Part 14: Johnny Sonata - StarkRavingMad

The Wu-Time Clan Meets Johnny Sonata

Meanwhile, in the Rogue Isles...

Please let me introduce myself. My name is Wu-Time Clan.



I come from your far future. In the future, advanced technology has made me a master at manipulating the flow of Time.

I have travelled back to your time period to gather a resource that is dangerously low in the future. That resource is rap music.

To that end, I have gathered the greatest crew of rappers ever known.


Straight from the motherfuckin' slums that's busted

This was not difficult to do. My mastery of time allowed me to obtain "mad ducats," the currency of your time, which these gentlemen crave.

In my travels I became aware that another musician existed in this time period. Although he was called the greatest musician alive, no record existed of him in the future. Although I did not believe him to be a rap musician, I decided it would be prudent to at least meet him before I returned home.


Here's two bucks, baby, because that's what you're worth.

His name is Johnny Sonata. Mr. Sinatra *cough* -- excuse me, Sonata owns a large casino in the St. Martial District, known as the Golden Giza.


He does it his way.

I had a brief discussion with Mr. Sonata, and quickly determined he was of no interest in my quest for the "phattest beats." However, Mr. Sonata informed me had a job for me. He wanted me to break into an Arachnos base and obtain a certain contract for him. I told him I did not wish to accept his job, but Mr. Sonata made it very clear that this offer was not one that I was permitted to refuse.

At first, I was a bit nervous about assaulting an Arachnos base. Although my powers of time manipulation are formidible, they lend themselves to protecting me through speeding myself up and slowing others down, not to a full frontal assault. My new rapping friends decided they should come with me to, as they put it, "protect ya neck."


Turns out they have talents other than rapping.

Time to fully introduce the group. I have learned a little about the heirarchy of the streets, and the members of my new "runnin' crew" can be broken down into three categories.


If ya got beef then bring the ruckus, Wu-Time Clan ain't nothing to fuck with

Methodical Man, Rake One, and Ghosthead Slaya are Thugs. Thugs use pistols for both single target damage and cone damage. In addition, Ghosthead is a special kind of Thug called an Arsonist. He throws Molotov Cocktails and Fire Bombs everywhere, causing AOE damage. He also loves to run up and spit fire in people's faces. This, combined with his relatively low durability, causes him to get knocked the fuck out more often than anyone else in the crew.


Yo Rizza, yo razor, hit me with the major

The Rizza and The Gizza are Enforcers. Enforcers use Uzis for both damage over time and cone damage. They also throw clips from their Uzis and shoot them out of the air for an explosion which causes area damage (and is highly badass). Finally, and most importantly, they emit an aura of authority which causes everyone in the crew to do more damage, hit more often, and have higher defense. These auras stack with my own similar auras, making the group very difficult to hit and much better at fighting enemies.


Hey. Dirty. Baby, I got your...no, maybe she didn't have your money. Fuck, dude

Ol' Dirty is a Bruiser. He is similar to the brute archetype and the closest thing to a "tank" we have. He can do good single target damage with a knockout blow, good AOE damage with a foot stomp, and can yank a chunk of concrete out of the ground and hurl it at foes he can't reach. His powers also do a bit of passive crowd control, as his attacks disorient and knock down foes.

Now back to our story.

Obtaining the contract wasn't much trouble with the backing of my new friends. The contract was a little strange, though. I'm not sure how paper can be this warm. Even just copies of it are hot to the touch.



I figured my job would be done, but Mr. Sonata had a follow-up task for me.



I wasn't sure that kidnapping and roughing someone up was really my style. But my new friends told me that it was done that way "in the hood" all the time, and that Mr. Sonata had a lot of cash, and that Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Welp, "dolla dolla bill y'all," I suppose.

We proceeded to the Nerva Archipelago to find this Librarian. I used some of my advanced technology to procure us a ride.


Team Transporter, available on the cash shop, back when that was operating. Pay to win. C.R.E.A.M., baby

Our records in the future indicate that the Circle of Thorns was a short lived cult who actually believed they had the power to summon demons. Ludicrous. There's no scientific evidence of such things as demons. I expected this to be easy. No walk through the 7th Chamber, that's for sure.



I mean, look at these guys. Bunch of fools in silly costumes. Thinking they can summon....can summon...




I'm not sure I know how to deal with this.



Ol' Dirty, on the other hand, knew exactly how to deal with it.

I may have had a bit of a breakdown at that point. I am a man of science. This is not science. This is an abomination. But we had work to do. And the Rizza had me inhale some smoke from a tube he rolled up. I'm not sure what it was, but it quieted down the screams in my brain. He said he was a doctor, and his prescription is that I smoke trees every day. It seems logical to me.



We found the librarian, and convinced him to help us. It took some convincing. My group of rappers can be particularly persuasive.



The Librarian told us that the contract was demonic, and that we needed to find some traitor to the circle of Thorns called Akarist to decipher it.



Mr. Sonata was unimpressed with our progress. He told us that Akarist was being held in some other dimension by a group of heroes, and that we needed to go get him.



Extradimensional portal. Well, that's scientific at least.

The base was filled with Longbow. Our records from the future indicate that Longbow are the local law enforcement branch. Typically I have great respect for the officers of the law. I discussed this position with the members of my new gang.



Fuck da police.

On the other side of the base was an actual other dimension.



Scientific inquiry aside, this made me uncomfortable. Something was very wrong with this dimension.



But not so uncomfortable that we wouldn't stop to pop a cap in a motherfucka's ass.

Finding Akarist was relatively easy. He was the only one not in a ridiculous red and white skintight suit.



A villain? Me? I'm no villain. I'm just doing what I have to do.



Maybe people should watch what they say around me. Around us. Thirty-six chambers of death. Three-hundred and sixty degrees of perfected styles. Choppin off your motherfuckin dome...

Anyway, we led Akarist out and back to our home dimension.



Mr. Sonata was pleased with our progress. But there was still more to do.



We needed to talk to Hardcase. And go...and go capture a demon. I'm still not sure what to think about demons. Maybe they are just extradimensional beings? That's scientific. Fuck it, hey Rake, roll me up one of those "blunts." As high as Wu-Tang get, baby.



Hardcase told us where to find the Wailers. But he didn't seem too pleased about it. What was that about Sonata saving his miserable hide?



These hideous things are apparently Wailers.



Funny thing about demons. Seems bullets and fire kill them just like people. Demons aren't so tough. They just...



Holy shit. That's a big one.



First things first man you're fucking with the worst
I'll be sticking pins in your head like a fucking nurse
I'll attack any nigga who's slack in his mack
Come fully packed with a fat rugged stack



Let's haul this thing back to Mr. Sonata.



Mr. Sonata is going to perform some sort of ritual. This doesn't sound very scientific. I don't think I want to know. Luckily, sounds like we're just working security on this gig.



Things rarely seem to go as planned in this time. Still an easy enough problem to fix.



Find missing kidnapped Mystic.



Save missing kidnapped Mystic.



Lead missing kidnapped Mystic to obelisk thing. Repeat times 4 and Mr. Sonata's ritual is complete.



At this point, Johnny Sonata revealed the full truth to us. He had sold his soul for his fortune and fame. And now the demons were coming to collect.



In fact, the Golden Giza was largely a fortress to keep the demons at bay. All his searching found his soul, and if he could reclaim it, he could be free. But he couldn't get to it himself, because his soul was in his own personal hell, inside him. So we'd have to go do it.

I stopped caring if things make sense. Me and my crew, we're just going to go do. Shame on a nigga who try to run game on a nigga. Wu buck wild with the trigger.

We went to go see what Johnny Sonata's personal hell looked like.



Johnny's hell is very meaty. Are we in his colon? Unsurprisingly, it's also populated with Wailers.

But in the center, we find his true hell.



Johnny's soul, singing badly for eternity, heckled by Wailers.

Johnny's Soul:
When you're trapped in a hole
Because ya sold your soul
That's purgator-ay!

When ya sold your soul for gold
And ta keep from gettin' old
That's purgator-ay!

Wailer:
Youuuuuuuuu Suuuuuuuck!


Well, we decided to save him and be done with it. At least we could do one good deed. Redeem a man's soul. First we quickly cleared out the Wailers. Then we turned to the soul.

Okay, Johnny's Soul, time to go. You're safe now.



Johnny's Soul: You'll never take me back to Johnny! I'll never go back after all that he's done!



And then his soul turned on us. He wasn't coming out without a fight. Johnny's soul is pretty strong. But we have one more trick up our sleeve. You see, the members of my running crew aren't the only members of our gang anymore.



We've acquired some other guys. A lot of other guys actually. We call them the Wu-Time Killer Bees.



And when we decide it's time for a Gang War, the whole posse shows up.

Gang War is the signature power of the Thugs Mastermind set. Although the individual posse members don't do much damage and aren't all that durable, there's a lot of them. Against harder enemies, this creates a huge distraction, as the enemy slowly fights your posse members, while your real Thugs and you clobber the hell out of everything. And it's hilarious.



We tried our best to persuade Johnny's Soul to come back with us. We really did. But the Killer Bees got a little too aggressive. In the end, his soul fell down. And disappeared. I think we just killed a man's soul.

Johnny's Soul:
I guess...
I win...


Shit. Mr. Sonata won't like this. Won't like this one bit.



Or maybe he'll be fine with it. But he seems different now. Colder. And he doesn't like us at all anymore. I guess having your soul destroyed will do that.

This has been thoroughly depressing. I'm taking my rappers and going back to my own time. Just press the button and...



What the hell



What the hell is this thing that it summoned? Maybe I just need to recalibrate the time diodes....try again, and RETURN HOME



YES, it's working, it's...



This hideous thing doesn't even make sense.

Something has gone wrong with the device to return me to my time. Maybe it got damaged in all the fighting. Or maybe -- could destroying Johnny Sonata's soul have changed the course of history in some way? Made my future non-existent?

I'm stuck here for awhile. I'll need to figure out what happened. I'll need more power for that to happen. Maybe take over a few organizations. Obtain some more money. A sizable atomic explosion might be able to reorient the time stream. No matter, I've got the backing of the whole gang now. We'll do what has to be done. Whatever has to be done, at any cost.

First of all, the Gizza says I need some new threads, if I'm going to get respect around here.



But maybe even if I figure out how to get home, I'll stay for awhile. A little while at least. I kind of like it here.