Part 104: Alternate Ending #9: Dark Serge's Outrageous Bar Tab
's Outrageous Bar Tab
The penultimate alternate ending of Chrono Cross requires the whole Dario plotline to have been completed and Serge to have obtained the Mastermune, but before Terra Tower has risen from the sea. This is a...weird one...
This ending once more features General Viper entering the main lobby of Viper Manor in order to rally the troops...
Music: Optimism
The troops, in this instance, being a bunch of school children from Dario's orphanage...
"Good morning, everyone."
"And now, a word from our headmaster." "It's all yours, daddy."
"Ahem... Ahhh... Well... Ummm... Ahhh... Work hard and play hard, kids."
The kids immediately start goofing around and having fun. Well, that's nice. Dario and a random dragoon redshirt hold a conversation while the kids play.
"It's hard to believe we live in a barbarous world. These are the kids that will shape the next generation. I am sure the general is in full agreement. Isn't that right, sir?" "Hmm? Well, ummm... Ahahahahahaha!"
"Shall we start a dragoon youth group, sir?" "Are you suggesting breeding these young lads for military service, soldier...?" "..." "..." "...Well I err..." "Ahahahahahaha!" "Ahahahaha!" "We must keep it a secret from Riddel, though." "Ahahahaha"
"No need to worry. I have an idea." "Oh, you mean..." "We must keep it a secret from Riddel, though." "Ahahahaha" "Hmm? What is it? What is so amusing?" "Perhaps we can have Riddel work there, too..." "Are you serious, sir? I'll be a regular for sure!" "Ahahahaha"Meanwhile, in Termina...
Music: A Lost Child of Time
Leaving the clearly high as a kite Dario behind, we now join Dark Serge, Harle, and Kid as they enter a nearly abandoned Termina. I guess Harle decided to just go "fuck it" and rejoin with Lynx in this timeline. The real Serge has presumably gone on to banging the shit out of...I don't know... Steena maybe?
"I can't believe it was recently so full of life... Well, I guess I am responsible for all this... Heh heh heh... It's time to wreak some havoc."
"Serge..." "Harle, please do not get on me again about going to get the Frozen Flame. I'll get around to it eventually! It is certainly not going anywhere anytime soon..."[/i] "All zis walking haz made moi fatigée. Pleaze, let'z rest somewhere. "
"Yeah, me too." "Heh... Fine. We're in no hurry. But I wonder if there's somewhere we can rest in this town...?" "I t'ink zat bar may be open. " "Aaaah...yes. It's hard to believe such a place would still be in business during these wretched times." "I'd be more surprised if blokes weren't getting' their drink on right about now..." "Well, good for us, I suppose. We may also be able to gather some information..."Team Dark Serge enters the bar...
Music: Viper Manor
"Hey... Can someone see us to a table?"
"Karsh, Marcy, see dat dey get the best table in the house."
"Right this way, my beautiful ladies..."
"Hey, good-looking... Why don't you join me here...?"
You'd think the best table in the house wouldn't have unattended, half eaten meals yet to be bussed on the thing... But, what do I know about fantasy etiquette?
"An ice-cold beer! On tap, of course!" "Non, non, non! You are underage! You may be Lynx on ze inside, but you are still a 17 year old boy!" "Yeah, I guess so... Don't you have any non-alcoholic specials?" "Then may I recommend our house special, 'Galaxy Night?' It is a mellow blend of bellflower and soda that is sure to quench the thirst." "Yeah, I'll have that one." "I'll have ze 'Denadoro Mountain Blend.' Oh, and make zat two cream, ten sugar." "Harle... A little heavy on the sugar, aren't you...?" "It makez moi sweeter for you, mon chéri...!" "Hey, handsome... I'd like one of those 'Galaxy Nights,' too... Won't you buy me a drink?" "Don't you work here....?" "Yes... But, they make me pay for my drinks so...what do you say? Pu~lease?" "Fine, make that one for her and one for me. That'll be all." "Excellent choice, sir."
"...and one Denadoro Mountain Blend...two and ten!"
"Yes, sir!!!"The sound of the door opening drifts from off camera...
"Peppor, ve have some customers vaiting."
"I-I'm shakin' it!"Peppor rushes over to seat the two new guests...
"M-May I shake your order?"
"Give us all the liquid substances youu have in this box." "B-Box...? L-Liquid...?" "..." "O-Ohh... So you wanna shake it and try all the drinks we have here? R-Right away!"
"Wee will alsoo require a uriine, stool, and speerm sampling of one of yoour kind." "U-Uri...? O-Oh... I get it. Don't hold back on the hard stuff? Shaking right up!"
"Who carez about ze odder customerz? Let'z have a toast!" "Yeah... I guess so. Well then... to our glory! CHEERS!" "CHEERS!"Some time later...
"Non, non, non Monsieur Ly...Serge. S'il te plait. Remember what happened ze last time jou drank on ze job?" "That was so not my fault! How was I supposed to know the place would go up in flames like a matchbook?! I would have thought Guardia would have had higher fire safety standards." "You tried to put out ze flamez with jour bottle of liqueur, Serge..." "I panicked, okay?! Sheesh." "What in blazes are you two gabbin' about...?" "Nothing!"
"What? You haven't even finished your drink yet..." "Oh, the ice all melted while we were having that reeeally nice conversation... I want an ice-cold one... Would that be alright...?" "Fine..fine... Bring out one more Galaxy Night..."
"The creeatures on this planet are Rank K... Noo uunique substance can bee detected in the liquid... Wee must contact the mother ship and begin our attack at once..." "Noo, there is noo neeed to rush. Let us waait foor our comrade, who has preeceeeded us, to maake contact. Hee should bee traveling with the loocals of this planet. It will not bee too late if wee waait until then." "Understood... Wee have all the tiime in the world."
"Noona-Noona...!!!"
"Oui! Will you be treating us, Serge?" "Heh... Fine, fine... But just make sure you keep up the good work!" "Oui, oui! Of course!" "Alright, you guys wait for me outside." "Hey, bring me the check!" "Thank you very much, sir!" "Please pay at the counter."Serge wanders up to the counter. Meanwhile, Karsh leads Harle and Kid out the door...
"Here is my card." <finger snaps to pointing>
"Only dis much..." "Let's see here... Whoa, we drank quite a bit... Huh? Looks like there's an extra 0 on the total there..." "No... Dis is the correct amount." "You gotta be out of your mind! I don't have that kind of cash on me!" "If you cannot pay, please step inside our consultation room next door." "You bet I will! You don't know who you're dealing with...!"Dark Serge storms into the back room...
"......!?"The door clicks locked behind Lynx...
"MISMANAGEMENT OF ONE'S FUNDS LEADING TO OUTSTANDING DEBTS CAN SERIOUSLY HARM ONE'S CREDIT RATING...AMONG OTHER THINGS." "!!!" "A rip-off joint!? I don't believe this!!!" "COME. LET ME ADJUST YOUR CREDIT SCORE." "H-Harle...?! Kid?! I...need..."
"Looks like we'll meet our quota for this month." "Yeah... But still, all I wanna know is when we can start wreaking some havoc again! I'm not cut out for this kinda stuff!" "So you say, but I know you enjoy being the ladies' man..." "W-Whatever! "Like you're much better being the resident jailbait." "Tch. Whatever. Like, those creeps probably wish they made a move and ended up there by the time Zoah is done with 'em." "MY SPLEEN!" "INCORRECT, SIR." "WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" "THIS IS YOUR SPLEEN."Music: Fragments of a Dream
And then there was only one...