Part 32: Intermission

OK, it's time to take a brief time out to show off a few little side things. Everything in this update is non-canon as hell, because I know everyone cares about the integrity of this narrative I'm weaving.

: We don't have to act in character any more!
: Fuck yeah!
: But you still have to mind your mouth, young lady.
: Awww.

The first thing I want to show off is one of the strangest tricks I've ever seen in an RPG. The first thing we have to do is stash all the extra stuff in Simon's inventory.



This would be a lot better if we had a party loot bag like later games, but the bank will do. But we're not done yet.

: Hey, Sancho, hold my crap.
: What, all of it?

[ci009]
: Yep. All of it. I don't need that stuff anymore. I've had a vision. Hey, bank lady! Give me everything on this list!


: Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.
: Uh... Dad? Are you going to actually, you know... wear any of that?
: Nope!

Here's the trick: Load up your main character with exactly these items, in exactly this order, and then... voodoo!

: Watch this, kids, you'll like it!



Every single attack becomes a critical hit. All of them. Every time.

: No fair! We want to do that, too!
: Go right ahead!



ALL the attacks. This can make the game completely trivial, and obviously I won't be doing it anymore when I get back to playing for real.

: Aaaaaawwwwwwww.

One last thing about this trick... If it's possible for an enemy to join you, they will. Every time.



This is a great way to catch up on rare monsters that you missed, or to cycle through monster names to get the ones you want. And yes, the automatic criticals thing is just as great for farming metal slimes/metal babbles as you think it is.

Anyway, on to the other little diversion.


: Ummm... Dad? Should we be here?
: Well, I'm not going to just leave you outside. Just don't tell your mother.


: You can exchange your gold for coins at the cashier over there.

Casinos are a staple of the Dragon Quest series, and they pretty much work the same here as always. They have their own currency that you gamble with, and you can't sell coins for gold, only exchange them for prizes. In this game, there are three games.


Slime racing is pretty straightforward. Just bet on the ticket you think will win first and second. Order doesn't matter.


Each ticket has its own odds that it pays out at. There's nothing you can do to manipulate who wins, it's pure chance. A lucky win can get you something like 30-40 times your bid back, but that's chump change. We're not going to waste time here.


There are also slot machines, ranging from 1 coin per bet to 100 coins per. I think some of the machines are skewed to pay off better, but it's still not worth spending time on.


: But when a person dies, they die! You have to enjoy life!
: I take it you haven't been to church lately.


: Actually, I've already bet 1000 coins that he will appear!
: Mister, you don't know it, but I'm the best friend you have ever had.


: Do... Do I look like that sort of person?


: _Rats.


Now HERE is where we make some money. Those numbers listed are the payouts. You can bet up to 50 coins. Now, you might be wondering why this is so special, since this is paying out at most 5 times, where the races could pay up to 35? You'll see...


A little battle plays out without any player interaction. The first thing to remember is that I'm playing on an emulator, and can abuse the hell out of save states. The random results change each time, so you can't predict the future, but you can just keep trying until you get the results you want.


Like so.


THIS is why this is the best game. You can let your winnings ride, and snowball into bigger prizes.



Eventually, it forces you to stop and start over, and occasionally it bugs a little and gives you like 1/5 of what you actually earned, but this is still the fastest way to get coins.


And this is what we can spend them on. 250,000 is a LOT of coins, even when cheating your ass off, and I do not recommend spending the time to get this whip. That King Metal Sword, on the other hand, is a great weapon for anyone that can equip it, especially since you can do the casino MUCH MUCH earlier in the game than this. It kind of spoils the joy of slowly finding new gear over the course of the game, which is why I didn't do it this time.


Yes, it's even better than Erdrick's Zenithian sword. On one hand, it kind of spoils the whole story value of the Zenithian sword. On the other hand...


Erdrick's a good kid and I can't resist giving him a present.

: Yay! This is the best birthday ever!
: There's something very important that you need to remember about such a powerful sword, son.
: Sure, Dad! What is it?
: Not a WORD to your mother about where you got it.