Part 35: Episode XXXII: In Which There is Slaughterism

Episode XXXII: In Which There is Slaughterism


Well... That went fucking horribly... Err... Let's rewind and try this whole thing again. Hopefully this time Inuart won't cause the end of the world in order to attempt getting laid...



Let's go back to where we first started fucking up: back in the sea fortress. Maybe Leonard can redeem himself this time around.

Verse 1: Barriers


Yadda, yadda, yadda. This time we've got to haul ass this time around.



Namely, Caim and Red must destroy all eight of the towers powering the sea fortress' barrier within four minutes. This is a fairly strict limit, as while the guard towers aren't very well defended, they are spaced fairly far apart. As such, the best course of action is to just ignore everything that isn't a magic energy tower.

Three minutes of killing phallic buildings later...


Well, that was simple enough. We now tread into the dreaded dark realm of the roman numeral verses... Bring an umbrella. The weather is just awful in those parts.

Verse II: Hear the Ocean


This area is identical to Verse 2 save one key difference you probably already noticed:


There are actually some damned people in the fortress this time. A shit load of people at that. The Empire must have an amazing emergency evacuation procedure in place in case of an Union attack or a berserker Caim and his dragon (the leading cause of death among Imperial males ages 12 and under, 13-18, 21-35, and 40 and up.)



The time limit isn't nearly as ridiculous this time. Though, they did still manage to squeeze two new weapons in this stage. The first is unlocked by killing all the enemies in this random room on the first floor. Though, the treasure box containing it is all the way back at the start of the level.


"Nothing to eat! Nothing at all!"
I liked those two better when they didn't say much...
"At least the boy is quiet."
What boy...?
"The one with the giant golem."
Holy shit! That kid is still following us?!
"He's been with our party for a few weeks now..."
That long? Feels like a freakin' lifetime ago when I first told him to piss off.


The second weapon in this stage is obtained by simply purging the second floor of everything with a pulse. Except for ghosts. I don't know how one checks if a ghost is still alive... Dead? Still dead?


It'd take a damn apocalypse to stop me from getting my killing on.
"Did you make that claim already?"
Yeah. Right before we died in the last apocalypse. Turns out I was right.
"The last apocalypse... Right... You puzzle me sometimes, Caim."


Question, dragon.
"Sure."
We picked Lenny up back in the forest, right?
"Correct."
And his pact price was his eyesight, yeah?
"Indeed."
So enlighten me... All this wacky "vision" crap aside... How the hell does he know what Furiae looks like?
"..."
"...Well."
"..."
"That is a good question."
I'm going to kick that guy in the skull if he's wasted my time and lead us to the Imperial lunch lady or something.



Why do I get the feeling the story for this one is going to involve either ghosts being jerks or some lovers dying horribly?


Oh Drakengard. Your poorly written fairy tales are so easily predicted (I really made that guess before reading it.)



Slaughterism and Thunderclaw. I think someone let their violent ten year old name this one.


The Life and Death of Tim Buckley.

Verse III: The Gods' Will


The gameplay in this verse is a single room with the weapon right there in the corner. They really didn't even try when developing any part of this chapter, did they?


This ain't looking like my sister. I don't even know what the hell that thing is but it looks stupid and decidedly un-sister like!


You made that up! He made that up! You can't even SEE what the stupid thing looks like.
"Are we too late?!"
"Let's see where it goes."
See where it goes?! Who says it goes anywhere. It's some dumbass Imperial purple glowing fountain thing. For all we know it's just there for mood lighting.
"We won't know until we try."
Okay. Hold up. How the hell did you hear me? I can't talk. Only the dragon can hear me. Sure, I get this strange feeling sometimes that there are a bunch of people listening in...
"Do you get that sometimes too? It's strange. It only started happening after we made our pact."
That ain't the point. The point is that I'm calling bullshit on Lenny here. How can he hear me?
"I could see your thoughts."
"..."
"..."


You know what? Fuck it! Let's jump in the damned thing. SEE if you can think up a word to express how stupid what you just said was.



And thus Caim and Leonard take the portal and rocket off to points unknown. See you next time when the Watchers are revealed to be a snarky A.I. Internet meme generator.



Oh right... the damned new weapon. Fine, fine. Let's get this over with. I predict grievous bodily harm to either the person who forged the weapon or someone close to them.


Eh, it was owner of the weapon not the one who made it. Close enough. That said, I would play the fuck out of a game starring a warrior-monk who sails around just beating the shit out of pirates. Fuck yeah!