Airlines west: Flying Boxcar east: Air America
>e
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Omnia
Gallia; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
east: Agony Airlines east: Flying Boxcar east: Kirin Airlines east: Air America east: Air Zalagasa
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
"Your attention, please. Would the Zalagasan Catering Corps representative please pick up the white courtesy phone."
I actually went around once more to confirm that Air Zalagasa was nowhere around, but I'll spare you that...
So that's why I can never find it... they're changing the signs.quote:
>s
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from BoingJets to KiwiAir, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west.code:
British Underocean Air Frog KiwiAir Omnia Gallia Air Zalagasa Trans-Galaxy Airlines Quantum Airways
You hear "The Girl From Ipanema," with lots of strings being played very soothingly.
My first thought was to somehow break in and change the signs myself, but it turns out to be even easier than that:
Ok, I have nobody to blame but myself for this particular annoyance.quote:
>e
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from Agony Airlines to Nocturnal Aviation, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west.code:
Air Worst Worsted Airlines Air Zalagasa Nocturnal Aviation Frontline Airlines
>e
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from Air Moosehead to Aerotica, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west.code:
Foster Airways Aerotica Air Zalagasa Flying Boxcar Untied
"Your attention, please. Would whoever dropped no tea in the main concourse please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>e
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from Kirin Airlines to Air Moosehead, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west.code:
Air Moosehead Air Laphroig Air Zalagasa Northwest Accident Massive
>e
You see a Deep Thought Corporation computer repairman in black overalls peering blankly at one of the computerised signs which is changing from Low Ceiling to Agony Airlines, whereupon he disappears into the crowd.
Airport Entrance
You're at an entrance marked:
Other entrances stretch off to the east and west; there's a Lost and Found office to the south.code:
Air America Tickoff Air Agony Airlines Pan Universal
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>n
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Air
Zalagasa; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
west: Trans-Galaxy Airlines west: Nocturnal Aviation west: Omnia Gallia west: Flying Boxcar west: Northwest Accident
"Your attention, please. Would the Zalagasan Catering Corps representative please pick up the white courtesy phone."
You're beginning to feel normal again.
>n
Air Zalagasa Desk
You're standing in line at the Air Zalagasa desk, just north of the concourse. A number of people are waiting in front of you in an annoying manner.
A clerk is standing behind the desk, talking to the first person in line.
The snivelling, ratty and ineffectual nerd stumbles into view again. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A set of rare hackers' log-file disks! Only 58 bucks!"
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>look at clerk
You see nothing unusual about the Air Zalagasa clerk.
The nerd waves the set of rare hackers' log-file disks impatiently. "C'mon, lady. 58 bucks! A bargain!"
You hear the theme from Shaft being played very soothingly.
There's now only one person, a very fat man, standing in front of you. He explains to the clerk that he wishes to exchange the ticket he has for one to Mombasa the month after, only instead of it being a direct return he wants to come back via Nice instead and spend a week there or maybe longer because he's meeting his wife who'll be flying in from Rome, Italy, and can he use part of his accumulated Frequent Flyer mileage to offset the price of her connexion between Hong Kong and Rome? She'll be in Hong Kong before going to Rome, he adds, by way of explanation.
The fat man seems to be tapping his feet to the indistinguishable beat of the theme from Shaft.
A voice on the public address system says, "Air Zalagasa announce the imminent departure of flight 42 to Paris, with service to Zalagasa. Would all remaining passengers please check in immediately at the Air Zalagasa desk. Thank you."
>show ticket to clerk
You're not holding that.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>get ticket
You can't see any ticket here.
All that for... that?quote:
>open case
You open the small case.
You see your passport, an airline ticket, a recipe cartridge and an eclipse predicting cartridge inside.
"No money, no set of rare hackers' log-file disks," whines the nerd.
The fat man in front of you explains that his wife already has a ticket with Cathay Pacific from Hong Kong to Rome, and wonders if it is possible to change that to Air Zalagasa and use some of his mileage credits. The clerk explains that Air Zalagasa do not fly that route, and that mileage credits aren't transferable to other passengers anyway. The man says that he'd heard that on some airlines it was and the clerk says not as far as she knows, the man says that's a pity, the clerk agrees, and starts to look up next month's flights to Mombasa.
"Air Zalagasa announce the momentary departure of flight 42 to Paris. All passengers should be on board at this time."
>get ticket. show it to clerk
You take the airline ticket out of the small case.
The nerd stumbles out of sight with the set of rare hackers' log-file disks. "I'll be back," he threatens.
The fat man in front of you turns to you and smiles. "Takes forever, doesn't it? I thought you could transfer these Frequent Flyer things. Should be able to for your wife. Isn't the music great?" He turns back to the clerk without listening for your answer.
[You really must be more specific.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>show ticket to clerk
The Air Zalagasa clerk gives you an icy smile. "I'll be pleased to help you in just a moment, ma'am. Please let me finish helping the nice people in line before you."
Uh, I guess I don't have much of a choice here.quote:
You hear "Surfin' USA," backed by an angelic chorus being played very soothingly.
The Air Zalagasa clerk explains to the fat man in front of you that flights to Mombasa go via Paris which means changing airports, and that on his fare schedule he wouldn't be allowed a stopover in Nice.
"Air Zalagasa announce the departure of flight 42 to Paris. This flight is now closed. Have a nice day."
The fat man in front of you says he won't bother, then, he'll just go to Nice next month as he originally planned. The clerk hopes that he has a nice day, the man walks away, and the clerk turns to you. "Welcome to Air Zalagasa, ma'am," smiles the clerk vacantly. "May I help you?"
>give ticket to clerk
"Ah, Omnia Gallia. I think you'll find our food much better. You have two choices: either you can get a ticket direct to Paris through Zalagasa, at the same price, or for an additional $200, in cash, you can get a nonstop to Paris. Which will it be?"
But... but it's already gone! What's going on?quote:
>>zalagasa
"Please cooperate, ma'am. Direct, or non-stop?"
>>direct
"Very good, ma'am. Here's your new ticket, on our Flight 42. Have a nice day!" burbles the Air Zalagasa clerk, turning her attention to the person behind you in line.
[Your score just went up.]
>look at ticket
It's a round-trip ticket to Paris on Air Zalagasa flight 42, departing Buttcrackistan Airport at four o'clock this afternoon.
You hear something icky by John Denver being played very soothingly.
So what do I do now? Did the ticket agent give my a ticket just so I could give it back to her to exchange for a boarding pass? Seems likely. I guess I'll have to wait in line again.
...what the hell just happened?quote:
>look at people
Nobody pays any attention to you.
"Your attention, please. Would anyone who fancies making some announcements like these please pick up the white courtesy phone."
Somehow, the clerk proceeded with commendable efficiency, and you now find yourself at the front of the line once again. "Welcome back, ma'am," smiles the clerk. "May I help you?"
>show ticket to clerk
"I'm really terribly sorry, ma'am, but that flight has already left the gate. You don't really expect me to break into the tower and make it come back, now, do you? If you have any problems, you'll have to go back to the Omnia Gallia desk, since it's really their ticket. They may be able to give you a flight on a later date, and then you can exchange that for one of our flights. Meantime, I'll just take your new ticket, and you can have your old one back -- I don't think Omnia Gallia would accept one of our tickets. Have a nice day!" burbles the Air Zalagasa clerk, turning his attention to the person behind you in line.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>look at ticket
It's a round-trip ticket to Paris on Omnia Gallia flight 105, departing Buttcrackistan Airport at four o'clock this afternoon.
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
Better get the Air Zalagasa ticket back.
...and I think we're boned. Restore to the point where they've just given us the ticket, and wander around until we think of something else to do:quote:
>z
Time passes.
You hear an instrumental version of "Yesterday," which should help Paul McCartney pay for Give My Regards to Broad Street being played very soothingly.
Somehow, the clerk proceeded with commendable efficiency, and you now find yourself at the front of the line once again. "Welcome back, ma'am," smiles the clerk. "May I help you?"
>show ticket to clerk
"I've already explained that that flight is long gone. You'll have to take care of this through Omnia Gallia or the travel agent who originally issued the ticket. I really can't help you at all," apologises the Air Zalagasa clerk, turning his attention to the person behind you in line.
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
"Your attention, please. Would whoever dropped no tea in the main concourse please pick up the white courtesy phone."
Ok, that would've been too easy. We can't just walk to the gate. There must be some other way to get there.quote:
>s
Airport Concourse
You're in the main concourse. To the north, there's a ticket desk for Air Zalagasa; overhead are signs pointing to various airlines:
The concourse continues to the east and west; there's an exit to the south.code:
west: BoingJets west: Air Worst west: Air Moosehead west: Omnia Gallia west: Kirin Airlines
You notice a pillar here, with a single Gush-O-Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM) speaker producing sound at a particularly high volume. In the ceiling above the pillar, there's a grate covering a duct of some sort.
The ghastly nerd reappears at your side, peering myopically through his filthy Coke-bottle spectacles. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A dictionary-indexing protocol! Only 58 bucks!"
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>go to gate
Aha! As we suspected, you haven't taken your airport navigation course yet. Try again when you have.
Ducts, eh?
I bet if you're male, this part makes even less sense.quote:
>climb pillar
Dangerous. Very risky. The pillar is quite narrow and smooth, and doesn't offer much in the way of grip. Nevertheless, you manage to climb about halfway up before you take a break.
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Pillar
You're halfway up the pillar.
A crowd of curious onlookers are gathering below.
You hear "Surfin' USA," performed on common household appliances being played very soothingly.
>climb pillar
You shin further up the pillar. This is getting very dangerous.
Top Of Pillar
You're at the top of the pillar. A closed grate is visible in the ceiling overhead, and there's a speaker attached to the pillar here.
The crowd below is growing.
You hear something by Andrew Lloyd Webber that's a bit like something else you can't remember being played very soothingly.
>open grate
You open the grate.
You hear an instrumental version of "Yesterday," which should help Paul McCartney pay for Give My Regards to Broad Street being played very soothingly.
>enter grate
Duct
You're at the bottom of an air conditioning duct that curves upward to the south. An open grate leads downward.
You hear "Boogie Oogie Oogie," backed by too many clarinets being played very soothingly.
>s
You crawl higher into the duct.
Duct
You're in a narrow air conditioning duct that curves upward to the east, and downward to the north.
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>e
You crawl higher into the duct.
Duct
You're in a narrow air conditioning duct that curves upward to the north, and downward to the west.
"Your attention, please. Would whoever dropped no tea in the main concourse please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>u
You crawl higher into the duct.
Duct
You're at the top end of a narrow air conditioning duct. Light filters in through a closed grate to the east.
"Your attention, please. Would the owner of a Baader-Meinhof shoulder-bag which has just exploded outside the terminal please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>u
The duct doesn't go any higher.
>open grate
You open the grate.
"Your attention, please. Would anyone interested in seeing some gladiator movies please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>e
You emerge from the duct amidst a cloud of sparks and steam.
Control Tower
You're in the air traffic control tower. There's an open grate to the west.
Several air traffic controllers are hunched over consoles.
Since air traffic controllers spend most of their lives staring thoughtfully into the clouds, they are a superstitious lot and, understandably, they mistake you, briefly, for some species of goddess. They are also a fairly short-tempered bunch, and with reason. All their working hours are spent looking after pilots and seeing that the poor little lambs are all right and know where they're supposed to be going and don't crash into things, but who gets the dates at the end of the day? Not the air traffic controllers, that's who. Bear this in mind as you strut, goddesslike, before them. They may think you're a pretty heavy-duty deity right now, but they could come leaping back to their senses at any moment, and a maddened pack of air traffic controllers who realise they've been conned again is not something you would want to be set on by. Ask what you will of them, but be quick about it. And do try to sound like Katherine Hepburn if you possibly can.
Ok, now what? Apparently we didn't have much time...quote:
A console radio crackles to life nearby. "Air Zalagasa flight 42 to Buttcrackistan tower. Request permission to take off."
>radio, no
It isn't likely that the console would respond.
>stop flight 42
You couldn't do that from here.
The controllers continue to grovel at your smoky apparition.
"Air Zalagasa flight 42 to Paris, calling Buttcrackistan tower." The radio voice sounds a bit miffed. "Are you guys asleep up there? Permission to take off, granted or denied?"
>say "denied"
[You must address characters directly.]
>controllers, deny flight 42
One of the controllers prostrates himself at your words. "It shall be done, O mighty one!" He turns to the radio console and barks, "Tower to flight 42. Request denied. Return to terminal immediately!"
The radio mutters something impolite. "Acknowledged, tower. We'll taxi her back to the terminal."
[Your score just went up.]
I wonder where it's going with this?quote:
>look at controllers
The group of air traffic controllers stare back at you in awe and wonder.
The air traffic controllers are starting to frown. In the absence of any more smoke and lights you are beginning to appear somewhat less than immortal; distinctly shabby, in fact.
There is a very very nasty pause.
Ok, restore to just a few moves back...quote:
>z
Time passes.
By now, the controllers have rather decided that you're not any sort of goddess or deity, but are probably instead a stupid air conditioning repairperson fumbling around in the ducts with no business disrupting the vital work of air traffic controllers.
After one of those really deeply awkward social encounters, you are hauled off to a nearby gaol where you beat yourself up in remorse, knee yourself in the groin and viciously assault a lot of policemen's feet with your nose.
Death
You are dead.
[Your blood pressure is 0/0, in 262 moves. Your status is Defunct. Your score is 10 out of a possible 21, making you a Victim.]
As long as were up here, let's do something about that music.quote:
Control Tower
>w
Duct
"Omnia Gallia paging passenger Philaboy Huxley; please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>close grate
You close the grate.
"Your attention, please. Would anyone who knows where the white courtesy phone is located please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>d
You slip down the duct.
Duct
You hear the theme from Un Homme et Une Femme being played very soothingly.
>d
You slip down the duct.
Duct
A nerdy-looking young man slides by you at a high rate of speed. As he passes, he shakes something under your nose, and you hear him shout something about how you can have it for only 58 bucks. He disappears down the duct.
>d
You slip down the duct.
Duct
You hear "Blowin' in the Wind," performed by an all-string orchestra being
played very soothingly.
>d
Top Of Pillar
You're at the top of the pillar. An open grate is visible in the ceiling overhead, and there's a speaker attached to the pillar here.
You hear "I Write the Songs," performed a capella by Tony Orlando and Dawn being played very soothingly.
I just got the heartfelt applause of an airport full of strangers - how can I still be a Victim?quote:
>look at speaker
It's a perfectly ordinary Gush-O-Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM) speaker, playing "Leader of the Pack," performed a capella by Tony Orlando and Dawn very loudly and soothingly at you.
Peering behind the speaker, you notice a red wire and a black wire connected to the back.
>cut red wire
[with the hacksaw]
Cutting the red wire is not permitted in this story without prior written consent, in triplicate, from Infocom, Inc.
"Your attention, please. Would the owner of a Baader-Meinhof shoulder-bag which has just exploded outside the terminal please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>cut black wire
[with the hacksaw]
Cutting the black wire is a violation of the Cambridge Convention, which prohibits it in humourous games.
"Your attention, please. Would the owner of a Baader-Meinhof shoulder-bag which has just exploded outside the terminal please pick up the white courtesy phone."
>disconnect red wire
You grasp the red wire and, with a firm yank, pull it out of the Gush-O-Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM) speaker.
Pop! The speaker emits an electric squawk and stops playing "Surfin' USA," performed a capella by Tony Orlando and Dawn very soothingly.
You hear a patter of applause from the crowd below. Alas, music can still be heard from the many other speakers in the terminal.
You hear "Boogie Oogie Oogie," backed by too many clarinets being played very soothingly.
>disconnect black wire
You grasp the black wire and, with a firm yank, pull it out of the Gush-O- Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM) speaker.
You hear "You Are So Beautiful," murdered by Lionel Richie being played very soothingly.
>connect red wire to black wire
With an electric squawk, all the other Gush-O-Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM) speakers in the entire terminal stop playing "You Are So Beautiful," murdered by Lionel Richie very soothingly.
The applause of the crowd is deafening.
[Your score just went up.]
>score
[Your blood pressure is 120/80, in 274 moves. Your status is Stable. Your score is 11 out of a possible 21, making you a Victim.]
Regardless, things are starting to turn around - I can feel it.
And we're on our way!quote:
>d
You cautiously descend the pillar.
Pillar
>d
You slide the last few feet to the floor, where a grateful cheering crowd carries you shoulder high to the front of the check-in desk. There, you are quickly issued a boarding card and passed into the personal care of a passing airline official, who whisks you through all the formalities in a way which shows it's perfectly possible really, if they put their minds to it. Within three minutes you are sitting in a seat on a plane, and three minutes later still you have taken off and the plane is safely on its way to Zalagasa.
You are sitting in an incredibly comfortable FubAero 7-11 Air Zalagasa jet, cruising 30,000 feet above somewhere which you don't know where it is.
Seat 3B
This is an incredibly comfortable FubAero Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat equipped with its own set of passenger station comfort controls. There are buttons to recline the seat, call the attendant and control the lighting, and a socket. The seat back in front of you contains a table and a pocket; the seat pocket contains a bulge, a safety card and an airline magazine.
If that seemed highly arbitrary and confusing - yeah. I played that directly from the hint book, cause I didn't have a clue what to do. But I don't count that against the game. I'm sure it was deliberate.