Part 16

Stars Come Out



It took me a long time to start to answer her.

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Message to: *Emilia

The monster can't get you, surely? How's it going to find you if you're safe on Amy instead of out there?

There's got to be something we haven't tried. Something we haven't thought of.
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I sent the message, and then I stared at that sentence, trying to believe it. Trying to think of something. My brain felt like it had turned into cotton wool. I spun my chair round and round and round in utter and total frustration.

Eventually it came to a stop, and I gazed dizzily at that old book of sonnets, and I smiled just a bit as I thought of how Emilia had helped show me that there was something in poetry...even as I'd told her how bad she was at it. That book I'd got from the library...

Wait just a minute. The Library!



I strangled a shout of triumph and relief that otherwise would have woken half the street.



But I can't get to ARPANET!



I read feverishly, and downloaded it all to be sure *Emilia could see it.



This had to make sense to her, at least. I was catching some of it. More of it than I'd expected, actually.



The last sentence made me shudder right to my core. For a moment I thought I was having a panic attack, but I managed to click the disconnect button, and there was a new message.



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Message to: *Emilia

No, we're not beaten yet. Isn't there some other way of deploying the payload? Some way we can learn from what they were trying to do, and improve it?
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Message to: *Emilia

What are you waiting for? Tell me! What's the problem?
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Disappointment



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Message to: *Emilia

I don't believe that. I know it's bad...but killing yourself? Please don't talk about that. It's not good to talk like that. It's not rational to talk about suicide that way!

There's got to be some way that won't take you with it!

Please, *Emilia...
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Message to: *Emilia

Why can't we both believe at the same time? Why is it that one of us always has to think there's no alternative? Can't we just believe together, and make another way happen?

All I've wanted these last few weeks is to talk to you again. Is that too much to ask?
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