Drakengard Part #1 - Episode I: In Which the Hero Makes an Angry Face

Part 1: Episode I: In Which the Hero Makes an Angry Face

Episode I: In Which the Hero Makes an Angry Face

Chapter 1: Beginnings

Alright, welcome to Drakengard: Chapter 1. Drakengard is separated into thirteen chapters. However, the game will end after eight chapters this go around. But... don't worry about that right now. Let's get started...

Little known fact: Harriet Tubman was a goddamn fox.

If you can't guess, the Union is the good guys and the Empire is the bad guys. A shocking twist of generic organization naming traits, I know.

Verse 1: The Blooding

We open with the "Goddess" Furiae praying to the divine gods of interior design to bring salvation to this bleak world of drab home furnishings.

They never really mention what the duties of a Goddess entail. It mostly seems to consist of reading, praying, being melancholy, strong family bonds, and not putting out.

Despite the clearly closed windows, a gust of wind manages to interrupt Furiae's light reading.

It begins, huh? Is the phantom draftiness and this ominous black bird in the sky an omen of ill events to come?

Oh wait...maybe it's the giant ass battle raging outside the castle.

Down on the battlefield we meet our hero, for lack of a better term, Caim. Caim subscribes to the school of speak softly and carry a big stick.

Or in his case, go apeshit and murder the hell out of everything with a giant ass sword. Caim is Furiae's brother and a man of vague importance to the Union's army. Really, it's best not to get too hung up on the whole Union vs. Empire conflict too much.

The Imperial soldiers can easily be identified as the fellows decked head to toe in iron armor. Also, the glowing red eyes. Total give away.

Our man Caim is not exactly a big fan of the Empire. Indeed, his entire character motivation can be summed up with:

"MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE IN THE EMPIRE! BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD! RIP AND TEAR! RIP AND TEAR! Oh and protect my sister...goddess...whatever..."

So yeah, Caim is a wee bit of a psychopath and gets a little too enthusiastic about the whole battling the Empire thing.

Unfortunately, this time he spends a touch too long lingering while admiring his latest kill bleeding out on the end of his sword. This leads to disastrous results.

In Cutscene Injuries: The top cause of death among video game characters in the 18-35 age demographic. It is just behind bottomless pits, explosions, and un-announced mid-cutscene quick time events.

I miss being able to stretch during a cutscene without having my character impaled on a trident or something because I didn't tap X.

Caim cuts his assailant clean in half for his exploitation of character vulnerability during cinematics. But, the damage is still done.

Meanwhile, at the Union Castle...

Alert! The Central Control Point has been captured!

Now would be the time to question why Caim is a half mile away from the castle he's supposed to be defending. It would seem tactical prowess is not in our hero's skill set.

And so Caim runs off to stop those jerks in his base killing all his dudes.

Verse 2: To the Castle

Drakengard's chapters are subdivided into "Verses". Verses come in flavors of FMV, in game cutscene, and 2.5 flavors of gameplay. This would be the first gameplay portion.

We will be covering this next update. I wouldn't want to muck up the first update with the quagmire that is Drakengard's gameplay just yet. As far as the plot advancement goes. Err...Caim goes to the Castle...

Verse 3: Dragon

So, the only bit of plot we missed in the previous verse is that the Union is terrible at keeping bad guys out of their fortress. But, we also learned the Empire is terrible at doing anything besides burning flags and they've failed to capture Furiae yet.

They did, however, manage to capture a dragon. Wait...what?!

I never actually understood what the fuck was going on here.

Apparently, a dragon somehow crept into the castle while nobody was looking. Maybe it was rummaging through the dumpster out back. I dunno. Now, said dragon doesn't belong to the Empire since they're the ones who wrecked up its shit and chained it down. Likewise, it's not the Union's dragon for reasons we'll get to in a moment.

So, if I am to understand the order of events:

- The Union controlled this castle.
- The Empire showed up. There was a big battle, as previously shown.
- The Empire managed to break the Union's lines and break into the castle.
- HOLY SHIT! Dragon out of fucking nowhere!
- The Imperial forces fought and subdued the dragon.
- The Empire buggers off inside the castle and burns banners and raid the fridge and such.
- Caim shows up.

Well, it's best not to think too hard on it.

You see, if there's one thing that Caim hates more than the Empire; it is dragons. You feed them just once. Next thing you know they'll be back on your doorstep the next night begging for more. Then the next thing you know there will be another one poking around begging for food and it just escalates from there until the next thing you know Bioware is making an RPG about your back yard.

You see Caim's mother was the type of woman who buys sweaters for her pets. Then takes a bunch of pictures of her and her precious in matching outfits then e-mails them to family members or puts them in Christmas cards. You know the type.

That shit does not fly with dragons.

And Caim's father...now there's a sad story. Overcome with grief from his wife's untimely death, he fell off the wagon.

Seldom a day went past Papa Caim wasn't seen drowning his sorrow in mugs of ale and mead and what ye olde liquor that took his fancy. A boastful and headstrong man, he'd often take wild dares from bar patrons in his inebriated state no matter the risk. Throwing turnips at werewolves, streaking through mages' towers, shooting arrows at elves, drinking the worm at the bottle of the tequila bottle... You name it, Papa Caim would take the dare.

It was the only thing that made him feel alive. That was, until that fateful night at last call when one of Papa Caim's drinking companions slurred out the grim phrase:

"Hey, Papa Caim! I bet you won't stick your head in that dragon's mouth!"

Papa Caim scoffed, knocked back a couple more shots, and marched out to the Black Dragon's lair accompanied by the giggling of his drunken companions.

It ended badly...

And so Caim decides to do what he does best.

"But, you can never dirty my soul, wretched human."

"Holy shit, dragons can talk?!"

"Holy shit, the hairless monkeys can think?! Color me surprised."

"No, really... What? Bit of a flip-flopper, aren't you?"

They don't really explain this all that well early on. In the world of Drakengard a human and <insert magical creature here> can undergo a ritual called a Pact. Doing this magically strengthens both parties considerably.

On the negative side, they're linked together for the duration of the pact and if either dies then the other one drops dead as well. There's also a big downside for the human but...we'll get to that in a bit. I'm saying that a lot, aren't I?

"Just by the imagery presented before me, you are obviously already compensating for something to begin with."

"I still have so much to do - so much to kill."

Edit: I somehow forgot to make a joke about Caim's crocs. So...yeah... I don't even know what to say. No wonder this guy is in such a pissy mood all the time if that's his army's choice of footwear.

You'd better not die from that, you pansy. It's not deep enough to hit your spine and unless people have vital organs attached to their back in this fantasy land, I think you should be okay.

"Is there the chance of you just possibly unbinding me and letting me fly away through the plot oversight which initially landed me here also an option?"

"No."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

Cue a bunch of soldiers pouring in between scenes for a pointless battle. They apparently forgot to place the "DO NOT FEED OR UNDERGO MAGICAL PACTS WITH THE DRAGON" sign before heading inside.

Verse 4: The Way of the Sword

Caim gets interrupted fighting some jerks. This sort of impresses the Red Dragon.

Verse 5: A Pact

A bit of nameless grunt slaughter later and Caim limps back to the dragon to badger it some more. Caim is a big fan of captive audiences.

The message written in blood below the dragon is "Resisters Shall Land in Hell" in case you were wondering. Your guess is as good as mine...

"We are united by our need to live. Or, more correctly, on desire not to bleed out in the middle of the dullest castle I've ever encountered in my thousands of years. Does this thing even have a dungeon?"

"Well, we were thinking of adding one. But, you see the Emp-"

"Or furnishing? Was that flag all there was? This courtyard is enormous and yet the only colorful thing in it is a poorly translated message written in my blood. I know this is supposed to be a bleak fantasy setting, but this is ridiculous."

"As I was saying, we were pla... Wait. Why am I discussing this with you?"

Gee, I was on the edge of my seat as to the decision.

"Sooo... You...umm... You know how to do this, right?"

"Yes, human. Would I be agreeing to commit to something were I to have no knowledge of beforehand? What manner of fool do you take me for? Unless... Are you saying you don't know how to perform the pact?"

"No, I know... Of course I know! I was just making sure you knew is all. So umm... You go first!"

"We must both begin at the same time."

"Right... Right! Of course, the same time... We just...mref_hrrf"

*Sigh* "Put your hand on your chest."