Part 6
Space Beacon
Over the next few days I haunted Lake City Local and The Matrix whenever I could connect. LCL in particular was really starting to feel like a community, and I was learning all kinds of stuff about computers from Matrix, even though I usually lurked there.
I was learning how to handle myself in discussions, as well. As time went by, it became more and more obvious who was worth listening to and who wasn't.
Take Rainbreeze, for instance. There isn't a discussion topic in the world that he doesn't want to tell us why he's right. I guess from school that I was beginning to understand how the loudest opinions are usually least worth paying attention to, but it was really something else to be able to see it in black and white. Or blue and white, at least.
I went downstairs after reading that to ask Papa what language "ni hao" was. Then I remembered something from geography class about how big a population China has...
And there was one guy who came through with a truly amazing program.
I tore up my little square of paper, and started using it enthusiastically.
Friday evening, I connected to Lake City Local, and cracked a huge smile.
We'd been going back and forth in the poetry discussion that she'd started absolutely hammer and tongs. She knew more than I did, of course. I guess it showed, and she noticed.
I went to just bash out a quick thought, but then I looked at it and typed a bit more. Then a bit more. And then, a bit more.
-----------------------------
Message to: *Emilia
I'm not bad, I guess.
Well, considering our cat just died. I was never really that close to her until my sister moved out. Mona was always Natasha's cat, you know? I just sort of tolerated her, took her for granted. Then she started spending time with me when Natasha went to college. It was nice to have some company, so I took an interest in her. That's why I'm always offering cat advice.
Death makes you think about things. It feels like I've been coasting through school. I assume I'll go to college, but nothing I've done at school makes me feel like I want to do it at college. I don't think I've had any ambitions since I was five and I wanted to be an astronaut or a cop.
And personally...ugh. Relationships are just too complicated. I tried one a while ago and it just did not end well in any way. I'm not sure that I get them. It probably shows.
------------------------------
-----------------------------
Message to: *Emilia
You too? We make a good pair. I'm sorry. At least we've got each other. And the community. It's a good community.
My Papa told me once about a man he knew who met the girl of his dreams at college, and they spent five years apart writing letters to each other and calling on the telephone until they could be together again. Can you imagine what that would be like?
I hope you haven't given up on people entirely! Do you ever see yourself being more than friends with anyone again?
------------------------------
I sent that and then went to dinner. I bolted it and shot straight back upstairs.
I nearly threw the food back up again. What was that supposed to mean? I scribbled down what she'd written, apologised to Amy as I switched her off, and jumped straight into bed to read it, and think about it.
And think about it.
And think about it.