Part 59: Addendum I: Botchcop Begins
I mentioned when I started this that I wanted to show off some alternate possibilities for the path of this game. Well, were doing it. But not in any way that makes sense. Its time forBotchcop is a nightmare person. Botchcop is two hundred and forty-five pounds of gelatinous libertarian biomeat. Botchcop straight *sucks*, yo. This is going to be a trainwreck.
Botchcop also picked Authority, because of course he did.
Addendum I: Botchcop Begins
Were just going to rush through some of these options to see the new content.
When we try to figure out the mystery of the broken window:
When we try to grab the tie off the ceiling fan without turning it off first:
CEILING FAN: This is not a *real* heart attack. This is a joke. Its probably just your lungs or your oesophagus. The oesophagus does practically nothing.
When we turn on the lights:
When we inspect the mirror:
Even with 7 Electrochemistry, this check is near-impossible.
When we talk to Klaasje:
KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER): Okay. She breathes in the silvery smoke.
Smooth, dipshit.
KLAASJE (MISS ORANJE DISCO DANCER): All right, then. Looks like I should go and prepare for whats to come. And thank you, this has been delightful. I do hope it happens *sooner*. Otherwise... She extinguishes her cigarette.
This is information we wouldnt have gotten until much later without having attempted and failed that check.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Good. Theyll make you stronger and better. Youre too old to be cool now, but find cigarettes, smoke themblam! Instantly a cool renegade man, a mystical red dragon with smoke rising from his nostrils!
When we think about singing karaoke:
We havent heard about Ostentatious Orchestrations yet, so this dialogue option is more vague.
INLAND EMPIRE: No-no, dont sing the happy song, its stupid. Sing the sad song, its profound.
When inspecting the spilled booze next to the sleeping dockworker:
ELECTROCHEMISTRY: You press your tongue against the counter. The stain is crusted at first, but after a couple of licks it starts to melt like a snowflake. If snowflakes were made of spiced black rum. Maybe its your imagination but theres already some lemonade in it too. And some human hairs.
When waking up the dockworker:
Were able to get him awake on the first try this time.
When meeting Kim:
Passing this check is actually really fascinating because it means that Raphäel Ambrosius Costeau never comes up. Its a running joke for the entire game and passing this check means you just never see it.
KIM KITSURAGI: Okay then. He processes the information, then disregards it.
KIM KITSURAGI: He looks at you for a moment, in silence. I can see you drank last night, and the night before. And that you are still drunk now. But I have seen officers go through much worse. Much worse. If you need something for your headache, there is a general store nearby. But, as I said, the dead body should be our number one concern.
PAIN THRESHOLD: [Medium: Success] Yeah, a painkiller would be good about now. This thing is *pulsating* with discomfort.
KIM KITSURAGI: Then youre in luck, because were in the midst of a *major* strike by the Dockworkers Union. Maybe more than that. The Union clearly wants a *piece*, not just of the Industrial Harbour, but the Wild Pines corporation itself...
KIM KITSURAGI: Strike, coup, revolution, its brigandage however you parse it.
This game is so good.
KIM KITSURAGI: When I said we have to navigate community matters, I did not mean we have any *say* in them. I meant we should be careful. If we are not the *shit* will blow right in our faces. He makes a quick gesture towards his visagewhere the shit would blow
CONCEPTUALIZATION: [Easy: Success] From an imaginary fan.
When talking to Lena:
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Sequence killers, oh my She sounds impressed. But I think you already have a partner, sweetie.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Yes, and it seems to me that youd do well to stick close to him. He has the look of an upstanding officer of the law, someone you can lean onand sweetie, you *are* looking unsteady.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Thank you, but... She looks out the window wistfully. Martinaise isnt the most wheelchair-accessible place, you see. Id slow you down.
Lame! Ive decided this game sucks, actually! (Lena was apparently originally meant to be a full party member early in development, but was cut for pretty much the exact reasons already stated)
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Now, now. She tilts her head as she looks up at you with maternal solicitude. We are alivein a hostel called the Whirling-in-Rags. And the Whirling itself is in the city of Revachol.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: There, there. The year is 51, and spring has only just started. Im sure there are better days ahead.
KIM KITSURAGI: The lieutenant studies you, rubbing his chin.
ESPRIT DE CORPS: [Easy: Success] Im beginning to suspect that you might indeed be completely adrift in this reality, thinks the lieutenant. How can it be *that* bad? Never mindwere in this now.
SHIVERS: [Medium: Success] Outside, the melting snow seeps into the cracks in the walls and the cobblestone streets. All the way down into the sewers Above ground, the first may bells blossom. You can feel it. A great cold. Then the shiver passes.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Oh no, nothing like that, dear. Revachol is a Special Administrative Region, led by an alliance of foreign powers called the Coalition. We have almost no government of our owncertainly no machines.
RHETORIC: [Easy: Success] I dont know still looks like theres a lot of hustling going on. Maybe shes wrong.
When talking to Garte:
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: What is this, a joke to you? Is *this* what you get when you call the police now? *This* guy? He turns to the lieutenant. Weve been waiting for a week here!
KIM KITSURAGI: Sir, I understand your concern, but were here to do a job, and for us to do it, I need you to stay calm.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Yes, of course. He takes a step back.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: What are youcrazy? Of course I didnt *kill* him.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Do I have to answer him? He asks Kim. Is this mandatory?
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: He ignores you.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Fuck you, man.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: He stares angrily at you. Thats a real pity.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Does she? Maybe she does maybe she *pertains* to the apocalypse. He snorts. Sylvie is not here because I asked for her number. The dead body out back didnt help either, but it was mostly me. I hope you appreciate that
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Good for you. Was there something else? Id like to get back to what I was doing.
This looks like a job for Botchcop!
oh no
I hate you Botchcop
ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN: You are *way* cool, cooler than the bottom of the sea. Too cool for this world.
oh god imsorryimsorryimsosorry
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Its a joke, sweetie. I didnt actually think you saw the Kind Green Ape of Tien-En in a hostel in Martinaise. That would be ridiculous. Are you okay?
We take one Health damage.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: The chair took the brunt of it. Dont worry.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Are you sure, maam?
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Yes, yescheck on him!
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Sir, I didnt mean for this to happen. Im sorry, this has always been a cop-friendly place... The man seems shaken by the incident. The drinks are on the house, okay? There were *a lot* of drinks on the tab. I still have to charge you for three nights and the broken window, thoughthats 100 square.
GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER: Not *entirely* cool. You still owe me 100 reál. If you dont have it by tonight, I cant let you back up there He points upwards, toward your room.
Nothing to say about any of this, Kim? All right.
When thinking about how we dont know where we live:
KIM KITSURAGI: A saying. Up on Marvel Hilla great, high place. One that is impossible to climb back to.
HOBOCOP
Talking to Lena after fucking crashing into her, you monster:
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Dont beat yourself up over it too much, dear. People do strange things when the old fight-or-flight kicks in. Im just glad you werent injured.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Her expression becomes very serious. Oh sweetie, I heard your conversation with the manager about your financial troubles. When do you get your next pay check?
KIM KITSURAGI: You must be joking. He pauses, reflecting. Although our pay does sometimes feel like a joke.
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Its not easy to assert your right to a decent living wage when you dont have a strong union behind you . Maybe you should talk to Evrart, the Union leader?
LENA, THE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS WIFE: Oh, Im sure you would make a wonderful *gigolo* dearwith those strong arms of yours. But welfare checks arent all theyre cracked up to be. My husband and I are barely scraping by.
Well, that was a trip. What wacky hijinks will Botchcop find himself in next?