Part 40: Episode XXXVI: Cat

Music: Zelbess (Non-stop the entire time)


Alright, this part of the game is just tedious as hell and involves a bunch of very dull back and forth across the Zelbess. So, here's the skinny on events since I want to get the hell off this boat as that music is driving me up the wall at this point...


So going into the inn will cause a grasshopper man to climb out of a ladder leading up to the ceiling... The ceiling right below the casino. Hmmmm...


We cannot just kick the shit out of the overgrown cricket and see what's up there. That would be rude. And vaguely make sense. No, what we're gonna do is much, much stupider.


So, what we're expected to do is go back to Sneff's magic show and volunteer to be part of his act. His opening act is the "Cat on a Hot Tin Rooff" schlock.


So Lynx and company get turned into cats. Or in Lynx's case turned more into a cat.


So now in our new cat form we can either just run over and settle the casino scam or we can go set into motion a couple more events.


Cat Lynx can sneak into the usually locked kitchen and receive a gift of another atrocious picture frame we'll never ever use from the one of the cats. Did I mention Lynx can suddenly speak cat now? Well Lynx can suddenly speak cat now. Dog as well. Don't ask me how that works.




So in cat form the party can tight-rope walk over to the Magical Dreamer's vessel to see an extra scene on-board the bard's ship.


Ziggy and Irenes have a very forgettable chat in Ziggy's cabin which can be summed up as.


"Gö find the säge and get him tö teäch yöu the mägic söng."
"Okie dokie."

If we now head back to peek in on Fargo we can see him in an entirely emo mood...


"I don't like the fact that they arrived here on a Porre boat, either... Who are they...?"
"Meow."


"She sure loved cats... Zelbess..."


"You would look into the mirror and say... 'How I pity you, mirror, for man does not see you as the mirror that you are.' Did I see you as who you were back then? And is that my true self I see now? What would you think of me if you saw me today...? ...Aboard this ship, cheating people out of money... Without you here, everything is meaningless..."
"Meow." Cry me a river.

Heading back to the inn...


In our new double feline form we're now free to cross underneath the inn keeper's desk and investigate the upper reaches of the deck. I guess we just forgot we've got a harlequin chick that can goddahm teleport...

Moving on up... To the east side... To a deeeeluxe apparent in the skyyyyy...






"Why me!? This happens to me every time I start winning big!!!"
"Hah Hahaha!!! Too bad, old man! You have to learn when to quit!"
"Nuff...! I wanted to buy some cat ffood ffor those ffolks..."
"Cat food? For whom?"
"Nuff...! None of your beeswax!"


Poor Sneff... Ugly as sin. Sounds like Sylvester from Looney Tunes. Too stupid to figure out he's getting played for a chump for months...maybe even years... And busting his back because Lynx decided to use the stupidest fathomable way to infiltrate a hidden room.


Despite being spooked and immediately shooing away its own cat, the man-insect doesn't care much about the new trio of cats that has moseyed into its back room.


Indeed, it trots over to a table and nods off to asleep...while sitting upright...with its eyes wide open... Creepy.


In any case, Lynx manages to...somehow...yank out the handle the fraudulent magnet device and make off with it.


Following that, we can now return to Sneff in order to return to our non-feline forms.


"Uhhh... I have to start offf like that to concentrate. Anyway, here we go... One... Two... Free!"


"Ugh...finally... Man, being a cat was so weird."
"..."
"I hate my life..."


"I better stop using that magic. Listen, I'm very sorry you had to put up wiff being a cat."
"..."
"Well, you know what I mean..."
"Iff there's anyffing I can do to make it up to you... I would like to help, but... Dude to unforeseen circumstances, I'm forced to stay on this ship... Please do come by again iff you're ever around. The least I can do is offfer you a cup of tea..."
"Uhh...I'll take a rain check on that, chief. But, thanks... And hey... You ought to give the craps table one more go... I have a feeling your luck is about to change..."

Returning to the Captain's Cabin to call Fargo on his bullshit...


"But why? I really need to talk to the sage about teaching me the song...! Or else...that beautiful island, Marbule, will be gone forever! I can't just stand here and do nothing...!"
"Oh gawd...not again!"
"Zis iz getting ridiculouz."


"Therefore, I will watch over Marbule when its time comes... Furthermore, you and I have a contract. For the time being, you are in my possession. What am I supposed to do should anything happen to you? That would be a great financial loss for me..."
"So you're saying I'm nothing but a mere object..."
"Did the whole spiel about me letting an island fall into decay and die out of sheer spite not tip you off? If that is what you think, so be it."

Ziggy turns to the door and notices there is a group of strangers listening in...


Actually, a fabulous make-up stand tucked in the corner.


"Could it be that you are my..."
"..."
"Father...!? The gentle and caring father I used to know!?"
"Seriously... We seriously walked in from wandering around the ship for a half hour as stray cats just in time for another shocking family revelation? Is this some dopey bad curse? Was being turned into a furry not enough BS for one lifetime...?"
"Oui, Monsieur Lynx. I fear ze dreaded exposition magique curse is upon uz."
"Seriously, I know more about random prick's families at this point than I know about my own. If my dad turns out to be like a talking llama-merman hybrid we bump into in an outhouse on the Isle of the Damned just do me a favor and shoot me."


"I am no longer the father you once knew... I lost everything when your mother, Zelbess passed away... Including myself... At least the parts of me that weren't an asshole... Laugh at me all you want. Pity me if you wish... But remember this, Ziggy, man is not as strong as you think. "
".....Father...I....."

Ziggy wanders off to mop and write moody ballads about how his daddy don't love him...


Despite having just revealed himself to his bastard son not seconds ago, Fargo is more than ready to be a huge prick and swindle people once more. He's so in to being an asshole he neglects to even put anything up for bet this time should we have lost.

Back to the casino...


"Just spin the damn wheel, sheriff mustache-ride."
"That's the spirit. I'll go first!"


Without his cheat hacks at work, the sheer karma of Fargo being such a tremendous douchebag causes him to instantly lose on the first round.


"Yeah, you lost without the handle attached to your cheat magnet under the game. Funny how that works..."
"....!!! Interesting little item you got there... So I guess you found me out. I lose...heh heh... As promised, I'll give you access to the Grand Slam. Of course, you'll get your boat back as well."
"Well...that's nice of you. If I remotely gave a crap I could probably rally the rest of the freak show below deck about how you'd been ripping 'em off all this time and they'd have you hanging off a mast within the hour. But...lucky for you...that's way more effort than I'm willing to invest."


"Would you believe I was a cat?"
"..."
"...Is that some sort of trick question?"
"..."
"..."
"Never mind..."


Onward to the blood bowl!






Irenes Official Art - Technically isn't it...?