Part 5
All right, forget the rest of the house - lets head straight to the bank and get this change-of-address thing sorted out, and then off to the airport for a well-deserved vacation.Might as well check the mail while we're here.quote:
>out
The front door is closed.
>open door
You open the front door.
>out
111 35th
You're standing on a well-kept sidewalk to the east of your new house. The street bears north and south. There's an overgrown alleyway to the east.
There's a mailbox here.
A computer without sound or graphics? This is an old, old game.quote:
>look at mailbox
It looks as if the mailbox is closed.
>open it
Yes, there is some mail in the mailbox. No, it is not the cheque from Happitec which you were expecting. It's a leaflet, and it's addressed to 110 35th. There's obviously something wrong with the city mail delivery system (installed at great expense by the Deep Thought Corporation last year).
>get leaflet. read it
You take the leaflet out of the mailbox.
The leaflet is an irritatingly enthusiastic mail-shot for some computer game. "Now available for your Boysenberry!" it says, pointing out that (a) the game comes in a blue box; (b) if you had a Daktari S/M you could have truly amazing graphics; and (c) if you had a Cormorant Honcho you could have utterly incredible sound. Since the Boysenberry has neither sound nor graphics, you wonder what on earth the marketing manager was thinking of.
(It's especially surprising since I'd assume the "Boysenberry" is supposed to be a takeoff on Adams' beloved Mac.)
What an odd thing to mention.quote:
The mail-shot is addressed to 110 35th. The sender used a postage stamp.
Huh. How about that. Maybe if it's so rare, we can sell it for some cash.quote:
>look at stamp
The stamp on the leaflet is worth 42 Zalagasan Wossnames (the Zalagasans were too idle to think of a name for their currency) and shows an extremely bad picture of an Ai-Ai. The Ai-Ai is of course a terribly, terribly rare sort of lemur which is a rare sort of monkey so altogether pretty rare, so rare that nobody has ever seen one, which is why the picture is such a blurred and rotten likeness. Actually, come to think of it, since nobody has ever seen the real thing, the picture might in fact be a really sharp, accurate likeness of a blurred and rotten animal.
Well, off to the bank. North or south? Let's try... north.
Wait, which of those is 110? Or are they both 110?quote:
>n
110 35th
You see a rather run-down restaurant to the east, and one of those bookstoreswhich looks as if it wouldn't have anything you want to buy to the west. The
street continues north and south.
The bank! That was easy. Let's go in.quote:
>n
109 35th
This is the commercial district. You see a rather shabby brownstone tenement (obviously once a grand family house) to the east, and a travel agency (which is trying to look like a bank) to the west. The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank (which is trying to look like a travel agency) lies to the north. The street continues south.
Oh, god. If we ignore him, maybe he'll go away. When's that bank open?quote:
>n
You discover the bank is closed for 8 minutes.
>time
Your digital wristwatch says it's Saturday, 9:17 am.
>wait
Time passes.
>time
Your digital wristwatch says it's Saturday, 9:21 am.
>wait
Time passes.
A nerdy-looking young man you've never seen before stumbles into view. "Are you Philaboy Huxley, of 111 35th, Buttcrackistan, formerly of 5 Hippo Vista, Rhinoceros, New Jersey?" he asks in an obnoxiously whiny voice. "I have something I know you'll want. It's a digital tooth meter! Only 76 bucks!"
I keep forgetting the Philaboy is apparently a girl's name.quote:
>time
Your digital wristwatch says it's Saturday, 9:25 am.
>n
As you enter, you hear an announcement say, "WARNING: The bank will close in 22 minutes."
"Hey! Wait!" cries the nerd. "Would you like to go out with me?"
I'm sure there will be E/N threads posted about this.
Dammit. Why did I think that'd work? Um, which ones haven't we done yet?quote:
Bank
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank. There is an exit to the south and teller windows to the north.
>n
Teller #5
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 5.
This window has a sign above it that says:
THIS WINDOW FOR WITHDRAWALS ONLY.
The teller at the window says, "Do you wish to make a withdrawal?"
>>no
The bank teller instructs you to go to window 7.
>go to window 7
Teller #7
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 7.
This window has a sign above it that says:
THIS WINDOW FOR CHECK CASHING ONLY.
The teller at the window says, "Do you wish to cash a check?"
>>no
The bank teller instructs you to go to window 1.
>go to window 1
Teller #1
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 1.
This window has a sign above it that says:
THIS WINDOW FOR DEPOSITS ONLY.
The teller at the window says, "Do you wish to make a deposit?"
>>no
The bank teller instructs you to go to window 6.
>go to window 6
Teller #6
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 6.
A sign on the window says NEXT WINDOW PLEASE.
>go to next window
Teller #7
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 7.
This window has a sign above it that says:
THIS WINDOW FOR CHECK CASHING ONLY.
Let me see your manager!quote:
>go to window 2
Teller #2
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 2.
A sign on the window says NEXT WINDOW PLEASE.
>go to window 3
Teller #3
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 3.
A sign on the window says NEXT WINDOW PLEASE.
>go to window 4
Teller #4
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank at teller window number 4.
This window has a sign above it that says:
THIS WINDOW FOR ADDRESS CHANGES ONLY.
The teller at the window says, "Do you wish to file a change of address?"
>>YES
"Our records show that we already sent you a change-of-address form. We cannot allow more than one form to be outstanding for any one customer at any one time. I am only doing my job," she says.
>ask teller about change of address form
The bank teller says, "I don't have any here."
>ask teller about job
[This story isn't allowed to recognise the word "job."]
[Your blood pressure just went up.
>ask teller about address
The bank teller says, "I don't have any here."
Hookay. This is getting us nowhere. Wasn't there a restaurant outside? Let's find some food.quote:
>ask teller about manager
[You must have special permission to use the word "manager" in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>look at teller
She looks a bit like a bank teller but actually rather more like a travel agent.
>ask teller about paris
[You must have special permission to use the word "paris" in this story.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
>ask teller about travel
The bank teller says, "I don't have any here."
You are feeling hungry.
>hit teller
Attacking the bank teller isn't likely to help matters.
That was surprisingly speedy. They must have something up their sleeves!quote:
>s
Bank
You are in The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank. There is an exit to the south and teller windows to the north.
>s
109 35th
This is the commercial district. You see a rather shabby brownstone tenement (obviously once a grand family house) to the east, and a travel agency (which is trying to look like a bank) to the west. The Fillmore Fiduciary Trust Bank (which is trying to look like a travel agency) lies to the north. The street continues south.
>s
110 35th
You see a rather run-down restaurant to the east, and one of those bookstores which looks as if it wouldn't have anything you want to buy to the west. The street continues north and south.
>e
You step into the dingy restaurant.
Restaurant
You're in a fast-food restaurant. This is merely a bureaucratic convention, since the food is not really fast. Nor is it really food. There's an exit out to the street, and a somewhat grubby door to the south.
>order food
You'll just have to wait for someone to take your order.
A harried-looking waitress appears at your side. "May I take your order now, ma'am?"
>>
(That >> prompt means you're answering a direct question, so your options are limited.)
Better not try anything fancy here.quote:
>>yes
The waitress sighs too loudly. "All right, ma'am, how would you like your burger done? Raw? Rare? Medium? Well-done?"
That burger sounded a bit heavy. Let's stick to a light salad.quote:
>>well done
"Bar-b-que sauce on that?"
>>y
"Very well, ma'am. Melted cheese?"
>>y
"Swiss, American, or Cheddar?"
>>chedder
"Please cooperate, ma'am. Swiss, American, or Cheddar?"
>>cheddar
"How about bacon?"
>>y
"Mushrooms?"
>>y
"Great. Now, you've your choice of french fries, baked potato or salad with
that. Which will it be, ma'am?"
>>
Wow, classy. This is a very surprising fast food joint... There's gotta be a catch.quote:
>>salad
"Salad, right. Would you like dressing on that?"
>>y
"French, Italian, blue cheese, Thousand Island or vinaigrette?"
>>italian
"Diet dressing, or regular?"
>>diet
"Right. Now, ma'am, would you care for a drink?"
>>y
"Is there any particular kind of drink you want to have? We've got beer, wine, soda or juice."
>>wine
"Red or white?"
>>
...and we go through the whole thing again. I won't subject you to it.quote:
>>red
"Dry or sweet?"
>>sweet
"French, German or Californian?"
>>french
"A glass of water on the side?"
>>y
"Regular, distilled or mineral?"
>>regular
The waitress races away. A few moments later, she returns. "Our computer crashed, and we lost your order. It's time for my break, so someone else will have to take your order." She walks away.
>z
Time passes.
A surly-looking waiter with huge bunched muscles like the sort of people who kick whole beaches in people's faces appears at your side. "Are you ready to order now?"
>>yes
The waiter sighs too loudly. "All right, ma'am, how would you like your burger done? Raw? Rare? Medium? Well-done?"
>>well done
"Bar-b-que sauce on that?"
>>
Ok, I see how this works - you eat the raw burger, and a few turns later you die of trichonosis. You have to give the opposite of what you really want, and then they give it to you!quote:
"A glass of water on the side?"
>>y
"Regular, distilled or mineral?"
>>regular
The waiter squints at his pad with tiny simian eyes, breathing hard with the intellectual effort of it all. "Let's see if I got that right. You want a well-done burger with cheddar cheese, bar-b-que sauce, bacon and mushrooms, a salad with diet French dressing, and red, sweet French wine, with a glass of water on the side. Is that right?"
>>y
The waiter nods. "That'll be a few minutes," he says as he races away.
>z
Time passes.
The waiter reappears. "Your burger, ma'am," he announces, dropping it on the table before you and racing off before you can complain about its size.
>look at burger
What you have here is just a standard, smells-like-a-dog's-ear burger, with nothing on it. It seems to be raw.
I went back later to test this theory. It seems like eating the raw burger has no effects after all. I'm so paranoid I'm seeing horrible unfair adventure game puzzles that aren't even there!
Reload:
I guess if I ask for the most starchy thing on the menu, they might give me a salad?quote:
A surly-looking waiter with huge bunched muscles like the sort of people who kick whole beaches in people's faces appears at your side. "Are you ready to order now?"
>>y
The waiter sighs too loudly. "All right, ma'am, how would you like your burger done? Raw? Rare? Medium? Well-done?"
>>raw
"Bar-b-que sauce on that?"
>>n
"Very well, ma'am. Melted cheese?"
>>n
"How about bacon?"
>>n
"Mushrooms?"
>>n
"Great. Now, you've your choice of french fries, baked potato or salad with that. Which will it be, ma'am?"
If they're gonna screw up my order and bring me the cola I asked for, I'd at least better get caffeine in it!quote:
>>potato
"Large or small potato?"
>>large
"Butter on that?"
>>n
"Sour cream?"
>>n
"How about yoghurt on that potato?"
>>n
"Shall I sprinkle that with parsley?"
>>n
"A bit of chive, perhaps?"
>>n
"Right. Now, ma'am, would you care for a drink?"
>>n
"Is there any particular kind of drink you want not to have? We've got beer, wine, soda or juice."
>>soda
"Cola, orange or lemon-lime?"
>>orange
"Diet or regular?"
>>regular
"With or without caffeine?"
Damn. Ordering nothing didn't make it end up with all the trimmings. At least it's cooked this time. I'll wait a bit and see if my baked potato or non-existant cola show up.quote:
>>without
"A glass of water on the side?"
>>n
The waiter squints at his pad with tiny simian eyes, breathing hard with the intellectual effort of it all. "Let's see if I got that right. You want a raw burger with nothing on it, a large baked potato with nothing on it, and no regular caffeine-free orange soda. Is that right?"
>>y
The waiter nods. "That'll be a few minutes," he says as he races away.
You're beginning to feel normal again.
>z
Time passes.
The waiter reappears. "Your burger, ma'am," he announces, dropping it on the table before you and racing off before you can complain about its size.
>look at burger
What you have here is just a standard, smells-like-a-dog's-ear burger, with nothing on it. It seems to be well-done.
The story understands "french" when you use it another way? Like, maybe...quote:
>z
Time passes.
The waiter reappears. "That will be $4.50, ma'am," he says.
>ask waiter about drink
The waiter doesn't respond.
>ask waiter for drink
The waiter shrugs. The muscles in his shoulders heave like a nest of slugs
writhing in a sack. "What you see is what you get."
>ask waiter for salad
The waiter shrugs. The muscles in his shoulders heave like a nest of slugs
writhing in a sack. "What you see is what you get."
>ask waiter for potato
The waiter shrugs. The muscles in his shoulders heave like a nest of slugs
writhing in a sack. "What you see is what you get."
>ask waiter for french wine
[This story can't understand the word "french" when you use it that way.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
Dammit.quote:
>french waiter
[This story can't understand the word "french" when you use it that way.]
[Your blood pressure just went up.]
I'm getting sick of this. Let's eat our burger and move on.
(The longer you wait, the hungrier you get and the better the burger tastes. You don't get any more points or anything for enjoying it more, though. If you wait too long you become delerious with hunger, and every time you try to do anything the game says you're too weak, which is a bit of a kick in the balls because eventually you have to give up and restart on your own, instead of just conveniently expiring.)quote:
>eat burger
You're slightly hungry so you eat with little enjoyment.
[Your score just went up.]
Oh, crap. There's only one way to handle this:quote:
>w
The waiter clears his throat. "That will be $4.50, ma'am," he says.
>pay waiter
[What do you want to pay the waiter with?]
>beezer
The waiter goes away for a little while. When he returns, he informs you that Beezer Inc. list you as over your credit limit. He awaits your next move with a smug expression on his hateful "face".
...how very odd.quote:
>run
Which way do you want to go?
>s
You slither out the back way, wondering why you never see any live dogs hanging around this restaurant.
Alley
This is an overgrown, grassy alley, surrounded by a tall creosoted fence. An open back door leads north; there's a gap in the fence to the south. The exit leads west.
The waitress you met in the restaurant is standing nearby. Beside her is a mysterious-looking man in Deep Thought Corporation coveralls, whispering into a walkie-talkie that's black in colour.
The two freeze at the sight of you. "It's her!" hisses the waitress. Before you can speak or move, they slink around a corner and disappear.
Somebody slams the back door shut.
>
Note that the walkie-talkie is black because we picked that as our least favourite colour way back in the opening questionnaire.
Next update: now that we've escaped the clutches of the restaurant, we wander around exploring the town and trying to figure out what to do next.