Part 8: Episode VII (Part 1): Puns Are Present

Right, then. Where were we...? Ah yes... Our hero Serge found himself in a parallel dimension where he drowned as a child (also his mom is dead too for an extra kick in the nuts.) Kind of a downer.


So, apparently Leena tweeted some weirdo claiming to be a dead kid was messing with her while she was babysitting. Unfortunately for Serge, she has a number of followers including a few minor villains.


Poshul attempts to intervene...


...and promptly gets booted off the edge of the cliff. This new portly fellow is now my favorite character.


"But, Sir Karsh... Do you think it is truly true that this chap is a ghost?"
"He seems like a perfectly perfect young boy to me..."
"Also, the boy appears to be a teenager. Wasn't it apparently apparent the drowned lad was a small child?"
"Can ghosts age? That would be unusually unusual for a dead person to do, don't you think?"
"That doesn't matter!"


"He"? What, are they going to avoid saying his name because it is a nameable character? It better not turn out to be that prick, Tidus.



Welp, seems like it's time for another boss battle. Three against one is a bit unfair though. What do you say we pull a new ally out of nowhere, shall we?


But they'll die if you take them out of the water!


You know, if you're wearing a skirt that is so short it requires a large dagger across your crotch to avoid giving everyone a panty shot...there is a good possibility you may actually be indeed wearing a belt mistaken to be a skirt.




Hey, now. It's the blonde Aussie that Serge rests peacefully at night with thoughts of disemboweling. Fancy meeting her here.


"You know, just because that cinematic FMV had a carefully placed dagger doesn't mean it works from down here. I can see it all. I see everything."


Kid I'm sorry, the "mysterious girl" shows off her impressive athletic abilities by jumping like 30 yards to make a grand entrance. Of course, she is now cornered alongside Serge when they could have had a pincer attack on the hostile group. But, Chrono Cross' battle engine isn't designed for advanced battle formations like that so meh...


"Shut yer trap! You're the ones who'd betta get outta the way."


"A snub-nosed porker, a string bean with a horse face, and some sodding faerie that probably spent all mornin' working on his bleedin' hair."
"That's enough!!! Listen up, junior! Our orders are to take you in. We don't wanna hurt you. Just come with us."


"For cryin' out loud... Would ya just shut up and get on with it...!"


A JRPG character getting annoyed with villain monologuing and saying they're just going to kick the shit out the jerks? I think I like her.

Music: The Brink of Death


As per Kid Girl's claim, it's time to kick the piss out of these new adversaries in the second boss fight of the game (and the first one to actually get the boss fight music.)


The dragoon Karsh is the only real threat in this battle, and even then he's really not very tough at all. The only thing he's got going for him is that he hits harder than anything we've encountered thus far (around 8-13 HP per attack.) But, he's only got 115 HP total so he goes down easily enough.




Backing him up are the Shaker Brothers: Solt and Peppor. Japans love for naming characters after a bad pun continues. The two of them are both mostly harmless with weak attacks doing mid-single digit damage and no elemental attacks. But, they're mostly here for exposition for a tutorial...


"Right! That does it...! Quick, attack him with the opposite Element attribute color... BLACK!"
"How unfortunately unfortunate! I do not seem to have any, Sir!"


Nincompoop is a fun word. People ought to use it more often.


"I'm shakin' in my shoes to tell you this, Sir, but I don't have any either! We'll have to let you, Sir Karsh, show us how it's done..."
"Useless fools!"


"..."
"Real men don't need magic when they can fight with their might!"
"So, mate. How did ya manage to get shaken down by Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and Tweedledumbass? Never let yer self get cornered by comic relief. Nasty headaches go 'long with it."
"It's just kind of been one of those days..."


Down to business. The new girl is fighting on our side for this battle. She doesn't hit quite as hard as Serge, but seems to have slightly better accuracy. If you cannot guess by her outfit, she is a Red Innate character.


As far as fighting the three goes, it's best to go after Solt first as he's slightly weaker than his brother (52 HP vs. 60 HP with slightly weaker defense and attack) so he can be knocked out of the battle in just a couple rounds of Serge and his pal plowing into him.


Kid also comes equipped with a stock of Red Element magic. While none of the opposition are blue innate, the MagmaBomb spell is worth busting out at some point in the battle.


As the description implies, it bombs the entire enemy party with fire magic for a good 20 HP worth of damage. She also has a Fireball spell in her Lv3 Element slot (Fireball +2) for a nice preemptive strike to get a little field effect buff to the MagmaBomb (bumping the damage up to ~30 HP per enemy.)


Peppor ought to be dealt with right after his brother, since he's just another annoyance barely pecks away health.


Karsh himself does wield one fairly strong attack in his arsenal that can be trouble if you're dicking around too long. It's worth noting that boss characters don't play by any Element rules, so they can spam techniques and magic repeatedly.


As the name implies, Dragon Rider causes Karsh to summon a dragon...



And ride over to hit someone in the face with his axe. It hits for a good 20-30 HP which can be a problem if Solt and Peppor are still around pecking away health when he starts using it.



But, overall it's a very simple battle. Indeed, you can expect a less than difficult encounter most times Solt and Peppor show up for a fight (yes, they're reoccurring comic relief villains/walking tutorials. Get used to them and their condiments based puns.)



Defeating the Shaker Brothers and Karsh nets the second Star Level of the game. You can pretty much expect to have an encounter earning one about one in every area of the game.


"Th-These aren't no ordinary brats we're dealing with...!"


Crap crap crap. Was NOT expecting this. Alright, Karsh. Hold it together. Got to save face here...


After shaking his fist in anger for a moment, Karsh proceeds follow suit and run away like a pussy as well.


"I'll be happy to take you on, anytime! Think I'll lose to scum like you!? Hah!"
"No wonder those other two were yellow innate."
"Heh. I think that last one's trousers just turned yellow innate."


"Serge... You're name's Serge, ain't it?"
<stares blankly>
"Oh, me? My name's..."


Chrono Cross is a bit weird about letting you rename characters that already have pre-established names beforehand. Sure, we'd only met Kid in a dream before this. But, there are other characters we'll be meeting repeatedly and not recruit until half way through the game when suddenly they start going by Captain Dongs or the like.


"Your name is 'Kid'? Are you kidding?"
"Gonna stick my boot up yer arse if you start makin' puns."


"They just pissed the bloody hell outta me. I wish I could've beat 'em up some more! But why was that mob after ya?"


Once more, Serge apparently gives an explanation we cannot hear. I guess the idea is that you're supposed to fill in the blanks yourself...which I guess is a bit less creepy and awkward than most silent protagonists who just stare off into space.

Anyhow, the canon response is:

"Fuck if I know..."


"Ahhh, forget it. Probably gonna be a long convoluted load a crap and I ain't in the mood."


"That Karsh fella ain't gonna just leave you alone, that's for sure! And to tell ya the truth, I'm new to these islands... It's pretty lonely travelin' around here on me own. Hehehe..."


"Perhaps it was fate that we would meet up like this!"


Welp, this is the first point in the game with a branching decision path. There are a number during the course of the game. Since I don't want to hear people bitch and moan because I missed out on XXX by doing YYY I am going to just offload the onus of decisions on you jerks.

So, what is it going to be...



Edit: Please use spoiler tags in regards to the immediate effects of the decision.

"So what about it, mate? Partners?"
A.) Team up with Kid. - "Sure, I could use a violent half-dressed Aussie in the party."

or

B.) Refuse. - "I literally had a dream about stabbing this girl to death this morning."

Keep in mind regardless of the decision Poshul can be kicked to the curb in the next proper update. Don't let that influence your decision.






Poshul Kicking and Kid's Intro FMV




Karsh Official Art - Parachute pants are always in-style somewhere.


Kid Official Art - Subscribing to the Kingdom Hearts store of ridiculously oversized gloves and footwear.

• Solt and Peppor's Japanese names are Salton and Shugarl (salt and sugar har har har). They are continuing the dopey condiment mid-boss themed badguys of Vinegar, Soy Sauce, and Mayonnaise (Ozzie, Slash, and Flea) from Chrono Trigger.