Part 15
Most perceptive.McFrugal posted:
Is it even possible to prevent the Address Book from being stolen? It sounds like a plot event that's setting up a problem for you to overcome in the future.
This will be the last update for a while - I'm going on vacation starting Friday, and I have to spend tomorrow evening packing and getting ready. I'll be back the week after next.
Do you hate flying? I've always found it pretty restful, personally - putting yourself in the pilot's hands, no need to make any effort to progress towards your goal, just relaxing and letting every minute take you closer to your destination.
Not remotely the way it works here!
Well, looks like I've already run out of things to keep myself occupied on this trip. If only I hadn't traded the adventure game cartridge back in the bookshop... Oh, well, guess I'll stretch my legs.quote:
Seat 3B
This is an incredibly comfortable FubAero Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat equipped with its own set of passenger station comfort controls. There are buttons to recline the seat, call the attendant and control the lighting, and a socket. The seat back in front of you contains a table and a pocket; the seat pocket contains a bulge, a safety card and an airline magazine.
>look at bulge
It's an ordinary set of airline headphones, with a plug that fits a receptacle in Seat 3B.
>get headphones
You take the headphones out of the seat pocket.
>look at safety card
This is a shiny card showing happy smiling Zalagasans in a shiny Air Zalagasa aeroplane to which all sorts of terrible things are happening.
The first picture shows a happy smiling stewardess waving her arms in the air. The second picture shows some happy, smiling Zalagasan passengers cheerfully removing false teeth, wigs, glass eyes, spectacles, and ornamental nose bones. The third picture shows some Zalagasan passengers who are almost certainly happy and smiling but you can't tell because they are all bent double, clasping their knees. The fourth picture appears to have been chewed off by a llama or something, so you can't tell what the happy, smiling Zalagasans which it undoubtedly showed were actually doing.
>look at airline magazine
The in-flight magazine is packed with useful information about duty-free cigarets, interesting llama-wool clothes and pygmy hog breeding. There is a competition prize of $25,000 for the best photograph of the amazingly rare Ai-Ai, and a long article which tells you far more than you wanted to know about the damned creature, illustrated with a fuzzy photograph which could equally well be a dingo's armpit on a dark night, and another article on the legendary Zalagasan princess Ani-Ta'a, a hypermanic virago who, according to the caption below her picture, could enslave men and terrify babies at a single glance.
The last item you read is a particularly boastful and disgusting article on the various types of cannibalism practised in Zalagasa. Hardly any of this material is of the slightest use to you, but you read it anyway because that is the sort of thing people do on aeroplanes.
>plug in headphones
You plug in the headphones.
>wear headphones
You put on the headphones, and hear "You Are So Beautiful," murdered by Lionel Richie.
>take off headphones
You take off the headphones.
>look out window
As a money-saving measure, Air Zalagasa flights don't have windows. Hence, you can't see one here.
Ok, later.quote:
>stand up
You neatly tuck your headphones into the seat pocket.
Aisle, At Row 3
You are standing in the aisle, at row 3. Both seats B and C are unoccupied; there are two politicians in seats D and E, both in obvious need of lithium therapy.
>look at politicians
There are two politicians in seats D and E, both in obvious need of lithium therapy. It's hard to tell them one from the other.
An announcement comes over the P.A. system, with the emphasis on all the wrong words: "At this time, we will be serving you with dinner. Please return to your seats for your comfort and safety."
What, I ate the bowl too? Nothing left at all?quote:
>sit down
There's more than one empty seat here.
>sit in my seat
Seat 3B
This is an incredibly comfortable FubAero Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat equipped with its own set of passenger station comfort controls. There are buttons to recline the seat, call the attendant and control the lighting, and a socket. The seat back in front of you contains a table and a pocket; the seat pocket contains headphones, a safety card and an airline magazine. You aren't wearing your seat belt.
>open table
Opened.
>wear seat belt
You're much more comfortable, now that you don't have to sit on it.
>z
Time passes.
The FASTEN SEAT BELT light overhead blinks off.
The flight attendant appears and asks you what you would like for dinner. "We have Chicken Kiev with raspberry vinegar and a kiwi fruit, or we have Filet with raspberries and kiwi vinegar dressing. Which would you prefer?"
>>chicken kiev
The flight attendant goes away for a while, then returns. "We are out of the Chicken, ma'am. Would you like the Filet?"
>>yes
"We are also out of that, ma'am. I do have a Zalagasan specialty: llama stewed with pulped roots and other sorts of Zalagasan stuff. Would you like that?"
>>no
"Excellent!" says the attendant. She puts a bowl full of something horrible which you do not want to look at on your table. The subsequent vanishing act she puts on is a sight to behold.
"Ladies and gentlemen, at this time we will be enabling the various comfort control functions of your Comf-O-Mat (TM) seats. For your safety and comfort, please do not abuse them."
>look at bowl
It's a traditional Zalagasan pottery bowl, and it looks as if you'd better not think about what it's made of.
>look in it
You don't want to.
>look at food
Very well. It's horrible. At first you think "Ho hum, don't mind eating it, but I wouldn't want to tread in it" but then you decide that it's even worse than that. It seems to be composed of old shoe-leather and a number of small greenish, mutated things with too many heads. Innumerable tiny eyes peer up at you from the plate.
>eat it
You hold your breath and cram the disgusting food into your mouth. It writhes distinctly on the way down. You hear groans of disgust and disbelief from your fellow passengers.
>look at bowl
You can't see any bowl here.
Well, that's just great. And here I was worried about the burger earlier.quote:
>look at tray
You see nothing special about the tray.
Your meal has had a chance to work for a while. You are feeling distinctly queasy. Your fellow passengers probably would be, too, but for the fact that every time you breathe out, more of them pass out. This heartrending scene finally ends when some component of your breath weakens the fuselage enough for it to burst. You plummet to the jungle floor, where a passing Ai-Ai devours your remains.
Death
I'll just ignore the meal and explore the plane. Restore:
This is getting ridiculous. Go bug someone else!quote:
>stand
Aisle, At Row 3
You are standing in the aisle, at row 3. Both seats B and C are unoccupied; there are two politicians in seats D and E, both in obvious need of lithium therapy.
>hello politicians
As you might expect, the politician pays absolutely no attention to anything you do.
>n
Aisle, At Row 2
You are standing in the aisle, at row 2. All the seats in this row are occupied.
>n
Aisle, At Row 1
You are standing in the aisle, at row 1. All the seats in this row are occupied.
>n
Galley
This is a galley. The flight attendants turn and stare at you coldly.
>hello flight attendants
The flight attendant hasn't warmed up any. "I don't know what you have in mind, but I don't want any part of it. Maybe you'd better get back to your seat."
>s
Aisle, At Row 1
You hear a hatefully familiar whine close at hand. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A decision-support system for executives! Only 58 bucks!"
Oh, yeah - I forgot to save after they actually gave me the dinner. This time I'll just ignore it completely.quote:
>tell nerd about flight attendants
The nerd doesn't respond.
The nerd waves the decision-support system for executives impatiently. "C'mon, lady. 58 bucks! A bargain!"
>s
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Aisle, At Row 2
>s
Aisle, At Row 3
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
You are standing in the aisle, at row 4. Two Zalagasans are sitting in seats B and C playing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" on ethnic nose flutes; both seats D and E are unoccupied.
>look at zalagasans
Two Zalagasans are sitting in seats B and C playing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" on ethnic nose flutes. It's hard to tell them one from the other.
>hello zalagasans
The Zalagasan grimaces horribly and shakes his fist (a traditional Zalagasan gesture of confused friendliness). Perhaps he doesn't speak English. He returns to his flute-playing.
An announcement comes over the P.A. system, with the emphasis on all the wrong words: "At this time, we will be serving you with dinner. Please return to your seats for your comfort and safety."
Every time you end up back in your seat, the game mentions that you're not wearing your seatbelt. I find that ominous.quote:
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
You are standing in the aisle, at row 5. Seat B is empty; seat C is occupied by an old woman, clutching a misshapen thing; both seats D and E are occupied.
>look at woman
She's just an old woman, clutching a misshapen thing.
>look at thing
It's a reasonably ordinary misshapen thing.
>ask woman about thing
"It's for my nephew Arthur. I'm not sure what it is, but he's very clever, and I'm sure he'll be able to figure it out."
A flight attendant hurries up to you. "This is really unforgivable, ma'am." You find yourself being frog-marched back to your seat, where you are unceremoniously dumped.
Seat 3B
Cool!quote:
The flight attendant appears and asks you what you would like for dinner. "We have Chicken Kiev with raspberry vinegar and a kiwi fruit, or we have Filet with raspberries and kiwi vinegar dressing. Which would you prefer?"
>>either
"Please cooperate, ma'am. The Chicken or the Filet?"
>>filet
The flight attendant goes away for a while, then returns. "We are out of the Filet, ma'am. Would you like the Chicken?"
>>no
"I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. I do have a Zalagasan specialty: llama stewed with pulped roots and other sorts of Zalagasan stuff. Would you like that?"
>>no
"Excellent!" says the attendant. She unfolds your table and puts a bowl full of something horrible which you do not want to look at on it. The subsequent vanishing act she puts on is a sight to behold.
"Ladies and gentlemen, at this time we will be enabling the various comfort control functions of your Comf-O-Mat (TM) seats. For your safety and comfort, please do not abuse them."
>push lighting button
[This story isn't allowed to recognise the word "lighting."]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>push button
[Taking the Swiss army knife first]
Nothing happens.
>push seat button
You can't see any seat button here.
>look at controls
Your Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat is equipped with all buttons necessary for your own safety and comfort: a light button, a call button, and a recline button.
You're beginning to feel normal again.
>push light button
From somewhere behind, you hear a sort of damp, gurgling grunt as if a pygmy hog had accidentally leapt into its trough on a dark, wet night. You immediately recognise this as the characteristic sound of a man who has been woken up from a refreshing sleep over his book, asked if he would like something to eat, said "No," been brought it anyway, decided he had better eat it so that they will take it away so that he can go back to sleep, and innocently started to eat it when, like a bolt from the blue, the seat in front of him has inexplicably shot back with astonishing force, hitting him on the back of his head and forcing his face into his food, then shot forward again with equal speed, forcing his food into his face.
All right, that's enough of that. Let's see who we can hurt with the rest of these:quote:
>again
You hear a hoarse cry of dismay from the rear of the aeroplane, but beyond the fact that someone has obviously met with a sudden accident, you can tell nothing.
>again
You hear a hoarse cry of dismay from the rear of the aeroplane, but beyond the fact that someone has obviously met with a sudden accident, you can tell nothing.
I'm gonna go find that seat that I was able to recline and put my bowl of stew on it, so I can flip it off and make another mess. This is the most fun I've ever had on an airplane!quote:
>push call button
The head of the person in front of you starts to shine.
>again
The head of the person in front of you stops shining.
>push recline button
You hear a ding-dong from behind you.
Ok, I guess I'll just leave it there and sneak away. I'm sure they'll clean it up eventually. In the meantime, there are still parts of the plane I haven't explored.quote:
>get bowl
As you terribly, terribly warily pick up your hateful food, a flight attendant appears. His expression speaks more loudly than words. You put the food back on your table.
"Please finish your delicious Zalagasan delicacy, ma'am," says the attendant.
>attendant, no
The flight attendant nods briskly.
I'm not sure why talking to the fat man did that, but it's not terribly important. Moving on:quote:
>stand up
Gingerly edging past your dish of virulent food, you get out of your seat.
Aisle, At Row 3
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
>s
Aisle, At Row 6
You are standing in the aisle, at row 6. There are two Frobozzco executives in seats B and C; seat D is empty; seat E is occupied by a fat man.
>look at fat man
Oddly, he's indistinguishable from every other fat man you've ever seen on an aeroplane.
>hello fat man
The executives are too busy discussing the proper technique for buying politicians to pay you any mind.
>look at executives
There are two Frobozzco executives in seats B and C. It's hard to tell them one from the other.
That must be the guy we dumped food on earlier.quote:
>s
Aisle, At Row 7
You are standing in the aisle, at row 7. Both seats B and C are occupied; seat D is empty; seat E is occupied by a man sleeping, his head in a book. He is snoring angrily, if that's possible.
>look at man
He seems to be very restless for someone who's sleeping so soundly.
>wake man
It would be cruel to disturb his recovery from what was obviously a very taxing experience.
Aside: I found a bug! If you come up here before you dump food on the man, you get this:
He's sleeping, but he's already awake - and he's sleeping gentley, but he's had a taxing experience that hasn't happened yet, and he has no name! That's like, four bugs in two sentences.quote:
...seat E is occupied by a man sleeping, his head in a book. He is snoring gently.
>look at sleeping man
He's sleeping, his head in a book.
>wake him
The is already wide awake.
>hello man
It would be cruel to disturb his recovery from what was obviously a very taxing experience.
Back to exploring:
Ok, that's really annoying. I guess if I can't eat it, and I can't just ignore it without them hassling me, I'll just have to dump it out somewhere.quote:
>s
Aisle, At Row 8
You are standing in the aisle, at row 8. There is a mother in seat C; her baby, resting quietly for the moment, is next to her in seat B; both seats D and E are unoccupied.
The ghastly nerd reappears at your side, peering myopically through his filthy Coke-bottle spectacles. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A decision-support system for executives! Only 58 bucks!"
A flight attendant hurries up to you. "This is really unforgivable, ma'am. You haven't eaten your delicious Zalagasan dinner yet. Surely you must know the regulations." You find yourself, as if by magic, back in your seat, staring at the hateful thing.
Seat 3B
Suddenly the idea of flipping the bowl off the seat becomes important, not just an amusement. It's pretty clear that this flight isn't getting anywhere until I finish my dinner. Stupid adventure game physics.quote:
>get bowl
As you terribly, terribly warily pick up your hateful food, the flight attendant clears his throat. His expression speaks more loudly than words. You put the food back on your table.
"Please finish your delicious Zalagasan delicacy, ma'am," says the attendant.
>empty bowl
Realising the danger that some of the hateful food might splash back on yourself, you think better of it.
The attendant leaves.
>get bowl
As you terribly, terribly warily pick up your hateful food, a flight attendant appears. His expression speaks more loudly than words. You put the food back on your table.
"Please finish your delicious Zalagasan delicacy, ma'am," says the attendant.
"You had better eat that food, ma'am. Do you not know the regulations?"
>throw bowl at flight attendant
Realising the danger that some of the hateful food might splash back on yourself, you think better of it.
Ok, so pushing the light button in my seat, 3B, caused the seat at 6E to reline, dumping food on the guy behind it in 7E. So logically, there must be a button around somewhere that'll cause 2B to recline, dumping my food all over my seat. I just have to find it.
Be sure to consult the descriptions above as I wander around looking for empty seats to sit in, so you know where everybody is.
Oh yeah, there are no free seats in front of me. Gotta go back south.quote:
>stand
Gingerly edging past your dish of virulent food, you get out of your seat.
Aisle, At Row 3
A terrible nerd is waving a decision-support system for executives at you.
The nerd waves the decision-support system for executives impatiently. "C'mon, lady. 58 bucks! A bargain!"
The attendant leaves.
>sit in 3c
Seat 3C
Across the aisle, you see a politician.
>push call button
The head of the person in front of you starts to shine.
>push light button
You hear a hoarse cry of dismay from the rear of the aeroplane, but beyond the fact that someone has obviously met with a sudden accident, you can tell
nothing.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 3
A terrible nerd is waving a decision-support system for executives at you.
"No money, no decision-support system for executives," whines the nerd.
>n
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Aisle, At Row 2
You are standing in the aisle, at row 2. All the seats in this row are occupied.
Hmm, while I'm in another seat, I should read the safety card - mine was missing a section.quote:
>s
Aisle, At Row 3
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
>sit in seat e
Seat 4E
They're ALL missing a section. That's either highly suspicious, or it's highly lazy programming. Or both.quote:
>read safety card
This is a shiny card showing happy smiling Zalagasans in a shiny Air Zalagasa aeroplane to which all sorts of terrible things are happening.
The first picture shows a happy smiling stewardess waving her arms in the air. The second picture shows some happy, smiling Zalagasan passengers cheerfully removing false teeth, wigs, glass eyes, spectacles, and ornamental nose bones. The third picture shows some Zalagasan passengers who are almost certainly happy and smiling but you can't tell because they are all bent double, clasping their knees. The fourth picture appears to have been chewed off by a llama or something, so you can't tell what the happy, smiling Zalagasans which it undoubtedly showed were actually doing.
This is telling me nothing, and I just realized I still haven't gone all the way to the back of the plane - maybe there's something there that'll help.quote:
>push light button
From somewhere in the rear of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
Of course, none of my credit cards work... Ah, hell, lets give it a try.quote:
>stand
Aisle, At Row 4
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
>s
Aisle, At Row 6
>s
Aisle, At Row 7
>s
Aisle, At Row 8
You are standing in the aisle, at row 8. There is a mother in seat C; her baby, resting quietly for the moment, is next to her in seat B; both seats D and E are unoccupied.
>look at mother
She's just a young mother, with her even younger child.
>look at baby
It is smiling cheerfully.
>s
Unfortunately, you wake the baby as you tiptoe past. It immediately emits a hateful little bleat. You wonder if it has any llama blood in it, then it starts to scream. The mother picks it up and walks up and down the aisle for a moment to calm it. Within seconds, it falls into a stupid, half-witted sleep.
Aisle, At Row 9
You are standing in the aisle, at row 9. Seat B is empty; seat C is occupied by a red-faced, angry-looking man; both seats D and E are unoccupied.
>look at man
He's a red-faced, angry-looking man.
>talk to him
The angry fellow doesn't respond.
>say hello
[Refer to your Bureaucracy manual for the correct way to address characters.]
>hello man
"Why don't you make like a pea and split?"
>s
Rear Of Aeroplane
There is a telephone here, with a slot for credit cards. The emergency hatch lies to the east, and the lavatory is south.
>look at telephone
This is a pay telephone. It has a slot for credit cards, but doesn't seem to accept cash.
Of course, now that my address book's been stolen, the only number I can remember is the last one I called - the cab company. (By which I mean, it's the first one I saw in my transcript file.)quote:
>put beezer in slot
Which slot do you mean, the telephone or your Boysenberry computer?
>telephone
[taking the Beezer card out of the wallet first]
The Beezer card vanishes inside the phone. A synthetic voice says, "Please place your call now. You'll get your card back when you're done."
Well, I guess that's that. The only unexplored door is obviously suicidal (and it's not a particularly funny death, so I won't bother.)quote:
>dial 243-6981
You realise that this call is going to cost a small fortune, if it hasn't already, and hang up before anyone answers.
The telephone spits out your Beezer card, thanks you for using it, and suggests that you have a wonderful day. While you're idly contemplating your next step, you remember to take your Beezer card.
>put beezer in wallet
You put the Beezer card in the wallet.
>s
The lavatory is engaged. From within, you hear a champagne cork popping.
>s
The lavatory is engaged. From within, you hear what could be a pygmy hog giving birth to an exceptionally large litter.
>s
The lavatory is engaged. From within, you hear the sound of tuneful bassoon-playing.
>s
The lavatory is engaged. From within, you hear the sound of frantic typing.
Ok, so - uh, now what? Ok, we're trying to get the seat at 2B to tilt back. Pushing the buttons up there caused the seat in 6E to tilt - that's 4 rows back. But I can't get up four rows ahead of 2B, so the pattern has to be more complicated than just "4 rows back and 3 to the right".
Hmm... So what happens if we push the button in one of the back rows, where there's less than 4 rows before the end of the plane? At that point, it must flip and start tilting seats in front of you instead of behind.
I was right - that was somewhere in the front. Now I'll just keep trying seats back here until I find the right one.quote:
>n
Aisle, At Row 9
>sit in 9b
Seat 9B
>push light button
From somewhere in the front of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
It suddenly occurs to me that when I tried 9B, that would've flipped a seat some number of rows up AND to the left or right. (That's what happened the first time - the sleeping guy wasn't in seat B.) I was assuming I was in the wrong row, but maybe it was the other empty seat in row 9.quote:
>stand
Aisle, At Row 9
>n
Aisle, At Row 8
>sit in 8d
Seat 8D
>push light button
From somewhere in the front of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 8
>n
Aisle, At Row 7
A flight attendant hurries up to you. "This is really unforgivable, ma'am. You haven't eaten your delicious Zalagasan dinner yet. Surely you must know the regulations." You find yourself, as if by magic, back in your seat, staring at the hateful thing.
Seat 3B
I got a businessman! But since that wasn't a politician, this is the wrong row.quote:
>s
Please don't climb over the seats.
>stand
Gingerly edging past your dish of virulent food, you get out of your seat.
Aisle, At Row 3
The attendant leaves.
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
>s
Aisle, At Row 6
>s
Aisle, At Row 7
>s
Aisle, At Row 8
>s
Aisle, At Row 9
>sit in seat d
Seat 9D
>push light button
From somewhere in front, you hear a slippery sort of "phloop!" followed by a muffled grunt, as if the soap had slipped out of someone's hands and hit him in the mouth. You immediately recognise this as the characteristic sound of a Zalagasan businessman who has been making do with some terribly dull Western food (when what he would really have liked is a nice Zalagasan delicacy like llama stew with pulped roots and all sorts of stuff) and all of a sudden the seat in front of him has inexplicably shot back with astonishing force, hitting him on the back of his head and forcing his face into his food, then shot forward again with equal speed, forcing his food into his face.
Actually, I can't tell if I just got a "Zalagasan", who wasn't described as a businessman (row 4) or an "executive", who wasn't described as Zalagasan (row 6). Lemme try a seat farther forward, and see if that clears anything up.
Whoops. Guess we gotta use our noggin a bit.quote:
>stand
Aisle, At Row 9
>n
Aisle, At Row 8
>n
Aisle, At Row 7
>n
Aisle, At Row 6
>sit in seat d
Seat 6D
>push light button
From somewhere in the rear of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
Several of the passengers seem to be gathering in the aisle; as they approach you, what had seemed like a low murmur becomes an angry roar. "Are you too blasted stupid to figure out what's going on here, you twit? Trying to break all our necks, is that it? Well, we're not having it!" After they rend you limb from limb, they box you up, and toss you out of the aeroplane over a particularly notorious den of cannibals, where you become a picnic.
Death
Lets restore and go about this systematically:
Ok, 9E disturbed an empty seat in a row ahead of it, so that's 8E, 7D, 6C, 5B, 4D, 4E or 3C. Assume it wasn't in the same column, since that'd be too easy, so it was 7D, 6C, 5B, 4D or 3C. (Also assume there's a pattern - each button flips the seat X rows back and Y to the left/right, unless that would be outside the airplane in which case it goes Z rows forward instead.)quote:
>sit in 9e
Seat 9E
>push light button
From somewhere in the front of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
>sit in 9d
Seat 9D
>push light button
From somewhere in front, you hear a slippery sort of "phloop!" followed by a muffled grunt, as if the soap had slipped out of someone's hands and hit him in the mouth. You immediately recognise this as the characteristic sound of a Zalagasan businessman who has been making do with some terribly dull Western food (when what he would really have liked is a nice Zalagasan delicacy like llama stew with pulped roots and all sorts of stuff) and all of a sudden the seat in front of him has inexplicably shot back with astonishing force, hitting him on the back of his head and forcing his face into his food, then shot forward again with equal speed, forcing his food into his face.
9D disturbed a "Zalagasan businessman", which is 4B, 4C, 6B or 6C. Since we're assuming 9E went to the same row, the empty seat must have been 4D or 6C.
There's one more empty seat in row 9 to try - if it disturbs a fat guy, we're affecting row 6. If it disturbs another empty seat, we're in row 4. If it disturbs another "Zalagasan businessman", there's no way to tell.
Ok, so we were affecting row 4. That means the button that affects seat 3B must be in row 8.quote:
>sit in 9b
Seat 9B
>push light button
From somewhere in the front of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
A flight attendant hurries up to you. "This is really unforgivable, ma'am. You haven't eaten your delicious Zalagasan dinner yet. Surely you must know the regulations." You find yourself, as if by magic, back in your seat, staring at the hateful thing.
Seat 3B
That must have been 3C.quote:
>stand
Gingerly edging past your dish of virulent food, you get out of your seat.
Aisle, At Row 3
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
>s
Aisle, At Row 6
>s
Aisle, At Row 7
>s
Aisle, At Row 8
>sit in 8d
Seat 8D
>push light button
From somewhere in the front of the aircraft, you hear a sad mechanical groan, as if a tired Comf-O-Mat (TM) seat had, for the too-manyth time, forced itself to recline abruptly, then forced itself upright again.
Awesome. So the button we want is in this row, but it's not either of those two and it wouldn't be 8B, since that would be too simple - it must be 8C!quote:
>sit in 8e
Seat 8E
>push light button
From somewhere in front, you hear a repulsive squelching mumble, as if a chattering orangutan had suddenly had its mouth crammed full of earthworms. You immediately recognise this as the characteristic sound of a politician who has been (needless to say) talking with his mouth full of airline food and the seat in front of him has inexplicably shot back with astonishing force, hitting him on the back of his head and forcing his face into his food, then shot forward again with equal speed, forcing his food into his face.
We have to get that baby out of the way!
Last time we woke the baby, the mother walked it up and down the aisle to calm it down. If we could make it scream again, we could nip in and steal her seat.quote:
>stand
Aisle, At Row 8
>look at mother
She's just a young mother, with her even younger child.
>look at baby
It is smiling cheerfully.
>wake baby
Its equipoise is undisturbed. It merely smiles.
No, I would never have figured that out without the hint book. I'm not God.quote:
>sit in8e
[You must have special permission to use the word "in8e" in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>sit in 8e
Seat 8E
>get airline magazine
You take the airline magazine out of the seat pocket.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 8
>show airline magazine to baby
The baby is amused by the pretensions of the in-flight magazine. It gurgles over the llama-wool clothes, chortles at the pygmy hogs, licks its hateful chops over the nice arrangements of cannibal cuisine, and giggles at the Ai-Ai. Then it sees the picture of Princess Ani-Ta'a. Its face turns bright red and crumples up (an improvement, if anything) and it bursts into hysterical sobs.
Its mother glares at you, picks up the baby and begins to stroll up and down the aisle, crooning horribly to her offspring.
Sigh.quote:
>sit in 8c
Seat 8C
>push light button
There is a dreadful wet squelch from towards the front of the cabin, and, briefly, a whiff of something truly hellish.
Several of the passengers seem to be gathering in the aisle; as they approach you, what had seemed like a low murmur becomes an angry roar. "Are you too blasted stupid to figure out what's going on here, you twit? Trying to break all our necks, is that it? Well, we're not having it!" After they rend you limb from limb, they box you up, and toss you out of the aeroplane over a particularly notorious den of cannibals, where you become a picnic.
Death
You are dead.
Just so you know, I'm going to die 5 more times before we're finished today.
I restore and do that again without testing as many seats this time:
Yeah! Take that! Now I'll just sit quietly until the flight's over.quote:
>push light button
There is a dreadful wet squelch from towards the front of the cabin, and, briefly, a whiff of something truly hellish.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 8
You are standing in the aisle, at row 8. This row is unoccupied.
The mother returns, bearing her by now quiet infant. She is accompanied by a flight attendant, who marches you back to your seat without further ado.
You are in your seat. There is no sign of your dinner which has been slammed between the table and the seat in front of you when it reclined. Only a tiny trickle of greenish slime betrays that the hateful food was ever there. A small piece of laminated card has fallen from the seat-back.
Seat 3B
>look at laminated card
The card is the missing bit from your safety instructions. Gingerly avoiding the horrid little patch of dried llama-spit, you see a really dreadful picture (specially commissioned from Zalagasa's most famous primitive painter) of a smiling, cheerful Air Zalagasa flight attendant dangling happily from a colossal parachute on which is written "STINGLAI KA'ABI."
>wear seatbelt
You're much more comfortable, now that you don't have to sit on it.
A flight attendant comes up to you, glowering angrily. Then she notices that your food has gone. "Oh... er..." she mutters in confusion. "Ah... my colleague must have taken your plate. Hope you enjoyed your meal, ma'am." She looks as if she is almost tempted to be polite, except that she doesn't know how, and walks away.
Oops.quote:
>z
Time passes.
The flight attendant reappears. "There is a telephone call for you, ma'am," she says, and walks away.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 3
The attendant leaves.
>n
Aisle, At Row 2
You are standing in the aisle, at row 2. All the seats in this row are occupied.
I have a mental block - EVERY time I stood up from 3B, I'd type "n" even though I always wanted to go south. Normally I cut this detour from the transcript, but I thought I'd leave it in this time just to show how annoying it can be.
That was rather... sudden. If you dick around AT ALL after they tell you about the phone call (say, by automatically hitting N instead of S when you stand up) you die.quote:
>s
Aisle, At Row 3
>s
Aisle, At Row 4
>s
Aisle, At Row 5
>s
Aisle, At Row 6
>s
Aisle, At Row 7
>s
Aisle, At Row 8
>s
Aisle, At Row 9
The ghastly nerd reappears at your side, peering myopically through his filthy Coke-bottle spectacles. "There you are!" he whines. "I've got something I know you'll want. A universal accessory! Only 58 bucks!"
>s
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Rear Of Aeroplane
There is a telephone here, with a slot for credit cards. The emergency hatch lies to the east, and the lavatory is south.
The phone is ringing.
A voice comes over the P.A. "Uh, this is your, uh, Captain speaking. At this time, we seem to be in, uh, a crash situation. The crew will soon distribute aerial deceleration devices to themselves, then deplane. Please remain, uh, calm." You (and the rest of the passengers) eventually crash into the Zalagasan jungle, where you die.
Death
You are dead.
I died 3 times doing that.
Here's what happens if you get there on time:
How did you get this number? Well, whatever - better not lie to her or she may want revenge.quote:
Rear Of Aeroplane
There is a telephone here, with a slot for credit cards. The emergency hatch lies to the east, and the lavatory is south.
The phone is ringing.
>answer phone
"Hello? Hello? Ms Huxley?"
>>yes
"Ms Philaboy Q. Huxley?"
>>yes
"This is Myrtle? The waitress from the restaurant? I was just wondering, did you recall to leave me a gratuity this morning?"
Oh god we're all gonna die!quote:
>>yes
"That's funny, I didn't get it. Next time you really should find m...
The line is disconnected. For a moment you hear a hum, and then voices.
"Uh, Roger, Air Zalagasa 612, say your message."
"Uh, Air Zalagasa 612, we have engine failure and our port wing is about to drop off. We anticipate a crash situation at this time."
"Roger, Air, uh, Zalagasa 612, estimate your crash time please."
"Air Zalagasa 612, about five minutes from now."
"Understood. By the way, there was no crash filed for this time in your flight plan. You really should apply in triplicate for permission to crash, at least half an hour before take off."
Click.
You hang up.
Again, at this point if you dick around you'll die. I died one more time trying to follow the instructions on the safety card ("clasp knees", "put head down", etc.) before I realized the secret is to skip straight to the last one. You need to find a parachute.
How do you do that? Again, I turn to the hint book - you ask the flight attendant for one. Never would have thought of that, after the complete lack of help every character's been giving me all game.
(Wait - I wasn't anywhere near row B! If I'd known I can do that from anywhere in the plane I could've saved so much time!)quote:
>n
Aisle, At Row 9
The flight attendant appears. "If you could return to your seat, ma'am, we'd
appreciate it. We need to talk to all the passengers about something."
The flight attendant seems strangely reluctant to leave.
>sit in 3B
Seat 3B
Restore:quote:
>wear seat belt
You're much more comfortable, now that you don't have to sit on it.
>wave hands in air
[Please try to express that another way.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>wave arms
[This story isn't allowed to recognise the word "arms."]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>clasp knees
[The word "clasp" hasn't been approved for use in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>bend over
[This story isn't allowed to recognise the word "bend."]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>hold knees
[The word "knees" hasn't been approved for use in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
A voice comes over the P.A. "Uh, this is your, uh, Captain speaking. At this time, we seem to be in, uh, a crash situation. The crew will soon distribute aerial deceleration devices to themselves, then deplane. Please remain, uh, calm." You (and the rest of the passengers) eventually crash into the Zalagasan jungle, where you die.
Death
You are dead.
(In a very effective move, the game actually interrupts the minute you press a key to say, "Too late" - it doesn't wait for you to hit enter or anything.)quote:
>ask attendant for stinglai ka'abi
"Oh! You're one of us," says the attendant, smiling. "If I'd known, I'd never have given you the Zalagasan Special. Awful, wasn't it?"
She hands you a parachute and helps you strap it to your back. "You go first," she smiles, "I just have to make some pointlessly reassuring noises to the animals back there." She leaves.
>stand
Aisle, At Row 3
>s a bunch of times
Rear Of Aeroplane
>e
The hatch is closed.
>open hatch
It is incredibly complicated with a huge handle saying "LIFT THEN PULL," although you can bet it's not as easy as that.
>lift handle
That wasn't too bad. Bet the next step is a real killer.
>pull handle
You lost your bet. It is as easy as that.
The hatch falls open. The aircraft immediately fills with a dense white vapour through which you can just make out oxygen masks falling from the overhead lockers.
>e
No.
>e
No.
>w
Too late to say anything now. The slipstream has pulled you out of the aircraft and you think you are falling through the air.
[Your score just went up.]
Restore:quote:
Falling
You're outside the plane.
Of course, it's absurd to suppose that you can fly, and maybe it's just the effect of not much oxygen on not much gray matter, but your fall seems to have been interrupted. This illusion is quickly dispelled as you notice that one of the straps on your parachute is caught in the plane's emergency hatch.
>pull strap
You struggle to pull the straps, but to no avail.
You are currently freezing to death from the -20 degree temperature, you're suffocating from the rarified 30,000 foot air, and, as if these weren't bad enough, you're trailing about fifteen feet behind the escape hatch of your flight to Zalagasa, which you really didn't want to be on anyway.
>cut strap
[with the hacksaw]
You cleverly snip the parachute's straps with the hacksaw, and immediately plummet away from the plane.
Falling
In midair, heading down.
You're plummeting downward at an alarming rate.
>pull cord
You'd better grow longer arms if you're going to reach the ripcord from here.
The ground is getting very close, very quickly.
>look at parachute
The parachute is falling, somewhat faster than you. Perhaps you'll catch up with it in another life.
Your fall comes to a rather abrupt end as your body hits the ground with a sickening thud.
Death
You are dead.
And again:quote:
Falling
>pull cord
Things were bad enough with your parachute straps caught in the hatch. Pulling the ripcord, as you might well have expected, has added the complication of a deployed parachute as well. The various straps, cords and other parachute paraphernalia, each going its own merry way, send you flying in a number of very unpleasant pieces.
Death
You are dead.
Ever been skydiving? Once you've got the chute open, it's quite peaceful. Relaxing, even. Ahhh...quote:
Falling
>look at hatch
It's a normal hatch, closed, from which you're dangling.
You are currently freezing to death from the -20 degree temperature, you're suffocating from the rarified 30,000 foot air, and, as if these weren't bad enough, you're trailing about fifteen feet behind the escape hatch of your flight to Zalagasa, which you really didn't want to be on anyway.
>open hatch
There's no way to open the hatch from the outside when it's locked from the inside.
You now have a fine view through the window of the plane's hatch. Inside, the passengers and crew seem to be doing very little of the sort of freezing and suffocating that you are beginning to become accustomed to. The flight attendant who was kind enough to give you a parachute is standing with her back to the window.
>pound on window
The flight attendant opens the door. "Oh!" She seems surprised. "We aren't going to crash after all -- it was just a computer malfunction. Thank you for choosing Air Zalagasa, and have a nice day."
She frees the strap and you plummet down.
Falling
In midair, heading down.
You're plummeting downward at an alarming rate.
>pull cord
The parachute opens. You are floating serenely through a clear blue sky which is unfortunately totally obscured by thick black clouds.
The nerd falls past you. He starts to try to sell you a walking stick for 58 bucks but is gone before he has time to speak. He has no parachute. This does not seem to worry him at all.
Your downward drift continues.
>look at clouds
[You must have special permission to use the word "clouds" in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
quote:
>z
Time passes.
Crunch! You have landed in a tree. Dozens of Ai-Ais cluster about you briefly, then flee in terror. Yet again, $25,000 has evaded your grasp.
Hanging From A Tree
You are hanging upside down by your parachute from the branches of a tree.
Your philosophical side tells you, "It could be worse; it could be raining," while your rational side tells you that, in fact, it is.