Part 25: Episode XXV: In Which There is a Massive Dragon Dong

Episode XXV: In Which There is a Massive Dragon Dong


I forgot to mention in the previous update, but Red leveled up to her final Level 3 form. This causes her to get larger, redder, and have a cancerous growth filled with lava to form on the end of her tail. This is Red's ultimate form in this ending path. Though, she does possess an alternate final form in a few of the other ending paths. That one is...interesting...


Time for Chapter 8: The Imperial Capital. This is the final chapter for this ending path. Though, all roads lead to Notspain as far as the end game goes. Well...one does lead somewhere else. But that is a story for another day.


Time for Caim to get his clubbing on.

Verse 1: Things Inhuman


Hahaha. That's cute. They're trying to justify reasoning behind Caim going on another rampage.


Now you're speaking my language, dragon.


So, welcome to scenic Imperial Notspain. The Imperial Capital appears to be a fairly modern urban metropolis prior to the whole apocalypse thing. Why that is so...? You've got me. Unfortunately the urban sprawl is just scenery and we'll be seeing very little of it up close. Pay no attention to the twin towers. We'll never be visiting them. The death of the Goddess is like 9/11 x 10,000,000! 10,000,000!


This chapter throws a ridiculously large amount of enemies at Caim and Red during the aerial sections. Nearly every previous enemy, shy of the Imperial Airships and the Scaffold Cyclops, show up by the truck load in each aerial stage.


Luckily, Red is finally getting into the spirit of the massacre.


"The legends say that when mankind enters the seeds, a new world opens to him."
"Heed what I say. If you wish for humanity to live, enter not the seeds."
"But the legends say..."
"Look, little man. Your ancestors were still living in trees and picking lice off one another's back while howling at the moon when I was born. When your race discovered fire I was already incinerating entire forests with a single breath. I have a wee bit more authority on the nature of the world and when I say you do not enter the seeds... You DO NOT ENTER THE SEEDS! Got that?"
Seriously, why is this guy still following us? Can't we find a nursing home to dump his ass?
"The entire city is infested with demons, the undead, and the damned."


"..."
"..."
I'm not seeing a problem with that...


I swear... If this guy doesn't shut up I am going to gut him in his sleep...
"Perhaps if by some fleeting chance we can stop this calamity then the fool can be put out to pasture. But, we have greater concerns than a rambling senile human at the moment."
Yeah... Yeah... I guess it can wait. A little while.


Only the first "Lalalalala" was said in the deep voice. I still laughed.


This area is a bit strange. It seems it took the developers up until this chapter to realize that during flying sections, they could actually utilize the fact the dragon can fly up and down. As a result, the actual play area is about three times larger vertically than the rest of the aerial stages in the game. Also as a result, they decided that throwing a few enemies way the fuck up in the sky for no good reason other than because they can. This will actually factor in heavily in a few upcoming fights, but for now it's just a nuisance.


So, let's skip on to something more interesting. And terrifying...

Verse 2: Living Myths


So, what's so scary about the Wyrm that even Red shits herself over it, you ask?



Behold and tremble in fear ye who enter. Witness the might of the legendary Wyrm: King of the Dragon Cock and its brood of a thousand winged testicles!


Holy SHIT! It could use that thing to bludgeon a giant...


Eh... What are you talking about? It's just a stupid dragon. Err...no offense. But, still. We've killed dozens of these things. Granted...none quite so...well endowed... but feh. It ain't the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean.
"What are you going on about?"
I think it's time we castrated old Wyrmy here.
"Are you insane? That is the Wyrm. It was an ancient dragon of legend even when I was but a pup."
Well, all the more reason to kick its ass, then. My great grandfather was supposed to be some huge hardass that could take on an entire battlefield by himself. He died stuck in a cave watching a bunch of cups or something stupid like that. Just because something is old doesn't mean it's worth a damn. Hell, just look at Verdelet. He's older than dirt and even Inuart could take him. INUART. Come on. You ain't getting cold feet on me now, are ya?


Come on, girl. Who's a good dragon? Err...dragon is a good dragon! Yes you are! Yes you are! Kill the big stupid Wyrm and you'll get a yummy dragon treat! <pats head>
"Do not patronize me."
Well then stop acting like the trailer trash dragon with a thousand bastard children is the damn boogie man!


Caim rolls a chaotic neutral then? Good to know.


Alright, time for the second proper boss fight: The Wyrm. Despite the legendary status Red has allotted to it, the thing is a total push-over.


I pity the fool who got knocked up by your fugly ass.
"Could we not taunt the legendary dragon until we actually do a bit of damage to it? I'd prefer not to be remembered as not only a dead idiot, but an arrogant dead idiot. Besides, it gave birth to all those dragon spawn."
It did...what now? But...the gigantic pe-
"It's complicated. Don't ask."
"..."
"If you really want to know, and by some miracle we survive this, go ask your old friend Inuart. I'm sure he would have an interesting story to share."
"..."
"..."
Let's just kill this thing and never speak of this conversation again.
"You're the one that broug-"
Never. Speak. Of. It. AGAIN.


The Wyrm only has two real attacks. Its primary one is to charge up and shoot a huge fireball at Caim and Red. This attack is easily avoided by just...dodging left or right. It has no homing ability and moves fairly slow, so it is remarkably easy to avoid.


The main annoyance from the Wyrm comes from its fuck ton of children. There's basically an unlimited amount of them and they all shoot fairly weak and short-lived, but annoying little lasers. In addition, since there are so damn many of them it's basically impossible to lock-on target the Wyrm or use Red's magic attacks worth a damn, since they're almost always in the way of landing more than one or two fireballs.


The Wyrm's secondary attack is to spit a few columns of fire below itself. The shots all travel in a fairly steep downward arc. So, as long as Red stays at roughly head level with the Wyrm and above, she'll never get hit by the attack. The Wyrm stays roughly mid level on the field at all times, so it's also an extremely easy to avoid attack.


The Wyrm has a third "attack" of a sorts. It's really just an excuse to respawn all its err...spawn. Occasionally, the Wyrm's children will wrap around it for a few moments as it flies to the edge of the battlefield.


It then turns into a glowing orb which fades in and out as it drifts around aimlessly... During this time the few remaining mosquito kids might shoot a few lasers.


It then repeats the whole being wrapped by the winged testicles a second time before erupting into a fully respawned swarm of the buggers. And...that's about it for the Wyrm's attack pattern. I've seen Mega Man bosses with more to them than this dick.


I've got "rage" and "bloodlust" with a triple word score of "revenge" on my motivation score card. How about you, dragon?
"I have a madman on my back filled with rage, bloodlust, and revenge demanding I throw myself into the fire."
Aww... I didn't think you noticed. You know, you're okay for a dragon. I hate to say it but I think we've grown on one another.


Yeah, well I ain't that book smart but I am killing smart. And by the looks of old Wyrmy over there, I'd say the only legend the big prick is gonna have after today the title of world's biggest limp dick.
"Heh... Very funny. You know that's supposed to be its tail, right?"
I don't care what its actual function is. I just call 'em as I see 'em.


And I call this shot: the money shot.


And I call that dumbass dragon: worm food.
"Again with the puns?"
If it didn't want me to make a bad pun about its demise it shouldn't have had such a stupid name. Worm? Really? What's next? Are we going to have to fight the legendary griffon named "Ladybug"? Or maybe an ancient demon named "The Caterpillar".
"Heh... Well, maybe you have a mild bit of a point..."


Damn straight, dragon. Glad you finally realized it. Now, are you ready to go kick the shit out of what's left of the Empire?
"Lead the way, partner."

Bonus Content:

Movie -
The Wyrm's Worm

Music -
Eight Chapter Aerial Mission